01/03/05 12:12 - ID#23392
Happy New Year! Or is it?
Plus I had to break it to the girl I hooked up with that I just can't be her man. I mean when you really think about it do you want to be with someone who you know is capable of lying to you or cheating on you? Not me. I told her I was sorry, that I could not be her man because of X, Y, and Z reasons......and it was like she never even heard me. She said "Oh we'll talk about it later"...."I'll give you until tomorrow"....so on and so forth. Guys you know the game. I'm thinking to myself, "No dammit I don't need to talk about it any more, I don't need any more time or to think about it any more." but of course couldn't bring myself to be mean to her as we both already felt crappy enough. For a few days I felt so bad about what happened and how it had all gone down. Actually part of me still feels bad. My brother assures me that I made the right decision.
One other thing that bothers me about the situation. My friends said to me "Hey man you can do a lot better than her looks wise" and other things of that nature. I've dated some very lovely girls before and you know what I got out of it? Emotionally destroyed, blood sucked out of me, left to wonder whether it was worth dating at all. Guys don't admit this crap much but it happens to all of us at some point. Of course I want someone I'm attracted to, but I'll take the 7 who gives a shit about me before the 10 who only cares about how much cash she can extract. Hot girls who know they are good looking and descend into uber-bitchdom are a dime a dozen. They are all over the place. Maybe there are things that are just as important if not more important than that, at least for me. Like being faithful. Being compassionate. Being there for your man. Stuff like that. Being hot is only one part of the equation.
Besides that, I don't know, I'm not all that excited about what's going on right now. Maybe it's Post Bills Loss Syndrome. I wish I were still on vacation. I need to be alone and to meditate or something. I don't know.
Jason
Permalink: Happy_New_Year_Or_is_it_.html
Words: 408
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/27/04 01:47 - ID#23391
Bad Night
Jason
Permalink: Bad_Night.html
Words: 26
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/25/04 03:44 - ID#23390
Merry Christmas!!
Anyway I do have more to say but it is time for our family Christmas Day meal. I am going to make a trip back to Elmwood tonight briefly and if anyone wants to say hello I'll be on my sidekick on AIM (Danq750).
Jason
Permalink: Merry_Christmas_.html
Words: 155
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/21/04 12:40 - ID#23389
Fuggin Cold!
(e:soyeon) - I hope you are having fun in Korea!
Oh yeah I got my Sidekick 2 today from the mailman so I am really excited. Time to build the Elmwood hot chick photo collection! Just joking!
Damn I am on vacation yet I have shit to do. I'll write back later.
Jason
Permalink: Fuggin_Cold_.html
Words: 110
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/18/04 06:17 - ID#23388
Sidekick 2 Ordered!
Permalink: Sidekick_2_Ordered_.html
Words: 4
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/17/04 11:48 - ID#23387
Bad Boy/Nice Guy Conflict In Practice
One thing is for certain - I feel guilty. No....I certainly AM guilty, and so are you. And so you should feel guilty as well. When you were over the other night I said I didn't feel badly at all for your boyfriend, not even a little. I meant it at the time, but when I woke up today I was overcome with sadness and self-loathing. We should have drawn a line and not crossed it. You know that I've been on the other side before. You know how much being cheated on affected me, how it hurt me, how it destroyed my self esteem. Now I'm the one who helped you cheat. Now I'm the other man. I guess if it wasn't me it would be some other fool, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it.
When you left the other night I saw your away message said "Watching a movie here at home" when in reality you were at my house, getting very familiar with me until 5 AM. I realized I was part of a deception. I kinow you said that he treats you like crap, and that you always argue, but that's only one side of the story! And even if all of it were true, it doesn't justify what we are doing. Nothing justifies the lying, the cheating, the deception....regardless if you pity him or feel bad because it's the holiday season....we should never have done this to the guy. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Let me ask you a question - you've been cheated on, right? So why would you be okay with inflicting that on someone? Oh, and you didn't know this, but I am very aware you have been on Match.com. Why would an attached person be looking for dates? If you really felt pity, if you really felt compassion you would just break up with the guy.
Although I've already made my mistakes and poor decisions, I can't do it any longer. I'm disgusted with myself. The devil on my shoulder says to just enjoy the sex, because I can always just dump you whenever I want. The angel on the other side says to leave you alone and let the situation work itself out between the two of you. When another person is introduced it becomes unacceptable, no matter what. I look and the mirror and want to throw up because I hate what I've been doing.I can't live my life like this. I'm not being the guy Gramma would be proud of. And anyway what would make me think that you would be any more loyal to me than you were to him? I can't be guaranteed, and I would never give my heart to someone who I don't trust with it.
So we have to stop today, take a few steps back and not see each other for a while. The circumstances aren't right. If you were just single and looking it would be different. Maybe someday in the future it can be different, maybe not. I don't know. I have to try and work through my guilt and self-loathing on my own. I'm sorry if you're disappointed. I'm disappointed too. We all want to be loved and to be happy, but this is not the way to get there. I hope you can learn to understand where I'm coming from someday.
Jason
Permalink: Bad_Boy_Nice_Guy_Conflict_In_Practice.html
Words: 677
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/16/04 06:10 - ID#23386
For You Non-Nerds
Jason (Takes a Nerd to Know One? Heh! Sorry to spill the beans!)
Permalink: For_You_Non_Nerds.html
Words: 31
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/14/04 11:43 - ID#23385
Sidekick 2
Permalink: Sidekick_2.html
Words: 28
Location: Buffalo, NY
12/13/04 04:16 - ID#23384
MTP's Place
Jason
Permalink: MTP_s_Place.html
Words: 46
Location: Buffalo, NY
Author Info
Date Cloud
- 11/11
- 08/11
- 03/11
- 10/10
- 09/10
- 08/10
- 07/10
- 06/10
- 05/10
- 04/10
- 03/10
- 02/10
- 01/10
- 12/09
- 11/09
- 10/09
- 09/09
- 08/09
- 07/09
- 06/09
- 05/09
- 04/09
- 03/09
- 02/09
- 01/09
- 12/08
- 11/08
- 10/08
- 09/08
- 08/08
- 07/08
- 06/08
- 05/08
- 04/08
- 03/08
- 02/08
- 01/08
- 12/07
- 11/07
- 10/07
- 09/07
- 08/07
- 07/07
- 06/07
- 05/07
- 04/07
- 03/07
- 02/07
- 01/07
- 12/06
- 11/06
- 10/06
- 09/06
- 08/06
- 07/06
- 06/06
- 05/06
- 04/06
- 03/06
- 02/06
- 01/06
- 12/05
- 11/05
- 10/05
- 09/05
- 08/05
- 07/05
- 06/05
- 05/05
- 04/05
- 03/05
- 02/05
- 01/05
- 12/04
- 11/04
- 10/04
- 09/04
- 08/04
Category Cloud
More Entries
My Fav Posts
- This user has zero favorite blogs selected ;(