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Last Visit 2021-12-07 07:05:58 |Start Date 2005-12-06 21:43:37 |Comments 2,975 |Entries 615 |Images 745 |Sounds 7 |Videos 22 |Mobl 13 |Theme |

Category: boys

06/12/06 02:17 - 64ºF - ID#23876

what is he doing to me?

So as I mentioned (e:jenks,161) I saw my ex the other night. We're friendly these days, but don't talk much, and still never see each other. Well I was having a shitty night and in a moment of weakness I texted him, and we went back and forth a bit... he asked if there was anything he could do, and invited me to come meet them. (shocking, since i rarely/never got to see his friends when we were together.) And he said he misses me. That is the kind of thing that fucks with my head big time. Because try as I might, deep down I'm not really over him. I mean I know we don't really work... but still he was like my best friend for a year. And over time I manage to forget the shitty parts, and focus on the good. So of course I miss him. So for him to say that, even though I'm sure he was just trying to be friendly, gives me all sorts of crazy false hope.

So then today I got this email:

A little note to say hello and hope you are having a good day. Don't let silly boys get you down, we are animals and don't deserve any tears.

Be well.


But on a good note, I scheduled my exam, at home, for july 6/7. (2 eight hour days of testing, YUCK. But when it's done (assuming I pass), I will have filled the last requirement for my medical license. Then the only thing left is board certification, but that's at least 2 years away.) But so now that means I HAVE to go home. Just need to figure out the details of the work schedule so I can buy plane tickets. (which are CRAZY expensive for some reason. They're usually like 150-200, and yesterday they were 350- and today they're 450!! fuck! Work had better stop dicking around and tell me what my schedule is!)

Anyway. Hope you all enjoyed the art festival. Now i just want summer weather back. :)

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Permalink: what_is_he_doing_to_me_.html
Words: 345
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: purge

06/12/06 12:18 - 58ºF - ID#23875

Ahh, much better

Ack! So it happened. My ipod done got filled up. It had been teetering on the brink of full-ness for a while, but I was usually able to squeeze in a sync by taking out addresses, movie quotes, etc. But no more. The next step would be to turn off auto-sync, but that's a pain.

So I just purged my music library. Deleted 967 crappy songs. (but at the last second, lest I was over-zealous, decided to backup my trash to DVD.)

Last year a guy at work "lent" me his music collection- something like 10gb worth. And rather than being selective, I just blindly copied it all. Then over the course of the year, kept having to fast-forward through stuff I don't like, so I finally just deleted it all.

Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty of crap, but at least it's *my* crap.

So anyway, my ipod can breathe easier now.

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Permalink: Ahh_much_better.html
Words: 154
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: grrr

06/11/06 01:25 - 59ºF - ID#23874

what a shitty night...

[this is a long whiny bitch session, probably not worth reading.]

So yesterday I went to allentown with timika/tonya/jen/ryan/anthony. That was fun. My friend kept trying to get me to come meet him at the beer garden by MIA. So we finally get there... he's gone. "oh, yeah, we left... sorry... didn't know you were coming." Whatever. Then we ate humongous delicious burgers at Jimmy Macs. I don't think I should eat for a week after that. Then I came home and I was in such a food coma I kind of didn't want to go out. But then the friend (who bailed at the beer garden) kept begging me to go to cozumel. I felt more like Hardware, but whatever. So I went out at like midnight. He was there with some people I know. He talked to me for like a second, then was all over these nurses. Then someone wanted to go to Colter Bay. He says he'll "meet up with us later". WTF. You beg me to come out, then totally ignore me. LAME. So we go to Colter Bay. And since the guy stayed behind, the girl he gave a ride didn't have a ride anymore, so I took her. Now I love this girl... she is a super-sweetheart. But she is also an absolute knockout. Like a size 2 with long blonde hair and big boobs. So while I love her, it is impossible to not totally be in her shadow whenever she is around. So at colter bay I see a guy at work who has totally fucked me over. There's graduation next weekend, and I was all psyched to go. It's black tie, and I was really psyched to wear this dress. I checked with everybody, it was ok. I sent in my RSVP card. I have a "date" (friend) to go with. I'm not on call... So I see this guy- "oh by the way, I changed the schedule. I'm the chief, so I want to be on call thurs, so you're on call friday." Which means I can't go... 'but... but... we talked about this... I have plans..." "oh... man... sorry... I feel bad... sorry!" And the thing is, he's not even going to graduation. he changes the schedule to get the night off, and isn't even going. So I was cranky about that, I was in a bad mood, totally being ignored by everyone... I just wanted to go home. But i had to give that girl a ride still, and I didn't want to be a party pooper. So I went along to fucking Bucky Buffalo or whatever that is called. Talk about the LAST place on earth I want to go. A fucking honky-tonk country bar with slutty girls in "cowgirl" outfits line dancing on the bar? Vomit.... I happen to pass my ex on the way... so we're texting back and forth... For some reason tears are burning my eyes the whole time but I'm trying to keep smiling and laughing and pretending I LOVE Bucky Buffalo... FINALLY 4 comes along and it's time to go. So I'm going to give the girl a ride to her car, but the guy that has been trying to get in her pants all night won't leave her alone. He's SUPER drunk and pathetic and needs a ride. FINE, get in. "Where am I going?" "god! stop being retarded! just be cool! go straight!" "are you sure?" "yes! Go straight". finally we're WAY downtown... 'J, where are we going?" "keep going straight! we're on elmwood, right?" ummm NO, dumbass. So we get back near cozumel, I think to his house. No, it's to his car. Well no fucking WAY is he driving home, so we have to take him home. The whole time he is talking about how he wants to "rape" "molest" "nail" and "bang" my friend. hahaha! isn't that funny?! Gee he's great! (I work with this guy. Always kind of thought he was a cocky ass, and now that I've seen this side- whew. My friend said "you know, girls will always think 'i'm cute, I'm pretty' but there is always another girl there that it prettier, thinner, sexier, younger, etc. [which is amazing coming from her since she's gorgeous]. Do guys feel this way?" And this stupid guy goes on "well maybe in a real city like new york or LA... But here, I know that I am the best thing in this town. there is NO ONE better than me, so I am confident and I can get any girl." (gotta love the asshole doctor ego.))
Oh and I just remembered the other part of the story... So he was talking about being in colombia where "all the women are so hot that it made me feel bad for the guys in chicago when i came back, since they only have american women". So I said 'wait did you go to med school in chicago?' and he finishes my sentence 'yeah... and I worked with you one day. You were all up in the attending's face, and trying to tell me what to do, and I was all 'fuck this, who's this bitch, telling me what to do?'" Umm, what? First of all, I can guarantee I was not "up in the attending's face" since that's not my style. But as far as telling him what to do... when I am two years his senior and I was the resident and he was the student. That's how it works!! Oy...

But anyway, so we take his drunk ass home, after many wrong turns by his bad directions. He was threatening to piss on my back seat if we didn't come in "and be cool! stop being retarded! just come in and be two hot chicks! come on!" Finally we get there, and tell him to go piss "while we park". He knew that was a trick and refused to get out of the car. Finally we physically pushed him out and drove off... Then I dropped my friend off, and the sun was coming up, and I made it home at 5. And woke up at 1230, and missed brunch at Elmwood Lounge. Sad. I was looking forward to it. I can't believe I'm hungry after that burger though, but I'm starving...

So anyway, I guess now it's time to head back downtown. I wish it weren't so damn cold out!!

later peeps.
sorry for ranting.

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Permalink: what_a_shitty_night_.html
Words: 1085
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: ro-diland

06/10/06 09:53 - 53ºF - ID#23873

Home (for real)

I should go to work soon, but I'd rather post. Paul's pix of the protestors made me think of this bit about jesus by David Cross... SO funny. I spent a while last night trying to find it. When/if I do, if I can trim it down and make it post-able, I will.

On to pictures...

Two of the main reasons I go home...

This is Alice. She's 10 (but this pic is a few years old.) We made fun of those dog show names, so her "real" name is [hidden from google] Though I heard my dad say once she's named after me, which I never knew.

This is Gus. We got him a year later. He's 9. His name is [hidden from google], after my great-great-(great?)-uncle [hidden from google] (whose wife was our [HFG]).

My bro several years ago (i just like the pic).

My REAL house. Built in '78 I think, first architecture project of one of dad's college classmates. Don't be deceived- it's smaller than my apt in Buffalo. The whole left side is a garage, and the little box on the top is my room. Those big windows have all broken a few times in hurricanes, and the chimney fell off once too (so it is now extra-huge and extra-reinforced.)


See, it snows outside of Buffalo too.

So a few years ago my dad succumbed to his obsession with all things fast, and got a helicopter license. So here are some aerial shots. My friend Dan (more pix in my links on the right) took the first two. I took the crappy hazy ones. (but it was SO COOL to get to fly around! I always wanted to go on Mercy Flight- but I bet this was much cooler than having a trying-to-die person crammed in there with us! We waved at mom, and (gasp) even used our cell phones in flight!)

"My" beach. Second, or Sachuest, Beach in Middletown. That's the ocean on the left and "the res" (reservoir) on the right. I'm sure I am going to die of skin cancer since I spent every day of every summer as a kid there. (sometimes against our will. Aww mom... do we HAVE to go to the beach again??) And the parking lot is where I learned to drive.

I love this pic. The beach again.

My house again. Those trees going off the screen on the right are gingkos... I remember planting them when I was little... They were tiny... Now they're big enough that there's a hammock hanging between them. Makes me feel old... Oh yeah, and the pine trees on the left are actually some of our old christmas trees. And that's a fire hydrant in the back yard, sitting on the cover of the well. Dad "found" it (sure) and brought it home for the dogs. Keeps saying he's going to paint it bright red one day. I think it's funny.

This is the Clambake Club, where my sister got married. Gorgeous.

I don't know if that's an aircraft carrier (or two) or what, but I just know it's some big-ass navy ship(s).

Ida Lewis Yacht Club. Great place to watch 4th of July fireworks. But that dock was a loooong walk as a kid.

ILYC. That rock/island it's on I believe is called Lime Rock, and Ida Lewis used to live out there and keep boats from crashing into it, save people from drowning, etc. There was no dock at the time and she used a little rowboat.

Fort Adams. Newport still has a pretty big Navy presence, and that's a cool old Fort. And a lot of the Navy Housing is out there too. The Naval War College is in town too. The Navy always meant classes full of "Navy Brats"- but to me it just meant half the time my new best friend would up and move after a year or two. :(

I forget which boat that is, but I think it's a famous one. Endeavor maybe? I think it's one of the America's Cup boats. No scale in that pic, but it's HUGE.

Finally back on the ground... my sister and dad looking all pilot-y.


Ok, off to work then Allentown!

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Permalink: Home_for_real_.html
Words: 748
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: ri

06/09/06 10:02 - 62ºF - ID#23872





So I was saying how (e:maureen)'s post made me homesick... It's so beautiful there. And the beach will be open... So I'm thinking I'll just take my week of vacation and go home. Spend time with the fam, and the puppies!!, and at the beach (and take my #$%#$ licensing exam). I love going home, and it makes my parents happy. I'll miss the 4th in Buffalo, but I guess that's not the end of the world.

But so last night (e:mike) asked me if I lived in one of the mansions. Being from newport, I get that question a lot. And (to me) it's a totally crazy question. Of COURSE not! But to people not from the area, how should they know? But so sometimes I say yes for the hell of it. (my dad's office IS a few blocks down the same street, does that count? ;) )

Well apparently people believed me. hahahahaha so sorry. I was going to try to keep up the charade for a while, but i'm too terrible a liar...

But anyway, so the pix above- Not My House. The first is the Breakers (the biggest mansion) . The next two are Marble House (where I had my prom, actually.) (no pix are allowed inside the mansions, which is too bad, b/c they're super ornate and fancy and impressive.)

Actually the mansions are pretty amazing. "summer cottages" of the rich and famous... Most are owned by the Preservation Society, and are open for tours. But a few are still privately owned and I think people live in them. But the stories about them are so cool. I just can't even fathom that time, the wealth, society, etc. Those links give some of the history (construction cost, family stories, etc). (There's also a section of the "Lost Houses". Cool.)

But it's so pretty there... I mean it's a small town and there's not a ton to do, but sometimes it takes being away to realize what I've always taken for granted. I'm going to try to dig up more pix when I get home. Maybe I'll show you all my real house. Or (gasp) my prom picture. (ok probably not on that one.) And I'll be sure to take some good touristy pix when/if I go home, to give you all a virtual tour and share some good old hometown pride. :)

Oh and while looking for mansion pix, I found this- never knew Olmsted did a park in newport too!


Princess Jenks (ha, ha)

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Permalink: home.html
Words: 443
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/07/06 06:28 - 80ºF - ID#23871

Drama as usual

Sweet. Chase (my bro-in-law) rocks. Just sent me six cd's. Guru's Jazzmatazz vol 1/2/3 (cool rap/jazz mashup type stuff), the twilight singers, matthew sweet and susanna hoffs doing covers, and "his current fave"- asobi seksu- citrus. Will report after I hear them...

But anyway, so I was out last night... Ran into a guy I met a few weeks ago... I was pretty psyched when I met him, thinking he seemed cool (and cute), and I was dumbfounded that he actually approached me, so I was hoping to see him again... and so I saw him, but... I dunno... it wasn't there. He was wearing different clothes and no hat and somehow the whole vibe was just totally different and I'm not digging it. Bummer. (and extra-bummer b/c he was like waving at me across the whole place and making a scene.) I hate not being excited about people...

But I think even worse, I hate when people aren't excited about me.
I also saw the threesome-proposing-couple... At least I'm pretty sure it was them. (nothing ever happened, for the record. I kind of wanted to at least get a drink or something, but then he stopped emailing me all of the sudden.) But so I was trying to make eye contact, and either he didn't see me (doubt it) or ignored me (more likely). But the weird thing is- another friend of mine was there- and I think he was with them!! So I might actually have a connection to these people. (don't know why that surprises me, this IS buffalo.) (which is also a large part of the reason NOT to do anything too scandalous with them- b/c somehow everyone in the world would find out and I'd be mortified.) Now chances are I probably never would have had the balls to do much/anything, but somehow it stings a little that they are the ones suddenly rejecting me, after being the ones to bring it up in the first place. Maybe I'm just too sensitive...

But then I saw this on craigslist today, and I can't help but wonder if it's them:

couple looking for mw ww or w - mw4mw - 25

Hi. We are a couple in our mid 20's. Both curious about messing around with other couples or other women. We are both very open minded, and attractive. We are clean and would expect the same. Please send photos, and a description about yourself. Thanks!! Hope to hear from you!!

I'm kind of tempted to be like 'is this you?' but what would that accomplish, besides making everyone uncomfortable?

But on a good note, I got to work with the plastics guy today at work, and he's great, and it's what I want to do, so it's good to get some face time.

I really hope someday I can outgrow this boy-crazy idiocy. I'm way too old for this shit... Bleh.

Ok, off to attempt a little exercise. Maybe being less of a fatass will help with the boy situation.
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Permalink: Drama_as_usual.html
Words: 512
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/06/06 04:31 - 82ºF - ID#23870

Edumacated Chuckles

Ok, I fixed the Gather link for Mr. November (I hope)- here's the new number: 0211560001149625360

Today was a slow day at work. Which was fine with me. Spent most of the day wondering where to eat for lunch. Eventually recruited a whole crew to Ulrich's Tavern, on Ellicott. Which was much better than I would have expected, given its appearance. German food. Paul you should check it out...

And I think I got a guy at work in trouble, hehe.

So I work with this guy... he's great. Super nice, funny, smart... Good at what he does... He even cooks! Just an all around good guy. And devoted to his girlfriend. And one of the housekeepers at ECMC was convinced his name is Dr. Chuckles. And one day she overheard him telling a senior doc about a patient, and thus using medical lingo, etc, and later she said "damn, you one edumacated Chuckles!" So that has become his nickname.

But anyway, we've had a lot of schedule overlap lately, so we hang out some. Lunch on occasion, etc. But certainly nothing flirty or inappropriate or threatening to his relationship. So on friday when I found out it was too late to go to Rochester, I left him a note that said "Chuckles- since i'm not going to Rochacha, maybe you (and the GF) want to grab a beer?" Well the note got buried, and he didn't get it friday. But this morning told me that he found it yesterday, and that it got him in trouble with his girlfriend. She wanted to know why a girl is calling him Chuckles, and totally didn't believe the housekeeper story, so he's in the doghouse and she wants to meet me. hehe.

Ok, off to find a notary...

ciao peeps.
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Permalink: Edumacated_Chuckles.html
Words: 298
Location: Buffalo, NY

06/05/06 11:16 - 62ºF - ID#23869


So I had a semi-productive day.
I put a new faucet in my bathroom sink.
And afterwards realized, it's no bigger than the old one, which was the whole reason I wanted to replace it. Oops. oh well, at least it looks better. And so far, no leaks.

Then I went to Spot to try to study. Got there at 8:59, only to find out they closed at 9 tonight for "renovations". So I went to Caffe Aroma. Which is just not the same. It's ok, but a little too dark to study... and it's really small. Free wireless is nice, but at the same time, a large part of the reason I leave to study is to get AWAY from the damn computer...

About 5 of my friends are moving tomorrow. Leaving Buffalo... And they're all meeting at Faherty's. And I was going to go. Then I pussed out and decided not to- mostly b/c I'm bad at goodbyes, and chances are high I will cry. I'd rather just talk to them next week, ask how the move went, and ask when they're coming home... Avoid that whole moment of goodbye.

But then I just got another call "what are you doing?!" "nothing... just got home from studying... was going to get ready for bed..." "No. We're going drinking. Faherty's. Now!" And since I suck and always cave to peer pressure, I guess I'll go have a beer. But I guess it's ok... I got some studying done, and don't have too much to do tomorrow at work so it's ok if I'm tired.

And while I'm digging Gnarls lately, I'm rapidly becoming unhealthily obsessed with a new CD- Alligator, by The National. It totally kicks ass. A little melancholy, but I love it. My user song is now "Baby We'll Be Fine" (Gather: 0166480001149563381) And another fave is Mr. November (Gather: 0211560001149625360)

Happy listening! (seriously- download them. I'm hooked.)

[oops, sorry. The Gather for Mr. November doesn't work. I'll fix it when I get home.] [ok, all fixed.]
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Permalink: Alligator.html
Words: 336
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: nerd stuff

06/03/06 12:57 - 64ºF - ID#23868

"left handed"

So this article
caught my eye in the little NPR feed box (thanks paul!)

It's about chiral (right/left handed) amino acids and a theory on why it is that most things on earth tend to consist of the left-handed forms...

Anyway it's totally geeky, but it made me think of a chemistry lecture in college... we were learning about chirality. And I think we were talking about how lactose (the sugar in milk) has R and L forms. And as I remember it, one of them is totally toxic, but the other is not. And they are the same molecule, just but the atoms are arranged in mirror image.

Ok but to the point, the prof said that Lewis Carroll (who wrote Alice in Wonderland) was also a brilliant scientist. And that in "Through the Looking Glass" there's a part where Alice tells the cat not to drink the milk "in the mirror" b/c it will make him sick. A reference to the R/L chiral lactose.

I dunno, I always thought that was neat.

Ok but I just got totally distracted by the news feeds. I checked out boingboing which I'd never even heard of, and they have some guy who makes molecular models out of balloons. Like a huge DNA balloon animal... God, the last thing I need is more ways to waste time online!!

p.s. new user song- Gone Daddy Gone, covered by Gnarls Barkley
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Permalink: _quot_left_handed_quot_.html
Words: 254
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: work

06/02/06 09:50 - 66ºF - ID#23867

Breaks my heart...

So I just went to check on a patient. Frankly, the guy freaks me out a little. He's like a homeless Hep C positive crack addict with scary eyes who probably hadn't eaten in two weeks... So I try to check on him without waking him up. So I was just tiptoeing out of the room, when this sweet little old man peeked in the door... He was this mild mannered little old guy, a little hunched over, in a cute little blazer... and he said "i'm from pastoral care... I hope i'm not interrupting... oh I'll come back later!" and I said no not at all, go right ahead. And I walked out as he walked in. And I heard him say to my delightful patient "Hi I'm Mr. Jones from Pastoral Care... Would you like to take communion this morning?" and Mr. Scary just sort of snarled at him like "don't come near my food". Such different worlds... but somehow it just made me sad that this cute little old man is trying to do something nice in the hospital, and nearly gets his head ripped off.

And last week I had some 70-something year old guy who had just found out he has lung cancer that has spread to his brain. They'd already done brain surgery, and he came to us to have lung surgery. And something about it just struck a chord. This old man, sitting there naked on the edge of the OR table, with his saggy old man boobs, waiting for his epidural... I almost cried. He seemed pretty resigned to everything, but all I could think was how terrified he must be. (fortunately the surgery went fine and he did well and went home shortly thereafter).

So these things nearly make me cry, but it doesn't really bother me to tell someone we have to amputate their leg. What is my problem...

And of course today is the one day this week that i have a case to do. When is my case? 3pm today. That is if it goes on time, which nothing ever does. And of course this is the one day I'm trying to leave early, since I'm supposed to leave for rochester at 5 (and need to go home to shower/change first) for a graduation/going away party for a friend. Fucking great, I probably won't be able to go. :(
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Permalink: Breaks_my_heart_.html
Words: 402
Location: Buffalo, NY



New Site Wide Comments

paul said to twisted
Hello from the east coast! It took me so long to see this, it might as well have arrived in a lette...

joe said to Ronqualityglas
I really don't think people should worry about how their eyelids work. Don't you?...

joe said to flyingdinosaur
Welcome to (e:strip)!...

paul said to joe
oh Jan Magnussen ;)...