(e:Janelle) has been journaling about the Sims, that video game where you... uh... simulate humans? You know, soup to nuts. From planing out their home and rise in a simulated capitalist economy to the micromanagement of sending them off to pee. And at a time-laps pitch it is oddly addicting.

Well, I played the Sims once, when it was a new game. Like Janelle I started off modestly. But mostly because I didn't read the instructions and just moved into the first shack I came across. Well, living in a miserable tiny apartment with room mates I wanted to axe murder I thought I would play out my childish fantasies. So, two guys move in and I try to get them to fall in love.

Now, this isn't a one-who-got-away sort of story. At the beginning they didn't like when I made them hug. But they kind of liked it when one bought a gift for the other. They could joke and pall around, but if I made them flirt. Yikes! It was uncomfortable.

But, I was persistent and my fantasy couple got together. One was an artists, because that sounded much more exciting than the waiter I was at the time. The other was in the military. Oh, everyone knew about his boyfriend, but it was never talked about on the base because our man was such a good soldier.

One morning, the military man wakes up early and sneaks downstairs to make the other breakfast in bed. A few weeks earlier they bought a grill for their anniversary. He starts cooking on the grill as the other gently slept and then.... BOOM!

FIRE!

FIRE!

Military man was engulfed in flames and died. A little tomb stone stood among the chard remains of the grill. The other sim would spend all day weeping beside it. He lost his job because he spent all day grieving.

Occasionally military man's ghost would appear and try to hug his lover. But the living sim would get frightened and run away. Then, when the ghost would disappear hugless the other would just return to the tomb and cry some more.

I was taking a Modern Russian history class at the time. The Albany winter was especially cold that year and reading the Gulag Archipelago for class should have been a harrowing experience. But the death and suffering of thousands was less depressing than my one and only game of the Sims.

Hi,

You know how you get a song in your head, in this case Last Dance With Mary Jane by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and then you read a little on wikipedia then 30 minutes later you have followed a giant trail of vaguely related items and find yourself reading about sausage casing?

Well, that happened just now. And check out what treasure was unearthed






That is right! From a large distributor you can order sausage casing in the shape of a beer bottle! And this isn't a skimpy little sausage. Oh no, this is 1 1/4 pounds of summer sausage fun my friend.

Think of the hilarity as you whip this bad boy out on your next fishing trip. All your friends will be pawing for a bit of your beer bottle sausage. Hey there fellers, there is more than enough sausage to go around!

Order yours now from the mouthwateringly named Mid-Western Research and Supply Inc.

Ya, the big, big, big, big news is out.


We made it on the top ten list after all. I am happy for Buffalo, but after all that hype I wouldn't have been happy with anything short of a five-story H&M

Here is the Buffalo News story.

Yup, that's the big, big, big, big news.

Which reminds me...



I will never tire of that song or video.

UGH!

It has been an hour since the big ass Buffalo news was unveiled at Glove market by the Elmwood Association.

yet, why can't I find any info about this? This was supposed to be HUGE frickin news. But, go to the Elmwood Village Association web site there isn't a bit of news. The last news entry is from January...

I have gone to other sites looking for some info

Buffalo Rising
Buffalo News
WBFO
Craig's List
Buffalo Geek
Buffalo Pundit
All Things Buffalo
All Thing Jennifer

nothing

ugh! Did we just get on some stupid top ten list or is something big actually happening? A little moral booster isn't big news, it is nice fuzzy news that makes us feel good for a little while when outsides make fun of us for living in Buffalo.

There is a private discussion involving an online hit job around here.

It made me think about my favorite such hit job online that is amazingly NSFW.

It was also a great coincidence that the target of said hit job, former senator Rick "god hates fags, jews, liberals, and uh people that don't vote for me and oh by the way I LOVE my family in a profound way that you mere human could never begin to comprehend" Santorum may be running for Governor of PA next time around.

Check him out,
Rick Santorum

just a hint now of what to do.

What fun,

I have two tests on Monday and a ten page paper due. That material isn't difficult and I should do well. And that is a big problem.

Unless I am into the material or find it challenging I can't care. I have had this essay for three weeks now but it is just busy work, so I naturally put it off to the weekend before. I will do a good job, but I have so struggle to stay focused.

That is how I get things done, by making an assignment challenging, by putting dozens of roadblocks in my way. Right now I am listening to a new album by one of my favorite bands. Piano, two guitar lines, some flutes, and three part vocal harmony demands that I listen to is closely.

Then, just to make things easier, I go out and get a new video game, Halo 3. Oh lord! All that running around and shooting things until their explodey death. Great fun. Today I wanted to write six pages, and in my five hours of work time today I have a page banged out. The distraction is great, a black hole in the living room sucking all energy and matter towards it.

This can only mean that I will have to double up my efforts tomorrow.

OH crap! I have another paper due tuesday for a book I have only read a quarter of. Sounds like I need something really distracting to get me through this; like an uncomfortable genital piercing, or a new pet cockatiel.

now if you will excuse me, I need to bathe in digital gore.

(e:zobar) just posted something from them, which was the first time I had ever heard of this comic.

Being bored at work (again if you can believe it) i started browsing through them. Several times I nearly wet myself laughing. you should all check out Cat and Girl

But this one, there is no holding back the stream of urine from a laugh battered bladder. So frickin' hilarious




enjoy, I need a change of pants.

• edit*

so, you can't really read that, but it is hilarious. Go here to read the full thing, you will be glad you did.

Howdy,

To catch you up if needed, two posts ago I wrote about the human feces which littered the men's locker room at the Buff State Gym.

Well, I wrote an email to the facilities director to let him now he needs to have a chat with the custodial staff. I got a reply back in a few minutes letting me know that the matter would be taken care of immediately. Awesome. Then, an hour later I get another email from him. He would like to meet. um, ok.

So, I show up at his office. He is a nice guy. He takes me on a little walk to show me that the mess has been cleaned up. He then offers alternate substances. Perhaps it was mud. Perhaps it was chewing tobacco.

Chewing tobacco?

Iowa Earl's Chewing Tobacco. Now with corn!

seriously. There was a nut or something in the mix. I am not entirely convinced. But the mess was cleaned up, so I let it go.

He reassures me that the staff has been informed to be more watchful for messes. He thanks me for opening up new channels of communication with his staff. And finally he thanks me for not telling everyone and their mother that there is shit all over the place.

oops, too late.

• update* I was told that if it was feces that they would have to clean the room with a haz-mat suit. After a decade of hanging on the wall I don't think it harbors anything we don't all already have.

Since man first stood upright and developed the brain to ponder the great questions of the universe one question has plagued him particularly over others. Perhaps in our brain's simian past we recalled the fear of lightning, the terror of the dark, and now as a thinking creature our own deep seated fears dare not find the answer to that single question. But an intreppid band, and helpless bystandards, will find out once and for all.

Will mankind be the same after uncovering what lurks underneath the shadows of existence?

Will mankind be the same after knowing who is the better bowler: Furries or Klingons?






We shall find out soon enough.

Dear Buffalo State,

I have given you a lot of money over the years. Why, you nearly even denied me financial aid this year because my graduate program is considered an undergraduate program. But we fixed everything and I forgave you. Then, I gave you money to use your gym. It is free to undergrads, but I am not an undergrad even though the financial aid office says I am. But, this was just a bureaucratic technicality, and I didn't begrudge you when I gave you my hard earned money. But I draw the line at human feces.

You see, the men's locker room at the gym should be a meditative space. Where one takes off the atire of the outside, academic world and transforms oneself to perform a new roll. And then again shower off the sweat of your labors and return again to the outside. But the tranquility required for that needed transformation is spoiled when the aesthetics of the locker room are spoiled by shit smeared on the walls and on the benches.

When I first noticed it I thought 'my, someone really must have been ill to launch filth so high up against the walls. I hope they are feeling better, and that this mess is cleaned up.' One month later and it is still there, hardened like cement. It isn't like it is hard to notice, or hidden in a locker. It is, allow me to say it again, shit smeared on the walls and on a bench! How can you miss it? But, I guess they aren't cleaning at all.

What do I do? Who should I talk to? Should I talk to one of dozens of full time program directors? Perhaps one of the legions of student workers? How about the faculty that is getting paid by me to sit in the rehab room just feet away from the offending stains?

College kids are gross and inconsiderate. I can understand grabbing a turd and getting all Jackson Pollock on the locker room. You are stupid and egocentric, how could I be upset at you, oh large child. But the staff that walks around there, the cleaning people who work in that building. It is implied that part of your job is to keep the cascading human crap to a minimum. How hard is that? HOW HARD IS THAT?

I hate this veil of tears of a world.