What is "it" you might ask? "It" is my recovery. I will never overcome my depression. My treatment program is incompatible with my job so I've quit it, along with one of the medications. I don't know if I'll ever be happy and content with life. My job is too important to risk it based on not being able to keep a constant schedule. I would rather be unhappy and employed than unhappy and not employed. I talk about relationships often but I am nowhere near boyfriend material. Being a blonde, pale skinned dork doesn't exactly help things either. Plus one of the people I care about most on the earth will not even speak a word to me or respond to an IM or e-mail. People say that they want to help and to call if I'm feeling like shit but they really don't want to hear what I have to say, they are just trying to be nice. Nobody wants to hear me talk about being unhappy, it's all a bunch of bullshit. Their patience, compassion and understanding change like the direction of the wind. I have no hope. It is all over and done with.

The far left wants exactly what the far right wants - to make America in their own image. There are a number of things the far left doesn't like about our country - shit as I write this I can't think of one thing the far left DOES like about our country. Starting with the Constitution they want to re-program America and its citizens. I'll give you the answers you need and a glimpse of what a Liberal America would look like.

1) The Constitution needs to be re-written. We are born without rights. Our rights are NOT given to us by our Creator - like in Europe all of our rights are given to us by the graces of the state. The new Constitution needs to have every single last reference to "God" or "Creator" removed. In addition the Constitution is faulty because our innate rights do not include universal health care and free dope for the junkies. This stuff needs to be written in ASAP.

2) All references to God will be removed from the public arena. No longer will it be on our money, on our court buildings, nor will they rest on the face of churches (they will be made illegal, as will prayer).

3) There need be only one political party - the Liberal Party, and all other political points of view must be extinguished because they are faulty. All seats in the government and judiciary must be held by the Liberal Party. No other political voice is correct, so why are they necessary?

3) The media need not be fair and balanced. Hell, even the so-called "Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting" has a link on their front page detailing why the media doesn't need to be balanced (and I'll give you one guess as to why). The media will not question the Liberal government, because the government in our image is infallible, without fault.

4) Every liberal's wet dream will finally become a reality - the military will be dissolved and the billions will be spent on other government pet projects.

5) Faith in God will finally be correctly diagnosed as a mental illness, and all the believers will be sent away to "hospitals" to be de-programmed! They will not be released into the public until they renounce their faith and give their body and soul to the government (whoops, there I go again, sorry, we don't have souls).

6) We will cease to be the republic we've known. As every liberal knows, democracy ain't democracy unless it's Socialism or one of its variants. Furthermore, we will in tradition excuse away human rights violations by leftist regimes. We will no longer be able to vote for our country's leader - we leave that up to the Liberal party leaders. They are wise, all-knowing.

7) The role of corporations will finally change! Instead of driving innovation and a higher quality of life we will prioritize equal share of money among all employees. People don't like to be paid what they're worth anyway. The role of a corporation is to simply provide money and something to do for people when they aren't away on vacation. In addition we will continue the tradition of punishing people for working hard and becoming successful.

8) Cars will be made illegal. We will all ride our bicycles everywhere, or use the Liberal Party's newly created mass public transportation system.

9) The role of the straight male will be changed forever. Father's rights organizations will be hunted down and annihilated, and men will be reduced to sperm donors and ATM machines. Men will have every law in the book thrown at him in the courts and in public opinion. Also if you are unfortunate enough to be white, you will be given mandatory training in Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States" so you can understand how horrible and awful and worthy of humiliation and punishment you are starting from birth. (Whoops, we're well on our way on this one already!)

10) There will be a mandatory "dream journey" type of experience where you have to do peyote and walk the earth for a period of time, until you figure out that you are God, that we all are God.

After reading (e:Terry)'s post about the radioactive material, I believe I have an answer. A satisfactory answer, one that will make everyone feel happy and lovey and want to hug each other, probably not. Brace yourselves for the truth!

The U.S. military is working in conjunction with the aliens to develop an anti-gravity device. The motivation is to come up with a type of transportation system that doesn't require treads, wheels, or any other kind of ground-based technology. You see tanks and other vehicles can get stuck in awkward terrain (like sand!) and require large amounts of money and oill to move around. The military wants vehicles that can float slightly above the surface, rendering the type of surface irrelevant. Imagine 50 Abrams tank type things that simply float over water, over mountaintops and run over the sand at about 150 mph. You're fucked. I guarantee you'd poop your pants and drop your gun. For a while now the military has taken advantage of new technology to decrease the amount of manpower, and increase the effectiveness of their weapons. This is no different, but it will have other consequences besides those two things.

This will usher in a new era in the military. The Navy and the Air Force will eventually be joined together, creating a US "fleet" of air-based gunships and even larger battle cruisers. It will require a significant change in the military management structure, but it will go along perfectly with their strategy of joint warfare. It will make joint warfare that much simpler and more effective. I'm sure there could also be many more byproducts of the research, but primarily the objective is to make the military faster, scarier, and more deadly.

Jason

Over the years we have put up monuments glorifying the male form. This drives me crazy because in my view the female form is the most beautiful, breathtaking, awe inspiring thing in the universe. The softness of the features, the curves, the legs and ass, I can't help but be mesmerized every time I see a cute girl walking down the street. There isn't a single doubt in my mind that if I were female I would be a lesbian. Pussy power ain't no myth. Wars have been fought over it. It makes men do crazy things. It makes men sad and want to crawl into a hole for the rest of their life. Beware the pussy power!

Apologies to the gay dudes here but I just don't understand the appeal of sucking dick! At the same time I would never ever ever ever date a girl who didn't do that, and didn't do it often. I know guys who aren't down with it but going down on a woman is one of the most amazing experiences life has to offer. Having her smooth legs over your shoulders, pleasing her with your lips and tongue, exploring her body, seeing her nips harden and watching her facial expressions - knowing you can do that to someone is one of the best feelings I've ever had. Men are visual creatures and nothing flips my switch quite like that visual, except maybe when she is on top and my hands are all up on her ass.

Of course I've been denied that experience lately but depending on how much of a conniving, evil son of a bitch I want to be I think I can resume my vagitarian nature soon. Here's to all of the male and female vagitarians!

Jason

I went to an excellent Cuban themed party at the home of my brother's boss on Saturday. They had a pig roast (interesting to see a pig split from the neck to its ass) and lots of Mojitos. I met some French Canadians and some Mexicans. I also met a co-worker of my brother's who said she and her husband are leaving the US over American politics (my response is typically "fine, get the fuck out, i'll help you pack" but I had to be charming). Everyone was nice and I had a very good time. I also got to meet (e:Joshua)'s co-worker Julio who he has been globe-trotting with. They get along beautifully.

When I got home my neighbor Vinay guilted me into going with him and one of his friends to Left Bank to get a couple of sodas. I admit to having judged Left Bank based on the girls I know who go there - I thought it would be jam packed full of gold diggers and other parasites - I thought it would be a miserable experience but I was totally wrong. The bar is really nice, I wish they didn't have that house/trance music assaulting my senses so loudly, but they have lots of good stuff on tap and also Johnny Walker Blue so those who think they are classy and can tell the difference between it and dog piss can get drunk as well. They have a nice outdoor patio area - someday if I ever have a girlfriend again I'd like to take her there. I saw some Kuni's waitresses there - I wonder why the asian one always has a perma-scowl on her face? It wasn't at all a diverse crowd but at least you don't have to get dressed to the nines to go there! They also put out some free food - it was some kind of bbq beef and rice mixture. I didn't care what it was, because it tasted great. There were plenty of beautiful girls there too, but everyone there is basically with a group of people and they aren't trying to socialize with anyone else. It was a far more acceptable mix of surburbanite and city folk than Cozumel. All this being said I had a great time there, and I will definitely stop there on another Saturday night.

Dad came up yesterday with some friends and took me to the Artvoice Street Festival to see some live music. Now everyone here knows that I think Artvoice is more or less bird cage worthy, but they put on one hell of a show for us downtown. I hope everyone got a chance to check it out. Benevento Russo Duo was new to me, but I absolutely LOVED their music. My head was definitely boppin. MMW was of course amazing and wonderful - it was Dad's first MMW experience and he thought it was outstanding. I hadn't heard too much Gov't Mule but I have to say without a doubt it was the best live music experience I've had at the square so far. I wasn't sure if I really liked the music or not but as the show went on I grew to enjoy what they were doing. Everyone was into it, and the band went way out of their way to show appreciation for the fans. By the end of it all I wanted to hear more and more from them. Now I see why so many people love them. I also saw my friends from Lazlo Hollyfeld - my buddy Chris is in a new reggae band! There isn't much reggae in Buffalo and I love it as much as any style of music. Chris said that their lead singer is cute and I should come down to McGarret's to see them on Thursday night. All in all it was a fantastic day and a very fun weekend. I really needed it!

Jason

I was really glad to meet all of you e-strippers who came to the Pink. I hope we can have another get together someday soon. The rest of you are CHICKENSHITS and had better come to the next drink-up. I had a good time last night, although I am sad to hear that (e:Ajay) will be heading to the liberal Mecca to resume his life. I wish we could have met and hung out earlier. Best of luck to you, sir!

Unfortunately not a lot of the (e:peepettes) showed up. After a while I realized they are just intimidated by conservative scandinavian guys! Yes, of course that's the answer! Don't worry, (e:Jason) is personable and pleasant, not to mention easy on the eyes. At least I didn't have to buy any shots!

(e:Joshua) makes his return to the B-Low tonight, which should be fun because I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe a BBQ is in order for this weekend.

Jason

Here's an Ann Coulter article, enjoy!

WHAT LEFT-WING P.B.S. BIAS? by Ann Coulter

Bill Moyers, the lamented, demented former host of the PBS program "Now With Bill Moyers," referred to the American-led war in Iraq as doing "to the people of Baghdad what bin Laden did to us."

He called American flag pins "a little metallic icon of patriotism" comparable to Mao's Little Red Book being displayed on every Communist Party official's desk in China. This is silly. The metallic icons of patriotism that Mao used to keep the masses in line were considerably longer and sharper, and were usually applied to the back by a fellow "comrade."

Moyers denounced Condoleezza Rice for her ineptness in not preventing the 9/11 attack, despite a clearly worded memo stating: "Bin Laden determined to attack the United States." In other breaking news: Waitress in L.A. Determined to Become Actress. As Condi said, "I don't think you, frankly, had to have that report to know that bin Laden would like to attack the United States."

In his lengthy diatribe against Rice, Moyers said she had cried wolf, intentionally misleading "America and the world about the case for invading Iraq." Apparently Rice had said Iraq was "a part of the war on terror" on the grounds that Saddam was: (1) supporting terrorists, (2) a weapons of mass destruction threat and (3) "a tremendous barrier to change in the Middle East."

But as regular viewers of PBS know, in fact, we invaded Iraq for oil.

Yes, precisely. That's why U.S. forces seized Iraq's oil fields right after Baghdad fell, confiscated their vast oil reserves, and now we can buy all the gasoline we want here at home for just pennies a gallon any time we want. Sorry, we what? Folks, my switchboard is completely lit up and this isn't even a radio show.

Moyers responded to the 2002 midterm elections in which Republicans bucked history by gaining seats in both the House and the Senate by warning Americans of the coming Rapture: "(I)f you like God in government, get ready for the Rapture." As Moyers described the horror that was to come: "That agenda includes the power of the state to force pregnant women to surrender control over their own lives."

I'm pretty sure even the harshest anti-abortion laws would only prevent a woman from killing her baby, not send her to a slave labor camp. But with his broadcast career crashing down around him, Moyers took a brave stand against the internment of pregnant women.

Moyers also said the agenda of the coming theocracy "includes using the taxing power to transfer wealth from working people to the rich." (And we'd appreciate it if you poor people would fold the bills a little more neatly before mailing them in next time.)

As the extra little cherry on top, all Moyers' nut conspiracy theories were being broadcast on PBS, subsidized by the U.S. taxpayer. Not only that, but Moyers takes a cut of every video of his show sold, and he has family members on the payroll. Let's see now: a corrupt, partisan demagogue and his family caught feeding at the taxpayers' trough. Let's just hope he never took a free golfing trip to Scotland!

When Ken Tomlinson, chair of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, suggested that PBS was maybe a smidgen left of center, Moyers began his lengthy public nervous breakdown. Already well-known as an insufferable jerk, it turns out Moyers is also a crazy megalomaniac, too.

In a recent speech to the the National Conference on Media Reform -- a conference dedicated to increasing liberal representation in the media from 94.6 percent to 99.8 percent -- Moyers responded to his critics by reading from his fan mail, reading favorable news articles about himself, and comparing himself to Jesus Christ or, as he put it, "one of our boys." If it were possible that he actually believed in God, PBS would be doing a special report on Moyers after a remark like that.

He said his critics were "obsessed with control, using the government to threaten and intimidate" -- almost as control-obsessed as 45 senators trying to tell 55 senators which judicial nominees are acceptable. The threat is: Provide balanced programming or stop expecting subsidies from the U.S. taxpayer.

Moyers also noted that his critics were the ones behind the bin Laden-like attack on Iraq in order "to make sure Ahmed Chalabi winds up controlling Iraq's oil." (And that's why gasoline is so cheap!) Yep, it's all right there on the Project for a New American Century's agenda: (1) invade Iraq, (2) somehow get Bill Moyers' PBS show canceled, (3) invade Syria, (4) invade Iran ...

Moyers has clearly reached the next-to-last stage of the megalomaniac's life cycle: the persecution complex. We'll know Moyers has reached end-stage megalomania when he begins to exhibit an inordinate fear of germs.

According to Moyers, the reason these right-wing radicals focused on him despite the fan mail he gets -- to say nothing of favorable write-ups in the mainstream media -- is that he "didn't play by the conventional rules of Beltway journalism." (That and the giant piece of tinfoil on his head.)

These contemptible "rules of Beltway journalism" apparently consist of reporters completely ignoring important conspiracy theories regularly featured on Moyers' program and instead functioning as "government stenographers" -- as Moyers called one reporter for The New York Times, no less.

Moyers did live by one rule of old-media journalism: He believed he should not need viewers to have a TV show. During fund-raising drives, scores of local PBS affiliates would drop Moyers' program for fear of driving away donors. Let me say that I personally believe this was a mistake. Moyers' show was the one PBS program that made the pledge drives seem interesting.

But the absence of an audience is no concern for liberals. After all, Air America is still on air. How about making George Soros pay Moyers' salary? Then at least he'd have a little less money to spend on wrecking the country. Hey -- maybe that's what Moyers meant about the Republican government transferring money from working people to the rich.

...and a little depressed, and a little hopeless. Why is it that a boss feels like it is well within his rights to belittle you and your efforts? He doesn't know your job or how to do it, yet he feels entitled to judge! Just once I would like to hear, "Hey Jay, this is really neat, nice job", but no, instead you hear about the 2 things that aren't quite right yet and they are made out to be disasters of biblical proportions, and you never hear one single word of encouragement. How nice.

Jason

Bullshit outside of work, bullshit at work. I'm knee deep in bullshit. Everything I do is wrong, I can do no right. I'm beginning to wonder if they are right about me.

Jason

Today I tried my damnedest to open up my medicine bottle but I couldn't. It hurt so bad to wrap my hands around the bottle and try to twist off the top. Eventually I had to just bear the pain and twist until the freakin thing opened. I'm gonna call Gramma today and tell her I understand her life a little better now.

Jason