I think I am a gentleman of taste and culture. I am also a man of no shame. With that said, my favorite movie of all time has to be



the wasteland that is Over the Top; which is greater than TS Eliot's Wasteland. I know, in those desolate planes of your childhood, this movie was on some channel people watch only when they are bored or stoned.

The plot is the very stuff of American folklore, like Johnny Apple Seed but with trucks. Sly Stalone picks his estranged son up from military school. He enters into arm wrestling matches and in the end wins not only the tournament, but also the love of his son.

The film can be sumarized in this one minute clip without missing anything. (A brief note. For all you aspiring actors. If you want to learn how to act with just your eyes, look at the man Stalone arm wrestles. He is no less than sensational.)



A light up stage? Multiple refs? A Roped ring? Over a thousand people watching and cheering? WTF?

But Stallone's character, Hawk, is no hulk. He is a samurai, calm even in the moment of striking his enemies down. For example, this scene. And ask yourself "Do you want it?"



This movie is great for so many reasons. Most of all, because it is a sad reflection on Sly. It wants to be Rocky. But instead of the drama of boxing, it is the junior high version: arm wrestling. Instead of fighting for the love of a sexy woman, he is fighting for the love of his son.

Visiting the folks was fun.

I am kinda glad I live eight hours away from my friends. The drama achieved nuclear fission while I was away and the radiation petered out somewhere near Rochester. That was close.

On Saturday I was invited to go to a party with my parents. It was thrown by friends of my parents that I don't really know and in that ignorance I said sure. When I get there it was hard to focus on one thing past the front door. The walls were lined with pictures of Jesus bleeding on everything. On a cross, into a cup, on his face like tears, into the waiting hands of apostles and saints, everything. Maybe it was the fleet of Franciscan monks with long beards and grey robes. Or maybe it was all the people praying.

Holy shit, it has happened. They have finally joined a Catholic cult and are about to drink the kool-aid.

I was literally stepping over people on their knees praying. Praying for things you should be able to pray about standing up. Thank you Lord for making the ziti come out good. Thank you Jesus, the cooler is not leaking water everywhere. Thank you god for bringing everyone, especially the brothers, together.

Even though I was raised Catholic I have never once hidden my complete divorce from mama church. I may have played around with different religions over the years, but Jesus hasn't been my lord since the first Bush administration. So why would they want me to be there?

It was at that point of realization I began to panic. Oh crap. This is an intervention. If I don't get on my knees, repent, and thank god for second helpings of antipasto I am in deep shit.

Thankfully, that was not the case. One of the Franciscan brothers was being transfered to England. It was a farewell party. He was a nice man, sad to leave but excited to go.

I had a lovely time and irked some people when the topic of politics came out. Not having religious fervor is one thing, but being a Democrat is a different brand of sin all together.

And wait until I tell you about the Muslims.

Hi,

I just got back home an hour ago. The other day I felt bad because the weather was nicer down at my folks home. But today when I return it is warmer here and not raining.

EAT IT down state! Buffalo ROCKXORZ

Hi,

This weekend (e:Jim) is at a conference in Salt Lake. So while the cat is away the rats will PAR-TAY!!!! I, on the other hand, am visiting my folks downstate.

When I got here it was as sunny as it was in Buffalo, but X degrees warmer. My first thought was to go on here and tell everyone how warm it is here. That is just the sort of behavior people should be shot for.

Yes, we all know it is warmer in locations south. We get it. That is how weather works. No need to remind us how fucking cold it is in Buffalo.

It drives me crazy when people tell me how nice their weather is without a bit of sympathy for a cold Buffalo day in spring. I almost crossed that line and became the very thing that irks me.

I apologize Buffalo and estrip for thinking these horrible thoughts. Will you forgive me?

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The future is Assylicious

and by the way, there is a new B52's album out. It makes me want to dance.

oh


my


god



What happens when you combine music that is equal parts drunken karaoke and Mrs.Miller and imagery sampled heavily from Rene Magritte?

Well, you suddenly think Megadeath is due for a comeback.

I am sure you recall the Obama girl, and the forgotten Giuliani girl. Well, make way for the McCain "girls".

Have you heard? It is virtually impossible for Clinton to get the nomination? Reports of Clinton's Demise are Greatly Underexaggerated.

But let me talk about a few of my favorite candidates for Senate seats in other states.

First, Scott Kleeb. He is running for Chuck Hagel's empty seat. I will miss Chuck. He was GOP, but he is in a small club of prominent Republicans I respect. I know virtually nothing about Kleeb, other than he ran for Congress in a blood red district and damn near won. One thing I am positive about is that he is abso-freakin-lutely adorable.





it may be 20 degrees out, but things are getting steamy in here.


Next, let's go to Oregon. Gordon Smith is up for reelection. A Republican in a blue state with a strong independent streak. Gordy seems like he would be more at home in a more traditionally red state, but this is a wacky election. Environmental Activist and Lawyer Steve Novick is running for the Democratic nomination. Here he is holding a picture of Gordon.


Yes, that is a hook hand. Novick was born with a few physical impairments and has a very compelling story. Unlike Bob Dole, he does not hide his physical impairments, in fact, he flaunts it. His campaign slogan is "The Candidate With a Strong Left Hook".

Want to support him? Well go to his site and order a bottle of 'Left Hook Lager'. Buying beer to support a candidate seems to quintessentially Oregonian.

Think I am kidding?



Buy a bottle and support him.

My mom and I are going to write a book. She basically wants to cut and paste our email correspondences into a book, but I am having none of it. There is not enough aspirin for the headache I would get trying to funny that shit up. But we have been sitting on this idea for a while that I think would really work.

We planned this for when she retired and I had the time and money to take two weeks off of what ever future job I would have. We would do a little research finding places and then go on a quest. A quest to find the hair salons with the tackiest names!

In the town neighboring the one I grew up in there is the salon that inspired this idea. On the side of a small wooded road is a building that looks less like a salon and more like the infirmary at a summer camp. Open the screen door with holes the size of raccoons and you will find not the typical hospital like floor of a salon, but rather pine that hasn't been swept since the dust bowl. Take a seat and close your eyes. Mentally prepare yourself for a treat. Decadence: thy name is beehive!

You have entered "Curl Up and Dye".

The name of that place does a wonderful job of being funny, but a terrible job of conveying that it offers a service you would want; unless you have a beaver in need of taxidermy.

The book would be pictures of the different salons, interviews with the staff and customers, the essential question of "where did you get that name, for the love of god?" all thrown into a blender of sarcasm and served over ice.

Strangely, at a party my mom was at she was talking to this couple. They both happen to be publishers in the coffee table book industry. I took that to mean they publish those bargain basement picture books about moose, or Tuscany. Not the endless folio of Madona's coochie. Well, they said that not only was the book a good idea, but it was also a refreshing idea in a stagnant genera. I'm not holding my breath.

Well, I am looking for a new career.

Hi,

I am going to ask a favor to you estrippers. If you hear of any entry level positions in a public relations department or firm kindly let me know. Volunteers positions would also work, but pay is always preferable.

thank you