Sigh... Hi peeps.

Wish I had stayed longer last night- but it was really good to see you for the few minutes that I was there.

Today is just a weird, melancholy day for some reason. Bleh. i don't mean to whine, but... oh well.

I think I hate new year's.

But it's my own fault.

Every single year I get my hopes up that it's going to be this big amazing night... and it never is... and then I'm sad about it. Last night was the same, and then some. (although last year, being at PMT's with Dan (and all of you) was probably the best new year's I'd had in years- so thanks. :))

First of all, I worked tuesday night. When I got to work in the morning, it was warm and the roads were dry. When I left the next morning, it was a freaking blizzard, a-gain. And on my way out, I slipped on some snow someone had tracked in, and landed hard on my right knee, which was sore and bruised for the rest of the day.

Then I got all dressed up for the night, only to realize I'm fatter than I've been in a long time (ever?) which is depressing. I really mean it when I say I have to exercise more this year... wii fit is a start, we'll see if I can stick with it.

But then walking out to the car, in ridiculous heels, on ice, I fell again, and smashed up my OTHER knee- and this one was bleeding. But we were already late for dinner, so I couldn't do anything about it. Just went out with a bloody knee and a hole in my stockings. (picking the panty hose out of the scab hours later when I went to bed... yeah that was awesome.)

But then the highlight of the night... went to O for dinner. My date's-friend's-brother is the chef there.... so I guess they always go, and he just sends food out... We never ordered anything, they just kept bringing stuff. wow, it was great. I think there were eight courses, but we had to leave before dessert. We had-
Crab bisque with truffle oil and sour cream
tons of sushi/sashimi
Tempura scallops with some wasabi cream sauce
steamed clams served in a curry broth
then the entrees-
some delicious beef (tenderloin?) cooked good and rare, with blue cheese
lobsters served with sweet chili sauce
and braised short ribs that just melted off the bone and were delicious.

And sake/wine/drinks too.

And that's where we had to leave- I hear dessert was something like jasmine-ginger creme brulee and tempura cheesecake. OMG.

So THAT was definitely awesome. And I met some new people, it was fun. And fun to be out all dressed up, even if I felt like a little old lady walking all hunched over trying to navigate the parking lot in the ice... I wished I had a walker.

But then we went to the Ice Ball, which I have to say was a huge disappointment. Which is a bummer, because I was really hoping it would be fun. maybe it would have been more fun if we got there earlier, but as it was we got there at like 11:15. Managed to check our coats and one glass of wine, and find TWO of the friends we were supposed to meet there- was expecting to see more.

Now, I didn't wear a watch, b/c it didn't match my outfit. I figured I had my phone if I needed it, and that at a party of 500 people, I figured I could trust them to remind us when it was almost midnight. So they had passed out noisemakers etc and we were milling around... the DJ was playing Living on a Prayer and so OF COURSE everyone was singing along. [side rant- did I miss the day in school where everyone in the country was taught that you MUST love that song, and that if you don't you are un-american? I just don't get it. I actually kind of hate Bon Jovi. There you go. I said it.]
Anyway, so the crappy song was over, and my phone beeped, I had a text. it said happy new year. I looked, it was 12:03.

Way to MISS MIDNIGHT, idiot DJ!!

there was never any countdown, any ball drop, any auld lang syne, any toast, any kiss, any "happy new year" proclamation.... bon jovi just ended and it was like "oh... i gues it's new years. ok."

So, that was just kind of weird. We never saw the "unlimited food, and champagne toast" that was supposed to be part of the deal, so... we left, pretty unsatisfied and wondering where our $50 had gone. And I was a little sad because I was hoping to hear from a few people at midnight, and did not. :(

oh, but on the way out, I saw a friend from work. When we'd first gotten there, we saw her and some other people from the hospital. On the way out, just the one girl. She said "oh did you miss the fight?" Um, yes we did.

So... I guess this guy likes this girl. But she's not interested in him, and has told him that. Well, I guess he was drunk, and saw her talking to some guy and got jealous or something, and punched the guy. Who I guess punched back. I just heard that someone was bleeding and they went to the ER.

Well I learned this morning- the guy went to the ER, then to the ICU, then to the OR for emergency surgery because he RUPTURED HIS EYEBALL. Holy crap!!

Anyway, so then we stopped by the 24... and I would have liked to stay longer but my date was waiting in the car with the engine running and didn't want to come in. :(

We went to another little house party, and then all of the sudden I hit the wall and had to go to bed. Was home around 4, and today i feel like I've been hit by a truck. My whole body is just sore. And mentally I just feel disconnected and off.

But this morning, went to brunch at date's-friend's-brother's (the chef) house- we had mimosas, fruit (fresh pineapple... mmmmmmmm...), Raisin challah bread french toast served with coconut banana sauce, and some delicious savory spicy scrambled egg dish.... wow.

And now I'm home. Haven't done anything productive all day. I just keep looking at the mess and wondering where to start, and going back to the couch. My house is a disaster, I need to take my tree down now I guess, I'm hurting physically and emotionally, I need to study, I'm feeling fat and gross and down on myself... bleh. I think it's time for a long hot bath and a DVD and early to bed.

tomorrow's a new day.... I can do all my chores this weekend, right?

Well, once again my life is drama. Sigh. Stupid effing boys.

But for now...

Ok, so I finally bit the bullet and broke up with the new boy.
I feel horrible about it. But it had to be done. The timing is shitty, but I decided that it would be worse to spend christmas with him and his family and put on a false front and THEN drop the axe.

He's given me a little attitude (like when I gave him his christmas present, he said "what's this? a breakup gift? 'now take this and get out'?"). But overall he seems to be handling it ok- already has some chick on facebook chasing him, and I think has a date tonight- or at least is making it seem that way.

But the weird part... within an hour of that, my phone rang. It was Dan. I did not answer. He left a really nice message about how just wanted to check in and make sure I was doing OK with the snow and wasn't snowed in or anything. The timing was just so weird. I was like "OMG he knows"- but there's NO WAY he could have known.

In any case, it's nice to know he thinks of me still. :)

Then this morning I went to work... first day back at ECMC, blech.

But so it's a whole new batch of patients and I have to get to know them. We walked into one guy's room... 30something.... Came in as a John Doe... riding his bike a few weeks ago, and was hit by a car. Bad head injury. He's not braindead or in a coma or anything- like he may look at you if you talk to him, he may wiggle his toes if you ask him to- but there's no glimmer of recognition... he can't talk... can't feed himself... it's really really sad. And far too common. :(

But what makes it even more sad... He has an unusual last name. And I know one other person with that last name. And she's about his age. And she has a little baby. I just thought 'oh god, I hope this is not her husband". And I looked around the room for requisite family photos... and there's a pic of a baby that looks like this girl's baby... but then again, all babies sort of look alike... So when I got home I sent her a message.... turns out it's her brother.

I mean it's always sad, but somehow it's just that much more tragic when I have a personal connection to the patient- even if it's really indirect. So who knows... sometimes these patients make amazing recoveries. But... a lot of times they do not. :(

But on a cheerier note, I'll end with a few pix....




My little tree... in varying degrees of photo quality, and varying light conditions. :) It makes me happy.



My street, as I came home from work yesterday morning. AWESOME plow job, no?

A few Santa Pub Crawl pix...

SHOTS!




(my bus boyfriend on the right. Not sure who he's cheating on me with in that pic. ;) )




And saving the best for last, a few new baby pix. :)

Has anyone heard anything about secret santa? did I miss it?

AHEM AHEM IMK! ;)

Ok, I'm afraid this is a stupid question, but...

I want to print something, and it says to do so, I need to have a printer that can print 600dpi, and that is PostScript compatible.

My dumb question- how do I know if my printer does postscript? I don't even really know what it is... do I use it every day and not know it? Or is it some crazy high end graphic design stuff, and if I had it I'd know it?

Thanks!

Wow, last night was the most fun I've had in so long... Too bad now i'm kind of hungover. And today I *must* get my christmas tree.

So first, there was lunch at Panos (see previous post) [waiter has not called yet, btw]. Then I talked to Dan, for the first time in over a month- it was his bday. Had a nice chat. But, then he ignored my texts after that, so I guess we're back to not talking.

But so then D and I went to Coles. My ex, M, was doing his Santa Pub Crawl. A thing they've been doing for 5 years, for charity. Their first stop was coles, then cozumel. I figured we'd swing by and say hi at coles, have a beer or two, and that would be it.

Well OMG it was great. M was really hilarious and fun- more so than when were together, heh. D was ridiculous as always- for example, when the santas would ask here what she wanted for christmas, she would say 'penis'. Or when one guy asked us why we were there- she said "to find true love. Or maybe intercourse. Or maybe just getting groped in the bathroom. Something like that." The thing is, she's really not a total slut or anything, even though this makes it sound like she is. She totally doesn't pick up random guys. She just talks a lot.

We got totally adopted by the Santas, and were their little groupies. M had told me to bring mistletoe, and I had this funny little mistletoe headband I got years ago and had never opened... well that was a big hit. We even got invited on their bus. When we got on the bus everyone hooted and hollered. So, we went on a pub crawl with 57 santas. And we were like the only girls. they loved us. We felt like celebrities or something. I have not gotten so much attention in a looooong time. One guy thought I was 23. HA!

After Coles we went to cozumel. One particularly drunk santa seemed to get all upset that D was wearing the mistletoe (we took turns) and said something to us, and she responded, and he said something like 'um do you think I was talking to YOU? I was talking to the girl whose mistletoe you stole" or something mean like that. Ass. Later she cheered for the sabres, and he accused her of not being a real fan, and she was like 'um, I have a sabres tattoo' and he's like 'no you don't' so she's like 'um, ok, wanna see?' and he's like NO and she's like 'don't worry it's just on my foot', so she takes off her shoe and sticks her foot in his face. Everyone loves it and starts taking pictures.

Then on the bus to the next stop she sat with him, and I guess they worked things out b/c by the end of the night they were making out. HA! Some guy ended up sitting next to me on the bus... he asked how I knew about it, and I said I know M, and he goes "oh THAT guy? he's a loudmouth." Later I said we dated and he was embarrassed and was like "well, he IS a loudmouth. he's bigger than me, but I could take him." He found out what I do, and was like "you're a doctor? omg did you meet eric? do you want to date a 34 year old who sells IT equipment and bartends at cozumel and is pretty good in the sack?" First I thought that was Eric, but it was him. so he was my Bus Boyfriend for the rest of the night. He was pretty cute. And pretty drunk.

Then we went to Lafayette tap room. Then 67 west. Then ended at SoHo. By the time we got to Soho, everyone was pretty drunk. M was still being friendly and flirty and dancing with me. Sucked my face off a few times too, which was fun, but wrong, since he's engaged. But at one point he was like "this is so fun! How come we never did this when we were together!" and he also said 'you know I love you, right? you're great. You'll always go down as one of the good ones.' Which was nice to hear, b/c our breakup was kind of ugly. Actually, I think that's right about when I joined here, and I think a lot of my early posts are crying about him. It was also kind of funny b/c no one knew I was his ex, but he's one of the 'original' santas from the first year, so he's kind of like the boss or something, so I felt all VIP for getting attention from him all night. he would make sure we got seats on the bus and always had drinks etc.

Then a bunch of the Sabres showed up. D was beside herself. Got her picture taken with Gaustad. Asked Miller, but he said no.

Finally it was about time to head home. Went to say goodbye to bus boyfriend, who gave me his number and said "i've always wanted to fuck a surgeon". awww, how romantic. he actually texted later, for me to meet him at Nektar. I did not go. I was asleep.

But wow... seriously the most fun I've had in a long long time. And the whole night cost me: $10 in cab fare home.

These are my only pix and they're awful. Hopefully some more will materialize, b/c I know I posed for a bunch. One is M in his beard, the other is a bus full of santas. You can kind of see the row of hats.

nt...

First- thanks for the advice. I know you're all right. I know how I would want to be treated, b/c I know how much it all hurts. It just sucks, any way about it.

But, a totally new story.

So... my girlfriend S is in town for the weekend. So she and another friend (D) and I went to Panos for lunch. Ok, now- D is ridiculous. Hysterical, and I love her. I felt a little badly for the tables around us, b/c phrases like "omg what a pirate hooker vagina face" were being issued rather loudly. At one point she was debating whether or not she is slutty, and said something about "I guess I just love weiners". Right then, the waiter came to the table. We were laughing, and he was confused. She said "oh nothing.... I just love cock."
This was after, when he first came by and took our orders and asked what he could get for us, she said "a boyfriend who's not a douche?" It was the kind of thing I could never do b/c I'd be mortified, but somehow she could pull it off.

She ended up leaving him her number on the check- but in her usual fashion couldn't just leave her number.

She wrote:
Hi, I'm D. I promise I'm not totally crazy. xxx-xxxx"
Then she added "I love cock"
Then she wrote "I'm totally kidding"
Then she wrote "sort of"
Then she wrote "do me"

hahaha, i'm curious to see if this guy actually calls her.

The ridiculous part of it all is that I don't think she was even trying to flirt with him, or pick him up. She just has crazy inappropriate verbal diarrhea. And lacks a filter.

So...
I have to give my Grand Rounds presentation tomorrow.
It's kind of a big deal. But only kind of. I.e., it's required that we DO it, but there is no requirement that it be GOOD. But... you're up there in front of the whole dept- would rather not look like an ass.
I've know about it for like a year. Of course, I started it.... saturday? Supposed to be an hour long powerpoint. Or 45 min with questions.

But my topic sucks.
My topic is "fecal occult blood- assessment and management"

Yeah.
Hot.

So, I thought I was done. Had a spiffy powerpoint... did a practice run- 19 min. CRAP.

So now i'm working on padding it with garbage.

God I can't wait for this to be over!

And my work xmas party is tonight, and I'll have to miss it.

Bummer.

My niece is so freaking cute. I love the fuzzy hair!






















And the best of all...