It would be a crying shame if we didn't win, considering here we have the most diverse and interesting content out of any of the candidates thus far. Plus, I will never ever forgive Buffalo if we voted Bruce Jackson's blog as the best. Then again, it would only further prove that we are shitty decision makers. Vote E-Strip!

Jason

This one is for me.

I had a nice, long talk with (e:Joshua) tonight. I aired out all my grief and talked to him about how life is going (in my eyes) and how I need to improve myself in a number of ways. I think you all may have noticed lately my posts have been erratic in tone, and I think that accurately reflects my erratic thinking as of late. Sometimes I am thoughtful, other times I am angry, other times I am hopelessly inconsolable. I told (e:Joshua) that the simple fact is I don't feel passionate about anything right now - I'm searching for something that I feel gives my life meaning, structure, and purpose.

Work sure as shit is not filling that void, even though it should. No doubt, I am lucky for a young guy in Buffalo - I have a $50K job that employs the skills I've honed since college. I'm using my degree and my brain instead of laboring like my father and every one of my ancestors before him. I'm fucking up so bad at work right now. I should have been shit canned a long time ago but they need me and my skills very badly. It is a very uncomfortable and downright awful feeling to admit this to yourself, but the truth is the truth. Even though I know it is the wrong thing to have happen I have found myself wishing to get shit canned, so I can have at least 6 months to unwind, meditate, relax, think about what I really want to do with myself.

I am not functioning as a normal human being right now. Since I have this emptiness about me in general I cannot be motivated to do even the simplest of life tasks. This is not the way I'm supposed to function - I was born a talented, intelligent person bred from a family of workaholics. At birth I had the tools to become a very successful human being. I know I still have these things in me and I have to bring them out, ASAP, and start excelling in life. I need to start knocking their socks off at work and to start becoming a more organized and structured person. I have a great apartment and I have to make it clean and organized and inviting. I have to actually start doing laundry. I have to mail in my bills. But most of all I have to have this internal alarm that absolutely frightens me into making sure all of this shit gets done, and is of some importance.

Of course you all know I have this condition which I know has to take credit for many of the feelings and such that go on in my head and heart. I have come to the conclusion that it is absolutely necessary for me to have some kind of therapist. Looking back I never felt better in the last 6 months than when I had my scheduled meetings with my counselor in the previous program. I may not need it forever but it is going to be a necessity for now in order for me to have the proper perspective and frame of mind to attack life head-on. Frankly I have been letting this depression act itself out as an excuse for my life failings and would anyone disagree that it shouldn't be that way? Reality states that I can't afford to have it be that way, and that's just how it is. So I have an illness, that's fucking tough, people are all born with a different set of circumstances. I have to control it, not the other way around, and therapy, one on one open conversation with a professional is one way that I think will help me turn it all around.

Having that girl over the other night was nice but I know I can't have a girlfriend. I don't want a girlfriend, maybe just a nice, close pal that will give me a big hug every now and then. That would be fantastic, amazing, wonderful. I know that with everything else that's going on I'm way too self absorbed to give anything of myself to a woman. Never should I think that I need a girl in my life. The very mentioning of it is an absurdity. It would only take my focus away from where it should be. Even though there are so many beautiful girls I see all the time I have to forget about them and prioritize the other things.

This has been a struggle, a battle really, but I will not win without discipline and focus. I know I can do this, with a little shove. I have to win. I think now I know exactly what it is that needs to be done and I know I can execute the plan. I just need to fix my ignition! Please, I hope you all will keep me in your thoughts. Good vibes can't hurt either! Thanks for listening.

Jason

All work and no play makes (e:Jason) a dull boy! I wish I could have an IV of coffee hooked up somehow. We got a new programmer at work, and the higher aboves told me I would have some help, some backup! Then this weekend I'm told that plans changed and he's going to be working on something else. Some days I really think I'm not doing what I'm meant to do. Anyone else feel that way? I hope everyone had a great time at the Taste and whatnot this weekend!

Jason

Because of my boycott of Talking Leaves, I don't have a local bookstore to call my own. Therefore (e:Joshua) and I made our trip to Borders to try and find some new reading material. (e:Joshua) spent part of the afternoon looking on Amazon for books dealing with string theory and other related materials. We decided we would each buy a book and then trade when we were finished. I couldn't decide what I wanted to read next.

We made the trip to Borders, and (e:Joshua) immediately found what he was looking for. We spent the next 90+ minutes searching for something I would like. I checked out the political section, which was filled to the brim with books that sickened me as I skimmed through them. I wish someone would write a political book dealing with what we need to do to become a unified America, that doesn't belittle people or discard ideology other than their own. I was severly disappointed.

Next I went to the history section, and the sections dealing with war stories. I love books dealing with war stories, especially personal accounts detailing what they go through as they come to grips with the experiences they have had. Maybe it is because my family has a long history of military service, and I want to try and understand better the experiences (good and bad) that my family has gone through. Luckily, my Liberal father had higher aspirations for us than to become instruments of death, and stood firm in his opposition to the rest of the family who thought military service would whip my brother and I into shape. I wonder what would have happened if I had entered West Point like a couple of my cousins have done. Likely I would be in Iraq, killing other human beings with speed and efficiency. I was taught that if I am going to take a job, to do it to the very best of my ability. That is a very scary thought.

Anyway enough of the rambling. I decided on "Inside Delta Force" by Eric Haney, who was one of the founding members of the elite and secretive special forces unit. It is a history of the unit and a compilation of Eric Haney's experiences in various SF operations during the 80's. So far it is really fascinating!

I admit I'm a picky reader. I don't like reading fiction. Most fiction to me only serves as a vehicle for elites with their head up their collective ass to put forth their kooky ideas. I prefer my kookyness straight up, like Howard Zinn's "Terrorism and War". The only fiction I like is on television in the form of the Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis. Those shows provoke my imagination like no others. I really believe they are some of the most compelling and interesting shows on television right now. Anybody know of any really good Sci-Fi novels? I might be willing to give them a try.

Jason

That's the question to which everyone wants an answer. Is it because the Brits support our efforts in the war on terrorism? Is it because Europe has been particularly unsuccessful in their attempts to "Europe-ize" immigrants from the middle east? Is it because the radical muslims have been very successful in exporting their radical Imams to European nations, and have been WELCOMED, practically having the red carpet rolled out for them?

I know there are going to be a bunch of people on the left here and in Britain, and yes all over the world who only will accept an answer that excuses away the acts of violence and terror, and which will only offer an explanation that blames the Brits themselves. "They had it coming!" will be the cry of the radical left who seemingly joy in the deaths of their countrymen. I think a certain degree of introspection is necessary, but it alone only offers you a shallow and superficial overall picture of the problems involved.

I want peace as much as anyone. I wish we lived in a world that valued life, and valued peace. I'm also a realist and recognize that no matter how much we value life, no matter how much we value peace we will not sway the radical terrorists and get them to put down their guns and bombs. The radicals will never run out of excuses to fight and to kill. I fear that Europe is in a shitload of trouble, now and in the future, with radical muslims who perceive their socieites as anti-religious and oppressive toward muslims. (e:Joshua) is right - the only language they understand is violence. If we are supposed to not fight back, if we are not supposed to round them up or try to stop them by force, what are we supposed to do? Get into a drum circle? Hold a peace vigil? Pack up our bases all over the world and shut them down? Pay the radicals off like Italy did? None of these responses will stop radical muslims from killing innocent civilians. None of it will end the scourge of terrorism. Even if we try to help them, they will reject our help and say that we are trying to control them. If you're a lefty out there, I want to know what your solution is to the problem.

Jason

• Journal edited because Marmizo apologized. I take back the words I wrote. **

Jason

I found out that a friend's wife ran off with a co-worker, leaving him alone with his three kids. She said something to the effect of "I don't want the responsibility anymore." There is a part of me that refuses to believe that people are actually capable of this besides my mother, but having it happen to someone I know makes it all that more real for me. Hmmm....I wonder if our injustice system will take away her right to see her kids and make her pay outrageous child support, crippling her financially? Probably not, I'm scared that he will be left alone and fucked over.

This makes me think of another point. Gay dudes, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know why you want marriage at all. You see how horrible we humans are at it, you see how when it goes bad (and you are essentially flipping a coin on this) the people involved have their money and their hearts ripped away from them. You see how it tears families apart. Who is to say that same sex couples would be any better at marriage than straight couples? I admit I am biased against marriage period, and so you should take this into consideration when I say these things, but I just don't see the point in fighting so fiercely for something when it could end up doing the same things for you it already does for straight couples. Don't ruin your relationships! Don't ruin your lives! Don't marry!

Jason

.........the Left's plan to block judicial nominees (by Mark Levin, from National Review):

All weekend we heard from the likes of Ralph Neas (People for the American Way), Nan Aron (Alliance for Justice), and other leaders of a left-wing coalition insisting that President Bush nominate a "mainstream conservative" to the Supreme Court, or that he unite the nation with a "pragmatist" or "moderate" in the character of Sandra Day O'Connor. This is real chutzpah. These are the same people and groups that have conspired to undermine President Bush's judicial appointments for over four years, and now seek to derail any nominee to the Supreme Court who isn't a proven activist.

The battle over the Supreme Court is now underway, and while the records of potential nominees are being closely examined, so too should the records of those on the left who have turned this entire process into a political circus be examined. It would also be nice if the always-objective mainstream media would take a look, too. And they don't have to look too far.

A few years back, memoranda apparently prepared by Senate staffers for their Democrat bosses exposed the entire unseemly enterprise and influence people such as Neas and Aron have over the judicial-confirmation process. The left-wing groups made detailed demands on Senators Ted Kennedy, Dick Durbin, Patrick Leahy, Chuck Schumer, and Harry Reid, to name some, to institute a variety of delay and smear tactics against numerous appellate-court nominees - many of whom were already sitting federal or state judges with outstanding records for professionalism and high character. At the time the memoranda were made public, the mainstream media chose to ignore their substance. Instead, they joined with the Democrats in search of the person or persons who released them.

Well, here are some choice examples of their contents.

In November 2001, Kennedy met with representatives from these self-described civil-rights groups. A resulting memorandum, directed to Durbin, states in part:

[The groups] also identified Miguel Estrada (D.C. Circuit) as especially dangerous, because he has a minimal paper trail, he is Latino and the White House seems to be grooming him for a Supreme Court appointment. They want to hold Estrada off as long as possible.

A copy of the talking points on Estrada's nomination prepared for Kennedy to present to the Democratic Caucus states, in part:

Key labor, civil rights, environmental, and administrative law cases are decided there, and we know it is a 'feeder' circuit for the Supreme Court. The White House is almost telling us that they plan to nominate him to the Supreme Court. We can't repeat the mistake we made with Clarence Thomas.

Clearly the Senate Democrats have a special contempt for minority judicial candidates who don't share their activist agenda and approach. Indeed, these minority candidates are believed to be more dangerous to their political objectives than white judicial candidates with whom they also disagree philosophically. Yet the fact that such a shameful mentality is written in black and white for all to read appears to have elicited no interest from the mainstream media. Kennedy was never asked anything about it during his many television appearances last weekend.

In a stunning April 17, 2002, memorandum purportedly written to Kennedy, a staffer states, in part:

Elaine [Jones of the NAACP Legal Defense Fund] would like the [Judiciary] Committee to hold off on any 6th Circuit nominees until the University of Michigan case regarding the constitutionality of affirmative action in higher education is decided by the en banc 6th Circuit [meaning, all the judges on the Court]. ...The thinking is that the current 6th Circuit will sustain the affirmative action program but if a new judge with conservative views is confirmed before the case is decided, that new judge will be able, under the 6th Circuit rules, to review the case and vote on it.

Plainly, this was an attempt to fix the outcome of a case, and the Senate Democrats went along with it.

The groups even opposed Professor Michael McConnell's nomination to the Tenth Circuit, even though he would be endorsed by numerous liberal lawyers and law professors.

In September 18, 2002, the Alliance for Justice wrote, in part, the following about McConnell:

President Bush has nominated ... McConnell to a seat on the [Tenth Circuit] in an attempt to continue to pack the circuit courts with judges prepared to carry out his administration's anti-choice, anti-consumer, anti-civil rights, anti-labor and anti-environment agenda. Through his numerous academic articles, Professor McConnell promotes a jurisprudence of 'originalism,' a method of interpreting the Constitution that calls for analyzing how its framers would have decided an issue at the time that the relevant part of the Constitution was adopted. If confirmed to a lifetime seat on the federal appellate bench, Professor McConnell would be in a position to apply his academic theories, as well as the extremist ideas he propounds in non-academic publications, to further roll back protections for well-established Constitutional rights, including civil rights and reproductive freedoms.

Here we have the Left's litmus test. Either the president's nominees embrace the full agenda of the Left and are willing to impose it by judicial fiat (which they now label "mainstream conservatism") or they're labeled right-wing extremists. In short, highly qualified nominees who actually believe in interpreting and upholding the Constitution must be stopped at all costs - including through the continuation of unconstitutional filibusters if need be.

The memoranda contain much more information exposing the sinister strategies of the Left, including leading Senate Democrats. They put to rest any suggestion that these individuals and groups are serious about working with the president or honestly considering any non-activist for our top courts (especially the Supreme Court) despite their best recent efforts to give a public appearance of accommodation and evenhandedness. They're well worth reading, even as the mainstream media chooses to ignore them. (The memoranda are printed in my book's Appendix, if you can't find them elsewhere.)

We conservatives didn't pick this fight, but we must win it. It began with the assault on Bob Bork, and too many sat passively while it happened. Meanwhile, President Clinton's activist nominees, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer, both sailed through the confirmation process. They weren't smeared. Their video-rental records weren't combed through. Their trash cans weren't searched. Witnesses weren't called to testify with phony stories about pubic hair on coke cans. But now is the time to put an end to this. Thanks to the Left and its insistence on judicial supremacy, the constitutional, economic, cultural, and political stakes are too high to ignore. No more stealth candidates like David Souter, or compromise candidates like Anthony Kennedy, or p.c. candidates like Sandra Day O'Connor in hopes of quieting the Left's opposition. And if the president nominates originalists to this and any other upcoming Court openings, as he assured the public repeatedly he would do, his nominees deserve our complete and active support. And they will have it.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day celebrating our Nation's independence from Britain. I love being #1.

Jason

No, perverts, we aren't going out trolling for chicks tonight. The inimitable, utterly adorable duo of Joshy and I will be at the Pink late tonight getting some crunk in our system. See you there! Or maybe not.

Jason