Rhonda if you can read this, hear me out.

I was shocked when I got the text message from you after the fire. Someone who hasn't uttered a word to me in almost a year now sends me a message showing she is thinking about me. I never thought that would happen! When I got it I paced around my living room nervously, thinking about whether or not I should respond. I decided I would respond, and anyway I have some explaining to do.

When you first came to Buffalo I immediately thought back to something your mother said to me almost 8 years ago. When we were 18 and broke up, your mother told a heartbroken boy that one day maybe 5,6,7 years down the road we would meet again, and maybe in the future we would have another chance after we grew up. So when you came here I thought, "Holy crap, could this be possible? Is this really going to happen?" Rightly or wrongly, I took what she said to heart and thought for sure that it was meant to be that way. I was overjoyed. Beyond overjoyed, actually.

For some reason or another since you've been here, all the guys who mistreated you, used you, mislead you, made you cry.....got the benefit of the doubt from you - yet I feel like you always looked at me with a cynical eye, never quite allowing me to know you. I've wanted to know you again since you came here - I want to know you now. I was upset that we got at each other's throats - you needled me and I needled you. You see Rhonda I can only say it as plainly as possible - I love you. No, not in some horny I-just-want-to-bone-her kind of way. It's so much more than that. It's a deeply rooted respect, admiration and caring. It transcends the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, actually I think it transcends even our own battered friendship. It doesn't matter how mad at me you get, or how mad at you I get, okay? I'll always feel that way, and will never hold a grudge. I've always thought you were an amazing woman. One of the best around.

So in case you were wondering, I've been over you not wanting to be with me for a long time now. I'm a guy - being rejected is a part of life for us that we deal with and move on as quickly as possible. I know I'm not prestigious enough. But I cannot stand us not hanging out anymore, or going to dinner anymore, or the museums, or any of the fun stuff. I want to be a friend to you and start over from scratch. I miss you so much. Life is too short to not let the people you care about know how much you care. I care a lot, and hopefully one day we can be civil to each other and resume our friendship. Anything else and we are cheating ourselves.

Jason

Keep your eyes peeled to the local news stations. I'm hearing some interesting things and I hope to god they aren't true.

Jason

I am about to admit some things about myself here. I realized it's been 2 years since I broke up with my last girlfriend. The time has gone by very quickly. It was a sad day, but in the end the pink slip is the only thing she deserved from me. The only thing I regret is that I didn't give her the boot sooner. I have not gone on one single date since that day. I mean, yeah I have female friends who like to mother me and such, been out to dinner with them, but not gone on an honest to god date. Part of the reason is fear of getting cheated on again, the other part is Everquest. About that time is when I started playing the game more and more. It's cheap entertainment, the time goes by quickly (important when you want to get your mind off of something), and I've been able to virtually meet people from all over Asia and Europe. I can speak a few simple phrases in German now. My spanish is a lot better. I've been playing a lot less since I got my new job but I still like to log in and blow shit up every now and then.

Anyway Terry I am intrigued by that game. I downloaded a promo video for it and the game looks great. What kind of PC/Video card do you have right now, and how is the game performing? Do you get lots of lag? Does it take forever to level up? It sounds like you are having lots of fun with it. Based on what I saw in the video I may consider giving it a shot if my system meets the requirements. The graphics look great, the boss encounters look great, and it looks like a fun game. Let me know how you like it as you keep on playing. Thanks for the screenshots.

Sir Dorkimus Maximus (aka Jason)

About the lot next to Globe Market - I have lived here for a while now, far longer than Brodo, the Yoga place, and Globe have been at their current locations. I understand that parking is at a premium - believe me I know because for years now I have understood that when I drive home from UB every weekday I'm going to have a tough time parking. That's just part of living in the city and we all know it's a pain, and we all know that we have to just deal with it.

I got a written "warning" put under my wiper saying that the lot is only for customers of certain commercial establishments, and that if my car gets towed to call such and such a number. Towed? It has been a lot where residents of the 700 block have parked their cars overnight for years. It's one of the very very few places that people on my block have been able to park their cars *period* as we have alternate parking on Cleveland, etc. and parking on the street is extremely limited (not to mention illegal overnight during the winter). More business, more need for parking, I understand. But for God's sake please have some consideration for the residents as well. We pump plenty of money into your businesses.

I'm not asking for a lot - only for somewhere to put my car when I come home. I live here and spend money at these establishments all the time. Instead of threatening me coldly, please do me the service of talking to me and my neighbors so you can understand where we are coming from. Please let us open up a dialogue so we can come up with a solution that will answer the needs of the residential and commercial community as a whole.

Thanks,
Jason

Does anyone else park in the lot next to Globe Market? If so, did anyone else get a nice orange note from the authorities tucked under their wiper? More commentary on this, but not now as I have clients in Texas to attend to.

Jason

You know what, doing a drive-by anonymous flaming of Terry like that is a straight up chicken-caca thing to do. Have some backbone and put a name and a face to your statements. Acting like a savage will never win support for Pano's cause, so I suppose it wasn't worth your time in writing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who has an innate hatred for successful business owners. I love to see our small businesses thrive. But you know what? When I first came to Elmwood and introduced myself to the various business owners while browsing their stores, they went out of their way to welcome me to the neighborhood and convey a distinct sense of community. People here give a shit about more than how much money they can take from the suburbanites - it's about contributing to a thriving community.

When I read about Pano's plans I suspected he didn't give much thought to the community aspect of doing business here - he just wanted to stuff his pockets with more dollars. Not only that, but the quotes of his I read were less than flattering. People here see through this bullshit. We care a hell of a lot less about how much money Pano can make than our sense of community, and a desire to keep our neighborhood beautiful. I'm not sure that it even ever occured to the guy that there is anything more to Elmwood than commerce. That's a crying shame. If you want to build an ugly building to stuff more mouths with souvlaki, do it in Amherst where people don't care about anything outside of their cul-de-sac.

Jason

No offense taken Ajay. I guess I was wrong. I'm new and not exactly part of the crew anyhow. ;)

Jason

Hey there pal - I've been there before. I'm sure all of us have at least one time in our lives. I know what you're going through, and I'll offer my latest experience with it. You say you have nobody and that nobody cares. That's not true, I care. I'll do my best to articulate it, and I hope you will be able to take something from it. I don't know your situation, hell they may not even be close but the pain you feel is the constant. I want to help you. I'll give you the cliffs notes version.

In 2002 I thought I had the perfect girlfriend. I had never cared for someone so much outside of my family, or loved someone as dearly. I would have gladly and eagerly given my life for her if the situation ever came up. It was a long distance deal, her in Philly and me here in Buffalo. In 2002 I lost my job and my grandfather. It was a hard time, but she was there for me. Over time as I struggled to find another programming job she grew more and more distant. Not only that but she began to say some of the meanest shit I ever heard out of anyone's mouth. She apologized to me time and again, and things seemed to get better. This was cyclical. I remained patient with her and thought that as soon as I found another job things would work out.

So one week I visited her, and she said that she wanted to be married to me, and that she wanted to have my children. Heavy stuff, but I was really excited about it because I felt the same way. She was here to come with me to a wedding, and it was an awesome weekend. I thought for sure that things were going to be just fine. The next weekend I was to fly out to Philly to attend one of her friends' weddings. The wedding was great, the couple looked as happy and thrilled as I've ever seen anyone look. Not only that but my girlfriend looked absolutely striking. I remember her looking so damn beautiful. I was not her only admirer.

At the reception some guy noticed her running out of the hall with the guy she walked the aisle with. He was like, hey Jason there is something that's just not right about that. So we ran outside, and as I walked down the street with him I noticed this guy and my girlfriend around the corner, him with his tongue down her throat and hand up her dress. The guy with me said, Jason you don't want to go to jail. I was enraged enough to cripple both of them for life. I thought my life was destroyed, and everything I had worked for and cared about was gone. I decided to leave and told her to save her breath - I was going home. I called her father, who came to get me, I explained the entire thing to him. He said he didn't raise her like that, and that I would have been a good son. He brought me to the airport, I got on a jet and spent every dollar left on liquor. I arrived in Buffalo a drunken, broken man. I didn't cry that much even when my grandfather passed away. It turns out this was a pattern, and that she had been screwing around on me for months. At the beach, in Europe, you name it she had cheated on me there. Hehe. I was oblivious to all of it.

So you want to know how to get over the pain? You want to be able to get over it and move on with your life as quickly as possible? Here is the advice I can offer up:

1) Forgive her for anything wrong she's done to you. She's human, and will never be perfect. The sooner you can let go the things she's done wrong to you, the sooner you will be able to be happy and move on.

2) You yourself are also not perfect. I can think of many things I did to piss off my ex. I was not perfect - maybe didn't deserve what I got but I knew that I could honestly claim there were things I did wrong to contribute to the downfall of the relationship. If you can find it within yourself to admit this, I really believe you will be able to find peace faster. That's the way it worked with me.

3) What gives you joy? What do you love doing
? Do those things as much as you can, and surround yourself with the people who care
ab
out you. Don't be alone at home in misery. Go out there and do something that will take your mind off of it for a while. Go have fun.

4) I bet you can think of many instances where she did something magnificent for you. My ex came to Jamestown to go to my grandfather's funeral. It wasn't my choice, she said I didn't have a choice, she was coming. At the funeral when I finally lost it she RAN from the back of the crowd to the front to sit with me and console me. I could never forget that, nor how much I appreciated it (and still appreciate it). Think about the good times instead of the bad and you will understand she isn't 100% an awful person or someone who is only out to hurt you.

5) If your morals normally wouldn't allow for this - don't be stupid and go fuck everything in sight. It won't make you feel better about yourself or your situation. Don't use your experience as a way to hurt or mislead other people. Don't make someone else pay for the hurt someone else brought to you. Use it as a learning tool so you can be a wiser man and a better boyfriend to someone else in the future. You can turn a bad into a good by using it to become a better human being.

I really hope you can get something out of it, and that some of it will help you to recover as soon as possible. I know how alone and hurt you feel, and if you need to vent I am here. Just e-mail and I will do whatever I can, anytime, any place. Good luck to you buddy and I wish you only the best.

Jason

Well it looks like some of you people had a fun weekend. By the way those photos are great - the bride looks so lovely, and you guys manage to look very sharp dressed up. Looks like you all had a very nice time, and also a nice time afterwards according to (e:terry) :) Umm I have a very dumb question to ask but what kind of camera phone are you guys using? Do all of you use the same one? Does it come with some kind of USB adapter or something to transfer over the photos? The resolution on the photos look a lot better than the phone my friend has. If it's not too expensive I would consider getting something like that.

Well this weekend I patiently waited for e-peeps to come over, but nobody visited me. I am very sick right now, and it's getting worse. You're probably better off for it. Actually unless I was hallucinating or tired or whatever I might have heard someone last night yelling my name, or "fuck you", or something like that early/late in the night. Or maybe it was one of the roughly half a dozen really REALLY weird dreams I had. More on those another time - I have a very active imagination.

So anyway I watched lots of football this weekend. The Bills are breaking my heart week after week. Buffalo is a pretty fat city, right? We have a lot of big folks, right? You would think we could gather up 5 of our fattest people to play offensive line for us. We can't do much worse than what we're working with already. What a shame.

Jason

How very curious Paul. A republican filter. That's very funny, but what makes it even more funny is the way it symbolizes the attitudes you have toward people of a different mindset. Instead of being open minded, you want to sit at your computer, get pastier and pastier, and line up a bunch of very stupid questions for me to answer. Yes, you're right, that was a mistake.

Now I have gone way out of my way to be courteous. As it stands I still am the ONLY PERSON to have been subject to any kind of ill will. I promise you this - there will be a time when both you and your, um, rugged friend (e:matthew) will not have any choice when it comes to meeting me. I look forward very much to that. I am not running away from this site because a couple of folks are frothing-at-the-mouth fanatics. That's not an insult, that's a statement of fact. Trust me, hypothetically speaking if you really believe that all conservatives are evil homophobe racist hatemongers that need to be destroyed - you are being duped and you have been subject to the very same kind of brainwashing and sheepdom that is so popularly associated to conservatives, and you are not nearly as "independent" (which only means farther to the left than the mainstream), smart, or free thinking as you say you are. That's another statement of fact - objectivity and truth.

Now, speaking of the way you framed a possible meeting between me and (e:matthew) - I was here at 750 all damn night last night - waiting for someone to come over. Nobody did. Paul I have to believe that you are not programming shit on Friday night (although I've been there), and there is absolutely no reason why you should think there is no value in meeting me. You are not that misanthropic, and I have to believe that you are not so miserable. I'm not political all the time - only some of the time like everyone else. I'm waiting here right now. I seriously want to pick (e:matthew) 's brain. If he and his 130-pound-soaking-wet self actually took a swing at me...kind of silly to talk about, but that would be a grave mistake. If I were even slightly, microscopically, remotely concerned about him or anyone else here successfully attacking me that way I would not have put my face, my name, and my address on this site. I don't believe he has the balls to use the language he used before anyway, regardless of what you think, and anyway I think if I actually were able to talk to him I think it would be a very pleasant conversation as long as it didn't cross certain lines. That's up to him, and up to you if you're up to it someday Paul (although as I said I'm going nowhere and could show up at an e-peep event any time - you may not have a choice someday). My door is always open at 750.

Jason