third post in one day. oops.

but so I just watched the preakness. I really don't care about horse racing, but whatever. I totally forgot there was a hockey game, so I turned it on in time for like the last 30seconds, and then it went into the preakness. which was surprisingly exciting. Barbaro, the huge favorite, false started. Then broke his ankle and was out of the race. Kind of stole the thunder of the winner, b/c they kept breaking away from the celebration to check on him. It was sad. My mom said "oh my god I hope they don't shoot him right on the scene! or send him to the glue factory!" They even had an equine ambulance. I guess a broken ankle is at least career-ending, possibly life-threatening, for a horse. Poor guy... he's only 3.

But it made me think- what a weird sport. First of all, I don't understand odds AT ALL, apparently. I mean I understand 10-1 odds means if you bet a dollar and your horse wins, you win 10 dollars. But Barbaro was 3-5. What the fuck does that mean? you LOSE money? Can't be. At the end (right before the start) he was "even", whatever that means.

I also wonder who takes credit for winning. I mean the horse, but what does a horse do with a million dollars. The owner? Why does he deserve it? he's just some rich guy who put up some money. (the winning horse is owned by the sheikh (sp?) of dubai. wtf?) The jockey? The trainer? I guess the owner gets the money and splits it with the trainer and the jockey. They also said the trophy is the most valuable trophy in all of sports. It's huge and fancy.

I also wonder how the horses are chosen. They make it sound like the owners just decide to put them in, but I would imagine they have to win prelims and stuff.

But anyway, the funniest thing was... There's a horse named Brother Derek. (I have a friend here named Derek). They showed footage of him, with the commentary "Brother Derek getting some action". Then it got better. They showed his jockey (named Alex) waiting to get ready for the race, and they said "there's Alex... biding time before mounting Brother Derek". hehe. And even funnier- my friend Derek has a brother- named Alex. So, he is "Alex's Brother Derek".

ok, no more posts today. I promise!

-J

Duh, how could I forget! I saw this on my way out of work this AM and had to take a pic. What the fuck is a saliva ejector? Correction, an ITALIAN saliva ejector??

Bleh.
I am totally full of self-doubt lately. Work is shitty, and I'm kind of scared about that. I'll save that lovely story for another time. Or never.

But my usual source of doubt is boys. Surprise surprise. I don't know what it is. On the one hand, I think I'm a catch and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But on the other hand, and this is probably based on crappy previous experiences, I usually can't get a guy's attention to save my life. It makes me feel totally invisible and unattractive (or fat). So this makes me totally insecure and I don't dare approach a guy. I just assume "he's way too cute to be interested in little old me." And that's a shitty feeling. I hate it. Or, as happened recently, I do manage to go on a date, have a great time, get the feeling he did too- and then he never calls. WTF.

But so there's a guy at work... He was just about the first person I met in Buffalo- he showed me around the hospital when I came to interview. He's always been cool to me. Sometimes sort of flirtatious, but in more of a friendly/coworker way. And, he was in a serious relationship (but not anymore). He calls me once in a while to go out, but usually I'm working or whatever. I've spent the night on his couch twice (and he spent the night in his bedroom). Then one time last summer after a particularly horrendous fight with the ex at thurs in the square, public crying, etc- he was there for me and told me I'm amazing and deserve better than [the ex], etc etc. So I think he's generally a good guy. (and my ex HATED him for that).

Then a few weeks ago he called me to go out, and amazingly enough I answered my phone and we chatted. He was going on about how badly he needs a girlfriend, blah blah. And later said "so... are we dating?" And since it was a ridiculous question I gave a ridiculous answer, and said "of course!".

ok you know what? this story is too long and stupid. sorry.

The bottom line is that he is flirting with me. He asked if I wanted him to come visit me at work one day. I said "for what?" and he said "whatever your luscious curves desire." Since people don't ever talk to me that way, my immediate response was "are you drunk?" and he said "no. you are a very sexy woman." And I just refused to believe him.

Yesterday was the Match for plastics. So thurs night he was nervous and wanted people to drink with him, so I did. And he said he was serious about dating. He was also drunk. And he somehow unhooked my bra in the middle of the bar. But he was also checking out every single girl that walked through the door. And then some little bimbo blondes he knew showed up, and all I could think was "that is the opposite of me, so if that's what you want... you don't want me." And I told him that.

But so now i'm wondering if I need to think about him in a different light. I just never thought about him in boyfriend terms at all. Didn't really cross my mind. Hmmmm. I wonder what will come of this.

But what prompted me to write is just the fact that a guy calls me "luscious" and my gut instinct is that he's drunk and/or making fun of me. And that is fucked up. And it bothers me. I wish I knew how to boost my self-confidence.

But here's one cheery thing: I got a very cute little teensy tiny dwarf frog for my fishtank. he's very cute. I just hope the other fish don't eat him.

-J

p.s. new user song. "Rhode Island is Famous for You" as done by Blossom Dearie. How could I resist?!

So, I apologize for all the negativity lately... But with that said, I will continue. (somehow I don't get all worked up about good stuff, just stuff that pisses me off, lately.)

I wish there were more people around that liked their job and took pride in doing it well. I am sick of being around incompetent bitchy people. For example... I just went to get lunch. I stood at the register for a good minute before the cashier put down her word jumble book and, with a big sigh, dragged her ass over to the register. She rung me up, and said "2.59". I fished through my change, and said "here, I have 2.57". I got a blank stare. I said "the penny cup?". She said "I don't got no pennies." I said "well I left 4 down here this morning when I got coffee." Blank stare. So I broke a fucking $20 for 2 pennies. I hate pennies. They should be taken out of circulation.

Next, I hate Work Enemy #1. (as opposed to Work Crush(es) 1/2/3.) Also known as Shrek, or Big Stinky. This poor guy... I mean he's fucking ugly to start, but I guess that's not his fault. He also stinks. Also maybe not his fault (but he could try to do something about it). And I think he has some underlying anxiety disorder or something- he's always sweating and nervous. In any case, the guy is getting fired, and he is just losing his shit. All he does now is pace around, muttering, swearing, sweating, stinking, kicking things, chewing tobacco, and talking to himself/noone. It's gotten to the point that if we walk into a room and he's there, we just turn right around and walk out, no matter how badly we need to use the phone/computer/chair/toilet in that room. You have to, or you get trapped talking to him. I have had to just stand up and walk out on him mid-sentence lately. I cannot be a part of his meltdown. I mean I feel bad for the guy, but more than that I feel nauseated.

And finally- I am sick of crappy nurses. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate and respect nurses. At least, the good ones. I couldn't do what they do. It's the fat lazy union nurses that have been here 20 years, make 6 figures and work 3 days a week, and don't want to do any real work that bug me. One time I guess some doc wrote an order in a chart that said "please check CBC stat, and page xxxx with results. Thank you." And I saw the nurse taking the order of the chart, and she actually laughed and said "yeah right. Like i'm going to page the resident. he can check it his own damn self." One of my co-residents almost got fired last year because he got into it with a nurse. She was refusing to carry out what he ordered, and he lost his temper and said "listen! I fly the plane, you serve the drinks!!" Ooh boy he was written up so fast his head was spinning. But so what made me think of this... I was just kicked out of the cafeteria since it's Nurses' Week. The door was wide open, there was no "room reserved" sign, and only a few people around. so I sat down and was eating. People started trickling in. They set up all this soda and cookies. (and people were practically standing guard to make sure I didn't eat a cookie meant for a nurse.) Finally I was getting so many dirty looks, I left. Now, Nurses' Week is all fine and good. Nurses work hard, they deserve recognition, that's fine. But nurses' week practically shuts down the hospital. They have to do everything 3 times, so the day/evening/night shifts all get a share. And god forbid you try to get something done during an activity. "Doctors' Day" on the other hand... we got a coupon for a free slice of pizza, redeemable on one day, from 12-1, only.

Bleh. Sorry for the venting. (but I feel better now.)
Anyway... I hope I haven't offended anyone. I'm really not an anti-nursite.

Later.
-J

oh, when will I learn...

After seeing my ex last week, I was feeling charitable. Thinking maybe he's not really an ass. I came to the conclusion that he's just not the boyfriend type. He means well, but he just doesn't know how to treat a girl. Too selfish. Maybe it's not his fault, maybe I was too demanding, blah blah.

So this afternoon we had the following (unsolicited) email conversation:

"hey apple geek... you have any free time to help me with my ipod?"

"sure, what's up?"

"so are you free all day?"

"well I have to go to the airport at 3:30, and hopefully I can pick up my bike. But other than that..."

"ok, well I have lax til 7, so I'll give you a call."

"ok".

So I went and did my errands. [bike was ready- yay! rain rain go away!!] But I did change my plans and skip a few things I'd wanted to do in order to be home by 7:30 or so. Because that's how I am. It makes me happy to help people out.

It's 10:45 now.

No word.

I'm going to bed.

I controlled the urge to text him (also I've finally forgotten his number). But I couldn't resist one little email. I just responded to the "i'll call you" one, with "sure you will."

That is maybe my number 1 pet peeve in the world- when people say they will call/write/etc, and then don't. (and he knows this.) Am I alone in this? Is that unreasonable of me to be annoyed?

I'm sure he went out for beers after practice or whatever. No big deal.

I mean, it's no skin off my back to NOT help him tonight. But at the same time, I did change my plans for him. And he left me hanging. again. Some things never change.

And the killer is... if I say anything to him, he will snap right back at me with "we didn't have PLANS. I didn't ASK you to change your plans for me, so you can't be mad at me."

repeat ad infinitum.

Yup, better off without him.

Good to realize this, b/c I was almost starting to miss him.

night peeps.

-a

Ok, so I know this is a waste of breath, but oh well.

Ok, so back in JANUARY I went to see Brokeback. Parking was a mess. Finally I see a perfect little spot on the street between two other cars. I don't notice any no parking signs. Come out- $35 ticket on my car and every other car on the street for parking on the wrong side/wrong hours. Now everywhere else I've ever lived, you have like a month to pay a ticket. So I was so annoyed by this one I stashed it away for a while. When I finally decided to deal with it, I saw it had been due like a week after it was issued. Whatever, I paid the fine and no more. In MARCH got a notice of a $20 late fee, while I was out of town. Paid it the minute I got back. Saturday I got a notice that my late fee was late, and they want another $20. Knowing it was a losing battle, I decided to call to try to fight it. After navigating like ten steps for "press 1 for this press 3 for that" I made it to "hold for a representative". With DREADFUL hold music (celine dion, barf). After 15 min on hold (with fake-out clicks like someone was picking up, but no), I was about to concede defeat, when some cranky chick picks up. Puts me on hold AGAIN. Finally comes back and says it was due 3/28, they got my payment 4/2. I said 'right, 5 days late, and I was out of town." she said they can't verify that, and my only choice is to come in for a hearing.
Fuck that.
So I have now paid $75 for movie parking. Lovely.
Fuckers.
I hate that I let this shit get me so riled up.

But on a more positive note- as soon as I got off the phone with Cranky Bitch, I called the bike shop (who answered promptly and pleasantly I might add), and my bike will be ready in two hours.
YAY!!!!

later peeps.
-J

damn you tequila!!

that is all.

Back to bed.

I can be infinitely patient when I need to, but when I get it in my head that I want something, I want it NOW.

So the fact that bike shopping is taking a week is killing me. BUT I just went on a few 'test rides' and finally picked out a bike. Unfortunately they have to order my size and put it together blah blah blah, so no rides this weekend. Damn!

I haven't ridden a bike since my old one was stolen in new orleans, 4 years ago. But those little test rides reminded me how fun it is. Something FUN, that I LIKE, that counts as exercise?! Wow!! So I cruised around the neighborhood by the shop... got myself a little lost... (ended up biking on Main, ick) allayed my fears that hitting a crack in the sidewalk/bad pavement on skinny tires will NOT send me over the handlebars. And it was a natural hairdryer, haha. (though I don't dare look in the mirror.) And driving home I was inspired to mix up my route a little bit... went through some GORGEOUS residential neighborhoods. I guess now I know where the money lives... Can't wait to go riding around.

Unfortunately my ass hurts already from that little 30min ride. The guy insists that 'it kills your sit bones for a week or so, but then it's really comfortable!" Hope he's not lying. (but he was kinda cute, and he liked my car, so I'll believe anything he says. ;) )

And one other random bit- while waiting for him to assemble test bike number two, I went to a corner store and bought some "O2GO" water. (it was not very good). But the gimmick is that it is "oxygenated" water. I thought that might mean fizzy... No. It's flat, and kind of gross. But they say it contains "five times more oxygen" than regular water. Now, it's been a while since I took chemistry, but somehow I don't think it's possible to make H2O have more O in it.

Ok, off to pore over the bike accessory catalog like the huge geek that I am. This is when my OCD tendencies come out. ;)

Enjoy the new song... a summer fave. (pharcyde's remix of Sublime's "Doin' Time".)

-J

Well Safari just crashed on me (again), so I lost my post.
But that's ok because I had just realized it was way too boring anyway. Point was, I had a good weekend, yay, and don't want to go back to work. Today I saw (e:joshua) and (e:jason) chillaxin' on the front porch, while I was on my way to "study" (ha) at Spot, then saw a guy from work while talking to them, then ran into a friend at spot, and on the way home saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. He actually yelled to me from across the street, which surprised me. But it was surprisingly nice and not weird. He was fortunately not with a girl (not sure I'm quite ready for that yet), and was normal and funny and gave me a hug and said happy birthday and chatted and that was that.
But all those people in one walk... I'm starting to actually feel like I know some people in this town!

And without further ado, here are a few pictures from friday night-


Timika is a pool shark.


Somehow people started doing Tae Kwon Do stretches...




...which turned into Kung Fu moves.


Then was the beginning of the car party. I believe that is (e:lilho) 's purse around (e:Terry) 's neck, and he was doing an imitation of (I think) some sort of animal- maybe a St. Bernard? but he kept saying (in a crazy voice) "Can I give you some of my renourishing fluid?"


Ahhh, condom balloons.


Freaking adorable-slash-hot. (e:mike) and (e:libertad)


Maybe not QUITE as adorable here. sorry (e:paul) and (e:terry)


(e:terry) and (e:ladycroft)

Ok, time to get my shit together for work tomorrow. boooo!

-J

Ok first-
Thanks for all the birthday wishes peeps. You guys are great.
And thanks to everyone who made it out- nice to meet you (e:libertad) , (e:lilho) and (e:tina) .
My hugest apologies to those who tried to come out but couldn't find us. ((e:metalpeter) I swear we don't keep doing this to you on purpose! I feel so bad! and (e:vincent) I'm sorry too... I kept getting your messages way too late.)
I had a fun bday. A little annoyed at some of my non-(e:peep) friends for standing me up, but whatever. The bottom line is that I had a fun night with friends and that's what matters. No crazy boy stories for you, sorry to disappoint, but that's probably a good thing, right? maybe this will be my new drama-less decade.

oh and one other bday thing- my parents are the CUTEST EVER! They had called to say sorry it was such a lame bday and they didn't have any presents for me etc, and asked what I was doing, and said they'd call around dinner time. I sort of thought "why not just talk now?" but whatever. but so later dad calls, and it's really loud in the background, and he asks what I'm doing, and I said i was going to go to cozumel but it was too crowded so i was going elsewhere, and i hear him say to my mom "uhoh she's not coming here anymore..."---> they had flown into town to surprise me and were waiting at cozumel!!!
And how did they know to go to cozumel? My brother the spy told them about my message on myspace. They're so high-tech. :)

But on to the real reason I'm posting-
TIMIKA WHERE ARE YOU/ARE YOU OK?

We all went out, drank, ate, and came home. I got home at 5 or so, and apparently fell into a deep sleep immediately, because I did not hear my cell phone or my home phone ring. Just now was awakened by the "you've got a message" beep on my phone- to hear that (e:ladycroft) had called me at like 5:30 after a totally scary tire blowout and was alone on the side of the highway in need of help. A literal damsel in distress.
So I obviously did not rush to her side b/c I suck.
But maybe someone else did?
She's not answering any phones right now.
I hope she is safely asleep at a friend's/her parents'/etc right now, and not putting the lotion in the basket.
Crap.

So everyone keep an eye/ear out and hope that everything is fine.

-J

update: ok I guess the men ((e:mike) and (e:libertad) ) came to the rescue and she's ok, so now I can go shower and find my poor parents.