"Grey's Anatomy" written by Jenks on estrip.org

09/29/06 01:33 - 52ºF - ID#23957

Grey's Anatomy

Ok, since everyone likes to ask if my life is like Grey's Anatomy-
The answer is yes and no.
"No" to the parts about- sleeping with attendings/patients. Sex in storerooms (I WISH!). Underwear on the bulletin board.
"yes" to dealing with egos, crazy patients/co-workers, drama, and shitty hours.

But the best part ever was when they were talking about izzie being all fucked up and lying on the floor in her dress, and they tried to explain that after being in school for so long and never really getting to have a life- it's like she's still (socially) 17.

So fucking true.

And that is my excuse from now on.

I'm still 17.

---

The funny thing is- the character on the show that is the closest to my actual job is Bailey.

Which just cracks me up.

That is who I am supposed to be.

The mean bitchy "nazi" chief, barking orders and yelling at people.

I should take lessons from her.

Instead I am meek and mild and let my interns walk all over me.

For example- last night I was on call. My intern was this girl... I think she's older than me. She's going into anesthesia, and doesn't really care about surgery. But there are two patients on my team having surgery today. So yesterday I asked her to make sure that they are ready.
That involves:
nothing to eat after midnight
IV fluids after midnight
Make sure the consent is signed
make sure the pre-op labs are normal
check a chest xray
check the ekg
Then write a note in the chart summarizing all of the above.

This is standard intern fare. Saying "make sure those patients are pre-opped" should be adequate.

But she... how do I put this... isn't always the most reliable. So I paged her to make sure everything was under control. At like 5pm. She said "yup, it's all set. Just waiting on the chest xrays and ekgs, and I'll check labs in the morning."

Umm, ok, not sure what's actually done then.

I said "let's check the labs tonight, in case anything is abnormal and we need to work on it."
"ohhh. ok."

But it was early, she had plenty of time.

The rest of the night was pretty quiet.

I checked the labs myself.

This morning on rounds checked the charts.
No comments about the chest xrays.
So I asked her-
"how were those chest xrays?"
And she said 'oh... I didn't get a chance to look at them."

Didn't get a chance?
what the fuck were you doing all night?

I* was busy in the ER seeing patients, but I just took care of that myself and with the junior resident, didn't bother her- figured we could handle it ourselves and she probably had enough work of her own to do. (for the record, that was nice of me. I could have just said "I don't CARE if you're busy. I am the chief. Go see these patients in the ER, write them up, come up with a plan, and then call me." But no. I tried to be nice.

So when she told me that she "didn't have a chance" to see the xrays, after I specifically shielded her from the ER all night, I could/should have said "why not? that's unacceptable. When I ask you to do these things, I need to know they'll get done. I have to be able to depend on you."

(a chief told me that and made my cry my first month of internship after a patient forget to take his meds and it was somehow my fault because I didn't call him at home the night before surgery to remind him (a grown man) to take the medication like we'd talked about in clinic, and written down on paper)

Instead I just said "oh... ok...." and walked away, fuming.

WTF.

Because the thing is- it's ultimately MY responsibility, and MY ass on the line if these things don't get done.

I think I will have a new motto:
WWBD.
What would bailey do?

I need to start cracking the whip!!

oops.
sorry for the rant.
again.

time for a nap so I am nice and un-cranky for y'all tomorrow!

Permalink: Grey_s_Anatomy.html
Words: 710
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/28/06 09:01 - 51ºF - ID#23956

rare political rant

Ok, I tend to avoid discussing politics, but I just saw this next to the elevator. I have no idea who wrote it or who posted it, (though the usual flyers are ads for "save little johnny" fundraisers/chinese auctions (I still don't know what a chinese auction is), overnight shopping trips to NYC, and gospel/urban community events (for lack of a better term)) but it pissed me off and I took it down.

This one says:

MEDICAID CUTS ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!

John Faso and Tom Suozzi are running for Governor of New York State and they both say Medicaid is an expensive program that NY can not afford. They feel we need "health care savings accounts". Health care savings accounts are money we are supposed to save out of our money. Are these two idiots? Most of us can not afford the co pays for our prescriptions. Most of us are scrimping by and they want us to get blood out of a rock. health care is a necessity not a luxury. After all politicians have the best healthcare and we pay for it. We must be heard, Medicaid should be preserved not cut. Thel imits should be raised so more people can qualify. We should have universal healthcare. Every man, women [sic] and child would have health insurance coverage. Make sure you are registered to vote. Write letters to the Buffalo News and politicians. Let them know no more cuts. Tell them Medicaid preservation must be at the top of their list.
Call: [list of reps]
Tell them no cuts to Medicaid. Once MEDCAID [sic] is gone it will be gone. Can you afford to pay for your own healthcare? Most of us can not. Please make the calls and write the letters and vote.

The election is right around the corner and they want your vote. They work for us and they need to start acting like it. Let them know we count. Also remember to let them know we can not afford so called health care savings accounts. MEDICAID MATTERS. We matter and we need to stay healthy!

I don't even know where to start. First of all, I applaud whoever wrote this for being an involved citizen and taking action. It's better than being apathetic (like I am). So that's good.
But... I just hate the fact that no one seems to want to take responsibility for anything.
Yes, health care is expensive. It's a crisis in this country. I understand it's hard to pay for meds. And medicaid IS an expensive program. But there's also something called personal responsibility and accountability. No such thing as a free lunch. Work for what you want. etc etc etc. I just don't get this attitude- "what?! PAY (part of) the cost of my meds?! Outrageous! how dare anyone suggest that!" I disagree that "health care is a right not a luxury". Don't get me wrong- I don't think you should be turned away from the ER b/c of insurance/money/lack thereof. BUT I also don't think it's unreasonable to be asked to pay a little something. Especially when it's a totally frivolous ER visit, as many of them are. Like calling the ambulance because you're drunk and hungry, then saying 'um... my leg hurts I think it's broken' (so the docs are obligated to check you out and get xrays) 'ok can I have a sandwich now?' (No, I am not exaggerating). Racking up a $1000 (at least, probably 10,000) ER bill, in order to get a "free" sandwich. Yeah, that's an efficient use of health care dollars.
People act like medical bills are just garbage and they can ignore them. Why is that?? You get yourself shot and are in the ICU for 2 months and have a 2 million dollar bill... obviously you can't pay it, I understand that, but who is supposed to? I just wish people would make a good faith effort. "Ok, I obviously can't afford 2 million, but here's the $10 I can afford."
I just don't understand why everyone thinks all their meds/surgery/etc should be free. Who do they think SHOULD pay for all this?

sorry for ranting, but this has always pissed me off.

In med school I spent some time working at Charity Hospital in New Orleans (RIP!). It was, as you might guess, a county hospital that served mostly the indigent population. Yet they still had a plastic surgery clinic. I never understood that. So we'd see all these people... and one of the most requested procedures was breast reduction. Now, breast reduction is considered a cosmetic procedure, and this is NOT covered by insurance, most of the time. BUT, if you meet certain weight/height/breast size criteria, sometimes it is considered "medically necessary". So when these giant obese women came in asking for their free breast reduction, the first thing we would do is check their height/weight on a chart and see if they qualify. So one day I had to tell this woman that she had to lose 50lb to qualify. (and these are NOT very strict weight guidlines- you do not have to be a stick. But 5'1 300lb doesn't cut it.) So she got ALL pissed. And yelled at me "so what are you saying? there's no way i can have this surgery?" And I said "well, like I said if you lose some weight we'll re-evaluate you. or of course if you are willing to pay for it." My god I thought she was going to slap me. How DARE I suggest that my tax dollars not pay for her cosmetic surgery.

Or a few months ago I was looking at the OR schedule at ECMC... and I saw I was assigned to a little case in the procedure room. "excision of skin lesion". That often means skin cancers. So I go to meet the patient... he's a prisoner. Ok, fine, ECMC is where the prisoners go. So I go to check out his 'lesion'- it's a very NON-suspicious looking mole on his nose. NOT worrisome for cancer. But on his face. And he didn't like the way it looked. so we removed it.

EXCUSE ME? Now prisoners get free cosmetic surgery?

My other favorite is when you see a patient in follow up and ask them if they took the medication you prescribed... say, an antibiotic to try to keep their infected toe (due to diabetes/obesity/smoking) from falling off- and they say no, they didn't, because they couldn't afford it. Yet somehow they could afford 2 6-packs a week and 2 packs a day. oh, and could we give them some "free samples" of that, what's it called, lortab? Because they're "allergic" to tylenol and ibuprofen.

Ok, and while I'm ranting...

I saw something on CNN tonight- Bush has proposed a "north american union"- combining the US/Canada/Mexico??? Huh???

And then this one- the ACLU is asking Rhode Island to just "not enforce" immigration laws. Saying it's not fair to send illegal immigrants home. Umm, aren't they called ILLEGAL immigrants for a reason?

haha, see, that is why I don't talk politics much. my views are often too far to the right and I get labelled a rich bitch who doesn't care about the poor.

Which is not true.

But I just hate when people think they are entitled to everything.

So go ahead... flame away...

-J

jenks writes at 12:56:07 09/30/06 - Comment #11792: Josh- I agree.

Peter- You're dead on. Sure, I think I deserve to be paid and I want to make a living- but at the same time I think the point of medicine is to take care of people- not to line pockets. Seeing hospitals ADVERTISE on billboards makes me ill. And yes, the drug companies piss me off. Yes, it's expensive to make a drug, and like josh said most of the expense is the R&D etc. But at the same time- maybe if the drug reps didn't take us for dinner at the chop house all the time, they could charge a little less for the drugs. However a lot of the big companies have low-income assistance programs, where people can get drugs for free- which is great- but it's a lot of paperwork and a hassle, which keeps people from using it as often as they probably should.
And don't get me started on insurance companies. The fact that some guy in an office decides what care is appropriate and will be covered, and what won't be covered, is ludicrous. I'm not an idiot. There is a lot of money in medicine, and I'm not going to pretend that I don't know doctors are paid well. (my only counter to that is that we work our asses off, "sacrifice" the "prime years of our lives" to miserable residency, and generally have >150K in loans to pay off.) But my point is- I think that if anyone in medicine deserves to make a little money- it's the people that provide the care. The doctors, nurses, lab/xray people, etc. NOT the fucking CEO of blue cross.
Yes, medicare/medicaid are all fucked up. Not denying that. I guess the point of the original post is just that it bugs me when people seem to think that health care should just be free. Right or wrong, it's expensive. and SOMEONE has to pay for it. I don't think it's unreasonable for the recipient of said care to be responsible for at least part of the cost. That's all I'm saying. Yes we need ways to help people who can't pay, etc etc. We need massive insurance reform.
and one last thing- after doing this for a few years, and seeing how smoking/obesity (and thus diabetes) are pretty much directly responsible for the VAST majority of illness in this country- I am vehemently anti-smoking. If people, knowing full well how dangerous it is, still choose to smoke- I have no problem with them paying more for insurance. A lot of plastic surgeons I know won't operate on smokers, because it impairs wound healing so much.

ok, enough talking shop!

See you all tonight!

metalpeter writes at 11:26:46 09/30/06 - Comment #11790: First of all it is nice to see you go On a political rant. I do agree with you that there is a lot of abuse and that people do need to be more self responable.

That being said I do think that the current Medicade system is verry flawed and does need some fixing but how to do that I really don't know. (what I'm about to say isn't dirrected at you personaly or at other doctors so don't take it personaly). I think the real problem is pharmasudical companies and Hospitals are big business. There goal one is money and share holders. Yes they are in the people helping buisiness but profits should be secondary to helping people. If you belive the old myths in the old days doctors would find out what was wrong then send you to a drugest with a prescript that they knew. There is nothing wrong with that (assuming you really need care). I not just picking on the medical business I'm picking on all big business. You know companies that fire people and lay them off but then the bosses get bonuses. Health insurance is getting the same way. You know there are some insurances that won't cover if you are a smoker or if you are the prices per month go up, because you are a greater risk. Sometimes if you have a condition that predates your insurance they won't cover it. Sometimes that is true of a job injury. Say I destroy my shoulder sking and have some laging problems but I'm able to work. I re injur that shoulder at work. "Sorry you get no workers comp cause it was pre what ever condition it is called". Why because they only care about the money and not people.

joshua writes at 03:38:13 09/29/06 - Comment #11771: PS - I feel badly for whoever wrote that, and for particular individuals who can't (or won't) pay for their own healthcare, but this goes back to the free lunch argument. Also NYS has programs that assist the elderly and kids with prescription drugs and healthcare that are not related to Medicaid.

joshua writes at 03:32:32 09/29/06 - Comment #11770: The problem with Medicaid right now is that the state is mandating certain medical benefits then asking localities to pay for it. Its bankrupting our region.

Another thing that people fail to understand when they are talking about the big, bad drug companies is a) the sheer amount of money that is required to develop a new drug, and b) drug companies aren't soup kitchens... this isn't meant to be a not-for-profit business. The bottom line is, if the drug companies can't at least recoup the money they spend developing the drugs then the alternative is that the drugs will not be developed at all. So which would you like?

I can't imagine what kind of throwaway studies that are out there that rank our quality of health care dead last. That is complete and utter nonsense. The quality of healthcare that we have is by far the most superior on the planet - the question is NOT about whether or not our healthcare is the best, but who has access to it... which has been a source of bitterness and the inspiration for these throwaway studies.

Our neighbors to the north have broader access to health care, but often times they cross the border and use our health care because they cannot wait 6 weeks for a pregnant lady to get a checkup, for example. For that, they get double dip taxation aka the VAT, 45% income taxation, etc. - the things that Americans would never tolerate. We will not have socialized medicine anytime soon.

jason writes at 12:33:07 09/29/06 - Comment #11765: One of my favorite health care moments was when I went to BGH for alcohol counseling.

Someone there wanted to know how they could get their medications if they don't have a car, or don't have money to get a cab or a bus. There were some people with real issues there, making mine look hella minor.

The lead counselor in our group meeting actually suggested outright fraud and abuse of the system by suggesting they call for an ambulance, who would most certainly come and get them. This, rather than simply offering bus tokens?

jenks writes at 10:02:28 09/29/06 - Comment #11761: re:sweden- I can't remember where I heard that. It was stated as very matter-of-fact at work one day. And maybe it wasn't sweden, but it was a country that surprised me. Maybe even england? And I mis-spoke. It's not that you can't see a doc after 80 (maybe it's 85)- but it's that you're not eligible for some extreme measures. It's their way of conserving resources. Vs here, where we have some 105 year old guy with 20 tumors who is moribund- but the family says "do everything" so we do- millions of dollars worth of care- and the guy still dies in a few days. In sweden (or whatever country I'm thinking of) apparently they just say "no. he's 105. he can have medicine and antibiotics etc- but he can not have a heart transplant. we save those for people with a chance of survival". That's a little frustrating for me. We're not "allowed" to say no. All we can do is present options to the patient/family. We can say "this costs a bazillion dollars and there is only a 0.00001% chance it will work. We don't recommend it." And the family says "but it's grandpa! do it!" And our hands are tied, and we pretty much have to. It's all medico-legal, cover-your-ass medicine. Docs aren't willing to take a stand b/c the chance of getting (frivolously) sued is too high. Talk about waste of resources... not that a life isn't valuable, but unfortunately "money doesn't grow on trees" and we are already in crisis, and need to be making it better, not worse.

and as far as supply/demand for docs- is there really a physician shortage, first of all? Or is it geographic? e.g. too many in NYC, but not enough in rural wyoming? I think the bottom line is that medical education/training is not cheap. It costs a lot to make a doc.

ajay writes at 12:51:06 09/29/06 - Comment #11758: (e:Jenks), I _really_ doubt that Sweden would cut off access to doctors at 80. I've looked around and couldn't find any reference to that.

You can find numerous studies which show that the US ranks just about dead last in the list of OECD countries in terms of quality of healthcare (OECD being the "developed" countries). By all measures (life expectancy, infant mortality, etc.) US is near the bottom.

And this is despite the fact that per-capita spending on healthcare is TWICE that of most other countries.

Regarding AMA/ACGME: what I had read was that the ACGME (and not AMA, as you rightly pointed out) restricts the admissions, for various reasons. It's a shame that a severe physician shortage exists. One would think that the law of supply and demand would have evened things out?

paul writes at 11:32:06 09/28/06 - Comment #11756: I think that some health care should be state sponsored and I am more than willing to pay a lot of taxes for those services if it helps people that otherwise cannot afford it. However, I do recognize the the abuse and that some people will never learn to become independent citizens unless they have to take care of themselves.

But consider someone who has cancer but not health care insurance yet works 40 hours a week to make less than $300 /week. So then you subtract food, and housing and you are left with just about no money. How does that person go ahead and pay the 100,000 they owe for chemo and treatment and also still live life a bit.

I realize there are plenty of people that abuse this system but if we privatize it all the smart people with jobs and everything are going to be the only people left health insurance. I am not sure most of the underpriveleged people are at fault with their circumstances. We still have to consider all of the advantages that we were given as children, which helped us to develop into the self-sufficient people that we are.

My biggest problem with it is how much everything costs. Like my lame ass physical that cost a whole bunch of money for the doctor to barely look me over.

Or when (e:matthew) cut his finger and got stitches they were $900 in cost but about $9 in quality. We had a retard blond bimbo intern who had to sew it multiple times. Now his finger is so fucked up. We just didn't pay for it and not because I couldn't afford it but because it was done so poorly. I could have done a better job with thread at home and next time if something like happens maybe we will just do it ourselves.

jenks writes at 11:16:44 09/28/06 - Comment #11755: uhoh, a comment-debate with Ajay?! I feel like a Larson! ;)

But briefly:
I am not at all arguing that health care is not fucked up in this country. And no, i don't have an easy solution. If there was one, I'm not sure we'd be in the mess we are. And the idea of a 'universal' health care system is nice- but the ones everyone cites as example (canada) are not all so great either- waiting 2 months for a CT scan, etc. Or in I think it's sweden (but I could be wrong) where once you hit 80 or so you just don't get to see a doc anymore...
So yes, meds are too expensive and I don't argue that, but it's not so much my point.
I am not going indulgle in conspiracy theorism about the pharm industry vs. gov't witholding "the cure for diabetes" to make a buck etc.
And as fas as the AMA restricting the # of docs- where does that come from?! I've never heard that before, and certainly hope it's not true. I've never seen that claim before so I have no way to support/refute it.

As far as I know, the # of docs has to do with the number of people in the med school classes each year, and the number of residency positions available to train them- which (I believe) is regulated by the ACGME (american council on graduate medical education)- which i believe is a gov't org- and has nothing to do with the AMA- which is (it is my understanding) largely an "activist" group- albeit powerful.

Yes, simple primary care needs to be accessible and affordable. But people also need to not expect the gov't to just give them everything for free since it's a "right".

Ok, so much for briefly.

mrmike writes at 10:43:09 09/28/06 - Comment #11754: I dunno. I get frustrated with a system that denotes the other side must immediately be wrong simply because they are the other side. As a left leaning Democrat, I'm fully aware that there are smart conservative republicans. Trouble is we're all get drowned out by the yahoos like Hannity and Colmes.

I agree with you on a number of levels and I agree with some of what Ajay is saying.

That is already starting to make my head hurt, so I'm getting a drink

carolinian writes at 10:22:44 09/28/06 - Comment #11753: My definition of die-hard liberal is "one who believes that any suffering anywhere is entirely due to some evil system that serves the rich and powerful, and is never due to personal choices or failure to take responsibility for one's actions."

My definition of die-hard conservative is "one who believes that any suffering anywhere is entirely due to personal choices and failure to take responsibility for one's actions, and is never due to any established bureaucratic system favoring the rich and powerful and politically well-connected."

The problem with being a centrist such as yourself is that you are always "way to the left" or "way to the right" of someone, so you're always on somebody's shit list.

ajay writes at 10:20:33 09/28/06 - Comment #11752: You do have some valid points. Maybe this calls for a more extensive discussion.

But keep in mind that the US is the only(?) industrialized country without some notion of "medical care for all" (I hate the term "socialized medicine", because it draws out foaming-at-the-mouth right wingnuts).
The fact is that people in the US pay more for prescription medicines than people 5 miles north of Buffalo.
The fact is that the pharmaceutical industry spends oodles of money tying the government's hands, so that government departments can't even use the free market forces to lower the cost of health insurance.
The fact is that the AMA artificially restricts the number of doctors who will be produced, thereby assuring a shortage (correct me if this is not the case).

If affordable primary care was available to people, they wouldn't have to resort to the ER every time they got a headache. We need a system where working families can get access to affordable healthcare.

Anyways: too much to argue without a beer or two. :-D

jenks writes at 09:07:58 09/28/06 - Comment #11749: doh. I [sic]d the flyer's typos, yet somehow missed about 10 of my own. Sorry for being a hypocrite. (but the post-edit button doesn't work on this computer for some reason so I can't fix it.)

Permalink: rare_political_rant.html
Words: 1241
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/28/06 07:20 - 52ºF - ID#23955

twisted logic randomness

So I still have the much-too-expensive new tivo box on the brain.
And I found out that if I WERE to get it, I'd be able to get rid of two cable boxes, in exchange for 2 tiny little cablecards. Which would actually DROP my cable bill by $20/mo. But I would lose on-demand stuff. But it would help reduce the embarrassingly over-large pile of A/V components I have by the tv. I could also probably pack up my VCR that I haven't used in 5yr.

My brain is trying to tell me that that justifies this purchase.

Why am I such a whore for cool gadgets, or as I call them, toys?

Ugh.

I think I need a no computer (or at least no internet) time-out. For like two weeks. Imagine all the stuff I could get done that I never "have time" to get around to.

What a terrible thought. I would go insane.

I am at work and bored and tired.

But that is better than at work and swamped.

13hr down, 14 to go. (ugh).

A nurse just came over and gave me a mini kit-kat. Said I looked like I needed some sugar. She must have seen me drooling on the chart I was "reading". Ok not quite, but my eyes were heavy.

PMT what do you need/want for your house? Are you kitchen-y/cook-y guys? crap.

hey i haven't changed my user song in forever. I don't even know what it is right now. maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

Ok, back to work before I bore you all to death. See you sat!

Permalink: twisted_logic_randomness.html
Words: 269
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: pix

09/24/06 08:52 - 61ºF - ID#23953

camels

My dad just sent me this pic. The black things are actually just the shadows.

Permalink: camels.html
Words: 17
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/18/06 12:02 - 75ºF - ID#23951

picture goodness

Ok, this is probably exactly the kind of thing I do NOT want circulating the internet- but somehow I can't not post it.

This is a picture of a picture that has been on a refrigerator magnet at my parents' house for probably 10 years.

Have a good laugh. :)

(the new userpic is from the fridge, too. That's at the beach, about age 4).

-J

Permalink: picture_goodness.html
Words: 64
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/17/06 11:44 - 67ºF - ID#23950

Fan mail

Since I got this anonymously, this is the only way I can respond:

"I really dislike you. You are annoying, self absorbed, and downright annoying. You aren't very pretty. You are chubby. You say "boy" far to often for a woman your age. You pretend that you are far to good for most people when really you just aren't. Good luck with all that."

I am sorry to hear you really dislike me. Can't win 'em all, right? Since I don't know who you are, I don't know if I have met you, and I can't say if I like you or not. However if you are who I think you are, and/or you think anonymous insults are an acceptable form of communication- I lean towards not liking you either. But who knows... I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; at least until I've met them and can form an opinion.

I am annoying, and downright annoying. Not sure what to say to that. I'm sorry you feel that way.

As far as being self-absorbed- please remember this is my journal. It's mine, so it's about me, and it's a journal, so it's where I bitch and say whatever I want. I actually care very much about other people- too much at times, as a matter of fact.

I'm not very pretty... well thanks. Not much I can do about that one... I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.

I'm chubby. Yes, I am. And I'm working on it. But thanks for pointing out what is probably my biggest insecurity.

I say boy too much... Gee, what a crime. If you would prefer I use his real name rather than "the boy", I'd be happy to, but I thought I'd try to keep names out of it.

And I think I'm too good for everyone... well that's simply not true. I'm proud of my accomplishments, and I do hope to eventually be with someone that I respect- But i certainly don't think I'm "too good" for everyone.

Since I'm not sure you're who I think you are, I will refrain from passing judgment publicly. I will just say 'good luck with all that' to you too.

If you would like to discuss this further, please leave a way for me to contact you, and I'll gladly do so and we can take this discussion out of the public eye.

jenks writes at 05:24:23 09/18/06 - Comment #11543: Oh yeah, and he would sooner die than write "to often" "to good" and "arent"- which is part of what I liked so much in him. haha.

jenks writes at 05:22:22 09/18/06 - Comment #11542: I doubt it's him. He couldn't be bothered even acknowledging me these days. And, it's not his writing style. I assume it's a girl b/c what guy says 'chubby'- and what guy calls a chick out for not being pretty enough and using the word 'boy' too much? I totally think it's a girl. Who or why, I don't know. I had a hunch, but I think I'm wrong. I'm sure I'll never know. And you all are right- I shouldn't have even dignified it with a response, but I am somehow incapable of letting a phone call/email/text message/IM etc go without a response. (the bad thing is I expect the same from others.)

But I didn't expect all this response, peeps! Thanks!

ajay writes at 05:07:48 09/18/06 - Comment #11540: I think (e:ladycroft) is on to something.

My money's on The Boy as the author of the note; failing that, The Boy's wife/girlfriend.

ladycroft writes at 04:50:02 09/18/06 - Comment #11538: interesting, imk2 and joshua both insinuate it is a female that wrote the post-it. is it easier to assume that kind of talk from a jealous girl rather than some asshole of a guy? just a random thought.

pyrcedgrrl writes at 10:55:25 09/17/06 - Comment #11515: I don't understand the point in posting this/responding to some moron who sends around anonymous messages. Why give them the satisfaction? They seriously don't deserve the time and effort it took you to write this.

jason writes at 05:32:28 09/17/06 - Comment #11493: Whatever, whoever wrote that to you is obviously a giant toolbox with an axe to grind. They doubtlessly have their own flaws they need to worry about instead of griefing you.

twisted writes at 02:10:45 09/17/06 - Comment #11485: Wow. That is the email of a seriously disturbed person. Or someone who is very threatened by you. You handled it better than I could have, and I consider myself pretty diplomatic.

You might consider changing your preferences to not accept anonymous messages until this thing blows over. You wouldn't be censoring yourself - just denying the anonymous a voice through your journal.

mrmike writes at 01:53:40 09/17/06 - Comment #11484: There is nothing I can say that Imk didn't say better already other than "here, Here." Good for you for taking the high road. You're a class act. There, unfortunately, are assholes everywhere. Do n't let them get to you. You're a beautiful intelligent woman who doesn't have to act above nonsense like the "guest," because you are above the guest. If he/shit/it had any integrity, they would reveal themselves to you instead of cowardly hiding behind such anonymous immaturity.
Delete em, move on

imk2 writes at 12:46:08 09/17/06 - Comment #11483: you know what jenks, i like your response. i probably would have been much nastier and harsher but one cant really do that when you dont know who it is that's insulting you. i guess the thing to realize is that anyone (you, me, bill clinton) who puts personal beliefs, opinions, views and/or talents in public view will always have those that dislike/disagree with what you do or say. this is just like our amazing video and the person who told us to jump of a bridge and join weight watchers. But the thing is, someone will always dislike you even when you dont have a public journal or when youâ€™re not in the public light. it just cant be avoided. the only difference here is that they can share their feelings toward you without revealing their identity. if you didnt have a public journal, those that did not like you would have no way of telling you that they dont like you without revealing who they are, so instead, people just talk behind your back.

this happens everyday to everyone, all the time, in one way or another. remember, we were talking about this the other day. you never know what people think about because people will usually never tell you for fear of a confrontation. thatâ€™s why the electronic world has given people who normally would hang their head low and keep their mouth shut an enormous set of balls. they finally feel like they can stand up to people or bully people or insult them without getting their ass pounded in.

so dont worry a tiny bit about this idiot. and to them yes, you may be annoying. but who cares! there are a lot of people who find you very entertaining and funny and interesting. you may be chubby, but you get to eat yummy tasty food and get to enjoy things that skinny bitches cant. i stay chubby because i am too lazy to exercise and because i would rather spend my time in other ways. those are my priorities. i'll be fat but i'll be happier this way than if i had to count calories and sweat my ass of everyday.

so my point was....eh...i dont even know what it was but you get my drift. yes there are people that dont like you. we all have to live and deal with that. you can please everyone and you cant kiss everyoneâ€™s ass. be nice to the people that are important to you, make sure they like you and stay liking you and you'll be set for life.

tell that bitch that if youre feeling generous one day, you'll be happy to cut away her roast beef when it begins to hang down to her knees and saw it back onto her mouth, so that she can see what a big, nasty, pussy she really is.

Permalink: Fan_mail.html
Words: 406
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: boring

09/16/06 12:56 - 67ºF - ID#23949

random stuff

I should write a book about the boy drama. It involves internet espionage, name-calling, vicious emails, the silent game, and mystery guests. It might be a best-seller.

Unfortunately that drama continues b/c I am an idiot and just cannot move on. I thought I was getting better, but as I proved to myself (and poor imk) last night- it is still ALL I can talk about. And as anyone who knows me knows- I can talk.

But we were also talking- where have all the peeps gone?? There are like 20 people that post regularly. I swear there used to be more. Hmmmmm.

So not all that many people post, but SOMEONE sure is reading... I have been naive enough until now to think that no one outside of this site reads my journal. I mean, why would they? And how/why would they even find it? But (e:matthew) told me once that one of his kid's mom likes my journal... And then my mystery guest found me... And then as yvonne pointed out- right now I have 224 journals. And 36,000+ views. Someone besides the 20-or-so active estrippers are reading. Hmmm...

I think I have to go to the mall. I don't want to, but my favorite (and only) jeans have a big hole in them. But, maybe I can peek at the new ipods. I am still trying to resist the call of that ridiculously overpriced new tivo box. I really think my ridiculously overpriced tv NEEDS it though....

Duh... I just had to come back to edit this, b/c I forgot the whole reason I wanted to post-

It has gotten to the point that I simply tune out all political talk. I just can't deal with it. And I'm not so into the Bush-bashing- but this video is kind of interesting. I'm not so sure there's pathology there besides getting older and being busy/distracted- but there is a big difference.
Bush: 10 yrs ago vs now:

pyrcedgrrl writes at 03:01:18 09/17/06 - Comment #11475: Remember that if you have posted any pictures they are searchable through Google photos. If one of your pictures happens to come up for a search and that person happens to click on it it may be registering as a view. I doubt anyone is interested enough in ANYONE'S journal to merit 36,000 views.

paul writes at 10:52:12 09/16/06 - Comment #11467: There are a lot of reasons. The foremost being that I never promote the site anymore now that I am so busy with other things. Anyone who gets here nowadays is purely through fate. It really needs a whole advertsing campaign and I used to do that kind of stuff a lot. Also many of the people I knew through school and we all graduated. What I really wanted was an articel somewhere about the site, the problem being also that I don't necessarily want to attract the myspace crowd, call me blogscentric.

I also think as the site became more public it scared away a lot of people who used to talk about stuff they felt open about only within this closed environment. I know I changed the way I post sometimes. Okay well not very much, but for other people it affected there writing a lot. Look at what happend with you and the dog boy. I am sure stuff like happens to lots of people and then they question they idea of maintaining the public persona or just quitting.

Still even more people don't have their own computers or steady internet connections. I can;t imagine what their lives are like.

And even more so I think it has to do with a lot of weird interpersonal things that most people don't realize. I think there is a lot of behind the scenes drama that goes on and affects people.

kookcity2000 writes at 10:05:54 09/16/06 - Comment #11465: how do you tell how many views you have?

metalpeter writes at 02:43:05 09/16/06 - Comment #11455: you have wrtiing 238 posts based on your post # or 225 actual journals that are up so when I did the math based on the 238 you had about 151 looks per journal. If you look at your own journal when not logged in you get counted, not sure how the rest of the counting really works, I'm sure (e:Paul) could explain it in great detail for yeah. What you say is correct about there being a lot of people who don't post verry often. I'm not sure why that is. I know some people don't have the time to post. I won't say the persons name but there is someones whos posts I allways read but she dosn't really post anymore. I know there are a few self professed Serial Readers who Just read the journals. I wonder if there is this outside in side circle thing going on. It almost seems like there are these small groups of people who know each other and that if not in that group it makes it hard to post. If no one knew me why would they care what I had to say about my day. Things other then my day like politics or sex might grab there interest. That might be one reason a lot of people don't post. Maybe there where people who got lost over that terms of service thing way back. Not sure just kinda guessing. I can remember when I would post and I was never close to the top 10. Now It seems I'm always in the list of the top 15. Hopefully some of the new people will continue to post. In terms of who is reading Journals I'm sure it is people other then members of the site. Who they are I have no idea, I'm guessing a good portion of them find the site searching the net for stuff.

That gives me an idea if (e:theecarey) or (e:Paul) is reading it. Maybe on the front page of the site have a survey box for how someone found the site. Those surveys could change over time.

Permalink: random_stuff.html
Words: 337
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/13/06 09:23 - 66ºF - ID#23948

day from hell

god dammit.

So I'm already in a pissy mood. And then my post got erased and there's no restore button. I fucking hate microsoft.

Work kicks my ass today. I have not eaten breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or peed. The cafeteria is now closed, and I have no small bills for the vending machines. Guess I will eat saltines and diet ginger ale for dinner. (not a bad diet, though- I have lost a few pounds already. :| )

Not to mention the fucking disaster drama in my personal life, that is making me lose sleep and have nightmares and feel sick to my stomach. I hate drama, but I seem to be a drama magnet.

I don't know what to do about it. Put up a fight? Roll over and play dead? Do what a normal person would do, say fuck it, cut my losses, and move on? It's eating me up.

And then some bitch in the ER just paged me and gave me attitude b/c she has some million year old guy that has been waiting there for 9 hours. I said "ok we'll see him as soon as we can, but we are SWAMPED." And she got pissy and said 'he's been here 9 hours." yeah that sucks, but I only heard about him 30 seconds ago. Give me a minute...

Sorry. I'm cranky.

But on a good note- I got flirted-with in the OR, I might get to be social this weekend, and the coffee machine at work is working again!

Ok, can't blow off the ER anymore...

later peeps.

-J

Permalink: day_from_hell.html
Words: 262
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/11/06 04:08 - 68ºF - ID#23946

guest comment

Just got a cryptic postit from 'guest'... about Mobius??

Anyone?

I have no clue.

Permalink: guest_comment.html
Words: 14
Location: Buffalo, NY

09/08/06 05:29 - 75ºF - ID#23944

testing, testing

Ok, so I just spent FAR to long working on this... Now to see if it will post.

And can I just say- Photoshop is NOT an intuitive program? All this crap with layers... I couldn't figure out how to do the simplest thing- put a little border/frame around it.

Oh well.

Enjoy... (and give it a second... it should change)