I guess I should inlink even if I'm only referring back to my previous post when continuing a story. Let me clarify.

"Break up" [inlink]twisted,326[/inlink] was a exaggeration. Here's the whole timeline:

Sunday 9PM: I respond to a m4w post on craigslist
Sunday 10PM: after a few rounds of email we decide to meet for a drink
Monday 6-8:30PM: aforementioned drinks, as described here [inlink]twisted,325[/inlink]

Here's exactly what happened after that. He sent me the following email from his "real" email account (previously he had used a generic account - common practice on craigslist before you meet face to face):

"It was fun to meet you. If you're really interested please send me your # so I can call you."

I responded, also switching to my real email account:

Hi John. It was great meeting you last night. It's uncanny how much we have in common - especially considering we met through craigslist.

From your ad I know you're looking for love and a LTR. I really enjoyed hanging out together and would be into doing that again. But I don't feel the kind of connection to be dating each other. I don't mean to make what may seem like a premature determination, but I've been putting off sending my reply for that reason, so I wanted to be upfront about it. Anyway, I do like you and would be interested in doing stuff together. Some guys who are looking for a LTR only want to focus on that. You don't seem like that type, but with your limited social time I could totally understand if you wanted to reserve it for finding that special someone and spending time with your current friends. But if you ever want to do something together, give me a call or send me an email!

Lisa
(with my phone number)


His reply:

Lisa,

Thanks for the nice note, I appreciate your candor. Yes, I am interested in meeting someone with an intimate relationship as the end goal.

That being said, I did enjoy meeting you and you seem very cool and together and I could see getting together from time to time for some laughs. Who knows we might introduce each other to the perfect mate! And as far as I know yo can't have enough friends.

So promise to call me if there is something going on or youre in the neighborhood and I'll do the same.

John

My point about screwing and chemistry is this. I would much prefer chemistry and good conversation any day of the week. That's ultimately what I'm looking for. But the difference I've seen between women and men is, even if there's no chemistry some guys will screw you until they get bored. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but don't be surprised when the chick is pissed six weeks later when you then tell her you're breaking up because there's no chemistry. Can you guys get that, or no? I thought it was pretty simple. It would be better to say upfront "I really don't see us together long term, but I could sure use a good fuck if you're up for it." See what I'm saying?

On the flip side, if there's chemistry but no conversation, hopefully at some point you both come to the same realization. But I agree if I ended up screwing someone I couldn't see having a certain rapport with, I should probably say something upfront about that too. Unfortunately that hasn't come up for me yet. I'll keep you posted.


p.s. -

Just so you know I'm not out to lambaste the male of the species (if that were the case I would have properly categorized my post with one of the many colorful categories created by hodown - which I have been dying to use - but my damn inherent sense of diplomacy won't let me until I have just cause) here's an afterthought.

I have to correct myself about women 'typically' not screwing a guy if there's no chemistry. I have seen some women who will screw a guy just to prove to herself she's worth screwing. I have no other words of wisdom about that, just an observation.

As long as you peeps are in (e:chat) withdrawal, maybe a brief follow-up to my craigslist drama could help fill the void. Ok, maybe not, but it's all I've got.

So, my Dear John email was well-received. Then again, maybe he's on myspace right now ranting about the b!tch who dumped him before a proper chem test could even be conducted. But somehow I don't think so.

See, that's one difference between guys and girls. I just don't feel it, so I'm not going to go there. Not because he's not "the one" - I'd be happy to screw a guy I might never want to carry a conversation on with. But just because I can carry a conversation on with a guy doesn't mean I'd screw him.

In other words, it won't take me six weeks of screwing his brains out to come to the sudden realization, oh wait! there's no chemistry here! sorry!

Yeah, that could really piss a chick off. Hell hath no fury for sure.

I made first contact with a guy I met on craigslist last night. First off, the pre-game was flawless - short, quick, to the point - just the way I like it. Three email volleys over one short hour and we had a date set up for the next evening. Anything longer than that is just asking for trouble. Besides, why should I type my life story when I can tell it to you over a nice beer in a dive bar?

So I can tell right away he's practical and realistic - which might sound boring but scores very high with me. I get to the bar first, which lives up to it's description, so there's another point in his favor. I do a quick walk-through and don't see anyone matching his description, so I order a beer at the bar. A table full of bike courier types taking full advantage of the all day Monday happy hour immediately call me over. I can't understand a damn word they're saying, but there's much fuss over the scarf I wore as my identifiable feature (red carnations being out of season). So I'm thinking I must have walked by him after all, and hot damn! these guys may be drunk but they're darn cute! Although much younger than the guy I'm supposed to be meeting, so no such luck.

I reluctantly disengage myself and grab a booth at the back of the bar to wait. Mr. Practical shows up right on schedule within the 15 minute window he gave me. He gets a beer and the life storytelling begins.

I won't even go into all the unexpected commonalities we turned up over two beers, like moving here from Boston 4-5 years ago, working for rival tech publishers - which gave us the context to appreciate and the ideal positioning to launch into the Internet age. Seriously, if you weren't in the thick of it at that time there's no way to describe it.

Oh yeah, and this is for (e:Paul). When one of the IDG companies he worked for went belly up in the dot com bust, he bought their assets - including two $100k Sun Servers - for a mere $1,000 total to start his own business. Sorry - he already resold them so I can't get you any deals.

Plus he has a Border Collie he adopted from the SPCA. 10 points for that.

So it's like, Bingo!, right? But there was no chemistry - from my side anyway. Is that too much to ask for? He seemed to be into me - walked me to BART, kiss on the cheek, maybe we can catch some live music later this week - all that. Or maybe he's just more realistic than I am. I just don't know any more. If only there were some DIP switches to make that part work it would be so much easier.

So now I have to write the Dear John email (yeah, his name really is John) in response to his email asking me for my phone number. I'll tell him I enjoy hanging out with him, but I don't feel a romantic attraction which I know is what he is looking for. But if he's interested in doing things together as friends, I'd be up for that.

Sounds harsh - it's not like he's butt-ugly or anything, so can I really know I'm not attracted to him this quickly? I once talked to another craigslist guy who was trying to get over his ex. He told me she wasn't at all his "type" physically, so he was surprised he fell for her so hard. I told him attraction is a subjective thing - when you grow to like someone/something, your impression can change too. Maybe the first time you looked at sushi you thought "that can't possibly taste good!" But after trying and liking it, all of a sudden when you see sushi you think "my god! that looks so delicous!" He got that.

Still, since we're talking about a men for women posting I'd rather go on the record with how I'm feeling right now. If we do continue going out and he turns out to be sushi - or I become more realistic - there's always the option to update later.

Back to the bingo board.

Like the first comment says - someone went through a lot of trouble to very accurately depict the Simpsons intro with real life actors.

Happy Monday everyone!

I just got back from the SFSPCA Bark and Whine Ball with Ron and Sammi. OMG, it was so much fun. Ron made a hat for Sammi and painted her nails to match. She looked so cute! I can't compete with that.



Oh yeah, I must've passed that editing test 'cause they hired me. Woo hoo!

I think I'm the only one in my family, besides possibly my Dad (which is ironic, since he's a minister) who has never given up something [inlink]decoyisryan,13[/inlink] publicly for Lent. Yeah, when I was a kid we avoided eating meat on
Good Friday. At least for breakfast and dinner. You were on your own for school lunch.

Anyway, I thought it was kind of funny when my siblings adopted the practice when they got older. I'm like, did I miss something? Maybe we did that all along and I just forgot? But I don't think so. I remember when my brother visited me in SF for the first time and we went to the Arnold Arboretum in Golden Gate Park and saw these gigantic asparagus-looking plants. It was Lent, and he had given up asparagus. What are the odds? And who the hell gives up asparagus?

I also remember going to my other brother's church the first Sunday in Lent. It must have been for my nephew's First Communion. Anyway, the minister gave an interesting sermon. She suggested, instead of giving up something for Lent - denying yourself something you enjoy - why not "take up" something you've been meaning to do. Get in touch with old friends, volunteer, meditate, read, write. That struck a chord with me, the eternal "be what you are, not what your aren't" person.

This probably doesn't help [inlink]decoyisryan,13[/inlink] at all. But if it were me, I would only give up something I thought would be beneficial to cut back on long term. Otherwise, maybe consider taking up something.


My brother and the giant asparagus

I don't believe I've used the term "radical leftist" - or it's counterpart, "nuts on the Right" - on this site or anywhere else. But in response to (e:uncutsaniflush)'s post [inlink]Uncutsaniflush,168[/inlink] (why oh WHY am I drawn to the hornets' nest?) I have just a few thoughts.

I consider myself a liberal, but I don't expect everyone to share my ideologies, and I respect your right to voice your own. We may debate, but it doesn't have to turn into a fight.

I object to liberals who spend more time criticizing conservatives than communicating their own views. It's easy to "prove" what's wrong. Defining yourself by what you're "not" doesn't tell me anything. It's like the playground bully establishing his authority by beating up the other kids.

That's all for now.

The Atlantic has some interesting articles this month, namely, the cover story about Online Dating and the Technology column about Google Earth.

The cover story is way too long to even attempt to excerpt here. If you're interested, let me know and I'll email it to you. They get into the "logic" online dating services like eHarmony.com and chemistry.com use to match people up. Crazy, but interesting.

They also included a sidebar of "niche" matchmaking services, which I am posting here as a public service to all you individualists.

Conservative Match (www.conservativematch.com ) "Sweethearts not bleeding hearts"

Liberal Hearts (www.liberalhearts.com ) "Uniting Democrats, Greens, animal lovers & environmentalists who are like in mind and liberal in love"

Good Genes (www.goodgenes.com ) "[Helping] Ivy Leaguers and similarly well-educated graduates and faculty find others with matching credentials"

MillionaireMatch (www.millionairematch.com ) "Where you can add a touch of romance to success and achievement!"

The Atlasphere (www.theatlasphere.com ) "A place where admirers of Ayn Rand's novels can meet, 365 days a year, to network, find shared interests, and perhaps ... even fall in love"

May-December (www.maydecember.net ) "Years apart, coming together"

Golfmates (www.golfmates.com ) "The world's premier online dating service designed specifically for the golfing community"

Riders2Love (www.riders2love.com ) "Bringing Bikers Together ... For a Ride or For a Lifetime"

EquestrianCupid (www.equestriancupid.com ) "The best dating site in the world for friends and singles who are horse lovers"

CowboyCowgirl (www.cowboycowgirl.com) "Join thousands of singles that share your love for the country way of life"

GothicMatch (www.gothicmatch.com ) "Where gothic friends and singles feel at home!"

Single FireFighters (www.singlefirefighters.com ) "The ONLY place to meet firefighters without calling 911!"

Positive Love (www.positivelove.com ) "Don't let STDs control your Love Life"

Singles with Scruples (www.singleswithscruples.com ) "[Emphasizing] integrity and good character"

Private Affairs (www.philanderers.com ) "Discreet Extramarital Personal Ads exclusively for discriminating men and women seeking an Extramarital Affair"

Asexual Pals (www.asexualpals.com ) "Because there is so much more to life!"

The interesting part about the Google Earth article - besides covering the technology in an historical context - is the descriptions of the implementations springing up using the Google Earth toolkit to attach annotations (clickable pictures, descriptions, links) to specific geographical points. They cite Ogleearth.com and Gearthblog.com for news, screenshots and links to some practical examples. Some less practical examples: an overlay from Blogwise.com shows who is writing a blog in your city with links to the blog, and a Flickr overlay on the Geobloggers site where you can see any available photos of the geographic location you're looking at.

Poissonuer [inlink]mrdt,6[/inlink] - what a great word! I love that.

I was thwarted in my pursuit of fish n' chips last night. Edinburgh Castle was packed to the gills (pardon the poisson pun) for "Rock Out w/o yr Cock Out," which might sound, um, exotic but apparently is a monthly event here. Who knew? Needless to say, I was disappointed, having already rationalized getting chips AND rings as it's been such a long time since I indulged. Probably just as well, since I'm sure I would have hated myself in the morning (if not sooner) - same as last time. Tastes so good going down but doesn't feel so great once it's landed.

Believe it or not, I recently started paying attention my diet too. No really! Admitting you might have a problem is the first step, right? ;-)

Current issue of Sunset magazine has an article about Ethiopian food with links to some recipes:

And if that doesn't interest you, here's a pic my ex just sent me from Clipping and Grooming Your Poodle. Something for everybody.



Ok, I'm off to Edinburgh Castle Pub for fish & chips and a pint or two before X. Packing ear plugs this time.