I'm on that strange utter-exhaustion buzz right now, so I have random thoughts to share; I apologize in advance.

I just raced "myself" home from work. It was awesome. At a light I noticed my EXACT same car pulled up next to me. Same colors, same options, etc. And the driver waved and zipped out into traffic which I took as a challenge, so we flew down 33-198-elmwood, til she got off at buff state and I kept going. I also love that it was a chick driving b/c girls never race. :)

Fun lyrics from a song in the car:
You are a beau-ty
Is your dad a dealer, cuz you're dope to me!

then the next song was 'bleed a little while tonight' by lowest of the low. My ex told me once to play that song and "listen to the lyrics", like there was a secret message. So I did:

I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where you are tonight
I don't know what I'm blowing
And I ain't feelin' all too right

But I'm hanging around
Yeah, I'm hanging around
You're hanging up the phone again
I'm hanging up this town, 'cause...

I want you and
I need you and
I'm bleeding and
I'll bleed a little while tonight

Well, I don't know much about you
Not more than a smile or two can say
And everything I've learned about you
I've learned through the pit of my stomach anyway

And I'd forget about you if I could dare but
I just want to make love to you in some dark, rainy street somewhere

I will hold this coin that
Reminds me of the time when
You nearly kissed me blind on Bathurst street it's true
But if you turn me down
I'll spin this coin around
And give it back to you, 'cause it's something I can't explain
And if it's all the same to you

Damn, damn the circumstance
Well, my heart is aching
And my room is spinning
It's grey without you in it
My bad luck's just beginning
Don't let me bleed again tonight

My mistakes are taunting me
And I'm hanging around in my old haunts
And I remember you telling me that
Alex never gets what she wants
But you've got someone
And it ain't me
I've got myself again but I just can't let this be

So... I sort of hoped his "secret message" was maybe the first highlighted part. Or the second. But in fact it was the third. And I just found it amusing that the same song contained the 4th one.

But I promise to stop talking about the stupid ex one of these days.
Right now I am amusing myself by chatting with the myspace boy. I'm sure I will find some way to fuck it up and have it all blow up in my face, but for now it's entertaining, and I guess that's good.

nap time...

First, a boy emailed me on my myspace. Who on further investigation turned out to be the same boy that drunkenly hit on me on St. Pat's day. He didn't know it. Very funny. And when I apprised him of the situation, he said "I knew you looked familar. That just goes to prove that I have great taste in women even when destroyed. Yesss!" I thought that was cute.

Next: new favorite dinner (nothing original, but I love it):
fresh mozzarella (the tiny "pearlini" version from wegman's olive bar)
grape tomatos, halved
fresh basil, coarsely chopped
splash of olive oil
lots of lemon juice
tiny bit of balsamic
lots of salt and pepper

yum yum so good I had to share. And am off to make more.

Well last night was a big bust again, as usual.
I had been looking forward to it for weeks... Finally a chance to go out drinking and stay out late and not have to get up early in the morning...

And I spent the night on my couch.

I wanted to sleep yesterday, so I wouldn't be too tired to go out. But I also wanted to go out and enjoy the weather. Ended up going for a walk with (e:ladycroft), and we ran into (e:mike). I think (e:mike) is my most common random peep sighting. :)

So I went for my walk. Came home. Cleaned up, did some cooking (with obligatory wine-drinking), got all dressed to go out... Started making some calls...

Called like 6 people to go out, but no one got back to me.
Or rather, when they did it was too late and they were drunk and I'd already fallen asleep. Literally all dressed up with nowhere to go, and I fell asleep on my couch. :( I guess it's my own fault for not having made more concrete plans in advance.

Oh well. I think I have another day off in 3 weeks or so. Maybe then people will go out with me. I just hope I don't spend my bday on the couch.

Ok so I just lost another post b/c IE is misbehaving.

But bottom line of my long-winded message:

D'Brickashaw may be the MOST ridiculous name I have ever heard.

I thought it was a joke.

I googled it.

It's not.

D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Football player from virginia (or something.)

Why, WHY WHY oh WHY would you do that to your child?????

I don't get people sometimes.

Ok, off to the ER.

Later peeps.

A

Ugh.
I just got home from work. At 2am. Went in at 7am this morning.
Have to be back at 7am tomorrow- until noon on saturday.
They are killing me.
And taking a sick day/personal day/etc is not an option.
the thing is, one of the guys there until 2 with me had been there since 7am the day before: i.e. about 43 hours, and he has to be back at 7 tomorrow too. And the "boss" that had been in operating from 5am til 2am: well it was his 20th wedding anniversary, and he didn't see his wife for one minute of it.
So it's not just me that's getting screwed, but it's really wearing me down.
I know i know i chose this and there's no one to blame but me, but god it sucks. I love what I do, but not being abused like this.
the other thing is that it's totally illegal. And at $25,000 per violation, you'd think they'd be a little more careful to at least TRY. Like the other hospitals know we stay too late, but they yell at us about it. They know we're not supposed to be there. But tonight there was no apology, no thank you, no nothing.
Ok that's not true. I got half a hot dog from louie's.

Ok, considering my 30hr day starts in about 4hr I guess I should go to bed.

6wk down, 12 to go...

oh yeah- and maybe i'm just overtired and cranky, but i just got an email that someone left me a comment on myspace, and i checked it out- andrew wrote "go back to friendster, bitch!" Now, i'm all for friendly ribbing and stuff, but there's nothing to that to even hint that's it's a joke. I assume it is, but I don't really see the point. I think he probably just wants to see if i reject the comment or not. stupid.

Going to be late for work; but-

For the record, I am not a fan of high-schoolish drama and secrets either. However I did have my reasons for remaining partially hidden that I can't/won't go into here.

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Have a great day peeps!

haha. Wow. Maybe I have ADD. Or maybe it's alzheimer's, ha. I had thought of a few things I wanted to say. And now I can't remember a single one. Isn't that great.

Hmm. i was probably going to complain about work. Or boys. Or both.

So maybe you're better off for my brain fart.

No motivation to do anything. I should probably take my tree down. I really should study.

Instead I think I will make coffee, watch tv, and listen to music. After all, it's sunday afternoon... I need a little veg time once in a while. Work was a mess last night.

Oh I remembered some of my thoughts. (phew, I was was nervous for a minute.)

There is not much I hate in people more than closed-mindedness/intolerance, in any of its forms- particularly homophobia and religious-right-ism.
I went and saw Brokeback Mountain the other night with (e:theecarey) and (e:ladycroft). It's a touching/tragic love story. So it's about two guys. So what? Big deal. It's still love. When I got home I ran into my landlord/downstairs neighbor's new husband. I'd always thought he was a really cool guy. Always nice and really helpful, fixes stuff around the house, offers to help with groceries etc. I thought he was a real stand-up guy. So I ran into him, he asked how things were going, etc, I said I'd been to the movies, when he asked what we saw, I told him, and he goes "oh, yeah... isn't that the gay cowboy movie?" then elbows his friend and goes 'yeah, dan was the star of that one!" and they howl with laughter. Oh.... yeah.... I forgot, the 'call your friend gay' jokes are SO funny. Ick.
It's amazing to me how one stupid comment can completely change my opinion of someone.

I guess I will leave you with this picture of me... it was taken this summer, and the chick that took it just figured out how to download her pix and sent it to me, so I've never seen it til now. I think it's a little funny since it's not the typical smiley-face picture I usually let people take. I swear I look exactly the same in every single "smile for the camera" pic I have; kind of amusing. Looks very intense. ha. Don't mean to sound vain; I just think the pic is kind of funny. (and, I usually don't like pix of myself.) It's also a very rare picture of me and the ex; there are only about 3 in existence.

I had just written a big post and it got lost b/c "mysql server is down" or something.
Boo! And since I don't have the energy to retype it all- here's an outline.

I: I wish I could quit you!
A. i feel that way about someone
B. saw brokeback mtn tonight. it was/did
1. good
2. well done
3. sad
4. not have as many hot sex scenes as I was hoping for

II: I'm on a roll!
A: met another peep tonight- (e:theecarey).
1. yay
B: makes me wonder:
1. who's next?
a. any takers?

III: Permission denied!
A: was reading craigslist today.
1. Very funny (sometimes), i recommend it. see link --->
B: the topic was raised that you need
1. a license
2. to reach a minimum age
3. to take a test
4. to pass a course
5. to pay money
C: to do so many things in life. Like:
1. drink
2. drive
3. vote
4. get married
5. run the fryolator at mcdonalds.
D: but- having kids is totally unregulated.
1. obviously a huge ethical can of worms.
2. but deserves some thought.
a. seeing the babies born 3m early to a 14yr old is terrible.
b. we have driver's ed, why not (mandatory) parenting 101?

• i haven't written an outline since high school. My apologies to anyone who might actually notice/care if I did it all wrong.

• doh, all my indents didn't come through and my html is too rusty to try to fix it. (and i don't even know if that's how I WOULD fix it here.) It was much funnier in real cascading-indent outline format.

not the best pic, but the only one i've got.

Ok (e:peeps). I did it. Met a real live estripper in the flesh. woohoo. (thanks for lunch, (e:ladycroft)). So that's it, my cover is blown. I guess now I can stop playing the semi-anonymous game I was trying to play. Hence the full-face pic (I know the suspense was killing you.)
So to introduce myself- my name is Alex(is). (Jenks is my middle name).
I filled out my profile a little less generically if anyone is interested.
Not sure what else to say, but Hi!
Bring it on peeps, I ain't scared of ya!

-A

edit: ok, well I TRIED to update my profile, but for some reason it won't stick. Ok, now it does. All fixed.

edit 2: and just to come clean (like it matters)- I had another short-lived account here, under Alex. One and the same. Phew, now all my secrets are out. ;)