I complain about NPR on here a lot. I shouldn't be so hard on it, as it does make my work day more tolerable. But WNED, you got some 'splainin' to do.

We are in the middle of a beg-a-thon. Local news-robot Sam Anson can't get through three sentences without tripping over his own tongue. So an interruption from that guy who sounds like a bad Jerry Lewis impression to cry for cash is welcome. His voice can cause miscarriages so you want to throw money his way to get him off the air. In fact, I think they only bring him out during fund raisers.

But this year, he is not on. In fact, they aren't interrupting programming at all. What they call "Pledge Free" means during normal sponsor breaks they just have a little blurb reminding you they need money but they wont annoy you during the news. The selling point: we wont harass you as much so give us money.

Now, when I get to work I listen to NPR streaming over the internet. I start the day off with Boston's WBUR for On Point with Tom Ashbrook: a man who never trips over his own tongue. They are raising cash a different way. You give us money, we will send Valentine's Day flowers to whomever you want. The selling point: tax write off and flowers.

WNED emphasizes how fucking obnoxious they are. WBUR emphasizes you having a larger tax return check and sex.

You suck Buffalo NPR.

I have to giggle,

When the National Review, the conservative magazine who gave a national voice to conservatives back when it was considered a social disease, sells out its founder William F Buckley, jr. you just know it is going to be a fun day for the media. (And for those who have opinions on such things, how awesome would a Bill Buckley/Gore Vidal fighting video game be?)

But chiming throughout the news of the hour on NPR this morning was talk of Al Quada. Not the warm fluffy Al Quada who is hiding meekly in caves licking their wounds, no, but the scary let's-take-Iraq-from-these-Democracy-lovers Al Quada.

You see, the term used by everyone until recently was insurgents. Insurgents. A nice term. A neutral term upon which we can afix our own private fears and expectations. But, as the war becomes less popular than a Three's Company spin off it is necessary to wag the dog in a different sort of way, a handjob from your grandmother that is so good you have to pretend it isn't your grandmother sort of way.

So bam, suddenly the insurgents are all gone and the White House has been using the term Al Quada to replace it. Just like magic. It is such a bold faced lie, so factless that surly respected media outlets wouldn't use it, right?

No... please back away from the kool-aid

But hey, to make it up to me they ran a story about how an evangelical Christian magically turned himself from gay to straight. As if he found the philosophers stone and poosh! Went from glitter to gold.

That isn't news folks. Any more than it would be if I convinced myself I was no longer human but unicorn.

Well, if your childhood was as reclusive and dull as mine was you probably know that unicorns have the ability to sense virgins (no, really). And NPR, your doe-eyed wonder today indicates you are in a painful need to get your cherry obliterated. May I suggest Sylvia Pajolie and Nina Totenberg in a rub full of My*T*Fine pudding?

No, Vanilla would do nicely, but thank you NPR for the suggestion.