(e:ajay) - I used to be one of those guys. Gramma taught me to be a gentleman and to do nice things. She used to nag me at the dinner table, telling me that when I'm at a girl's house I needed to use better manners. Over the past two years I've slowly realized that what Gramma taught me (while well intentioned) is a method that is far outdated. Essentially she taught me what would work on a woman back when she was young, and it just doesn't work on today's women. Being the nice guy has gotten me cheated on. It has brought me nothing but frustration and a loss of hope. This stuff is fresh in my mind because when I was on the plane back from Philadelphia getting drunk on Courvosier I realized that I needed to make a personal transformation, and I've spent a lot of time working on it. I've had to go against my natural tendencies in some cases. Just lately it's been put to the test.

It's not that women don't necessarily like their guys to be nice. I've shown generosity and have someone's face light up like a billboard. I'd never seen anyone smile so big before. Just last night when I was talking a girl into being patient with my best friend it blew her mind. It was like she never heard anyone use those words before. She was clearly impressed. Being sincere, being good natured, being a stand-up guy....these are traits nice guys have which they shouldn't get away from! That's what sets them apart from 99% of the knuckle dragging male population! Good women, the ones that we actually WANT to spend time and energy on, notice this stuff and really appreciate it.

What I didn't realize before, and this is where 100% of nice guys inevitably fuck up, is that it's okay to have a little bit of the devil in you. Nice guys spend so much time thinking about how to do the right thing, and how to respect her that they become boring and uninteresting. If you can sense she wants you to kiss her, don't wait, be the guy and take charge. If you're thinking she looks hot, give her a look that lets her know it (I raise one eyebrow and grin). Give her an "innocent" pat on the ass every now and then. It's okay to be imperfect. Don't worry so much about making mistakes that you become a stiff or a stick in the mud. She wants to be attractive to you and she wants to feel excited and happy around you.

Another thing I've learned deals with how you handle disagreements. Nice guys generally don't stick up for themselves enough. They let her win every single argument because they're afraid she will hold off on the sex, or they just can't bear the thought of her being mad at him about something, and they'll back down just to fix it. They become a pushover. Women don't like their guys to be pushovers! If you are in a disagreement and you believe you're right, it's okay to stand your ground and make sure she understands and respects what you have to say. As long as you give her the same treatment you should expect nothing less. If you can be civil and reasonable with each other, and respect what each other has to say, then you can resolve just about any situation and keep the peace. Don't overdo it and cross boundaries you shouldn't, but don't make her lose respect for you. If she does, your ass is already halfway out the door.

At the bar you went to the other day, you saw a case of two girls ("women" don't behave that way) who have very little self esteem. You don't want girls with no self esteem, so who cares if they fight over some asshole? They deserve each other. Rest assured that you won't have to be around them. I know you probably know all this crap already, as I'm only 26 and you have more life experience than me, but I know it would be useful for your friends, any guests reading this, and most importantly ME as a reminder to n
ot let the nice guy in you be your only dimension. Doing things you're not used to is very hard, and I know it feels unnatural and awkward, but I guaran
tee any nice guy out there can mix in a little of the jerk, the parts that are harmless that is, and see more success. Take the opportunities that are given to you and don't feel bad about it. It's less stressful and a lot more fun this way.

Jason

PS - My twin is almost certain he saw you on the street. We're fraternal, but we look more or less the same (I am better looking). Say hello sometime and maybe he will invite you up to smoke a doob. That's if you can stand to talk to a Conservative. ;)

I do love the Pink. I've been going there for years. Thanks for the invite but I'll have to politely decline. There are enough peeps who don't care to meet me or talk to me that I just don't see the point. Everyone here knows each other reasonably well. I'm not in the bubble so I'm pretty sure I would be just getting loaded alone anyway. Anyhow have a great Thanksgiving and take it easy everyone! Be safe!

Jason

I'm sure you all know about this game already. I've never been one to be too PC - but when I heard about this I became thoroughly disgusted. Poor, poor taste. I mean what's next? Oh oh I got it! Ed Kennedy: Still Loaded - you get to down about 25 vodka and tonics and run people over with your car! Wouldn't that be worth your hard earned cash? Wouldn't that be entertaining? *puke*

On to better things - if you guys like computer games and want a good stress reliever pick up Half-Life 2 - I was up all night playing it yesterday (blush!) and it is truly amazing visually. I don't play a lot of shoot em ups but this one is great so far. Also you can play a multiplayer mode with your friends called Counter Strike: Source and get into various scenarios. I know there are many of you who hate the USA and all, so bear with me here, but it's a Special Ops vs. Terrorist type of thing. The regular game is more on the Sci-Fi end of things. Anyway I've been wasting my time with it and it's a great stress reliever. So fun!

Hmm....oh yeah - I went on a date for the first time in a long time! I finally decided to get out there and make some effort. I'm ready now. BUT! (and there always is a but) it turns out this girl has a long distance boyfriend! How nice! It's scandalous chicks like that who really make me not want to bother sometimes. It's one of those times where you're thankful that you've learned your hard lessons, because you know you won't make the same mistakes again. I mean it's unreal. This girl and her sister both lied to my best friend about it. I have a word for that: PIG. Oh well, on to the next opportunity. The first experience was a bad one, good to get it out of the way so I can move on to better people.

Jason

Wow I haven't had a good ol' bender in a while. I forgot how it felt - my buddy and I went out to Chippewa, well, because that's where the girls are. They were altogether way too plastic and timid, a million and one Britney clones huddling together as to avoid any conversation outside of their own. One of these days I'm going to do the gold digger test at Soho, anyone want to try it with me? Eventually we decided that Chippewa was lame and trucked it on over to the Pink. Ahhh I love that place. We got loaded and played darts with a couple of really cool girls. I haven't laughed so hard in a while - they were very fun to hang out with.

In other news I said a brief hello to one of the cute sushi waitresses. I fully expected to get blown off and such, because I'm sure she gets all kinds of attention from jerks and perverts, but she was actually very nice. Nobody really goes out of their way to say hello and be nice anymore so I thought I would try it. That reminds me - it's been way too long since I've had a spicy tuna roll. I'll have to sit at the bar sometime soon.

Oh yeah - I burned my first DVD the other day! I made a backup copy of Blow. I love that movie - especially when Penelope Cruz becomes a coked-out super bitch. She does a VERY good job - almost too good. That's about all for now! More harassment of tin foil cap types to come during the week!

Jason

I made a nice trip to Capen today to meet with some people. On the way I saw a girl I know who used to work at Spot, who by the way is one of the coolest and most lovely women I've ever met. It was good to see her. Most of the kids walk around looking like zombies. I like the University setting for some reason - to me it's more worthwhile working in Education than at my former job. Most of the university people I deal with are administrative people - professors are in their own little bubble. Overall it's been a better day so far than what I was expecting.

Jason

So much sorrow. This crap has been on my mind so much lately. After my last relationship ended and I was on the plane getting drunk on cognac, I decided that maybe I wasn't meant to have a girlfriend. Maybe there was something wrong with what I was doing. Perhaps the problem was me, not them. I realized that everything Gramma taught me about how to be a gentleman and treat a woman was turned on its head. It doesn't pay to be sweet. It doesn't pay to show unbridled affection. It doesn't pay to buy flowers and go to dinners and museums and take trips and all of that other nonsense. While I watched my friends more or less be indifferent toward their girlfriends, only caring about what the SHE can do for the HIM - and be rewarded for it by earning their love, devotion and respect - I was doing something that was completely outdated and destined to fail. I needed to go through some kind of personal transformation, to change my attitudes and expectations. To change my behavior. I said I wouldn't go on a single date until I felt I properly de-trained myself and it felt natural to me.

You guys know the feast or famine nature of the dating game, don't you? Sometimes you are alone and can't do anything to help yourself, and other times you can't lose and there are women all around you trying to contact you. I am going through the "feast" part of it right now, and yet the last two nights I have been haunted by nightmares about my ex. Perhaps it's a subconscious reminder to myself to not make the same mistakes I've made in the past. It still feels like crap when you wake up.

So finally after two years, one month, and lots of self analysis and reflection - I went on a lunch date yesterday. Yes that's right! I'm not afraid of some bozo lunatic loser threatening me, yet my heart was going a million bps before I walked into the restaurant. I decided to keep it real and be my normal aloof, goofy, corny, loose mouthed self. Either she would appreciate it or she wouldn't, and I didn't care either way. Oh I was smooth alright. Spilled soup on myself somehow, told plenty of jokes and did my best to try and gain her confidence. She ended up digging me and we're going to get together sometime soon. So far she's a very nice girl and she makes me crack up laughing. I haven't met too many women who were actually interested in entertaining the guy too. Normally I would have had to been the court jester. So it was really refreshing. I had a great time with her. Who knows what will happen, but I will continue to keep it real. I've achieved the inner indifference, and taken advice much like (e:drchlorine) has given. I'm ready and excited again about being in the game.

I know you guys don't care and all but it's so GOOD to get it off your chest! Save some of that Grey Goose for me (e:drchlorine) - I spent all my money on computer parts and now I can't get the good hooch.

Jason

I hate it so much when this happens. I had a bad dream with my ex in it. I won't repeat what she said to me, but don't you guys hate it when you had a perfectly good day and a nightmare makes you feel like crap in the morning? Blaaaah whatever.

Jason

People, I simply don't understand the female mind. A while ago I posted a long, sappy, but heartfelt letter to a woman who I miss a ton. Last week she called me twice and text messaged me. I call her back, and text message her back, but no response and no call back. What the hell? I thought you called someone because you wanted to talk to them? I guess I don't know why you make a cluster of phone calls and text messages just to not return their calls when they call you back. Girls stink!

Jason

Very clever of you. I laughed at that too, for very different reasons than you I'm sure. Do you want to know what kind of "truth" is in a cartoon like that? About as much truth as there was to the South Park episode where PETA were a bunch of animal fuckers who care more about animals than humans. I laughed at that too, because it was just as caricaturized and outrageous.

Jason

My man - please don't presume to know what I think about W's increase in government. For me, less government is almost always ideal. W has taken a beating from many people on the right for that. It has always been one of my complaints about the guy. Surely you will forgive me for being surprised by a left-leaning individual asking for smaller government, won't you? I wasn't trying to needle you or anything. I think you make perfect sense in saying that without some pain there will be no change. Regardless of your politics or my own, I think we both agree that change is absolutely necessary.

Jason

PS - Again, let's fire every government official in New York State, and start over. There are way too many places in the US where funding all of this crap is not a problem, and they don't pay the unfair, crippling taxes that we do. Our local and state government are the laughing stock of the US. For being so high up there on the IQ list, we know jack and shit about how to govern ourselves.