Hello peeps, I'm back. Did you miss me?

New user song is the Guadalcanal March, from Victory at Sea. Inspired by @dragonlady7 's post. Random crazy family stuff, probably not worth going into. But enjoy it and feel patriotic.

Sigh... no offense Buffalo, but I love Chicago. I really miss living there. So much to do, so many young people, such great architecture, the waterfront....

I had a nice trip. Saw 6 of the 9 people I'd hoped to, so that's pretty good. Had a few mini-adventures @jenks #123 @jenks #124 , I guess.

Got in late Sunday (cancelled flight, grr), Monday wandered around and did a little shopping. Chicago is an awesome shopping city. Too bad I hate shopping. (good thing for my credit card though.) Had tapas and sangria with Vicki. Tues slept late, met my cousin Jenny and her kids and we took them too the beach. Then had dinner with Karl in the "Viagra Triangle", and some drinks, then many more drinks with Sarah and "uber-hot Charles". Spent all of wed hungover, until I went for a massage. Maybe I am just a perv, but the massage was oddly sexual. I don't want to say the guy was inappropriate, but I think maybe he was. Still nice though. ;) Then coffee in the hospital with Munee... Then had New Haven style pizza (screw Chicago pizza) with my married ex and his buddies, which was pleasantly not-weird.
Then this morning had room service @jenks #126 , and packed up and scrambled my way to the airport. Stupid airport shuttle never showed, so I was about to suck it up and take a $40 cab ride, when a jolly African doctor (from Canada?) needed to go too, and asked "would you be offended if I pay for us both?" And at least this time the flight went smoothly... Did not get to see Chris or Linda or Ellen. I guess I'll just have to go back...

Now just to figure out what to do tonight... and tomorrow...

Anyway, onto pix:


A cute tshirt at Anthropologie. But sure as hell not $78 cute.


My second cousin? first cousin once removed? I dunno. My cousin's kid Luke who I hadn't seen since he was 4 days old.






There was like a tulip extravaganza going on or something. They were ALL over the city. I like the pointy ones.


In case you're wondering what that ball of black fuzz is, it's a dog.


This little house was across from the hotel. I love it. I think it's abandoned or something.


This is not as cool looking as it was in real life. But what a scary alley- I have never seen so many fire escapes.


How fucking cool is it that this beach is in the middle of downtown?


It just looks infinite...


... yet it's RIGHT next to the city


the Hancock Building and the Drake


This is a super-zoom spy shot, but get a room, will ya?


me and "uber-hot Charles"


PMT, this "mansion" is for sale too... but Paul I think it's a little too far from work.


I've always thought this church was beautiful... Right on Michigan Ave.




This is part of the old pumping station I think. It's like the only building not burned down by Mrs. O'Leary's cow, or something like that.

See you tomorrow everyone!
-J

This is just a mini-interlude post til I get home and have pix and stuff. (besides I'm having trouble posting anyway since Safari is suddenly crashing q5min.)

But I just wanted to say- room service is out of control. I mean we all know it's expensive, but yikes. I decided to treat myself to breakfast on my last morning. Now the hotel restaurant is a pretty fancy place, and the room service is off that menu so I guess it's extra pricey.
But I ended up going with an all-time fave breakfast indulgence- eggs benedict. For $12. I actually didn't think that was THAT bad, considering that's how much the continental breakfast cost.
Oh, but that doesn't include juice. So one glass of "fresh-squeezed" (they'd better not be lying) OJ for $5.
Plus 2.75 delivery fee. Plus tax. Plus 18% "service charge" brings it to $25.
And then the guy that drops it off needs a tip too? What's the "delivery fee"? What's the "service charge"?

craziness.

but delicious craziness. :)

See you all soon.
-J

dammit.... Safari just crashed and made me lose my whole post. And I don't have the energy to re-write it.
Maybe tomorrow.

But thanks for the comments on the last one. You're all right. I had a fun time, and that should be enough. I just always want more...

later peeps.
-j

(to continue the thread of journals that makes me appear completely shallow and boy-crazy, I add:)

Dude!!!! Why am I SO incapable of closing the deal????? SO FRUSTRATING!
So, despite how I may make it seem, I am totally NOT about one night stands, random sex, etc. Sure, it's been a while, and I'd love nothing more than a good fuck, but the circumstances have to be right. And my standards are ridiculously (unrealistically) high.

But so I'm in Chicago. Trying to get in touch with my friend Sarah (from Buffalo). Finally we make plans to go tonight. And I get a text from her that says "my uber-hot friend charles may join us. he likes brunettes." And I reply "well he may be in luck, since I like uber-hot friend charles's."

So I meet her, we wait for charles. I see the blackberry email she sent him that called me "Dr. Surgeon McPretty". And I see his reply that says "can't wait". So he shows up- definitely cute. We all hang out. We go to another place. Drinks are abundant. there is small talk and chat. Including talk about how guys like what they can't have- i.e. as soon as you call (thereby expressing interest) they are not interested. Or the converse- we always like what we can't have. Like my date the other day. I wasn't even convinced I like him. But suddenly him not calling me makes me like "WHOA! Dude! I am so out of your league! And YOU are blowing ME off????? SO not how it was supposed to go."

But anyway, so we're all chatting. Sarah senses her moment and makes herself scarce. There is some definite bumping and grinding going on. I'm thinking "I so don't do this, but he's cute and I'm sick of striking out." so I'm kind of encouraged. Then I remember his words, and I pull away on the dancefloor (don't want to be all over him) to see if he responds- and he did. I pulled back, and he came after me. Still dancing close, etc.

So the song ends, I go to the bathroom. I come out, and sarah is back. He says "well, I have to go. Big meeting in the AM."

FUCK!!!!!!

But, in his defense, it WAS 3am, and he WAS in town just for 36hr to give this talk in the AM. So I can cut him some slack....

BUT, he was hot, he was flirting with me... I was (i thought) flirting with him in my little wimpy way, then he fucking gets up and leaves!!!!

Not that I would have known what to do with myself had it gone any other way, but still.....

Oy, drunk, time for bed..........

So I'm already starting to be sad that my date-boy hasn't called or anything. I don't even know if I like him, but now I'm kind of hurt b/c I think he's rejecting me. I'm too old, too boring, etc, (if my imagination is right.) The thing is, it's only been a day, and he knows I'm out of town. But I finally decided "fuck the 'rules'" and I sent him a quick email that just said "thanks for last night, had a lot of fun. Call me sometime?" And all my other emails have been answered in a matter of hours, and this one has gone untouched two days. Not a good sign.
Why why WHY do I have to obsess about this? Yesterday I was on cloud 9, today I'm totally doubting myself. Bleh.

But anyway, the reason I am writing-
I'm in chicago for a bit of a vacation. Probably can't get a tan and drink drinks with umbrellas, but this should be fun too, since I still have a lot of friends in town from when I lived here. But so I guess it was drizzling or something catastrophic like that in chicago today, b/c lots of flights were cancelled, including mine. So I had to kill a few hours waiting to find out if I would make the last flight of the day on standby. So I decided to go get drunk. (why not, right? I'm on 'cation!) So I went to the little restaurant/bar near my gate. And saw a blonde girl who looked kinda familiar... and I thought "I know e:dragonlady works in the airport"... So I spent a good half hour trying to decide how to ask "are you e:dragonlady?" Because if she were indeed NOT who I thought she was, my question would sound ridiculous. But so I finally asked and indeed it was her. So yay- stupid shyness overcome, and peep sighting confirmed. I guess the alternative would have been to post spy shots and ask for confirmation, like I did for @mike. ;) @jenks #49

Then I had another bout of shyness... I was sitting and sitting and waiting and waiting at the gate for my flight. Listening to music and reading. And I noticed a very cute guy sitting one row over. And we kept almost-not-quite making eye contact. But I kept throwing glances, and I think he was doing the same. Then he got up to throw away some trash or something, and when he came back, sat in a different seat- two down from me. Did I say hello? No. Just kept peeking at him from behind my book. Finally a lady sitting across from us asked if we were from buffalo and we all started chatting. Then we finally got on the plane and I wasn't near him and couldn't talk anymore. But when we got off, I saw him again and he said he was glad I'd made it on the flight, and we walked towards baggage claim. Then we had to go different directions, and despite my little thoughts of how I would ask if he wanted to get a drink or something, I just let him walk away... He said "well I'll look for you in the city tomorrow" to which I just laughed, since that's sweet but silly. And there was another mini-pause, would have been the perfect time to say something, but did I? No. Just kept walking. Dammit! Now I don't know what I think would/could have happened, but I just wish I weren't so damn shy all the time!

Anyway.... I think I will take a nice long bath (I love hotels) and sleep way late, and spend tomorrow walking around michigan avenue and maybe checking out the museum. I love chicago!

Adios peeps.
-J

[user sound updated: Holiday in Rhode Island, by The Softies]

Ok peeps. Next friday is my (and codypomeray's) 30th bday. I was originally thinking of maybe having a big party, but I don't feel like having to clean up afterwards, so now I'm thinking more of just a night out barhopping. I hope some of you will join us along the way if you can. :)

So.... I had a date last night. Which makes me happy. But I stood my friends up, which makes me feel shitty. (sorry guys). But like a real good old-fashioned date... dinner reservations, picked me up, pulled out my chair, all that good stuff. And when I think about it, I'm not sure I've EVER had that before. (Have come close a few times.) I just don't get asked out much. And if I do go out with people, it's usually a casual "hey wanna grab a beer, I'll meet you at xyz in an hour".

But we're sitting there at dinner, and my mind is racing 'is he cute enough? is he too short? is he too young? am I too old? Do I like his sense of humor? am I saying the right things? am I talking too much?' etc etc nonstop analysis. And then about halfway through the second bottle of wine I just decided to turn it all off and enjoy myself. And then I had a blast. Who knows what I think of the guy... but I had a fun night, and that's good enough for me. I don't know why I always have to ruin everything by over-thinking it. But it's really hard for me not to.
People have been telling me "alex, RELAX" lately, and I get all huffy and snap back "I AM relaxed! don't tell me to relax! I am a very chill person!" And now I'm thinking- who am I kidding? I'm a huge stressball all the freaking time! I dunno, it was kind of an epiphany moment. Maybe I don't always have to be in control of everything. Maybe it doesn't always matter what everyone else thinks. Maybe it's ok to just have fun and do what I want sometimes. Maybe I don't have to worry about whether or not everyone ELSE is having a good time, at the expense of myself. So even though he's way younger than me and does nothing but party, maybe he's got the right idea- let's just have FUN.
So this morning when I woke up at 5 (painful), I was already thinking 'well I'll just email him blah blah', and then I realized, going with the old-fashioned date concept, maybe now is the time to just CHILL and wait to see if he calls. Is that how this all works? So foreign to me. I am a dating idiot.

Okay I might throw my pager out the window. All I want to do is have a little time to myself to unfog my brain and write a post, but I was just paged 3 times in 30 seconds and I'm not exaggerating. Way to kill my good mood. I think it's gonna be one of those days. Thank god I'm on vacation tomorrow!!

Later peeps.
-J

I'm on that strange utter-exhaustion buzz right now, so I have random thoughts to share; I apologize in advance.

I just raced "myself" home from work. It was awesome. At a light I noticed my EXACT same car pulled up next to me. Same colors, same options, etc. And the driver waved and zipped out into traffic which I took as a challenge, so we flew down 33-198-elmwood, til she got off at buff state and I kept going. I also love that it was a chick driving b/c girls never race. :)

Fun lyrics from a song in the car:
You are a beau-ty
Is your dad a dealer, cuz you're dope to me!

then the next song was 'bleed a little while tonight' by lowest of the low. My ex told me once to play that song and "listen to the lyrics", like there was a secret message. So I did:

I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where you are tonight
I don't know what I'm blowing
And I ain't feelin' all too right

But I'm hanging around
Yeah, I'm hanging around
You're hanging up the phone again
I'm hanging up this town, 'cause...

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

Well, I don't know much about you
Not more than a smile or two can say
And everything I've learned about you
I've learned through the pit of my stomach anyway

And I'd forget about you if I could dare but
I just want to make love to you in some dark, rainy street somewhere

I will hold this coin that
Reminds me of the time when
You nearly kissed me blind on Bathurst street it's true
But if you turn me down
I'll spin this coin around
And give it back to you, 'cause it's something I can't explain
And if it's all the same to you

Damn, damn the circumstance
Well, my heart is aching
And my room is spinning
It's grey without you in it
My bad luck's just beginning
Don't let me bleed again tonight

My mistakes are taunting me
And I'm hanging around in my old haunts
And I remember you telling me that
Alex never gets what she wants
But you've got someone
And it ain't me
I've got myself again but I just can't let this be

So... I sort of hoped his "secret message" was maybe the first highlighted part. Or the second. But in fact it was the third. And I just found it amusing that the same song contained the 4th one.

But I promise to stop talking about the stupid ex one of these days.
Right now I am amusing myself by chatting with the myspace boy. I'm sure I will find some way to fuck it up and have it all blow up in my face, but for now it's entertaining, and I guess that's good.

nap time...

First, a boy emailed me on my myspace. Who on further investigation turned out to be the same boy that drunkenly hit on me on St. Pat's day. He didn't know it. Very funny. And when I apprised him of the situation, he said "I knew you looked familar. That just goes to prove that I have great taste in women even when destroyed. Yesss!" I thought that was cute.

Next: new favorite dinner (nothing original, but I love it):
fresh mozzarella (the tiny "pearlini" version from wegman's olive bar)
grape tomatos, halved
fresh basil, coarsely chopped
splash of olive oil
lots of lemon juice
tiny bit of balsamic
lots of salt and pepper

yum yum so good I had to share. And am off to make more.

Well last night was a big bust again, as usual.
I had been looking forward to it for weeks... Finally a chance to go out drinking and stay out late and not have to get up early in the morning...

And I spent the night on my couch.

I wanted to sleep yesterday, so I wouldn't be too tired to go out. But I also wanted to go out and enjoy the weather. Ended up going for a walk with @ladycroft, and we ran into @mike. I think @mike is my most common random peep sighting. :)

So I went for my walk. Came home. Cleaned up, did some cooking (with obligatory wine-drinking), got all dressed to go out... Started making some calls...

Called like 6 people to go out, but no one got back to me.
Or rather, when they did it was too late and they were drunk and I'd already fallen asleep. Literally all dressed up with nowhere to go, and I fell asleep on my couch. :( I guess it's my own fault for not having made more concrete plans in advance.

Oh well. I think I have another day off in 3 weeks or so. Maybe then people will go out with me. I just hope I don't spend my bday on the couch.

Ok, so it's a freaking beautiful day out there. I just hope it's not going to snow tomorrow or some crap like that. On the way home from work I was cruising along with the music blaring and the windows open (in part to enjoy the weather, and in part to drown out the voice/stench of horrid coworker that somehow tricked me into giving him a ride) thinking "wow I am going to go home, get some stuff done real quick-like, then GO OUTSIDE!" Well here I am a few hours later... on the computer, and no 'stuff' is done. Have not been outside, and as usual my couch has sapped away all motivation. Maybe I will watch Lost and eat popcorn and put my work off for one more day.

But anyway, this weather feels cleansing. Trying to set a few things right in my life, and just clean up in general. At work, home, love, sex, boys, friends, family, everywhere. Time to wash away the cobwebs, can the drama, and start things all nice and clean and fresh. Study more, be a good friend, and try to enjoy life rather than just bitch about it. Oh yeah and get back on my diet while I'm at it. (we'll see how long this resolve lasts, haha).

And I have some other very exciting news... This saturday will be the first time I can sleep in my own bed (or maybe someone else's if I'm lucky hardy har) past 6am since march 4th. That's a long time. Which means- I must go out. And you all must join me. Not sure when/where/what. Any ideas? Maybe Pity Party Part II? But seriously... let's get some peeps out this friday. It's spring, dammit! Time to come out of hibernation!
And before I forget (since I blew it last time)-
Beer Tasting at Shango is (at least should be) wed 4/26. I, of course, have to work. Boo!! But you all should go and tell me all about it. I guess beer tasting at Goodbar (the Mr. Goodbar Good Beer club) was last week- the second wed of the month. So between the second wed at goodbar, and the last wed at shango- one of these days we should be able to get our beer on.

And it seems like cecelia's is THE place to be monday nights, is this true?

And don't forget cinco de mayo. I think a full-on peepfest is in order. Cinco d:e-mayo, something like that. ;)

Ok, one more thing. My dad just emailed me this video of the "Old Jamestown Bridge" in RI being 'sploded. It's been out of use for years, but RI couldn't get their ass together to tear it down, so they finally got this big production in order, and blew it up today. But better than seeing it explode, is hearing the kids (and adults) laugh their heads off. Gather: 0603805001145488275

Ok- another update. New song- Ben Folds covering the Flaming Lips' "she don't use jelly", from the Lounge-a-palooza album. @zobar #37