Ugh.
I just got home from work. At 2am. Went in at 7am this morning.
Have to be back at 7am tomorrow- until noon on saturday.
They are killing me.
And taking a sick day/personal day/etc is not an option.
the thing is, one of the guys there until 2 with me had been there since 7am the day before: i.e. about 43 hours, and he has to be back at 7 tomorrow too. And the "boss" that had been in operating from 5am til 2am: well it was his 20th wedding anniversary, and he didn't see his wife for one minute of it.
So it's not just me that's getting screwed, but it's really wearing me down.
I know i know i chose this and there's no one to blame but me, but god it sucks. I love what I do, but not being abused like this.
the other thing is that it's totally illegal. And at $25,000 per violation, you'd think they'd be a little more careful to at least TRY. Like the other hospitals know we stay too late, but they yell at us about it. They know we're not supposed to be there. But tonight there was no apology, no thank you, no nothing.
Ok that's not true. I got half a hot dog from louie's.

Ok, considering my 30hr day starts in about 4hr I guess I should go to bed.

6wk down, 12 to go...

oh yeah- and maybe i'm just overtired and cranky, but i just got an email that someone left me a comment on myspace, and i checked it out- andrew wrote "go back to friendster, bitch!" Now, i'm all for friendly ribbing and stuff, but there's nothing to that to even hint that's it's a joke. I assume it is, but I don't really see the point. I think he probably just wants to see if i reject the comment or not. stupid.

Going to be late for work; but-

For the record, I am not a fan of high-schoolish drama and secrets either. However I did have my reasons for remaining partially hidden that I can't/won't go into here.

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Have a great day peeps!

haha. Wow. Maybe I have ADD. Or maybe it's alzheimer's, ha. I had thought of a few things I wanted to say. And now I can't remember a single one. Isn't that great.

Hmm. i was probably going to complain about work. Or boys. Or both.

So maybe you're better off for my brain fart.

No motivation to do anything. I should probably take my tree down. I really should study.

Instead I think I will make coffee, watch tv, and listen to music. After all, it's sunday afternoon... I need a little veg time once in a while. Work was a mess last night.

Oh I remembered some of my thoughts. (phew, I was was nervous for a minute.)

There is not much I hate in people more than closed-mindedness/intolerance, in any of its forms- particularly homophobia and religious-right-ism.
I went and saw Brokeback Mountain the other night with (e:theecarey) and (e:ladycroft). It's a touching/tragic love story. So it's about two guys. So what? Big deal. It's still love. When I got home I ran into my landlord/downstairs neighbor's new husband. I'd always thought he was a really cool guy. Always nice and really helpful, fixes stuff around the house, offers to help with groceries etc. I thought he was a real stand-up guy. So I ran into him, he asked how things were going, etc, I said I'd been to the movies, when he asked what we saw, I told him, and he goes "oh, yeah... isn't that the gay cowboy movie?" then elbows his friend and goes 'yeah, dan was the star of that one!" and they howl with laughter. Oh.... yeah.... I forgot, the 'call your friend gay' jokes are SO funny. Ick.
It's amazing to me how one stupid comment can completely change my opinion of someone.

I guess I will leave you with this picture of me... it was taken this summer, and the chick that took it just figured out how to download her pix and sent it to me, so I've never seen it til now. I think it's a little funny since it's not the typical smiley-face picture I usually let people take. I swear I look exactly the same in every single "smile for the camera" pic I have; kind of amusing. Looks very intense. ha. Don't mean to sound vain; I just think the pic is kind of funny. (and, I usually don't like pix of myself.) It's also a very rare picture of me and the ex; there are only about 3 in existence.

I had just written a big post and it got lost b/c "mysql server is down" or something.
Boo! And since I don't have the energy to retype it all- here's an outline.

I: I wish I could quit you!
A. i feel that way about someone
B. saw brokeback mtn tonight. it was/did
1. good
2. well done
3. sad
4. not have as many hot sex scenes as I was hoping for

II: I'm on a roll!
A: met another peep tonight- (e:theecarey).
1. yay
B: makes me wonder:
1. who's next?
a. any takers?

III: Permission denied!
A: was reading craigslist today.
1. Very funny (sometimes), i recommend it. see link --->
B: the topic was raised that you need
1. a license
2. to reach a minimum age
3. to take a test
4. to pass a course
5. to pay money
C: to do so many things in life. Like:
1. drink
2. drive
3. vote
4. get married
5. run the fryolator at mcdonalds.
D: but- having kids is totally unregulated.
1. obviously a huge ethical can of worms.
2. but deserves some thought.
a. seeing the babies born 3m early to a 14yr old is terrible.
b. we have driver's ed, why not (mandatory) parenting 101?

• i haven't written an outline since high school. My apologies to anyone who might actually notice/care if I did it all wrong.

• doh, all my indents didn't come through and my html is too rusty to try to fix it. (and i don't even know if that's how I WOULD fix it here.) It was much funnier in real cascading-indent outline format.

not the best pic, but the only one i've got.

Ok (e:peeps). I did it. Met a real live estripper in the flesh. woohoo. (thanks for lunch, (e:ladycroft)). So that's it, my cover is blown. I guess now I can stop playing the semi-anonymous game I was trying to play. Hence the full-face pic (I know the suspense was killing you.)
So to introduce myself- my name is Alex(is). (Jenks is my middle name).
I filled out my profile a little less generically if anyone is interested.
Not sure what else to say, but Hi!
Bring it on peeps, I ain't scared of ya!

-A

edit: ok, well I TRIED to update my profile, but for some reason it won't stick. Ok, now it does. All fixed.

edit 2: and just to come clean (like it matters)- I had another short-lived account here, under Alex. One and the same. Phew, now all my secrets are out. ;)

(God I have a serious procrastination problem.)

After "i'm just going to check my email for 5 min" turned into hours online (much of which spent in (e:strip) chat), I finally decided it was time to study. But that book is just SOOO big and boring and daunting, and the test isn't for three weeks... So I decided it was time for a shower, then time for a cup of thera-flu (yum, medicine-y). Now it's time to post.

And since I feel that all I ever do is bitch and moan on here, I thought I'd rave about something positive. Awesome Christmas presents.

I must say that at first I was a little disappointed by the lack of techno-toys under the tree. But then I realized that 1: i am being a spoiled brat 2: I already HAVE every techno-toy they make, which makes it hard to give me more.

So as time goes by, I am realizing how great some of the other stuff is.

In no particular order:
1: my talking Kip Dynamite doll from my sister. "Napolean... don't be jealous just because i've been chatting with babes online ALL day..."
2: my super low-tech cappuccino machine (very un-me). I just think that a $3100 coffee maker (i swear, i saw it in williams-sonoma) is absurd. And I got this little one with no moving parts- a new version of those little silver stovetop italian "moka" espresso machines. It's awesome. The jury is still out on the coffee it makes, but I love the machine. ;)
3: a heated towel rack. Totally random gift. One of those utterly unnecessary luxuries. I mean NO one needs a heated towel rack. But man, is it nice.
4: a cashmere robe. In all honesty, I think this was a random TJ Maxx purchase that my mom found at the last second and didn't know who to give it to. And I thought "yeah ok great I don't wear robes" and I pushed it aside. But I must say, over the last few weeks I've become a convert... It's getting to the point that the minute i walk in my door I start stripping... leaving a trail of clothes on the floor, and put on the robe. Then after a while I think "i should probably get dressed". Then I think "nah... why get dressed. I've got cashmere."

Ok, who am I kidding. No studying is going to happen tonight. (I just thought I'd "get into bed and study." HA. That does not work.) So I guess I'll head to bed.

'Night all.

-J

Time to take the tree down- boo!

Ok, I feel like killing a little time so I'll fill out ladycroft's survey.

But first a disclaimer- though I do spend more time online than i probably should, I have not in fact been online since yesterday- somehow estrip won't let me logout though, and it says i've been on since then. Hmm.

I think I might have to marry the man in the Pharmacy downstairs.
You would think that, being in the middle of a hospital, i.e. a place whose purpose is to dispense medicine, it would be possible to get some cold medicine. Well you would be wrong. It's like fort knox down there. Despite having taken 48hr worth of claritin/sudafed/aleve in the last 8 hours, I am still miserable. My eyes are watering, my nose won't stop running, I've been through 2 mini boxes of kleenex, and my hands are about to fall off they're so dry and chapped from using that alcohol handwash stuff. There is an eckerd around the corner, but I haven't had enough time to make a run. The pharmacy shot me down when I asked them to help me out, saying that I'm not in the computer as a patient, so I can't have meds. I told them I would pay for them. It's not even prescription medicine, for chrissakes! So I finally went into the bowels of the scary basement, where the pharmacy tech took pity on me and gave me a bottle of Afrin "under the table". I think I love him. As should the rest of the hospital, because I'm sure my sniffling is almost as annoying to them as it is to me.

But anyway, onto my survey...

Where were you when 2005 began?
Took me a minute to answer this one- I thought "my god, I can't even remember new year's last year! what did I do?!" And then I remembered- I spent it in the hospital on call.

Who were you with?
sick people.

Where will you be (were you) when 2005 ends?
NOT in the hospital!! Ha!
I ended up at a mediocre party. Didn't have to deal with people being smoochy, at least.

Whom will you be (were you) with when 2005 ends?
Med/law students, mostly.

Was 2005 a good year for you?
eh... It was my first year in Buffalo. I spent most of it at work. And I spent (wasted?) the majority of what little free time I have in what I realize only now, was a pretty bad relationship.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Hmm... my sister's wedding was pretty great. For it's own sake- it was beautiful, she was beaming, etc. But also because the looks on people's faces when they saw me for the first time in years (minus 25 lb) was wonderful. I am still getting compliments months later, which feels great.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Had a few deaths in the family... one sudden and tragic (but not a very close relative), one that we knew was coming...
But the one that hurt the most was being dumped- because I was upset that he wouldn't go to dinner with me on my first night off in ages, because he wanted to watch lost, even though we were tivo-ing it. So he dumped me. After 10mos together. Because I was disappointed that we couldn't have dinner together. LAME.

Did you keep your New Year resolutions of 2005?
I wasn't a new year's resolution, but I vowed to lose weight for the wedding, and I did. Still have a little more to go, but I'm making progress.

Do you have any New Year resolutions for 2006?
eh... get back on a diet. Stop letting boy-drama control my life.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
I thought so at the time...

Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
vice versa

Did you make any new friends in 2005?
definitely

What was your favorite month of 2005?
eh... they're all kind of the same. Maybe january, since I escaped buffalo winter and escaped somewhere warm for a while.

Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
I wish. Canada doesn't really count, and St. Thomas is technically part of the US.

How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
Let me think. New York. Rhode Island. Connecticut. Massachusetts. Kansas. Illinois. I guess that's it.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
Aunt Nancy and Aunt Nina.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yeah... a lot. I never get to see my family, and I miss my friends from college/med school/chicago

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?
god i can't even remember what I saw...... maybe napolean dynamite? I'm sure I saw something a little more intellectual than that, but that's the one that sticks in my head.

What was your favorite song from 2005?
I can't pick just one!

What was your favorite album from 2005? Maybe the Garden State Sndtrk.
Lots of new fave bands this year- Killers, Modest Mouse, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, The Shins, Death Cab, The Postal Service, Feist...

How many concerts did you see in 2005?
Just one, but it was a good one. (U2)

Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
see above

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
not as much as in college...

Did you do drugs in 2005?
barely. maybe not at all, can't remember the last time.

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Yeah... I let my insecurities get to me and invaded someone's privacy. Which someone did to me before, and it sucked, and I promised never to do it.

What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
"I care about you more than you could possibly know, I imagine our future together blah blah blah bullshit"

Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
I don't think so. He does.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
I think so. He doesn't.

What was your proudest moment of 2005?
Well there have been some small work victories. And the weight loss is a big one.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
Not telling.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
All those times I told myself things would get better, he'd love me back, if I just kept trying... Should have just cut my losses early.

What are your plans for 2006?
Do well at work.
Study more.
Exercise more.
Watch less tv.
Get back on a diet.
visit/reconnect with old friends. And new ones!
Take control of my life and stop letting boys treat me badly and make me feel badly about myself.
Plan a fantastic vacation for my birthday (30th, gasp!)

whew... that was exhausting!

-J

Well I tried to send a pic of all the champagne empties, but something isn't working.

But I also wanted to clarify:
That last post was the lyrics to the song "Somebody" by depeche mode. i guess that was not obvious. Sorry. I take no credit for it.
(and for the record if I had, I'd replace the "she"s with "he".)

Well, happy 2006 everyone.
It's past my bedtime.