bleh....

Did you all see the guy on the news yesterday- the prisoner who went to the hospital, then beat up two guards, held a nurse hostage, stole a gun, escaped from the hospital, stole a car in the parking lot, robbed two banks, busted into a CPA's office, and held two more women hostage?

On top of his 46 year sentence for theft/assault/drugs?

what a fucking winner. It was all over crappy fox news yesterday. I kept seeing a loop over and over of a chick jumping out the window of the office he was in.

And two clues that this guy is a loser:
-one, his name is Billy Jack. Really. How do you name your kid Billy Jack and expect him to add up to much? I know that's bitchy, but it's true.
-two, he's a member of the Aryan Nation.

Apparently they got his mom on the phone, and she said not to shoot him. Oh, gee, ok.

And I'm also so fucking sick of hearing about anna nicole smith. It makes me a little sad that we as americans care so much about this. And fucking Sanjaya.

This is why I don't watch the news. Work was slow today so I spent half the morning doing the crossword puzzle and sudoku in the paper and watching horrid fox news b/c I couldn't reach the tv to change the channel/turn it off.

A friend told me the other day that he read my journal (which I didn't think he did, so that was weird/embarrassing), and he said "I can't believe some of the stuff you write. Do your parents read it?"
Oy. I hope not!

My ex continued to text-flirt with me again yesterday. How strange. And I think then his GF calls or he goes home from work or something b/c all of the sudden it just STOPS, mid-sentence.

And today I told a friend "I had a dream last night that you moved to Europe." (I really did). And he replied "Feels nice to be the man of your dreams". hehe, I thought that was kinda cute.

And he's some rockin' news.
So every year we have to get a "physical" at work. Which consists of checking 'no no no no no no' on a list of "have you had.... in the past year", then telling them your weight (they don't even weigh you), having your blood pressure checked, and then the key- the TB test.

Now, it's fairly common (some would say inevitable) for people in health care to "convert"- i.e. have a positive TB test eventually. And I spent time in New Orleans, aka the third world. So... this year it happened.

For the record, that just means I have been exposed. I do not HAVE TB. I am not contagious or anything like that. But once you test positive, you have about a 5% chance of developing active TB (which I think is the number one killer disease, worldwide). TB can be treated, but it's a long course of like 5 antibiotics. So once you convert, they recommend you take prophylactic antibiotics. Of course you don't HAVE to, but it's the responsible thing to do, public-health-wise. And it takes your risk down to like 0.001%, and apparently gives you 20 years of protection.

So I had my required chest xray (negative), and made my appointment at the Erie County Infectious Disease Clinic at ECMC (what a lovely experience.) And she said there are basically 3 options: take the risk and don't take abx. Take INH for 9 months. Take rifampin for 4 months.

The catch with INH is that it (can be) liver-toxic, so people freak out and are like "if you have a sip of alcohol while you're on it you will die." That is not true. (believe me, I asked.) It's more like "if you are an alcoholic, we will have to check your liver function tests every month". B/c yeah, I can go without drinking. But 9 months is a pretty long time to not even be able to have one sip of champagne. At a wedding. That I am IN.

So the alternative is rifampin. Makes you more sick to your stomach, apparently, and has this lovely side effect- it turns ALL of your body fluids orange. You pee orange. You sweat orange. You cry orange. They said it stains your contacts orange. How freaky.

So, I guess I'll be a good little girl and take the stupid INH. the perk- I never have to have another TB test again.

Ok, I guess that's about it.

Later peeps!

-rambly J

So I had lunch with one of my kick-ass med students today. He's such a nice guy... And helpful... I wish all students could be this good. And his english is fantastic, but he's not american, so once in a while we confuse him.

But anyway so later we were in the ER and this girl was telling someone about how her boyfriend broke up with her b/c he 'fell for her too fast and didn't want a relationship'. Then gave her a ring and dumped her. Huh? Not sure I buy it. But anyway, so then she yelled at Michal, going 'hey you! What's wrong with guys? will you explain it to me? Why are they all assholes!' Poor guy was a little bewildered... like 'i'm not an asshole... don't ask me to speak for everyone!'

Then she started talking, overly loudly, to someone about how 'I just took the bandage off, even though it's only been an hour since it was done and they said to leave it on, do you think it's ok?' she obviously has a new tattoo and wants everyone to know. I wasn't biting. But Michal, good little med student, was like 'bandage? are you ok?' and she goes "yeah.... I just got a tattoo!" and since she was staring at me, i asked disinterestedly, "oh... what did you get?" and she said 'gizmo' and I said "like the gremlin?" and she got all snotty, and said "no... gizmo the dragon. Of course the gremlin! what other gizmos are there?" Oh... excuse me. Just that that movie is from what, 1983? Not exactly a current fad. Don't get me wrong. I think cool tattoos can look awesome. But I do not think flash/cartoon tattoos are cool tattoos.

God, am I a total bitch or what? Sorry for the rant...

as far as V-day- must say I agree with Josh on this one. Dinner+drinks+sex=all I could want. Better yet if it's with someone I dig. Not so into the one-night random thing, just for the sake of booty.

and I leave you with some jokes, courtesy of Laffy Taffy (my dinner)-
What is the best way to keep water from running?
Don't pay the bill.
(Hilarious!)

What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday- the rest are weekdays! (ha, I actually thought that one was cute.)

-Jenks

P.S. Who the fuck is Nicholas Picholas? Is he like some Buffalo celebrity I should be aware of? There are signs all over the hospital for "LIVE! From the Fisher Price playroom! Janet Snyder and Nicholas Picholas!" (for the 98.5 kids' kare-a-thon or something like that.)
I dunno about you peeps, but if my last name were Picholas, I would not name my kid Nicholas. And if my name was Joe Smith and I was trying to think of a cool name to use on the air, I don't think I would choose Nicholas Picholas. But that's just me...

So this adorable girl, excuse me woman, that I work with is like 7mo pregnant. And she's complaining about feeling fat and clothes not fitting etc. (but she has the cutest little maternity outfits! she looks awesome!) And she said that she watched some VH1 countdown or something, of the top 100 fashion don'ts, and number one was (drum roll)- visible panty lines. And she's so distraught by it. And I just thought-
Huh?
Apparently that is a worse sin than a mullet, or sandals and socks. Or hammer pants. Or gold teeth. Apparently it's worse than EVERYTHING. I'm dumbfounded.
What do you guys think?
Personally, I don't really get the big deal.
So you can tell I'm wearing underwear. Big fucking deal! I would hope I'm wearing underwear... i mean i understand not wearing painted-on-tight pants if you have a cottage-cheese ass, but that's just common decency. Some people love 'em, but I think thongs are uncomfortable. And I heard someone describe them as a 'germ escalator' once... tracking the germs from your ass to the nether regions. Not good. (sorry, that was gross.) Hmm, maybe that can be my research project... do women who wear thongs have a higher rate of UTIs.
But, since I am told that they are "sexy" and that it's "bad" to be able to see my underwear, I do suffer the old ass-floss once in a while.

and that got me thinking of clothes and fashion...
God, my kids are going to hate me. I don't know how I got to be such an old fart, but I am so super-conservative when it comes to a lot of kids' stuff. I do not think babies should have their ears pierced. I do not think little girls should wear bikinis. (it's so dumb! they have nothing to hold them in place! half the time they spin around and their nips are hanging out anyway! when my sis and i were little, we just wore bottoms and no tops.) I do not think babies should wear shoes- until they know how to walk. They're unnecessary, and bad for your feet. They may look cute, but microscopic air jordans and timberland boots are so dumb... My kids are going to be in 100% cotton, cute little clothes. onesies. oshkosh. Dressed like babies, not little hookers. My daughters are not going to wear belly shirts and platform shoes; i don't care if 'everyone else is'. Haha, my mom is probably lucky we were such dorks and let her dress us for so long...

And then THAT got me thinking about kids in general...
I am almost 30. I guess I could raise a kid. But I don't really feel super-prepared. I mean I want kids, someday, but now is not the right time. And then I realized- if I, who have an education and a stable job and a supportive social network etc, (and there would of course be a husband in the picture too if I was thinking kids) do not feel totally 'qualified' to raise a baby, then who the hell is? The CHOB is really getting to me... 14 year olds with gonorrhea... 16 year olds who come in with abdominal pain- only to find out they're pregnant... i have a baby now who was born in a bathroom stall in the ER. Mom was having pain, had no idea she was even pregnant, let along in fucking LABOR, so she went to the ER, and thought she'd feel better if she just went to the bathroom- and had a baby! She's 19. I swear! this is not on tv! Once i had a kid whose mom was just sick of being pregnant, and she'd heard that crack can induce labor. so she smoked some. and indeed, went into labor. much too early. and the baby is a disaster. not quite brain-dead, but 'neurologically devastated' as we put it. And we have so many sick sick babies now who are practically neglected... their moms never come to visit (and dads are not in the picture, of course) we call the moms day after day... ask them to come visit... to come learn how to feed their kids... and they don't. If they DO come in (when we threaten CPS), they don't hold them, don't bond with them... it's terrible. I think they just sort of want to leave them in the hospital and not come back. But then they do come back, because they realize they can get more in their welfare check if they have a kid. It's so horrible. I used to joke about it, but now I'm seriously starting to think people should have to pay a fee or pass some kind of test or something to be able to reproduce. Oh go ahead and flame away, but seriously. You need a license to get married, why not to bring another life into the world??

Ok I will stop before I get all worked up...

Time for a nap.
Work was hell last night.

Hope to see some of you peeps out tonight!

A

Ok, so work fucking blew yesterday. People are being weird and bitchy and high-schoolish. Whispering to each other, excluding people... god it was miserable. I spent the whole day running around two steps out of sync, and then getting yelled at for either not knowing what they refused to tell me, or for not telling them things, when in fact I tried a million times but they wouldn't listen. Aren't we too old for this? Then they were punishing me or something this morning (why I have no clue) and dumping work on me so I stayed like 4 hours late and didn't get home til 1 today.

Ok, sorry for the vent. Point is that all day long I kept thinking of little things to post, but never had a chance to, so I made a list. So here's a whole hodgepodge of crap.

First, a link for (e:Joshua) about the "classic" vs "modern" Hippocratic oath. Pretty interesting. Especially the part about considering "he" that taught me medicine as my father, and taking care of his children like my own, and teaching them all I know for free. And the part about not doing abortions. And the fact that "first do no harm" is nowhere in the thing.


And for (e:metalpeter)- when I walked into work yesterday I noticed a little autographed "Briere #48" stat card on the desk... I guess since he's injured and not playing he watched the game from the hospital, and one of my patients was on tv with him. (and my coworker chilled with him all night too. Said he's a cool guy. But short.) Since I don't know shit about (pro) hockey, and really couldn't care less, I had no idea who he was. (kind of funny, since I actually PLAYED hockey for 3yr in high school. (I was terrible.))

As I spent practically an hour scouring the cold medicine aisle at walgreen's the other day, I stumbled into the candy aisle- my god it is valentine's hell in there. All the red heart boxes... it was suffocating.

For the record- I have the worst med student of all time these days. He's awful. I am saying that here since I don't have the heart to tell him. He's useless! I mean even the less-than-genius ones are ok if they show (or at least fake) SOME interest, and TRY, but this guy just zones out and walks off and checks espn.com. Doesn't even pretend to try to help or want to learn. Oy. It's miserable. He is going to get eaten alive at ECMC next month.

Saw something weird in the elevator yesterday- a guy with really fat EARS. I mean he was a big guy, but in like a "65 year old grandpa with a gut" kind of fat way. But he just had these crazy fat earlobes... I couldn't stop staring. Bizarre. I kept thinking he could use some ear liposuction, and then how insane an idea that was. (almost as bad as vaginaplasty- which my friend (dog work crush #2 in fact) insists is a great idea, because 'no one wants a girl with mud flaps.' That's nice imagery.)

Ok, so I mentioned that work was a fucking soap opera yesterday. Everyone whispering and/or pissed off. The nurses were like 'oh... is THAT what they're all mad about?" and I had no idea what/who they were talking about, it totally spiraled into mass confusion. Til some (black) parents walked out all pissy, and Tasha (who is black) had to go try to pacify them. Afterwards someone asked "Tasha, what was that all about?" and she said "you wouldn't understand. It's a black thing." People were understandably a little offended that she would say that. I mean it's 2006 peeps. We've all had our PC sensitivity training bullshit. So some nurses were like "what do you mean we wouldn't understand?!" and Tasha said "well, like if they said 'where's the shiznit they gave us yesterday that worked so much better?' you wouldn't know what they meant." Oh.... Right.... Shiznit is secret black code that NO white person could ever possibly crack. STUPID!

Who the fuck decided to make sodium free saltines? They're called SALTines people!! The one food staple I can find in the hospital is "salt"ines, and soda- either diet ginger ale, or caffeine free coke. What a mean joke. Makes for a terrible "dinner".

So I think I will obstruct a little justice today...
Just got a weird email- I guess I have an efax number. Didn't even know it. But I just got an email of a fax that came to it. Wrong number, obviously. But it was from a personal injury firm, to a hospital requesting the records of a woman named Charlemagne (I shit you not), in her case of the 'slip and fall.'
Ooooh I am SO not helping Charlemagne weasel wegmans out of money because she walked where it said "warning, slippery" and fell. (no idea what the case actually is.)
There are not many people I respect LESS than personal injury lawyers. But I will check myself there on that topic and move on.

And finally, to follow up the PBS (priapism) talk I had with (e:josh), here's a little info from my handy palm pilot:

Basics:
-Description: painful and/or abnormally prolonged penile erection [as opposed to what kind of erection??]
-Age: young adult
-Sex: male only [haha, DUH]
-Risk factors: dehydration, sickle cell disease (>85% of black kids with priapism will have sickle cell!)
-Possible complications: impotence (doh!!)
-Expected course: Even with excellent treatment detumescence may require SEVERAL WEEKS. Impotence is likely.

Causes:
-meds injected into Johnson (never a good idea)
-prolonged sexual activity
(other boring things)

Diagnosis:
-physical examination (gee...)

Treatment:
-reassurance
-anesthesia
-hydration
-pain relief
-sucking the blood out with needles

Prevention:
-avoid dehydration
-avoid excessive sexual stimulation
-avoid causative drugs

Ok, I think I'm finally done.
My apologies if that sounded like a bad stand-up routine. "I mean what's the deal with fat ears!! Right people?? and don't get me started on saltines!"- sorry.

Oy...
Must study.

To anyone that actually read this all- thanks. I'm impressed you put up with my blathering.

And to (e:larsonbros)- the coffee invites are about to run out if you don't accept one soon. Just a heads up that I'm about to leave it all up to you if you keep rejecting me!
Just kidding. Sort of. Love you mystery boys. Kiss kiss.

Bleh. I'm sick of being sick.
And I must go study.
But a few things to share.

First, some lyrics from a song i like-

I've kissed you in France and I've kissed you in Spain.
I've kissed you in places I'd better not name.
I've seen the sun go down on Sacre Coeur,
but I like it much better going down on you.

And then a silly doctor joke:

First day of anatomy lab, the prof tells the new med students "there are two rules. One- you can not be disgusted about any part of the body." then he sticks a finger in the cadaver's ass, then then puts it in his mouth. And says "see, now you all do it." And they hemmed and hawed, but eventually they all did it. Then he said "rule #2: pay attention. You will see I put my middle finger in the ass, and my index finger in my mouth."