Posts from February 2009

Today was a gorgeous day if you're the sort of person who doesn't notice when water is pouring out of the sky, so I decided to walk to the bank instead of driving [I have problems with driving less than about a mile and a half]. I like walking, because you see things you wouldn't normally notice if you were whizzing by in your car @zobar #45219 like, for instance, weirdest thing that anyone has ever seen sticking out of a melting snowbank: a ceiling fan.

- Z

and you can have it for free.

I think there should be a game show, where they ask you your own "Forgot Password" security questions, and if you get it right on the first try, you win cash money. The host would have a laptop and as much personality as your bank's website.

Voiceover: Now it's time to play...
Audience: I! FORGOT! MY! PASSWORD!!
Voiceover: with your host, John Hodgman or Ben Stein!
John Hodgman/Ben Stein: Dear Customer, your account remains past due in the amount of $56.72. Would you like to pay your balance online? (Y/n)
@zobar: I'm going to go with Y, John and/or Ben!!
Hodgman/Stein: Login please. (Forgot password?)
@zobar: Forgot password, John/Ben!
John-Ben Hodgstein: Where did you meet your spouse?
[background music starts playing]
@zobar: Um, I'm not married?
J/B: You may continue to receive notices or letters that describe specific collection actions that we may take on your account.
@zobar: No no, I got it I got it. Maybe I substituted 'girlfriend' for 'spouse' ... um, Rochester?
J/B: Incorrect entry. Where did you meet your spouse?
@zobar: Hm, I'm pretty sure it was Rochester. Maybe Jersey City?
J/B: Incorrect entry. Where did you meet your spouse?
@zobar: Could I get a new question?
J/B: Please enter an answer. Where did you meet your spouse?
@zobar: I don't have a spouse! I met my girlfriend in Rochester!! I don't fucking know!!! Dobbs Ferry??
J/B: Your account has been disabled due to an excessive number of incorrect login attempts. The correct answer was 'Schaghticoke.'
@zobar: AUUGGGHHHH!!
[Head explodes, cut to commercial]

- Z

Separated at birth:

Robert Plant, and the Lesser Pirates from 'How To Kill A Mockingbird.'



- Z

I never really looked closely at Apple's 'huge' icon for a Windows file server before.



Cute.

- Z

Man I don't have time for that. You only get four things, but they're good ones.

1. I know Esperanto.
2. I pronounce 'URL' and 'Earl' the same way.
3. Late at night when I can't sleep, I look up Soviet environmental disasters on Google Earth.
4. Or photos of abandoned amusement parks.

- Z

Somebody needs to revoke my Photoshop license.

- Z

What the fuck happened to my French toast?!



U Can't This

- Z

Today's "Baddest Motherfucker" award goes to Vint Cerf the man who invented TCP/IP just so that he could have a Facebook page Gaze on his works ye mighty and despair.



Now he's pissed off like a vengeful creator

- Z

_______________
Today's "Wack Motherfucker" award goes to the first commenter who mentions Al Gore.

> Pose as a team, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL.



You copy and paste your previous poses into a new file and animate the background rapidly.
>

- Z

I've been crabby lately.

1. Saying 'guesstimate' instead of 'estimate' doesn't make you sound clever. I could be persuaded, but only if you could convince me that you invented the word. I would be on the brink of respecting your wit, until you also told me you were responsible for tarzhay, at which point I would punch you in the teeth until you couldn't say any more words at all, except perhaps a mushy slobbery bloody gurgle. Society would understand and forgive me.

2. Can I be opposed to the ceaseless Israeli-Palestinian violence without taking a side? I am. Seriously people, grow up. You're 50% right, 50% wrong, and 150% loud, and I'm sick of hearing about you. I'm not even entertaining comments about this, because if you're taking a side you're half wrong too.

3. Barack Obama is a rock star. I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing. But you have to admit, it's kind of nice to be worrying about whether the President's going to get to keep his CrackBerry rather than worrying about whether he's going to start hauling people in for sedition.

4. You want my opinion on the poem? Nobody got it. If a poem can't be read effectively by its author, can it be read effectively? We'll let Philosophy 101 talk themselves in circles for an hour. Meanwhile I'll ponder on what would make a writer decide to give up on sentences and

just say words at people
instead
slowly (perhaps)
one by one
until they get it
or not

It's probably the same neural trigger that makes people snap and become Lisp programmers.

5. Yo-Yo Ma. You can't fuck with that.

- Z