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Category: religion

03/31/08 08:16 - ID#43852

Jesus Party

Visiting the folks was fun.

I am kinda glad I live eight hours away from my friends. The drama achieved nuclear fission while I was away and the radiation petered out somewhere near Rochester. That was close.

On Saturday I was invited to go to a party with my parents. It was thrown by friends of my parents that I don't really know and in that ignorance I said sure. When I get there it was hard to focus on one thing past the front door. The walls were lined with pictures of Jesus bleeding on everything. On a cross, into a cup, on his face like tears, into the waiting hands of apostles and saints, everything. Maybe it was the fleet of Franciscan monks with long beards and grey robes. Or maybe it was all the people praying.

Holy shit, it has happened. They have finally joined a Catholic cult and are about to drink the kool-aid.

I was literally stepping over people on their knees praying. Praying for things you should be able to pray about standing up. Thank you Lord for making the ziti come out good. Thank you Jesus, the cooler is not leaking water everywhere. Thank you god for bringing everyone, especially the brothers, together.

Even though I was raised Catholic I have never once hidden my complete divorce from mama church. I may have played around with different religions over the years, but Jesus hasn't been my lord since the first Bush administration. So why would they want me to be there?

It was at that point of realization I began to panic. Oh crap. This is an intervention. If I don't get on my knees, repent, and thank god for second helpings of antipasto I am in deep shit.

Thankfully, that was not the case. One of the Franciscan brothers was being transfered to England. It was a farewell party. He was a nice man, sad to leave but excited to go.

I had a lovely time and irked some people when the topic of politics came out. Not having religious fervor is one thing, but being a Democrat is a different brand of sin all together.

And wait until I tell you about the Muslims.
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Category: religion

02/27/08 02:55 - ID#43482

Standing Up For What Matters

(e:Drew). I have read the sermons posted on this site and believe you to be a good person and a fine pastor.

But buddy, you can't hold a candle to this man.

When you are out there preaching about social justice, or good community, you are just wasting your breath. You are taking soft, easy issues that please a crowd, but do not enlighten.

He is a preacher that understands that the most pressing issue of our time that only the religious community can take a stand on is the horrible blight of men sitting down while peeing.

Yes. That is what is tearing apart not just this nation, but the whole of humanity.

Listen to a REAL MAN - a man who STANDS UP WHILE PEEING - preach some gospel truth!



Amen!

  • Update***

Acording to (e:Drew), there is a trend of men peeing sitting down. To illustrate how this is nothing short of blasphemy here is a clip


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Category: religion

01/28/08 10:50 - ID#43059

Response to Tony

Tony, I have a book your daughter needs to read.

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Category: religion

09/20/07 11:18 - ID#41213

Peer-Reviewed Religion

I was listening to Sam Harris give a lecture yesterday.

It wasn't in person, he gave it at the Aspen Ideas festival and it was rebroadcast on Word for Word. You can listen to it here . If you don't know Sam Harris he is of the recent wave of published, vocal atheists. He is down with science but isn't as big an ass hole as Richard Dawkins
Also, he is also the hottest of the best selling atheists.

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I would want to get drunk with Chris Hitchens, but I would want to get Sam Harris drunk. If you catch the drift. (sincere apologies to (e:Jim))


Anyway! Back on topic. In the lecture he said that god is primarily an author of books. That is, he chooses to speak to his creation not through TV spots or telemundo soaps; rather, god wrote the Hebrew bible, added the New testament bit, and then completed the trilogy with the Koran.

He said that science submits its material to peer-reviewed journals to weed out biased research. So, religious texts should do the same thing.

I had a good chuckle. Imagining Christ and Thor(see (e:drew)'s journal) browsing through Dianetics, suppressing a chuckle at each page turn.
"Hey Quetziquatil, you have to check this shit out! It is hilarious!"
"I can't guys, Dionysus is throwing up wine again. I have to mop the bathroom up."

So, I am not actually suggesting anything. Just giving you a little glimpse into the silliness which is getting me through my Thursday.

Oh! Here is an awesome They Might Be Giants video


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Category: religion

07/26/07 05:46 - ID#40263

More Scientology Fin

Since we have been on a Scientology streak with (e:libertad) [inlink]libertad,40256[/inlink] and (e:paul) [inlink]paul,40252][/inlink] here is a bit of fun

So, there was some mild hubbub about a creative up and coming artist couple; one of whom killed themselves and the other disappeared. I ignored the story because... well... I just don't care. But then, THE LINK!

Here is the juicy quote

"Many were shocked by the turn of events while others noted that the couple had acted strangely in their final months together.

According to several friends and art world peers, the two believed they were being stalked and harassed by Scientologists, an abiding fear that soured old friendships and made some of their respective working relationships difficult."

Stalked and harassed by Scientologists! It is by some grace that the entire staff of Roswell as well as members of the Buddhist center have not plastered their brains to a ceiling.

Did the couple kill themselves to avoid Scientologists? Or was the trigger pulled by the spectral hand of L Ron Hubbard himself? I can't say, but I will caution all to wear aluminum hats when walking past that nefarious building.

Be vigilant, be safe.
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Category: religion

07/17/07 08:04 - ID#40149

Don't Apologize if you Don't Mean it.

Sweet Teets of god!

In the last week the Catholic Church they will be paying $600 million in settlements to over 500 victims of priests who can't keep their hands to themselves in the Los Angeles diocese. Awesome! I like it when they take responsibility for acts committed by members of their organization. Bravo RCC.

and then we heard from the vatican this morning.

Yes, they feel aggrieved for the victims and their families for an unforgivable act (their wording was not as harsh). But they want to remind everyone that mamma church is suffering too!

Yes, to raise the $600 million they had to sell off local property including the headquarters of the diocese....

Oh how they must be suffering! When little billy can't get an erection because of the psychological scars left by monseigneurs slimy, spotted hands he will surly be glad that at least he didn't have to sell some rich boys club/headquarters. I am sure, when she wakes up from another nightmare she will weep thanking god she isn't in the bishop's shoes.

wait, it gets better.

The vatican also cautioned that, while the church is working to snuff out pedophelia, other institutions need to work on it as well. How fucking condescending is that? Pedo-priests have been pulled out of a diocese when things got a little hot and moved to other diocese, or given prominent positions in the vatican. And they have the nerve to tell other organizations to follow their lead just because they paid out a ton of cash to little kids they fucked?

I wonder if Jesus would even recognize this church.
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Category: religion

07/10/07 07:59 - ID#40040

Da Pope

Who is this crazy man?

I was raised a Catholic in as much as a wining, pretentious, sophomoric gasbag of a child can be. But, somewhere in this deeply secular heart (anatomically correct, for science) beats a little boy love for that church. I mean, the pomp, the robes, the half naked savior dangling from the walls; it is a drag queens apartment writ large. There is a bit of comfort in repeating the occult rituals, much like the pleasures of waking up, brushing your teeth, and urinating.

But who the hell is the Ratzinger cat?

I suppose there is something to be said for the workings of the worlds oldest, uninterrupted monarchy. But, being a winning, pretentious, sophomoric gasbag of an adult, I feel damn responsible to do so. So here it goes.

Pope Ratzy has issued a decree on July 7th allowing for much broader use of the traditional Tridentine mass. This isn't just a mass in Latin, it is so much more. You might not be aware of it if, like most sensible people in the world, you are not fluent in Latin. But you and your buddies pray that the Jews may 'crawl out of darkness' and presumably into the incandescent light of the one true momma church.

Why do this? To bring a smattering of super conservative Bishops who reject the Vatican Council II (that council in the early 20th century that gave the church a much needed updating thanks to the complaints of the Protestant Reformation just a few years prior beginning in 1517). Wonderful, nothing like a little anti-semitism to crash through the gates of 21st century ideals (enlightenment ideas more specifically, 1600's-1804).

Ya, but picking on those darkness dwelling Jews is an old routine, a song and dance we are tired of. Can we get back to some more of that hot Christian on Christian violence?

oh yes we can!

In another decree the pope has declared that all Christians who are not catholics are not fully christian. That their Eucharistic celebration is false, and that their church is a fatally flawed and wounded church. I am paraphrasing, but it was pretty strongly worded.

So much for religious toleration. Wait.. this is worse than that, so much for inter-faith dialogue. How do you work with someone who claims such superiority over you? All in a ploy to bring back the middle ages loving Catholics.

I can't wait for a reconstruction religion like Druidism to go back to wicker man burnings. If only we could be so keenly focused on the distant past.

as per (e:libertad)

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