Wussup?

I did go to Ohio and had a blast with the girl I met at the wedding. It was awe-some. A lot of fun. However......it was a flash in the pan. Our personalities don't mesh very well. I'd rather not elaborate. We remain friends, which is fine with me. It isn't as if I'm a guy without options.

When I was there, I got on her scale and it said 153.5 which I haven't weighed since I was a sophomore in HS. I felt my legs and they were fuggin skinny. I'm not skin and bone or anything. I'm not a workout hound so it isn't like I'm all muscle. I'm just skinny.....so......the day before Thanksgiving I gorged myself on 15 hot wings and it was GREAT.

I wonder why I lost all that weight? I was like 10 pounds heavier, at least, when I went to the doc's in August.

I ran into Heidi and Terry the same day I went to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. They mentioned a NYE party and I hope it happens because I will stop by, have a glass of something sparkly and hang out for a little bit.

Anyone else notice at this point in our lives that some people plan these parties just to avoid having to leave their fucking houses to go somewhere else? I'm getting asked about various NYE parties already. Not to belabor the point, but so many of my married (or practically married) friends don't leave the house.

I hardly get any visitors. I'm alone all the time which freaks me out, so I put on my jacket and my hat and go to Blue Monk, Vera or Hardware. To do something productive. Like down 3 very well crafted cocktails, or 3 very well made beers. I have no idea how many expensive nights out I've had this year. I'm afraid to ask myself. You'd choke if you knew how much I've spent. Me too probably, so I'm going to stop and try to live like a normal person does.

Well. It's been a while. I'm sorry I didn't make it to the Halloween Party. I wasn't sure if I could go or not. Dad came up to visit me over the weekend and we had a great time. Looks like the parties at the 24 are as lively as ever. I didn't get to see anyone or drink crazy drinks or check out any other consumables. I didn't get to see (e:lilho) either which is really disappointing.

Job is going great. Can't complain. My San Francisco trip was amazing - I could definitely see myself out there someday. That city is definitely my speed. I'm tired of my iPhone 3GS but don't see the value in upgrading until the next iPhone is released (or until iOS5 performance drives me over the edge). I also like the Galaxy S2 like (e:Paul) has. I go out all the time, a few times a week usually at least. I'd like to try Epic restaurant sometime. Been pretty restless, but it is time to buckle down and find something to keep my mind occupied during the winter months.

On the romance front, the sociopath has left me alone for over a month which is really great. I guess you could say I've been free to let my feelings evolve from confusion to hatred. Yeah, I hate her and her piggish, ignorant, shit talking friend more than I've ever hated anyone. I know I have to let go of those feelings too.

I met a new girl at a wedding recently and we hit it off pretty well. Another long distance one. Going to visit her this weekend. I don't really know if I have it in me to give that much of myself, or even if I believe in monogamous love anymore. But she is an interesting person. Smart (Vet doctor), beautiful, funny, salty, a bit of a party girl. She seems to like my personality a lot. So, I'm going to go and be open minded, have fun, and see how I feel.

I don't spend a lot of time with my guy friends. They're either busy all the time with family obligations (which I understand) or never want to leave home (which I do not understand). I never get any visitors. Been hanging out with mostly female friends and hitting the town. They are mama bears. Great friends. Sisterly. There is something about getting a text that says "Hey! Are you eating??" that makes me love them every bit as intensely as I hate the other people I mentioned. Yeah, I would lie in court for them. I would take a beating for them. They're awesome.

So, I guess that's it. I keep track of things around here still. I read journal entries still. Hope everyone's doing alright and that everyone is happy.

When I started my first professional gig at 22 years of age, I got to work with a bunch of interesting characters who influence me even today. Looking back at that period in my life, it was a great work environment with lots of smart, motivated people.

One of these characters was a salesman who had long hair, a BMW convertible, and a carefree, "I don't give a shit" demeanor about him which I greatly admired. He was an author and a traveler. A worldly, flawed, independent person. I was a naive, wide-eyed kid who got to hang out with the older guys.

This man wrote a literary non-fiction novel, loosely based upon his career, and, of course I was a minor character in the book. He gave me a signed copy of the book and wrote inside of it "Stay gold, Ponyboy" which confused me. Was he breaking my balls? Complimenting me? I appreciated the gift but not knowing what he meant, put it at the back of my mind and sort of forgot about it until tonight.

For some reason or another this quote came up in conversation tonight while hanging out with some friends. I learned it was from a book, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. The discussion rejuvenated these decade old memories of my early adulthood so I went home to learn about the book and in particular the blurb my friend wrote to me.

I learned something interesting....he was telling me to stay how I was, to stay innocent. Here I was, at 22, wishing I was more like he was in some ways, and he wanted for me to not change my nature. There was something good in it.

It is fascinating how the universe gives you what you need at the right time again and again. Here I was today, at the peak of my depression and bitterness over what happened with Josh and my ex-girlfriend, wondering whether those things were going to overcome my happy go lucky outlook on life. Yet the message was repeated to me at a time when I was ready to understand it. Stay how you are, Jason. You're fine as-is. Things come full circle. Amazing.

It's time to get my hairs cut once again. I still hate salons more than the dentist office. I'd like to have a style but I just don't want to set foot in one of those places. So what's a guy to do? I'll likely be buzzing my head again.

That's what I always tell people when they take a kick to the groin in life. Yes, what you've heard is true - Joshua passed away on Tuesday in his hotel room in De Pere, Wisconsin. I don't know the official cause of death yet, and I would rather not discuss the details, but you can be sure it was natural causes.

I check this site now and again during the work week and I appreciate the kind gestures toward my brother. I'm not sure if he ever made it clear enough to you, so I'm motivated to say it on his behalf. Labels meant nothing to him. He found something to admire in all of you and enjoyed spending time with you as well.

The details about the memorial service, etc, are on Lee's journal.

As for me, I would never be daft enough to claim I'm unaffected. I don't need to tell you how important he was to me. This is a disaster and I have not even begun to suffer. It's comforting to know I have so many good people sending good vibes.

Some of you have written to me and I am not ignoring you! I've been trying to respond to people but I've also had a lot of really unpleasant shit to do so I haven't had enough time to respond properly. Don't worry - I'll get back to you.

Much Love
Jason