Yep, broken into a million little pieces. I'm screwed I think. I don't know if I got insurance. My right wing books got saved but my phone did not. I think the Lord is telling me to read more books. Who knows? I loved my sidekick so freaking much. I'll probably be faced with either choosing to pay a fee to cancel my service or pay more money to get another sidekick. Damn it.

Jason

Yo (e:peeps) - I'm back! What's up in the blogosphere? I had an awesome time in Orlando. I'll post some pics of your beautiful (and humble) correspondent and his buddies getting into all sorts of trouble. Not until I get them in the e-mail, however, so I'll just sum it up for you: I never thought I would witness married (and otherwise attached) men misbehaving so badly. Out of about 8 married guys less than half didn't cheat. Oh yeah, the bachelor ended up in bed with another woman. Cool, huh? Of course she will never know about it. I don't know how I feel about that, but I know I don't act that way when I'm attached. Other than that I had a fantastic time. Again we narrowly avoided trouble with the police and had about as much fun as a bunch of guys can have when let loose on the town. It was exactly what I needed. My confidence is restored and I'm feeling more focused. Maybe that also has something to do with the fact I haven't smoked pot in 5 days. *cough*

Jason

Way too much fun here. Last night we went to this place called Mako's, which blurs the line between bar and strip club. The hottest girls you've ever seen get on swings and for $20 you get a swing ride with them, where they get all seductive and shit. By the way they are wearing bra and panties only. My buddy literally got his ass PADDLED by one of the girls. She didn't lay off either, she swung real hard at him. The entire bar was watching. I can't believe how gorgeous the girls are here! It's unbelievable! The regular girls in the club were just as hot as the naked ones on the swings! I'm moving here ASAP! Oh, sorry we weren't allowed to take pics in there.....

Ahem....anyway your humble correspondant almost got into a fight last night. Now I'm not the type to talk trash or start anything. I'm just not like that. This is the way it always happens for me: I'm minding my own business, waiting for my friends to get out of the club when this girl walks up to me and grabs my face. She said "You're so cute! You need a girlfriend! You're too cute not to have one!" She grabbed my hand and started walking with me. We got to her friends (guys and girls) and one of the guys starts yelling at me, telling me I should just go find my friends (he was missing a tooth so I think he talked shit to someone else before). I was like "what?" and the girl grabs me and tells me to kiss her, right on the street. The guy warned me not to but you know what? I stuck my tongue down that chick's throat. He looked like he wanted to kill me but my 7 buddies saw what was happening and looked out for me. Thank God.

Going to Islands of Adventure to ride some coasters now! Stay cool, e-strip.

Jason

Well I just woke up. We are staying in this $500K house we rented for Wed-Sun. I already broke my pact to not drink. I got drunk last night and now I'm paying for it. It's hard not to drink at a Bachelor Party.

(e:Metalpeter) told me it is going to snow in the B-Low this weekend! Holy poop! I'm glad I'm down here. It's beautiful down here. The water from the pool and jacuzzi is really soothing. We have a bunch of characters down here for the party so I'll have some good stories for you. Hopefully I won't embarrass myself! Peace.

Jason

....but today I'm off to sunny Orlando! A college roommate of mine is having his bachelor party down there. I've been doing pretty well in that I have stayed away from the alcohol. I hope I have what it takes to restrain myself down there! And oh yeah, we may see some naked ladies. That should lift my sprits. Anyway I'll attach a pic of my best forced smile so you all know I'm doing okay. Have fun in the B-Low the next few days! Keep it real, e-strip!

Jason

I don't know how someone can be so consistently miserable all the time. Doesn't it get boring writing article after article containing nothing more than an angry rant? Here's a better question - why don't they write about something they actually advocate? Now there's a progressive idea. I'm sick of assholes that have nothing to offer but a bitchfest. I'll say it again - people will tune your fool ass out if all you have to contribute is partisan blather. Do you have it in you to contribute something of value to the process or are you only snipe artists? I'll paraphrase a question that (e:Paul) asked me one day - if it is so horrible here why are you not on a boat to Cuba or France or Denmark or wherever the fuck you want to go? Some people are miserable because of legit medical problems...I can't imagine for the life of me why someone would actually WANT to live that way.

Jason

Ahh, my new babies. Please no bitching about my photo skillz.



This is what I plan on doing with my time. Play golf, make money (applying no bullshit moral rules in doing so), and listen to some really good music.

Speaking about good music, Lazlo Hollyfeld is coming out with a new EP. Check out their web site and download some free tunes. I'll lay out the case detailing why you should support them in a later post. Let's just say I'm sick and fucking tired of "hipster" posers listening to the same indie shit, thinking they are cooler than they are. I'm more musically educated than them, smarter than them, infinitely more musically talented, and yes, much much cooler. So listen to me.

Jason

PS - (e:Aswierat) - Just because someone supports a cause doesn't mean they are necessarily being manipulated into doing so. Using your logic I could make the same claim about anyone supporting any kind of cause. What you've done is relay the same poor excuse I've heard from the left over and over again - No, it can't be that they don't support our ideas! Our ideas are too good! It can't be that it's possible that people think differently than us! It's that they are being manipulated! Yeah! That's it! Now I feel better! I often find myself trying to look through the eyes of a typical leftie, with the intent of understanding why they think like they do. It's the hard thing to do, which is why most people don't have it in them to go through with it. I know you are very smart and have it in you to do this....don't be like the average leftie. Be an above average leftie.

Oh my gosh! Could this be the second time in a week I've agreed with Ajay 100% in a post? This calls for a celebration! Ahem....I've been doing my own "research" on the "marketing" on Elmwood recently. That type of advertising works really well on me for some reason.

Oh, and (e:Amanda) - why can't guys and girls just be friends? Because inevitably the guy wants to bone the girl. Hate to be crude but that's the way it works about 3/4 of the time. It reminds me of the time my ex girlfriend had a "friend" who ended up with his hands up her skirt at a wedding reception. Yeah, I'm trying to get over the shame and embarrassment of that still. Anyhow hope this answers your question!

Jason

Just kidding. I thought that in the spirit of celebrating death I would post something about PJP2 passing. Poor bastard. If I'm lucky I'll live as long as he did. If I drank anymore I'd pour out some liquor! Maybe I'll just buy a beer and pour it on the floor of the bar. Yeah, that would be nice.

Jason

Nope, can't sleep. There are some new life changes which will be taking effect starting Tuesday. I don't remember ever being this scared in my life. I've performed in front of 3,000 people. I've done a number of things that made me afraid but nothing like this before.

You see all of us have weaknesses and faults. I wish I could tell you guys more but it's very personal, in fact some of it is too personal to put on my blog. Well first of all, (e:Ajay) I'm sorry but I can't have beer with you. Two weeks ago we could have had some laughs over a Guinness but I can't drink alcohol or do drugs anymore. You see I've been doing too much of that over the past few months. That's a problem in and of itself, but the underlying reason for it is what really concerns me. It's about escapism and avoiding real life issues that need to be resolved. It's about trying to find happiness and satisfaction in a bottle or in a bag of weed. It's about enjoying life to the fullest without poisoning my body. Now I'm not saying we can't chill out at the bar sometime. I'd love that, but we'll have to replace my Guinness with a Shirley Temple, or hopefully some other kind of N/A creation of my own.

So starting this week I am making some life changes and doing things to help myself become a better Jason. I'm excited but also so scared I can't sleep a wink. I don't know if I have the kind of discipline and strength it is going to take to straighten me out. I don't know if I can do this. I've never had to do anything so difficult before. I know I'll come out of it on top of my game, but do I have what it takes to get there? Will I enjoy the simple things again? I understand basically all of you will most likely not interact with me in any other way but e-strip, but please please please don't let me slip. I have a feeling I'll need all the help I can find. I'll be posting very bad poetry versions of what's going on in my head from time to time until I'm Pre-2001 Jason again.

Jason