OK, so (e:dragonlady7) sent me this link to The Rebelution.com Modesty Survey. The first question, before they even let you register for the survey, is 'How important is modesty to you?'

So I thought, you know, if I see some chick with like a quarter-inch of makeup on and her underwear sticking up over the back of her pants, I think to myself: 'Wow, that chick is totally a hoebag.' And there was this one time when I was in Washington Square Park and there was this Mennonite women's choir singing, and I am not ashamed to say that some of them were super-hot. So I answered '6.'

So they started asking me questions about whether I considered certain parts of women's dress to be 'stumbling blocks.' I am absolutely fashion unconscious, but let's say I meet some chick and she's wearing these big hoopy earrings that look like Claire's overstock from 1992. Even I know that's ridiculous. I would consider that - perhaps not definitive evidence of her complete lack of worth - but it makes me wonder, like, what her deal is. It's something I think about when I should be thinking about what she's saying. A 'stumbling block,' if you will.

Well, here's the thing. I'm a Catholic, with thirteen years of Catholic education behind me. I consider myself to be pretty well-versed in many areas of Christian theology. The term 'stumbling block' is, apparently, standard terminology among some other denominations for 'something women do to make men want to sin, specifically by punching the clown.' This is completely new to me, as I'm pretty sure I was taught that my wang was my own damn responsibility.

Annyway ... I thought 'stumbling block' was bad because I found it unattractive to the point that I couldn't take the woman seriously. They thought 'stumbling block' was bad because I thought it was so attractive I had to run off for a quick game of whack-a-mole. Needless to say, I answered about 20 questions completely wrong - including one where I said I found the picture of frumpy knee-high boots to be a big stumbling block because they reminded me of my sixth-grade math teacher, who was a nun - before (e:dragonlady7) stepped in and told me all about how sometimes when I feel a tingly in my pants that's a stumbling block.

It was really embarassing, because you can't change your answers and I had to write to the admin to reset my survey:

Yeah, I think maybe I need to have my answers reset. 'Cause when you said 'stumbling block,' I thought, 'something that makes me think a particular woman is a hoebag.' I did not realize it meant 'something that makes me want to whack off.'

I would just like to make it clear that large boots in the manner that my sixth-grade math teacher [who was a nun] wore - do not, under any circumstances, make me touch myself.

Thank you.

- Z