Helloooo.

Pardon my extended absence. I hope you haven't all forgotten me. :)
I finally have something to write about, I think... But I must admit I have a little anxiety about having almost four months of other people's journals to catch up on. So forgive me for being out of the loop. But maybe one benefit is that my blog-stalkers will have given up on me. I'm sure Dan doesn't read anymore...

This may not be the full post I wanted to do (but maybe it will, who knows)- but I wanted to get something in before halloween. So that if I make it to the party (debatable since I think I'm on call...) I won't be a total stranger. And hell, maybe I can be the 25Kth post!

So... it seems that last time I wrote, I was in the throes of a breakup. Well, not much has changed since then. I think said breakup is actually official as of last night. (when I was told that 'friends is not working out, so please don't ever call/text/email/facebook (think about/dream of/look at/accidentally be in the vicinity of/etc) me, or anyone I know, ever again. Goodbye forever. Click.') This was after I told him that I'd done a lot of thinking and loved him and really wanted to make things work blah blah.

Ouch. I'm sad, but maybe in time I'll see the bright side. Right now I definitely don't.

Sadly, the last 4 months can be summed up in a few lines...
worked... got back together.... worked... broke up again.... worked.... was hopeful and elated.... worked... was heartbroken.

Wash, rinse, repeat. Not much else to report.

Until...

Last week I was on vacation. I went down to virginia to see my sister, who was due on 10/30. We had a spa day planned in Williamsburg, which is about an hour from her house. We were going to go get massages, get our nails did, etc, then go out to dinner, then spend the night watching movies and drinking hot chocolate at her in-laws' condo. Spend the night, go outlet shopping the next morning, and then head home just in time for her OB appointment in the afternoon.

So... we went to the spa. It was lovely and pampering. Then we went to dinner. Also lovely. Then back to the condo... Got into our PJs and settled in to a DVD, when she says 'um, Al... I'm having these... pains? They start in my back and wrap around to my stomach, kind of a squeezing feeling.... they're about ten minutes apart and getting stronger. Do you think it's just indigestion?" Since we were an hour away from the hospital (and her husband) we decided to drive back. So I'm driving 80, and she's huffing and puffing in the front seat... My mom is freaking out that I'm going to have to deliver a baby on the side of the road and is asking if I have a shoelace to tie the cord... Finally she's like "I think you can go faster.... this may be the only time in your life you can use the "lady having a baby" excuse if you get pulled over." I realized she had a good point, and started flying. I was almost hoping I'd get pulled over, because I started imagining the cops giving us some grand motorcade-style escort, with lights and sirens, all the way to the hospital. I then decided that even if that didn't happen, I would tell people it did. ;)

By the time we got to the hospital, she was no longer willing to park with me and walk in, and wanted to be dropped off at the ER. Her doting husband was waiting at the ER door with her bag, and they rushed in while I parked. I then marched up, fully expecting to go right in, and they said "ok have a seat in the waiting room and the nurse will give you an update in a bit."

WHAT? But... but... I'm her sister.... and a doctor... But I didn't play the doctor card. Figured it's their moment, I'll let them have it.

So, I sat in the waiting room. Her in-laws showed up. The three of us waited. Finally the nurse came out... we asked "are we having a baby are we having a baby???" she laughed and said "not tonight, she's only 2cm." (which I'm sure pissed my sister off.... I'm sure she thought she would be 9 by the time she got there. Bet she was pissed to learn she had a long way to go...) So, at 1am her husband sent us home to get some sleep.

So at 7:15 I got a text from her husband "things are getting hectic". omg omg omg!! Quick, get dressed, feed the dog, get in the car, oh right, shoes! oh right, keys! etc etc. Get to the hospital at 8... she's there, much happier now that she has an epidural... Husband tells me I can stay for labor, but will have to leave for delivery. I'm a little surprised (and mad and hurt- I mean, I'm a doctor! and her sister!) but again, let them have their moment. The nurse came in, did a little exam, and started explaining pushing. I thought she was just getting prepared... I asked about the exam, and the nurse said 'oh, you're complete.' So she got the doctor to come in for a check... and five pushes later, BABY GIRL!!! Seriously, 6cm to baby in like 40 minutes. Not bad for a first-timer.

So, it happened so fast they didn't get to kick me out. (ha HA!) And I took about a million pictures. Amazing how different she looked over a matter of hours. Actually a little ugly at first (don't tell anyone I said that!) to absolutely precious a few days later.

so we made all sorts of phone calls.... everyone cried... (I was glad to not be alone in that). In laws arrived... Mom booked her flight...

So we spent the next two days in and out of the hospital... She was scheduled to come home at 11am on saturday, perfect since my flight was at five... But the pediatrician on call was totally MIA, and I had to leave for the airport before they got home. But... then my flight got delayed 6 hours, and I couldn't have made my connections, so... I spend another night. I had been looking forward to driving straight to Dan's from the airport and surprising him and jumping into his arms and telling him how much I missed him and having this big romantic homecoming... But... another night with the baby was pretty great too. :) Made it home sunday... went straight to dan's work, which was not the same. he was busy and crabby. Then later that night had the discussion referenced above. Lovely.

And... that just about brings you up to speed in the glamorous and exciting life of Miss Jenks. :)

Random tidbit- they were going to name the baby Jenks if it was a boy. But, she wasn't.

But here are "a few" pix. (ha!) Most of which are from my phone, so forgive the less than stellar quality.


Looking just about 9 months pregnant...


The adorable nursery.


Complete with adorable sheets.


And lots of toys.


Including this crazy thing handmade by her friend.






Right when I got to the hospital, about 0810.


And... here she is! Still all bloody and waxy. 0848.


About five minutes old here. Not looking her best. But still, of course, the most gorgeous baby I've ever seen.



Stealing Dad's heart at first glance...


The perk of being behind the camera, is that you can't tell that I'm crying more than Dad. But I still think this is about the sweetest picture I've ever seen.



Meeting Mom for the first time, who is also crying.


First kiss. (nice manicure, huh?)


Getting cuter...


Meeting grandma...


Giving us all the stink-eye...


Meeting her MOSTEST FAVORITEST aunt.


And a little family portrait.


First bath... Much cuter with the blood and goo out of her hair. (and can we talk about that hair?!)


Love this pic. A much-too-big, hospital-issue, volunteer-knit, hat.




And by this point (day 2), officially the cutest baby on Earth. :)

I miss her already.

It sucked. pardon the play-by-play, but this is a (partial) log from my pager.

0430 alarm goes off
0500 actually get out of bed
0540 go to work
0600 round on my patients
0900 done with rounds and morning work, decided to go eat breakfast
0905 order breakfast
0906 cancel breakfast order b/c some lady slit her wrists with a plastic knife and needs to be seen
1030 try again for breakfast
1031 cancel breakfast again b/c patient is bleeding from dialysis catheter
1130 first call to ER- guy shot in the knee, bullet is stuck in his ankle. Does not need OR- yet. needs to be checked every 30 min.
1330 now he needs OR. Go slice his leg open to release swelling
~1600 small amount of free time, manage to eat granola bar for lunch
1658 called to ER for guy who flipped ATV and broke his spine. Admit to floor.
1801 called to ER (though we never left) for guy whose wife ran him down with the car- has a brain injury. Admit to ICU.
1924 called to ER for nasty groin abscess- ends up being necrotizing fasciitis ('flesh-eating bacteria') and has to go to the OR ASAP.
2051 called to ER for 91 year old lady with bowel obstruction. Needs to be 'decompressed' i.e. tube in her butt to allow air/diarrhea to escape (explosively, all over me)
2303 called to ER for 18yo pedestrian hit by car. Has facial fractures. Does not need OR.
2339 called to ER to drain nasty infected foot wound
0008 called to ER for GSW to the abdomen. Kid was dying. Went to OR ASAP. Was not a GSW, but a stab wound. Bleeding to death from his liver. We saved him. :)
0010 DAN CALLED!!! But I couldn't answer. And he didn't leave a message. :( :(
0011 called to ER for GSW to BOTH legs. Does not need OR. Yet.
0316 called to ER for guy who broke ribs riding a dirt bike and has already been to 3 hospitals today, including in canada.
0418 called to ER for 24yo hit by car. Is in bad shape, needs to be on ventilator. Has shattered liver and kidney.
0445 called to ER for 17 yo whose foot was run over by a train. (what I thought were his shoelaces were actually the tendons of his foot/leg just flopping around. He lost his leg.)
0449 called to ER for 31 yo who had the shit beat out of him. Face is all crushed in, + brain injury, needs ventilator.

0600 new on call team finally arrives. thank god.
0730 finally almost done in ER, get to start daily work that should have been started at 0400.
0800 required by law to leave the hospital, but work is not done.
0940 finally leave hospital.
have to be back at 0800 tomorrow, and am on call again to do this all over on monday.

Notice "eat", "sleep" and "pee" are not anywhere in this schedule.

wow. that was the worst call I've had in a long time. Fucking trauma! I hate it! We were in the ER for about the last 10 hours straight. I especially like the times that we got two traumas within about 5 min of each other.

No one died though.... Except almost me when I was nearly falling asleep at the wheel on the way home.

And the one good thing- we had an amazing view of the fireworks. I could see like 3 different BIG sets going off at once, and whole bunch of little sets of fireworks.

Happy fourth all...
Yay for america, and our right to ride ATVs while high on coke etc etc etc.

Such opposing emotions in a breakup.

I love him,
but I hate him.

I want him to be happy,
but I want him to hurt the way I do.

I want him here every second,
and I never want to see him again.

I'm crushed,
but relieved that I don't have wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.

He's all I can think about,
but I want him erased from my mind.

He's cute and funny and caring and sweet...
and probably can't ever be trusted again.

I'm everything he wants,
but I'm not enough.

I feel angry and betrayed,
but I miss him.

I don't want to trap him,
but I want to convince him to stay.

I want to go back in time...
And I want to fast forward through the hurt.

I'm numb,
but everything hurts.

I'm sorry,
and I'm not sorry at all.

My mind is racing,
but my thinking is foggy and slow.

But mostly...

I'm just sad. :(

So I just went to check my credit card bill online- and they've "upgraded" their website. It says "sorry, your browser [Safari 3] did not pass the security check" and goes on about how they use the highest possibly security etc.
So you must use one of the approved browsers:

IE 4 (yes, four)
Netscape 4
AOL 5

I didn't even knew people still used netscape OR AOL.

Somehow I don't think IE 4 has 'stronger' security than Safari.

But maybe I'm totally wrong.

quick random FYI post since people were talking about it a while ago-

I mailed in my passport renewal app on 6/13. Not expedited or anything, just regular.
Got my new passport in the mail 6/21.

seems like they're moving fast these days.
i ordered a passport card too while I was at it- that hasn't come yet, they're saying July maybe.

Well, it looks like it's official...





And my first case in official chief capacity last night- a guy that slit his own throat, and cut about 90% of the way THROUGH his trachea. like just a little sliver holding it together in the back. Twice. His roommate just found him, totally alert and awake, bleeding in the shower. (at the psych center, not surprisingly.)

shite!

He's ok though. But it's too early to know if he fucked up his vocal cords or anything.

Happy birthday, (e:twins)!

Hope it's a good one. :)

So, I generally use Mobil for gas. For two main reasons- there's a mobil station like a block from my house, and b/c I like the little speedpass thing. If other gas stations used speedpass, I would totally go there.

Also, I was just "reminded" that I should only put premium (91 or 93) in my car. And NOT to use 'off-brand' gas. Stick with major names. Most places have 93, but sunoco has 91. But it's only like 2 cents cheaper, so it only saves me like 25cents/tank to get 91, and I have to drive all over to find a sunoco station.

But then Dan was like "dude, why do you use mobil? it's always more expensive than everywhere else." I didn't believe it. Well, I guess he was right...

I went to Ambrosia for breakfast this morning.
On the way, passed two gas stations, a mobil and a sunoco, within THREE BLOCKS of each other. I can't believe how different the prices are!!




and this is the Mobil by my house- so I guess it's not just that one particular location-


and then when I got home, saw that the rosebushes are blooming. They smell AMAZING.




i'm sorry I missed the party last night... I had a graduation party for work to go to. :(

But tonight I'm going to TO to see The National/Modest Mouse/REM- woohooooo!
Not looking forward to getting home at 2 or 3am though and having to work (a 27 hour day) at 6a. :(

Ok, this is too long for a comment, but paul's anti-smoking post brought it to mind. Saw this on a blog the other day- thought it was a decent rant.

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.

He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.

He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.

Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?

Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.

But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you-like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities-everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.

But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.

Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

whyquit.com/whyquit/joelcigfriend.html

So... I got the yearly letter from Sallie Mae...

But before I get to the point of it, I have to bitch for a second.

They email you these password-encrypted PDF files. You used to have to enter your SSN to view them. But I guess b/c people are scared of identity theft etc they have moved away from that. So now you have to enter some ridiculous code- it's like your 10 digit account number plus your birthday plus the date of your loans. 2 of 3 of which I don't know, and never will. So, the other option is to log in to the website and view it there.

So I go there, and enter my user ID, and try my standard password. It's wrong. Try my other standard password. Still wrong. Take a stab at a third. Also wrong. So then I'm logged out. So I go to the "forgot password" page. correctly answer all 3 security questions. Does it tell me my password? NO. It makes me change it. So I enter in desired password. No good- cannot be the same as any of the last 5 passwords.

Which means I enter something random that I will never remember. so next time this happens, I will not know the password and will have to change it all over again. What a retarded system.

[yes I understand I could just write the password down somewhere, but that is not a good solution.]

But now on to the good part.

So I finally get the letter open. It tells my that my deferment is up 7/14, and my loans will go back into repayment status then. All $182,495.10 of them. At the tune of $700 monthly payments until the year 2038. I can NOT afford that.

So, I go to the deferment page, like I have for the last five years. Click on the "economic hardship" deferment- which requires me to send them a pay stub, showing that my loan payments are more than XX% of my income (I think the requirement is 20%?), and thus not do-able at this time.

And when I click on it, what comes up?
"you are not eligible for this deferment". Why not?
"time limit has been reached".

I guess I'm only allowed to defer for 5 years for economic hardship.

WTF! I still have two years of training left! None of the other deferment options seem to apply, either.

I absolutely CANNOT afford to start paying $700/mo next month.

Shite.

I have to figure this out.

at least my interest rate is still locked in at 2.875.