It is, in fact, a series of tubes. We landed in the UK around 9.15p; it wasn't until about midnight before we finally emerged from the ant farm. Heathrow was probably very conveniently laid-out at one time, with the arrivals and baggage claim on the same side of the airport. However it is also enormous, and Customs ended up on the
other side of the airport. So it's a quarter-mile walk through a long tube to Customs, a long stand in a Queue, and then a quarter-mile walk back to your baggage - where it's no longer riding around on the carousel but rather scattered around on the floor.
Then there's another quarter-mile of tubes to get to the Tube-tube. There is one train that goes from Heathrow; its ultimate destination is something called Cockfosters, or Cockfester or Cockgobbler, depending on whether you ask me,
@dragonlady7, or a sane person [irrespectively]. We think we are hilarious; others on the train not so much.
There are many really drunk people who inhabit the Tube-tube. Some were trying to get a picture with a maintenance man. Another was rushed out of the train and horked all over the wall as we pulled away. I'm told this is a popular hobby. [Binge drinking, that is; not horking.]
There was, I should mention for completeness, another very long tube in the station where we made our transfer.
When we finally emerged in Camden Town, there were over a half-dozen unlicensed cab drivers who were either extremely helpful people or who think "dragging 100lbs of luggage through Camden at midnight" means "rube." There is, for future reference, a difference between foolish [which we are] and stupid [which we are not]. Turns out unlicensed cab drivers are responsible for about ten rapes a month in London? What the Hell kind of weird scam is that?
After we finally found our hotel a couple miles up the road and checked in, we went back to a Tesco Express and housed a couple mediocre sandwiches, some Fanta, and a couple Jaffa cakes. Jaffa cakes are delicious. [You can get them at Premier, where they seem overpriced for what they are. You can reassure yourself that they seem overpriced for what they are over here, too.]
With our long day behind us, we zonked the fuck out. It was 8pm EDT. I woke up at 9am this morning, or 4am EDT.
This morning we decided to call up
@dragonlady7's friend and drop in. We went out for a Full English Breakfast [for dinner, which was actually lunch] at a small diner. There was an egg, which was not cooked 'hard' or 'soft,' but simply 'as long as everything else.' There was a sausage, which was tasty but which didn't have the texture of something that was all meat. There was a Fried Slice - I was hoping for something along the lines of Ham but it turned out to be more like Bread. They made fun of me for ordering it, but it was the come-from-behind winner in the English Dinner-Lunch-Breakfast. There were mushrooms, which were palatable and sort of flavorless in the way that mushrooms are. There were baked beans, which I have to admit were kind of a Dadaist touch to an otherwise normal-looking breakfast meal. There was also a little square of Bubble and Squeak, which was kind of tasteless mashed potatoes with some Green stirred in and fried.
I was not brave enough to order the one with the black pudding, but I was allowed to try a bite of someone else's. Look, people: it is an object that looks like a cookie but is made out of
blood. That is a seriously fucked-up thing to do, ok? If I tell you how delicious it was I might as well just give H.P. Lovecraft a little paper hat and a job at Denny's.
I'm getting tired now so I'll finish with one more item: there is no trapeze at Oxford Circus but if there were it would be
insane.
And now I'm finishing up a cup of tea I made myself in the dark. It tastes more like soap than anything else so I'm going to block it out of my mind until tomorrow morning.
- Z
