the Provacateur
(60% dark, 39% spontaneous, 50% vulgar)

your humor style:
VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK

You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it. Therefore, your sense of humor is polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks

If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgement, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin

I've been having more weird dreams lately.

A while back I had a dream that I was raiding a friend's house special-forces style, infiltrating his house at night while his parents were asleep, going through a window and stealing every little bit of porno he had, including passwords to some pay sites. After successfully extracting the porn, I left and walked across a park to what looked like a downtown area (for some reason, in my dream I thought I was in Dallas, but I wasn't sure). I was walking down the street when a girl came up to me. Blonde, cute, with copper colored skin. She smiled and I stuck out my hand and said "Hey, I'm Jason." She shook my hand and introduced herself as Arakthri. We were about to get into some sort of conversation when my alarm woke me up.

Last night I was dreaming away when Arakthri's face popped into view. I recognized it was her, went up to her and said we need to talk. She told me that there was a guy that was first "in line" to be with her. It turned out he was a psychopath or something, because she dropped him and immediately ran to me. I felt a very unique connection to her - she was really important to me, I cared very deeply for her. I don't think I've felt that way about any woman outside of my dream state. The guy before me was a very jealous type, to the point of violence and treachery. He kept on trying to sabotage us in many different ways, and at one point almost killed me with this giant hand gun as I leapt in front of a bullet meant for her. This kept us on the run, but more importantly kept me from learning anything of significance from Arakthri. In my dream I absolutely LOVED her and thought there was something important she and I had to talk about. I wonder if she will pop into my dreams again sometime, and what it is she has to tell me.

Jason

I read a nice article on the CBC web site today that said Egypt is denouncing "terrorism" as the death toll mounts:



What the hell is wrong with calling terrorism what it is? Is the CBC so horribly PC that they are afraid of offending militant Islama-fascists? lol

Jason

What an awesome game. Keel them Arabs ded! Bang bang bang! Run up to a tank, plop some C4 on it, and blow it up! Then go and hop into a Black Hawk with a bunch of your buddies and do some nice fly-over killing! Hop into a F-15 and bomb their communications tower! Creep up behind someone and gank em with your combat knife! How cool!

Jason

I'm glad (e:Paul) brought it up. Classism is something that I think permeates our society far more than racism, although people bark about that more than just about anything. Classism is one of those dirty, ugly little things that lives inside all of us to some extent. People deny it, people get mad, but that's only because they don't have it inside of themselves to admit they have this ugliness inside them.

Let's take (e:Paul)'s example of the educational system. Without a doubt it is set up so that certain schools are priced out of the range of the poor and middle class on purpose so there is a certain homogenous aspect to the student population. I've you've ever visited Cornell you know what I'm talking about. You don't exactly see too many poor minorities mixing in with the rich white population. The Ivy Leagues and other elites are set up in such a way that it promotes classism and the perpetuation of the upper class having superior learning and career opportunities. Anybody who isn't fortunate enough to have an upper class upbringing is saddled with debt that cripples them for the first 10 or so years of their post-educational life, again giving the upper class kids an advantage when it comes to living out some kind of comfortable existence.

Another way classism manifests itself is in the dating world. I'm about to say some things that are going to make people upset, but I'm willing to live with it. It is an indisputable fact that having plenty of money to throw around will bring in the ladies like a moth to flame. The more money you have, the hotter women you can attract. The sweet car, sweet clothes and the idea of a high class lifestyle are irresistable to women. If you don't have these things, you might as well be a leper. You are going to have a very hard time attracting (and more importantly, keeping) a good woman. There is the 20/80 rule - 20% of guys attract 80% of women, and women would rather be single than be with someone who wasn't a high roller. Yeah yeah, I know there is the ODD exception, and I know that it is something people don't want to admit to, but I know better. Classism is prevalent in the dating game, and I would rather be alone than be with a chick who was with me for more or less what I can provide for her. That's one of the reasons why the girl who won't take no for an answer from me doesn't have a chance in hell of being with me.

I think the most ugly and horrible way classism manifests itself is in how we treat people who don't look or act like what we are used to. More or less everyone who can read this is guilty. People who look poor, who don't wear certain clothes, or who are perceived a certain way are treated like social outcasts. I do have to say that Buffalo is much better about this than most places I've visited. Regardless of whether you are rich or poor, white or black or yellow or purple, we are all deserving of basic respect and dignity and we are exceedingly poor at making this play out the way it should.

Is there hope? I would say that classism is so ingrained in our social fabric that there is no turning back. We likely will never get over our classism unless something extraordinary happens, like some kind of cataclysmic event that unites us in a way that hasn't happened before. We won't get over it until we are FORCED to get over it somehow. All we can do is individually do the best we can to make ourselves clean of this evil.

Jason

My buddy Andy from Albany came to visit us this weekend, and he had a FEVER to go out and see chicks. So down to Chippewa we ventured. I hadn't been to Chippewa in a long time. Honestly it is jam packed with chicks who think they are way better than they are, and "tough" guys from the suburbs. But that is where all the chicks go, so the decision was made. I hadn't been out with my boys in a long while so really it didn't matter where we went as long as we were having a good time together.

The first stop was 67 West. I like that place probably more than any other bar/club on Chippewa. There weren't too many people there so it was pretty comfortable. We went to the patio and ordered up some legal beverages. The next thing to be hashed out was "What are our names for the night?" Jerry and Andy couldn't think of any good names for themselves so I made the choices. Andy was "Dash", Jerry was "Brady" and I was "Mason" - yeah I know not too original. At first I called them "Randy" and "Gary" but they hated those names. We don't use our real names when we go out together. I'm not sure why but it adds another dimension of fun.

We went back inside and immediately Andy found someone he wanted to talk to, so he started jabbering away. Her friends were sitting by her, but they weren't talking yet, so Jerry and I took the opportunity to go back and get another round. While ordering up our drinks we thought "What if Andy fucks up and uses his real name?" - this led us to concoct a contingency plan. We decided we would go and introduce ourselves to her friends, screw the consequences. We got the round and went back inside, and sure as shit Andy used his real name! We started calling him Dash and the girls started prodding, asking why we call him Dash. Jerry said "Well we used to get into a little trouble during school, and Andy would always be the first one to start running. He NEVER got caught." Of course I had to pitch in, so I said "And he never dropped his beer either!" They continued to talk to us, but eventually it broke down to just Andy and Jerry talking to the girl and her friend. I was left alone and out of the conversation so I took off. Eventually they came back and got me, then we made our exit.

Next we went to Sky Bar. I really like the place, although I'm sure someday it will end up being in the news for some kind of disaster. There were so many people packed in there. It was too packed in fact, so we checked out a couple of other places - Brink's, Liar's, and then we returned to 67 West. Again Jerry and Andy found two chicks to talk to and I was left alone. I found a nice cozy spot on the patio and put my feet up, listening to the rain and enjoying my Jack & Coke. Apparently the girls asked my buddies "Where is your friend?" but let's face it - Jerry is a tan, good looking Italian guy and Andy is a good looking guy too, brawny with big muscles. All night the girls wanted to talk to them, not me. I'm basically a white, blonde dorky looking guy. And honestly I wasn't about to bore myself listening to them talk about themselves. I was pretty satisfied sitting there by myself. There was never a third girl to talk to me all night and I was okay with that - we were there to show Andy a good time anyway. After a while they closed up the patio, and we decided to call it a night and head to Jim's Steak Out for a late night snack.

We got to Jim's on Allen Street, and as I was walking across the street this drunk asshole roared around the corner, forcing me into a decision. How do I save myself - do I dive over the top of the hood or do I try to run backwards. I ran backwards a few steps and kicked the fender as hard as I could, giving it a nice dent. That asshole almost maimed me. Looking back, if I had gotten hit I could have gotten a nice sum of money out of the whole deal. Oh well! Of course he drove off, probably thinking correctly that they shouldn't stop and talk to me. We got our food, went home and I drifted off into a drunken slumber. I had a good time and was happy to spend time with my friends. So how did you all spend your Saturday Night?

Jason

My brother returns from Orlando today, which I am very happy about. I've come to realize that I don't like being at home alone all the time. Yesterday I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided against going to a movie alone. Looking back there were many things I could have done, but none of them occured to me at the time. Anyway it will be a very fun weekend because my pal Andy from college (and the infamous bachelor parties) will be in Buffalo. I may make my return to Chippewa! Or not. I don't know yet. No matter what I am sure it wll be mo fun. He's a cool guy like myself and a very good friend.

It is freaking storming outside again! How nuts! Yesterday I drove home in the middle of it. It was pretty intimidating but I had the new Weezer album to keep me company on the road. I watched as the beautiful jolts of lightning crashed down everywhere around me.

I'm really hungry. Normally I don't get hungry for some reason. I could go for some veggie curry, naan and samosa from India Gate.

Oh, and if any of you are interested in learning how judicial nominations and the following prededings actually work (not how we WISH they would work or how we want them to work when it is politically expedient), check out the following link. I've said it before, but if this nonsense keeps on going forward, we can expect more or less every nominee who isn't dead center politically to be torpedoed from now on!



Jason

Princess Madeleine of Sweden, of course!



Sorry if you can't read the Swedish. Anyway I'd better get to being the huge corporate mogul it would take to afford a girl like that!

Jason

It would be a crying shame if we didn't win, considering here we have the most diverse and interesting content out of any of the candidates thus far. Plus, I will never ever forgive Buffalo if we voted Bruce Jackson's blog as the best. Then again, it would only further prove that we are shitty decision makers. Vote E-Strip!

Jason

Since I've been in a funk lately, I thought I would talk about my favorite TV shows, Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis. I admit I am a dork, but I don't care, I would rather like what I like and be a dork than succumb to what other people think. This Friday there are going to be new episodes!!! But a friend from college will be here on Friday so chances are I won't get to watch!! Holy poop!! Luckily I know of a way to get the episodes in pretty good resolution on my PC.

I finished the Delta Force book, and I've gotta say, I am so happy they are on our side. We have some of the best trained, well conditioned killers on the planet. One of the things in the book especially grabbed my attention - Eric Haney said in the book that there is a governmental organization that monitors nuclear bombs, and that it would be virtually impossible to sneak a nuke into the USA. Contrast that statement with what we are hearing through various media outlets - that it is only a matter of time before multiple US cities go up in nuclear smoke! We have already thwarted a similar nuclear terror attack, according to the same media outlets. Now I don't read about any of this stuff from the liberal media that I check out regularly - national security isn't exactly up there on their priority list, and they do not put much energy into thinking about these kinds of activities. I'm not sure what to believe. I wouldn't put it past those terrorist assholes to plan out such an attack, but the information we are getting is so fragmented. Frankly, the national security people can't win with certain segments of the population. If they release unsettling information, they are accused of fearmongering - yet if they do not release information the same people will tear them a new ass for keeping secrets. I say, let's put lots of energy and resources into determining these threats, and CLOSE UP OUR FUCKING BORDERS ALREADY. Money talks, no money SHOUTS, and people smuggling is something in which Mexicans seem to be experts. Whining and bitching, and false racism labels mean jack and shit to me. Close the fucking borders! Let the people who want to live here come here legally! We don't need to be running around scared but we don't need to be stupid and keep policies that in fact make it easier for people with ill will to carry out their plans, just for the sake of politics.

In other news, I still haven't seen the new Batman movie yet. I heard it is so good, can anyone comment on that? My brother isn't here so I guess I'll have to go alone, unless someone wants to go with me. Again, I'm not too picky with movies, but I like pretty much every comic-based movie that's been released. I'm not one of those comic dorks who poke at the movies because they aren't "authentic" enough to describe their fictional heroes. I can't wait to see the new Batman! Aaaahhh!!!

Jason