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Category: politics

02/24/08 12:02 - 25ºF - ID#43446

Jesus Ralph, Put a Sock In It

Guess who is running for president!

That is right! George Bush's chief enabler Ralph fucking Nader! Ralph will be irrelevant this election as an Independent. Oh the hubris! The arrogance! God damn it man, just lay off.

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Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

02/19/08 11:12 - 21ºF - ID#43391

The Endorsment that Matters

Talk to Rush Limbaugh and he will tell you that the Clintons and Fidel Castro have been in an unholy cabal of Marxist-Leninist ideology. That was made all too apparent today when the Clinton's phoned their close friend Fidel and asked him to "drop the bomb". And drop the bomb he did.

Fidel has been waiting for the word for years. When Hillary was the inevitable candidate she had planned on visiting Cuba in her first year of the presidency and repair relations. But now that her campaign is on life support she needed to have Fidel create as big a news storm as possible. So he resigned.

But why now? Why did Hillary need Fidel to resign?

Quite simply, to obscure the most important and coveted endorsement for president of any party. The endorsement that Barack Obama got today.

  • note. This post is true from here on in*

I am speaking of course of the Ben and Jerry endorsement.

Yes, the ice cream purveyors have announced they will not just endorse Obama but campaign for him in their home state of Vermont. The Vermont primary is on March 4th. Ben and Jerry unleashed a fleet of "ObamaModibles" where they will spread the word to voters and give out scoops of "Cherries for Change" flavored ice cream.

Is there any question who the inevitable candidate is now?
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Words: 227
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: gym

02/17/08 06:32 - 46ºF - ID#43376

Best Workout EVAH!

Well crap,

I suppose if anyone could take mugging and turn it into a workout the Japanese could.

If they offer classes like this at Allentown Athletix I am so switching!
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Location: Buffalo, NY

02/15/08 11:21 - 24ºF - ID#43343

Bat Pussy

  • This post was stolen almost entirely from Susie Bright's blog.*

I am a lucky man. Porn it is ubiquitous. Go online to look for a car loan and you end up with two buxom babes urging you to click their clits to lower your interest rate. Search for a puttanesca recipe and midget furries gang bang some guy dressed as Spock. But I should say here that quantity and ease of access do not make quality.

The golden age of porn existed in the 1970's. Pubic hair was a little wilder and un-dubbed sound was something of the future with robot maids and flying cars. But, most importantly, it was a world ripe for parody and porn was the Jonathan Swift of the age.

Are you ready for.... Bat Pussy!

Bat Pussy sits in her bat cave. When she senses trouble her labia flutter. In her ratty cape, t-shirt with bat logo, and gym shorts she jumps onto her red ball and bounces off to save the day!

watch. It is safe for work. There is no sex. Just four of the strangest minutes ever captured on film.

What we need to do now as a people is to send a strong message that this most important piece of art needs to be made available on DVD! So I am asking you to please sign this petition. Tell them
The World Needs Bat Pussy!
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Permalink: Bat_Pussy.html
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Location: Buffalo, NY

02/14/08 03:21 - 28ºF - ID#43328

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcock

Despite her New Jersey looks, Amy Winehouse is British and is rightfully HUGE! Before Back in Black was released in the US it was rightfully HUGE in Britain.

Haven't you ever dreamed of seeing her on a BBC comedy quiz show in which she is charmingly trashed, bombed out of her skull, and frickin' hilarious.

As a side point Simon Amstell, the host, is adorable, you just want to pinch his cheeks, tie him up, and keep him in your basement in a giant mason jar. But that might just be me.

Anyway, watch the show. You will be really glad you did.

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Permalink: Amy_Winehouse_on_Never_Mind_the_Buzzcock.html
Words: 123
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/14/08 01:27 - 27ºF - ID#43327


My favorite fake emotion is nostalgia for a time I never lived in. The history of the early 20th century is not very uplifting stuff. Economic depression, two world wars, the resurgence of the KKK, Teddy Roosevelt not winning a third term. Sad, sad, sad times.

Thankfully though, consumerism makes the past whimsical looking! Can you guess what these items are?




Salome should be both a clue and a cautionary tale


Oh ya, there is even one for our beloved city.

give up? Ok, this one featuring a tribble should be a dead give away


Yup, paper wrappers for condoms.

play safe kids.

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Permalink: Package_ing.html
Words: 112
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/12/08 06:20 - 19ºF - ID#43303

I am old and the world is disappointing

Remember Patty Hearst?

Patty "don't move pig-dog or I will blow your fucking head off" Hearst?


Patty Symbionese Liberation Army Hearst?


The Patty Hearst who we had always hoped was still a covert revolutionary amidst fat cat capitalists to help bring the system down from within?

Guess what she is up to these days.


Congratulations on your Westminster Dog Show win.

I need a drink.
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Permalink: I_am_old_and_the_world_is_disappointing.html
Words: 71
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: npr

02/12/08 01:31 - 19ºF - ID#43298

You suck WNED

I complain about NPR on here a lot. I shouldn't be so hard on it, as it does make my work day more tolerable. But WNED, you got some 'splainin' to do.

We are in the middle of a beg-a-thon. Local news-robot Sam Anson can't get through three sentences without tripping over his own tongue. So an interruption from that guy who sounds like a bad Jerry Lewis impression to cry for cash is welcome. His voice can cause miscarriages so you want to throw money his way to get him off the air. In fact, I think they only bring him out during fund raisers.

But this year, he is not on. In fact, they aren't interrupting programming at all. What they call "Pledge Free" means during normal sponsor breaks they just have a little blurb reminding you they need money but they wont annoy you during the news. The selling point: we wont harass you as much so give us money.

Now, when I get to work I listen to NPR streaming over the internet. I start the day off with Boston's WBUR for On Point with Tom Ashbrook: a man who never trips over his own tongue. They are raising cash a different way. You give us money, we will send Valentine's Day flowers to whomever you want. The selling point: tax write off and flowers.

WNED emphasizes how fucking obnoxious they are. WBUR emphasizes you having a larger tax return check and sex.

You suck Buffalo NPR.
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Permalink: You_suck_WNED.html
Words: 251
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/11/08 01:00 - 10ºF - ID#43279

Where da B-lo Hotties at?

Ever see those fake personal ads online? They will be lurking in a web pages sidebar where advertisements are. Usually the image is of some impossibly hot person. The hottest guy or gal you have ever seen out at the bars is a dog next to these people, their pictures stolen from a legit site. Well, this one puts them all to shame


Aren't you intrigued at this young looking Don Imus, and by young I mean early 40's and with a skin condition.

Keep an eye out kids. Love is just around the sidebar.
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Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

02/08/08 09:01 - 31ºF - ID#43252

Cold Call


I just made 55 calls to random people in Nebraska on behalf of Obama. It is really odd reading from a script at strangers. I mean, I like Obama. I really like him. But it feels so plastic to just read a script written by someone who is not a public speaker. I mean, that sentence about hope and change that also jabbed at Clinton was wonderful but it could have used seven less clauses. The written word is marvelous for a smattering of punctuation marks. The spoken word is not. By call 18 though I was into the routine and was able to joke with people and have a good chat.

Some people asked me questions I was not ready for. Where does Barack stand on gun control? "Er, the NRA hasn't made a big stink about him so I guess he isn't too restrictive" was my off the cuff answer. It turns out I happened to be right, but really, is gun control your biggest issue? What is this? The 90's?

Then someone asked me where he stands on OCEA. Um.. thankfully that was my last call. They were totally going to go vote for him they told me, but had that one question. My phone's battery died while I was trying to google it really fast.

The website where you get these numbers from is fun. They make it competitive. There is a top ten list of the people who made the most calls. I was briefly number nine and had the mofo at seven in my sites. But, with a dead phone all my dreams are too dead.

You kids should go to to make a few calls.


  • update*

I am number seven!

sadly, they are out of numbers now.
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Permalink: Cold_Call.html
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Location: Buffalo, NY



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