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Last Visit 2021-12-07 07:05:58 |Start Date 2005-12-06 21:43:37 |Comments 2,975 |Entries 615 |Images 745 |Sounds 7 |Videos 22 |Mobl 13 |Theme |

Category: dm

12/31/05 08:47 - 34ºF - ID#23750

I want...

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it

Couldn't say it any better myself.

Happy 2006 peeps!
Hope it's even better than 2005, and that it brings you all that you want.

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Permalink: I_want_.html
Words: 220
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: drama

12/31/05 01:20 - 30ºF - ID#23749

too much drama for this mama

I really don't know what it is about me that I seem to attract all this ridiculous scandal into my life... Talking to my friends- they do not have any of these crazy stories, and marvel at mine. Saw a totally hot guy at Mother's last night, and then it got better- he walked over to my group and said hi to my friend- he knew her! I was sure I had an in... But no. No introduction, and he spent the rest of the night flirting with about 5 girls who looked about 19. I find it kind of amusing to watch these girls out... They get all dressed up and think they look so hot, and they are pretty girls, I'm not denying that, but I wonder if they have any clue that they all look exactly the same. Four of them standing there with flat-ironed brownish-blondish below-the-shoulder length shiny hair in low-rise jeans and pointy stilettos and silk camisoles. All just variations on a theme. The only difference is the color of the top, and how much cleavage they are showing. ("a lot" vs "indecent"). But hell, maybe they're on to something because it seems to work and they are the ones that got my hot guy. Sigh.

Saw Jackdaw last night in South Buffalo, at Swannie House. Always a fun show. But there were YOUNG kids there, I'd guess 15, drinking at the bar. A little disturbing. And it was so crowded that we took our wings upstairs to eat (I swear they have the best wings in Buffalo. Hell, best wings anywhere.). But apparently while upstairs we missed a fight. Beer bottles and all. Fantastic. Then went to Mother's. Saw Work Crush #2 there. First thing he asked me was if I was drunk, which is a little embarrassing, because I didn't think I was... But he told me that he and another guy from work were talking about how well I dress. I'm not sure I agree, but I'll take the compliment, especially from him since he may be the best-dressed man I know.

Also saw work crush 1 yesterday- i had my back to the door and he walked up and gave me a little scratch on the shoulder... Damn that wife of his! I could so fall for him.

But now my dilemma for the day...
Is it more depressing to spend new year's alone at a party, watching the happy couples kiss at midnight, wishing I had someone- or just staying home.
Haven't decided yet. Working at 7a tomorrow, so it's not like it would be a crazy night in any case.

Well I have suddenly decided that my fishtank is too small. And since I am all about instant gratification, I have decided that I need a new one. NOW. So I'm off to petsmart.

Happy new year, all!
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Permalink: too_much_drama_for_this_mama.html
Words: 473
Location: Buffalo, NY

12/31/05 02:04 - ID#23748 pmobl

Posted from a mobile phone using p:mobl!

Ahh, south buffalo literacy... (and LC what's your number?)
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Permalink: Posted_from_a_mobile_phone_using_p_mobl_.html
Words: 10
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: hygiene

12/30/05 02:03 - 31ºF - ID#23747


just a little public service announcement...

First, I extend my deepest sympathy and empathy to those poor souls suffering from abscesses of any form, but especially gluteal/perirectal/buttock ones. They are excruciatingly painful, not to mention the humiliation of having 10 people examine your ass. Then you have to go through the painful, stinky procedure of having them drained. Not fun for anyone involved.

BUT, if for whatever reason you choose to wait until 1 am to come to the ER with ass pain- at least remove the shitballs that are dangling from your ass hairs.
Losing precious hours of sleep for ass pus is unpleasant enough without dingleberries getting in the way. Oh yeah, and don't wear underwear with skidmarks. Didn't anyone else's mom always yell about wearing clean underwear "in case you have an accident and end up in the emergency room" or was it just mine?

My apologies if anyone needs to go vomit now.

I am going to try to get some sleep.

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Permalink: PSA.html
Words: 167
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: pix

12/27/05 02:33 - 34ºF - ID#23746

my crooked tree

A little belated, but finally got the pix out of my camera.

My cute crooked christmas tree (wish I had a lit-up night shot though)

and totally unrelated, but just a shot that I like. :)
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Permalink: my_crooked_tree.html
Words: 39
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: venting

12/27/05 02:32 - 32ºF - ID#23745

Merry Christmas to me!

You probably shouldn't bother reading this, as I am just ranting and whining.

I am a resident. That means I have finished medical school. I have MD after my name. I.e. I can call myself Doctor. Residency is specialty training. When I finish residency, I will be an attending. So residents are sort of limbo doctors. We rechnically are doctors, but we're still in training. But we are the cheap labor of the medical field.
I work a 30hr shift every third night. I work 80-100 hrs per week. My hourly wage is barely over minimum wage. (but it's not like it matters since there's no time to spend the money anyway-ha.) I had christmas day off. I worked christmas eve, and I'm working overnight tonight. I have new year's eve off, but have to be at work at 6am on 1/1. But that's not what I'm complaining about. I love my job, and I knew what I was getting into when I started. Sure I get tired and I'll bitch and moan about the ER killing me, but at the end of the day, there's nothing I'd rather do. It's the coolest job in the world.

Just saw a kid in the ER. It's almost 2:30am. I have to start tomorrow's work at 4am. I'd love to get a little sleep in there. But on the way back from the ER, I went by the Doctors' Lounge, where there is a coffee machine. Not much else. A bathroom, a table, a couch, and a coffee machine. Only to be greeted by a big nasty sign saying that residents are no longer allowed in the Doctor's Lounge. Apparently they don't consider us doctors.
Apparently we drank too much coffee.

What a bunch of bullshit. I mean really. How much could that industrial food service coffee cost? say an extra $20/month. Is morale not worth anything? We practically LIVE in the fucking hospital. We do the lion's share of the work that keeps this place running. Along with the nurses. And we're no longer allowed the one little perk we had- a free cup of terrible coffee? There are tons of nurses' lounges. There is no "residents' lounge". Not like we have much lounge time, but I used to enjoy being able to take a 10 min to get a cup of coffee once or twice a week. And they don't think we are worth even that.

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Permalink: Merry_Christmas_to_me_.html
Words: 406
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: tech

12/26/05 10:23 - 32ºF - ID#23744


And now for something completely different...

In case there are any guys out there that read this, you are probably sick of hearing me bitch and moan about boys.

So I have a techno question for you.

I need some new headphones for my ipod, and much to my surprise my dad didn't get me any for christmas. (yes, I'm a spoiled brat daddy's girl. sorry.)
I am not a huge audiophile- i.e. the ones that it coems with SOUND ok to me, they're just uncomfortable and don't stay in my ears.
So I want something decent, but I don't need $300 headphones. But I don't want $2 pieces of crap either.
I had the Apple in-ear ones, and they were ok (and they matched, since that's SO important), but they didn't stay in that well either. And then they died- I only get side from the L now.

So, anyone have any suggestions?
I hear Shure is good... but I think pricey...

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Permalink: headphones.html
Words: 163
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: done!

12/25/05 11:21 - 36ºF - ID#23743


That's it.
Ex-boyfriend is done with. Over and gone. I cannot talk to him any more.
Please make me stick to this.
Schmuck couldn't even wish me a Merry Christmas.
Last straw.
Enough is enough.
He is bad for me.
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Permalink: enough.html
Words: 40
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: o-m-g!!

12/25/05 10:24 - 38ºF - ID#23742

Dear Diary...

First of all:
(ok, and happy hanukkah, season's greetings, etc.)

I guess we are not little kids anymore... I woke up at 9, and am the first person awake. Unbelievable. A far cry from the days when we (my brother, sister and I) would make plans to meet in someone's room when we woke up (usually around 4) and watch the hands on the clock CRAWWWWL around until 7 (when we were allowed to get up) and then, like horses out of the gate, we would explode into our parents room and tackle them and run downstairs and begin the over-indulgent, conspicuous consumption, commercial carnage that was (is) Christmas Morning.

I must say, even though I am 29 there is still a decent pile of presents under the tree, and I will admit I'm pretty excited... Not to mention angel-food-cake-french-toast!!

But now to totally change the subject...

I got an email this morning that has me a little stunned... And it's the kind of thing that I have to tell someone, but at the same time I don't want anyone to know. And it just got me thinking about the nature of a blog. An online journal. A completely public, yet anonymous, diary. I was never very good at keeping a diary. Didn't really see the point of writing all that stuff down, that no one would ever see. But I guess that's the point. It's my private space.
Not that I am an exhibitionist, or crave attention etc, in fact I'm rather shy (but yes, I love to talk), and I guess I like to think that at least someone might read what I say. I guess for me an ideal blog would only be read by strangers. It's a place I can tell my secrets in a dear diary way, and while I doubt anyone that I really KNOW will read it, there is still always that chance, so I need to semi-censor... Who knows, mom might stumble onto this page someday... The ex that I bitch about.... My work crush(es).... Anyone from work...

But anyway, onto my email.
Some background- My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a few months ago. In retrospect, I can see that the relationship was terrible and he didn't care about me the way a boyfriend should- i.e. he treated me pretty badly. not abusive in any way, but he just didn't respect me. But I was (am?) smitten. And, the breakup has still been awful for me. I'm all fucked in the head about it and I still miss him. And I want him as a friend, still want him in my life... so I see him once in a while, and that stirs up all sorts of things... I was mad at him, put him out my mind, didn't talk to him for two weeks, decided it was all behind me. Then he came over the other night to give me back some money, and he helped me straighten my christmas tree (though i think we actually made it worse), and we chatted and it was nice, and I got a nice hug... and now I miss him again.
Bleh. I need to move on, but it's hard. I think what I really need is to meet someone new. A new love interest to get him out of my head. I really can't do casual sex, so a rebound hookup or whatever is NOT the answer for me. And I survive just fine being single. So it's not like I NEED to be in a big serious relationship right away. But at the same time I'm kind of lonely and depressed about it these days, and would love to meet someone. But (as we all know), it's not that easy. Especially with work...

But so a few months ago some guy emailed me from friendster. His emails were very funny, and he was pretty persistent which is flattering. But I was still with the BF, and I told him that, and he sort of backed down. Then on halloween i was out at hardware, and this totally random guy came up to me [that does not happen in my world. for whatever reason, I do NOT, EVER, get approached by guys. I guess I look scary or something], and he knew me. I couldn't believe it. It was this guy. He recognized me from Friendster. (scary). We chatted a little, said nice to meet you, etc. A few weeks later he emailed again, and since I am no longer dating BF, I figured there's no harm in getting coffee or something. Now it turns out that (like half of buffalo) this kid went to nichols, and thus knows some of the people I work with (including hot work crush #2).

So this morning I had an email, from 4am, from this guy, that said "so i saw Work Crush #2 out last night, and he said that you told him we'd met [I did- i said hey this guy that knows you from high school has been calling me lately], and he said that you're cool as hell, but he also said (and you can NOT tell him i told you this) that you are "the horniest girl on earth."" (and the rest doesn't matter.)


I don't even know where to start.
How do I feel about this?

I mean...
1: First of all, he has NO WAY to know that about me. I mean yeah we kind of flirt, but much less than I've seen him with other girls. He knows nothing of my love life, at least not from me, and I don't think he knows my ex.
2: Not that it's such a bad thing, but I just don't think it's true
3: he is one to fucking talk, mr. "yeah i want to tap that ass."

I'm sure I'm making mountains out of molehills, but I'm really not sure what to think here.
Maybe he was trying to help me out and get me a date.
Who knows.

And maybe i'm taking it the wrong way, but somehow that statement cries out "desperation" to me, and I do not want to think that that is how I am perceived.

And finally, my work is very male-dominated and very conservative, and first i don't really want talk of my sex life floating around, but mainly I hate to think that that is my reputation... The big slut... Which is funny b/c it is SO not true!!!


Think I need to go overindulge and forget about this for a while...

later peeps.
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Permalink: Dear_Diary_.html
Words: 1109
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: shmoopie

12/23/05 10:25 - 38ºF - ID#23741

what a bunch of saps we are

So as I think I've mentioned, my parents are coming to visit for christmas, since I don't get enough time off to go home. So my mom had told me that I'd "better" do a good job decorating. So it was kind of stressful getting everything done on time, and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Stayed up til 2 last night baking cookies, wrapping presents, doing dishes, putting clean sheets on the bed... Because I won't get home til 11 or so tomorrow, so when I left the house this AM I had to have it all ready for them... I had the tree up with presents under it and I left milk and cookies for santa...
Kept wondering when they would get in, since they were supposed to call to come meet me at work so I could give them a key. But they were supposed to get in at 8:30. Well finally at 9:30 I called my house- they were there. Apparently had tried to call but I get no cell reception. (don't know if it's my phone, or tmobile, but my reception has been ricockulous lately.)

But in any case, the point of this post is that my mom said it made her cry when she walked in and saw that I'd gotten everything ready for them... (I'd said I hadn't had time to get a tree). I'll try to post pix when I get chance. Does look pretty great if I say so myself.

Yay. Can't wait to get home and see them. Too bad I still have 14 hours left in this shift... god this day is dragging. (but, I'll take slow over crazy busy in the ER any day.) I do have one kid with a temp of 107 though. Yikes!
(that also means 14 hours of mom unsupervised in my house- I'm sure she's already been through the medicine cabinet and nightstand by now.)

I love my family. :) I love doing nice things for people. For those reasons, I love christmas. Gives me warm fuzzies.

dream of sugar plums, kids!

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Permalink: what_a_bunch_of_saps_we_are.html
Words: 348
Location: Buffalo, NY



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