What fun,

I have two tests on Monday and a ten page paper due. That material isn't difficult and I should do well. And that is a big problem.

Unless I am into the material or find it challenging I can't care. I have had this essay for three weeks now but it is just busy work, so I naturally put it off to the weekend before. I will do a good job, but I have so struggle to stay focused.

That is how I get things done, by making an assignment challenging, by putting dozens of roadblocks in my way. Right now I am listening to a new album by one of my favorite bands. Piano, two guitar lines, some flutes, and three part vocal harmony demands that I listen to is closely.

Then, just to make things easier, I go out and get a new video game, Halo 3. Oh lord! All that running around and shooting things until their explodey death. Great fun. Today I wanted to write six pages, and in my five hours of work time today I have a page banged out. The distraction is great, a black hole in the living room sucking all energy and matter towards it.

This can only mean that I will have to double up my efforts tomorrow.

OH crap! I have another paper due tuesday for a book I have only read a quarter of. Sounds like I need something really distracting to get me through this; like an uncomfortable genital piercing, or a new pet cockatiel.

now if you will excuse me, I need to bathe in digital gore.

(e:zobar) just posted something from them, which was the first time I had ever heard of this comic.

Being bored at work (again if you can believe it) i started browsing through them. Several times I nearly wet myself laughing. you should all check out Cat and Girl

But this one, there is no holding back the stream of urine from a laugh battered bladder. So frickin' hilarious




enjoy, I need a change of pants.

• edit*

so, you can't really read that, but it is hilarious. Go here to read the full thing, you will be glad you did.

Howdy,

To catch you up if needed, two posts ago I wrote about the human feces which littered the men's locker room at the Buff State Gym.

Well, I wrote an email to the facilities director to let him now he needs to have a chat with the custodial staff. I got a reply back in a few minutes letting me know that the matter would be taken care of immediately. Awesome. Then, an hour later I get another email from him. He would like to meet. um, ok.

So, I show up at his office. He is a nice guy. He takes me on a little walk to show me that the mess has been cleaned up. He then offers alternate substances. Perhaps it was mud. Perhaps it was chewing tobacco.

Chewing tobacco?

Iowa Earl's Chewing Tobacco. Now with corn!

seriously. There was a nut or something in the mix. I am not entirely convinced. But the mess was cleaned up, so I let it go.

He reassures me that the staff has been informed to be more watchful for messes. He thanks me for opening up new channels of communication with his staff. And finally he thanks me for not telling everyone and their mother that there is shit all over the place.

oops, too late.

• update* I was told that if it was feces that they would have to clean the room with a haz-mat suit. After a decade of hanging on the wall I don't think it harbors anything we don't all already have.

Since man first stood upright and developed the brain to ponder the great questions of the universe one question has plagued him particularly over others. Perhaps in our brain's simian past we recalled the fear of lightning, the terror of the dark, and now as a thinking creature our own deep seated fears dare not find the answer to that single question. But an intreppid band, and helpless bystandards, will find out once and for all.

Will mankind be the same after uncovering what lurks underneath the shadows of existence?

Will mankind be the same after knowing who is the better bowler: Furries or Klingons?






We shall find out soon enough.

Dear Buffalo State,

I have given you a lot of money over the years. Why, you nearly even denied me financial aid this year because my graduate program is considered an undergraduate program. But we fixed everything and I forgave you. Then, I gave you money to use your gym. It is free to undergrads, but I am not an undergrad even though the financial aid office says I am. But, this was just a bureaucratic technicality, and I didn't begrudge you when I gave you my hard earned money. But I draw the line at human feces.

You see, the men's locker room at the gym should be a meditative space. Where one takes off the atire of the outside, academic world and transforms oneself to perform a new roll. And then again shower off the sweat of your labors and return again to the outside. But the tranquility required for that needed transformation is spoiled when the aesthetics of the locker room are spoiled by shit smeared on the walls and on the benches.

When I first noticed it I thought 'my, someone really must have been ill to launch filth so high up against the walls. I hope they are feeling better, and that this mess is cleaned up.' One month later and it is still there, hardened like cement. It isn't like it is hard to notice, or hidden in a locker. It is, allow me to say it again, shit smeared on the walls and on a bench! How can you miss it? But, I guess they aren't cleaning at all.

What do I do? Who should I talk to? Should I talk to one of dozens of full time program directors? Perhaps one of the legions of student workers? How about the faculty that is getting paid by me to sit in the rehab room just feet away from the offending stains?

College kids are gross and inconsiderate. I can understand grabbing a turd and getting all Jackson Pollock on the locker room. You are stupid and egocentric, how could I be upset at you, oh large child. But the staff that walks around there, the cleaning people who work in that building. It is implied that part of your job is to keep the cascading human crap to a minimum. How hard is that? HOW HARD IS THAT?

I hate this veil of tears of a world.

Two posts ago I mentioned an insanely boring class in which we have to write papers and present them. And my desire to liven up the class by talking about something sexy like prostitution or opium. But sadly everyone is against me.

The only requirement for the research was that it had to do with the Chinese Qing dynasty. Which should be super easy since that was from 1644-1911. A huge swath of time in which I whores should figure prominently.

But no.


No.


I now bemoan the state of whore scholarship. There is nothing written about it in this time period. Nothing. Zilch. Damn it! What the hell are you scholars working on? Oh ya, exciting crap like transforming local economies if fishing villages. Wow. Do you talk about that stuff at parties? The only thing fishy I want to hear about is whore vag!

So instead I am writing about the bubonic plague in southern China in the late 19th century.... ya, disease is kind of cool. But the only reason I picked it is because that is how I feel. I feel like I am infected with a dull malaise that will slowly drag me to an untimely death. A death I try to imagine as a great release during the waste of a class.

So come on academics of the world! Tell me about Manchu brothels!

Here is a video about an unbelievable large infestation of mice. It is creepy.

In high school, I was king dork of nerd mountain

You see, not having a social life, not touching vice, and having the social skills of a lifeless golem I could devote considerable time of the best years of my life to the accumulation of useless trivia. History was one such area where I could be especially insufferable. Ask (e:Jim) who was forced to sit through the movie 300 while I pointed historical inaccuracies both major and dully minor.

The first teacher I had who appreciated me eccentricities was Mr.Mahar. He was so much more than a social studies teacher. He attended conferences. His name was attached to research he helped conduct. He had a sense of humor. In retrospect he used a lot of teaching methods that I really admire and plan to use myself. But most importantly, he drank like a fish.

Teachers exist in a moral limbo. They are adults but are expected to be saints because they are models for kids, where as parents can fuck up as much as they choose. This bothers me. Teachers see kids for 40 minutes, five days a week. And they are busy doing a thousand things you have no idea what sort of adult they are. Mr.Mahar was different. We all smelled the whiskey on his breath. We all knew what he put in his coffee. But the man was one hell of a teacher. He got his shit done and he was much better than all the sober ones.

Though I never will drink at work, or actually have a little habit to attend to, I would like to have my insufferable personality spill over. To be an eccentric coot not afraid to curse or shave on a regular basis but do one hell of a job. Darn it! If kids don't learn about Stalin's love of musical comedies who will? WHO WILL?

happy friday

My Thursday night class sucks.


It is indescribably bad! But just as Dante described the indescribable torments of hell (and the indescribably boring followups on purgatory and heaven) then so too must I!

It is on Chinese and Japanese modern history, from the 16th century to the present. The professor is a Chinese historian, and so he spends about 15 minutes of our 3 hour long class talking about Japan. Even our textbooks are weighted. Chinese history: 876 pages + 100 images and maps. Japanese history: 600, no images. I don't know why he tacked Japan on when he doesn't care.

A graduate history class works like this, usually. We all read a book. Then during class we discuss that book. The professor might guide our discussion along, but generally just keeps us on task. It is a great way to run a class.

This class works like this, we read, we get a five question quiz to see if we read, he summarizes what we read and then we look at holiday snaps he took last time he was in China. Fine in a 50 minute class, torture in a three hour class.

Well, we were informed today that he would no longer be lecturing to us. And that we would be presenting research papers we have been working on. Well, no one has started their paper since it is only needs one journal article source and should be 5-6 pages long.

So I decided I am responsible not only for my own amusement and sanity in that class, but am responsible for everyones'!

Right now I have a dozen articles on Prostitution, Opium, Homosexuality, everything. If I don't use the term "hot chinese ass fucking" at least twice in my presentation I am giving myself an F. There will be descriptions of various specialty blow jobs. There will be little boys bent over the Emperor's bed. And it wont be all talk! Oh no! We will have graphic images. Ming wall scrolls of anal penetration will adorn my presentation like cherubs.



There wont be a dry seat in the house!

I was listening to Sam Harris give a lecture yesterday.

It wasn't in person, he gave it at the Aspen Ideas festival and it was rebroadcast on Word for Word. You can listen to it here . If you don't know Sam Harris he is of the recent wave of published, vocal atheists. He is down with science but isn't as big an ass hole as Richard Dawkins
Also, he is also the hottest of the best selling atheists.



I would want to get drunk with Chris Hitchens, but I would want to get Sam Harris drunk. If you catch the drift. (sincere apologies to (e:Jim))


Anyway! Back on topic. In the lecture he said that god is primarily an author of books. That is, he chooses to speak to his creation not through TV spots or telemundo soaps; rather, god wrote the Hebrew bible, added the New testament bit, and then completed the trilogy with the Koran.

He said that science submits its material to peer-reviewed journals to weed out biased research. So, religious texts should do the same thing.

I had a good chuckle. Imagining Christ and Thor(see (e:drew)'s journal) browsing through Dianetics, suppressing a chuckle at each page turn.
"Hey Quetziquatil, you have to check this shit out! It is hilarious!"
"I can't guys, Dionysus is throwing up wine again. I have to mop the bathroom up."

So, I am not actually suggesting anything. Just giving you a little glimpse into the silliness which is getting me through my Thursday.

Oh! Here is an awesome They Might Be Giants video

I am SO excited!

Being a snooty New Yorker by proxy I love me some NY Times. Their web site has been the way of choice to read it for me. About four years ago they changed their site creating Times Select: a subscription service where you can get articles about certain subjects emailed to you, their op/ed pieces, and access to back issues going back to... when ever their content becomes public domain. The first two of those services were absolutely free before that, of course.

What would I do without my Nicholas Kristoph! Or my beloved queen of snark Maureen 'I should be writing for Designing Women but instead I am a journalist' Dowd. Tom Friedman leaves a bad taste in my mouth now a days, what with the whole Iraq War RULZ thingie. And nobody blows smoke up your ass like Frank Rich (who I guiltily enjoy).

Well, starting tomorrow (I believe) we will have access to the Op/Ed pages once more! Of course, in those four years I stopped reading traditional media and became hooked on the likes of Talking Points Memo and Daily Kos and it is sad watching great giants of journalism drag their neanderthal knuckles of paleo-journalism together towards extinction with dinosaur-blog newspapers.

But at least for a few weeks I can enjoy Dowd's tangy fluff!