"I am on Crack" written by James on estrip.org

02/02/08 09:36 - 30ºF - ID#43152

I am on Crack

Hi,

My name is James and I am an addict.

This addiction has been manageable in the past. More of a perennial nuisance than a full time hunger. But now I can't even recognize myself.

I just found out tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. My first thought was 'I wonder how this will affect Super Duper Tuesday primary blitz!' followed by 'I wonder if candidate has purchased ad time' and then 'oh man, I should totally go grocery shopping, no one will be there!'

This isn't the first time this has happened. When Benazir Bhutto was assassinated I worried that it might affect news coverage of Barack Obama's last stump speech before Iowa. How uncompassionate can you get?

I am going to have to get off this drug, but November is just... oh shit, it is over half a year away. God damn it.

Permalink: I_am_on_Crack.html
Words: 145
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: humor?

02/01/08 01:48 - 32ºF - ID#43134

Who is the Real Joe Biden

What do we know of Joe Biden?

Yes, he is one of the longest serving members of the senate. Yes, he has been a presidential candidate a few times. And yes, I want him and Obama to make sweet, sweet white house love together - ties loose, collar button undone.

But who is the real Joe Biden?

In 1987 Joe moved into a neighborhood Willmington known for a stray dog problem. Six months later no dogs could be found, Joe moved again.

In 1992 Joe introduced a piece of legislation that would ban the sale and ownership of silver daggers.

Joe has never attended a late night meeting while there was a full moon.

This points to a profoundly disturbing suspicion.

Have we let wolfmen infultrate the highest levels of our government?

Permalink: Who_is_the_Real_Joe_Biden.html
Words: 134
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/31/08 10:23 - 24ºF - ID#43122

Hi

Since bailing out of student teaching I am pleased I didn't go through a week long 'I am a miserable failure let's drink a few years off your life' phase. Rather, I am super glad I did what I did.

So, I have been talking to a career councilor at Buff State. I have been seeing him for a month now, as I was pretty sure I wanted nothing to do with public school education for a while now. Well, I completed a few aptitude and temperament tests two weeks ago and got the rest results back. According to those tests I have an overwhelming aptitude for being an elected official.

So I want to use this moment to announce my candidacy for anything. Anything at all. My platform is as follows.

We will reform X to be superior to the way it was before!

We must end the policy of Y because it increases disparities between working class Americans and demonized institution du jour!

I promise you, in the first 100 days I am in office, I will not shake the hand of any foreigner who does not speak in an outrageous accent. Further more, I will not shake the hand of any member of 80's rock behemoth Foreigner.

Permalink: Hi.html
Words: 209
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: religion

01/28/08 10:50 - 30ºF - ID#43059

Response to Tony

Tony, I have a book your daughter needs to read.

Permalink: Response_to_Tony.html
Words: 12
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/26/08 06:34 - 25ºF - ID#43045

State of the Union

Chris Morris is the funniest man alive.

Check out this State of the Union address he spliced together. I peed myself three times watching it.

Permalink: State_of_the_Union.html
Words: 33
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

01/25/08 08:08 - 23ºF - ID#43034

Boycott Chuck Norris

Now that Grandpa Fred's presidential bid/nap is over what is his staff up to?

Much bigger and more noble work apparently.

A former communications staffer has launched Boycott Chuck Norris to fight the disease which is Chuck Norris.

Chuck has been a very public supporter of whackjob Mike Huckabee. In fact, when the Huckster won the Iowa caucus his wife was not up on stage with him, but Chuck was there.

Huckabee, is fucking crazy. Seriously fucking crazy. He believes in a literal biblical interpretation of reality. There is no evolution and he said if elected he would rewrite the constitution to be in line with god's word. In the early 90's he called for the quarantining of people with AIDS. He has continually likened homosexuality to necrophilia and bestiality.

Chuck is free to get in bed with whomever he wants. But, as the site says

I want you to join me in boycotting all of the products that Chuck Norris endorses and some of the national companies that run advertisements on the show in which he starred and currently rerunning on the USA cable network, Walker, Texas Ranger.

all I got to say is, thanks, 20 years ahead of you on that one.

metalpeter writes at 01:10:18 01/26/08 - Comment #30916: First of all sorry I don't think so. USA is a great network (granted I don't watch it that much other then Wrestling) why boycott it cause it has a chuck norris show on. That is like burning down a High School with all the kids in side of it cause there are 3 terrorists in it. OH wait that is what we did with Iraq, I know that wasn't the intent but man what a botch job that was. Second of all I love Pepsi and Mountain dew and he does an ad for them. Not to mention they own Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza hut so we should then boycott all of them again I don't think so. Well maybe we should just boycott his movies, um wait he hasn't done any in like 15 years, oh well. Seems to me like the boycott idea is going down in flames very quickly.

In terms of interperating the bible literaly there are a few problems with that.
1) Adam and Eve where the first people on earth. That means that what happened there was all fact and not a symbol and there were not multiple gardens of eden. So to have more humans brothers and sisters had to fuck each other and or mom and dad.

2) Tower of Bable stroy. That thing where the tower falls and god makes everyone speak different languages untill they all can speak the language of god. That would mean one of two things only people who speak god's language can talk to each other or that every nationality is supposed to stay seperate untill they die and they speak god's word in heaven .

I know that I don't know his belief system but I do know that if you follow the bible exactly word for word you run into allot of problems and this is only from two parts I mentioned. I guessing like allot of people in this world he has his own ideas that the bible supports and then he doesn't follow the parts that don't support his beliefs and that is his right to do so.

mike writes at 12:39:45 01/26/08 - Comment #30894: if only his show wasn't so amazing and impossible to look away from....

Permalink: Boycott_Chuck_Norris.html
Words: 204
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/25/08 03:21 - 23ºF - ID#43031

Deep Breath

So,

Now that I am out of student teaching I have to do a lot of work. I have a part time job that pays well enough and has a very flexible schedule. But the tricky thing is getting a career going.

I know next to nothing about technical writing. But I can explain things to people well and I love to write, so that might be fun. Jim is going to help me put some samples on a web site. I would do things like explain how to use a complex function on the flickr web site. Adding video would be awesome. I was born to be a star! A star who explains how to edit out the face of your ex-wife from photos. In a world full of podcasts why not aim for untold internet stardom and prove Warhol's axiom true.

Telling professional adults that I quit has been mixed. Most have told me it was a good idea, some have told me I should stick it out.

But I never did like to listen to authority figures.

boom

Permalink: Deep_Breath.html
Words: 181
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: fucking damn it

01/23/08 09:55 - 17ºF - ID#43005

Well, there goes that

I fucking hate student teaching.

We will see if I finish next week.

Then I will beat myself up for the next month and drink too much.

Then, I will do something else.

God damn it what a waste of time.

Permalink: Well_there_goes_that.html
Words: 41
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/20/08 04:47 - 13ºF - ID#42963

Sick Day

I have a horrible cold. The cold medicine got me through last nights lovely dinner with (e:pmt). I would have loved some sushi, but my palate has gone to hell with this cold. If we had gone to Korean House I am sure some pickled fish heads would have been able to penetrate the phlegm barrier.

Permalink: Sick_Day.html
Words: 59
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: health

01/15/08 06:40 - 29ºF - ID#42894

Stupid Fucking Doctor

There have been a lot of 'ZOMG my fucking doctor is the lamest lulz' posts over the past couple of months. You would think there are no competent doctors in Buffalo from reading it. So, when I do have a positive experience with a doctor I will let you all know.

But in the meantime...

what a fucking idiot doctor. I spent all of seven minutes with the guy. He walks in, checks my heartbeat and the sound of my lungs, asks if I need any scripts refilled and leaves to write them up.

I didn't have the opportunity to say something like "oh, and while you are here can you please check this giant infected gash oozing pussy slime" or "oh, I got stabbed last night and I stitched it myself, care to take a look?". Just wham, bam, that will be $20 for your copay ma'am.

He doesn't ask me about my diet but proceeds to tell me not to eat things I haven't had in years, like white bread or pasta. This would be like telling a vegetarian to cut red meat out of their diet.

But he pulled out a real show stopper at the end. Apparently, I am too fat and need to lose some weight. Yup, he looks at my height, looks at my weight, walks over to a BMI chart on the wall and declares me over-weight. He is using a useless metric that would declare the beefiest of body builders as obese as the chunkiest opera tenor. (Muscle = fat) = stupid metric used by stupid doctors.

This is the Keleida health place on Hertel. The last time I was there I got a lecture about the use of condoms. When I told the doctor I was monogamously coupled she said I should still use condoms. Because, you know, all gay guys sleep around.

grumph

chico writes at 11:32:15 01/23/08 - Comment #30812: That Body Mass Index is stupid (for the reason you identified) but many doctors and insurance underwriters treat it as if it were gospel truth. Why? Because it's easier to match up two parameters (height and weight) on a one-size-fits-all (forgive the pun) table than it is to make a reasoned judgement about whether a patient/client is overweight for his/her frame and specific situation (hmmm, that might actually require spending time talking with the patient/client. Blasphemy!).

james writes at 10:48:21 01/16/08 - Comment #30486: Felly: At least go to get blood work done. If they are just looking at numbers it is less liekly they will say something stupid.... right?

Zombar: *giggle snort*

Dragonglady: they start with fad diets and move on up to land speculation. It is all a horrid pyramid marketing scheme.

Jenks: I was going to use pustular, but your word is more subtle.

jenks writes at 10:31:25 01/16/08 - Comment #30485: @z- haha. Yes that is a trick we play on unsuspecting med students. Ask them to write out the word that means pus-filled. They do, and then turn bright red. haha.

(and fyi, the way to get around that is to say purulent, but that's not nearly as much fun.)

dragonlady7 writes at 09:35:26 01/16/08 - Comment #30482: For a second I thought this was the same doctor that did the same thing to me, but it was the Univera place on Sheridan instead.

I ranted about it on here, I know I did, last spring.
I went because my knees were bothering me. She listened to what I said about my exercise routine-- working as a waitress 40 hours a week, then another 10+ hours a week of roller skating-- and said oh yes, you are exercising too much.
Then she examined me, etc, did the normal thing, pretty cursory but there it was.

Then she looked at my chart, frowned, and asked me how tall I was. I told her. She looked at the chart taped to the cabinet, and said, "You're dangerously obese. You need to exercise more."
"But... but... you just said I was over-exercising..."
"Oh yes. Eat less."
"As it is, I only eat when I'm hungry."
"Then try not eating carbs."

That was it. My doctor told me to starve myself with a fad diet because the number of my weight compared to the number of my height was too large, completely regardless of the fact that she had just palpated my legs and determined they were pretty much solid muscle.

... I guess I'm glad to know they don't just do this to women?

zobar writes at 09:29:42 01/16/08 - Comment #30481: 'Pussy slime?'

- Z

fellyconnelly writes at 07:09:07 01/16/08 - Comment #30475: yup... i keep thinkin about how i need a trip to the doctor now that i finally have health insurance. Now i'm thinkin i'd be better off not going....

james writes at 09:36:02 01/15/08 - Comment #30441: Paul: true dat

Peter: It is better to be safe than sorry. I was just irked because she wouldn't offer the same advice to hetero couples, just the fags. But you have some good advice for sure.

Jenks: It must be frustrating for you to read this site sometimes, what with the rash of horrendously stupid doctors.

Libertad: I really truly want to go see a doctor too instead of these beef brisket brained idiot doctors.

And yes, I showed him my ring during the rectal exam.

libertad writes at 09:27:44 01/15/08 - Comment #30439: I really truly want to go see a doctor, but don't know where to go.

Did you show him your ring?

jenks writes at 08:26:52 01/15/08 - Comment #30438: sigh... :(

metalpeter writes at 07:42:00 01/15/08 - Comment #30433: See that last comment sounds funny to me (I'm not saying it is) because that doctor doesn't get it. See all guys sleep around. I'm not saying that you are being cheated on at all. But I do think that in terms of sexual health (depending on the act of course) that people who only see each other should all ways use condoms. People don't mean to cheat but sometimes it does happen once and never again so why take a chance at your health.