02/11/09 09:25 - 52ºF - ID#47720

noticed

Today was a gorgeous day if you're the sort of person who doesn't notice when water is pouring out of the sky, so I decided to walk to the bank instead of driving [I have problems with driving less than about a mile and a half]. I like walking, because you see things you wouldn't normally notice if you were whizzing by in your car (e:zobar,45219) like, for instance, weirdest thing that anyone has ever seen sticking out of a melting snowbank: a ceiling fan.

- Z

Permalink: noticed.html
Words: 88
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: idea

02/10/09 10:39 - 46ºF - ID#47702

$1000000 idea

and you can have it for free.

I think there should be a game show, where they ask you your own "Forgot Password" security questions, and if you get it right on the first try, you win cash money. The host would have a laptop and as much personality as your bank's website.

Voiceover: Now it's time to play...
Audience: I! FORGOT! MY! PASSWORD!!
Voiceover: with your host, John Hodgman or Ben Stein!
John Hodgman/Ben Stein: Dear Customer, your account remains past due in the amount of $56.72. Would you like to pay your balance online? (Y/n)
(e:zobar): I'm going to go with Y, John and/or Ben!!
Hodgman/Stein: Login please. (Forgot password?)
(e:zobar): Forgot password, John/Ben!
John-Ben Hodgstein: Where did you meet your spouse?
[background music starts playing]
(e:zobar): Um, I'm not married?
J/B: You may continue to receive notices or letters that describe specific collection actions that we may take on your account.
(e:zobar): No no, I got it I got it. Maybe I substituted 'girlfriend' for 'spouse' ... um, Rochester?
J/B: Incorrect entry. Where did you meet your spouse?
(e:zobar): Hm, I'm pretty sure it was Rochester. Maybe Jersey City?
J/B: Incorrect entry. Where did you meet your spouse?
(e:zobar): Could I get a new question?
J/B: Please enter an answer. Where did you meet your spouse?
(e:zobar): I don't have a spouse! I met my girlfriend in Rochester!! I don't fucking know!!! Dobbs Ferry??
J/B: Your account has been disabled due to an excessive number of incorrect login attempts. The correct answer was 'Schaghticoke.'
(e:zobar): AUUGGGHHHH!!
[Head explodes, cut to commercial]

- Z

Permalink: _1000000_idea.html
Words: 283
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/09/09 10:43 - 35ºF - ID#47698

dread pirate robert plant

Separated at birth:

Robert Plant, and the Lesser Pirates from 'How To Kill A Mockingbird.'

- Z

Permalink: dread_pirate_robert_plant.html
Words: 25
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: geeky

02/05/09 12:01 - 8ºF - ID#47647

cute.

I never really looked closely at Apple's 'huge' icon for a Windows file server before.

Cute.

- Z

Permalink: cute_.html
Words: 20
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: give me a break

02/02/09 11:46 - 23ºF - ID#47610

twenty five things?

Man I don't have time for that. You only get four things, but they're good ones.

1. I know Esperanto.
2. I pronounce 'URL' and 'Earl' the same way.
3. Late at night when I can't sleep, I look up Soviet environmental disasters on Google Earth.

4. Or photos of abandoned amusement parks.

- Z

Permalink: twenty_five_things_.html
Words: 67
Location: Buffalo, NY

02/01/09 11:30 - 32ºF - ID#47596

pointless

Somebody needs to revoke my Photoshop license.

- Z

Permalink: pointless.html
Words: 11
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: food

01/31/09 11:30 - 13ºF - ID#47581

question

What the fuck happened to my French toast?!

U Can't

This

- Z

Permalink: question.html
Words: 21
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: a series of tubes

01/29/09 09:06 - 17ºF - ID#47553

the baddest motherfucker

Today's "Baddest Motherfucker" award goes to Vint Cerf

the man who invented TCP/IP just so that he could have a Facebook page

Gaze on his works ye mighty and despair.

Now he's pissed off like a vengeful creator

- Z

_______________
Today's "Wack Motherfucker" award goes to the first commenter who mentions Al Gore.

Permalink: the_baddest_motherfucker.html
Words: 75
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: a series of tubes

01/26/09 10:56 - 18ºF - ID#47528

bad command or file name

> Pose as a team, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

You copy and paste your previous poses into a new file and animate the background rapidly.
>

- Z

Permalink: bad_command_or_file_name.html
Words: 31
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: misc

01/22/09 01:09 - 21ºF - ID#47483

venting

I've been crabby lately.

1. Saying 'guesstimate' instead of 'estimate' doesn't make you sound clever. I could be persuaded, but only if you could convince me that you invented the word. I would be on the brink of respecting your wit, until you also told me you were responsible for tarzhay, at which point I would punch you in the teeth until you couldn't say any more words at all, except perhaps a mushy slobbery bloody gurgle. Society would understand and forgive me.

2. Can I be opposed to the ceaseless Israeli-Palestinian violence without taking a side? I am. Seriously people, grow up. You're 50% right, 50% wrong, and 150% loud, and I'm sick of hearing about you. I'm not even entertaining comments about this, because if you're taking a side you're half wrong too.

3. Barack Obama is a rock star. I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing. But you have to admit, it's kind of nice to be worrying about whether the President's going to get to keep his CrackBerry rather than worrying about whether he's going to start hauling people in for sedition.

4. You want my opinion on the poem? Nobody got it. If a poem can't be read effectively by its author, can it be read effectively? We'll let Philosophy 101 talk themselves in circles for an hour. Meanwhile I'll ponder on what would make a writer decide to give up on sentences and

just say words at people
instead
slowly (perhaps)
one by one
until they get it
or not

It's probably the same neural trigger that makes people snap and become Lisp programmers.

5. Yo-Yo Ma. You can't fuck with that.

- Z

joshua writes at 10:25:21 01/22/09 - Comment #44727: Here's a haiku I read today - maybe it will brighten your mood -

A fifth of vodka
Time to make a tiny tot
Penis vagina

joshua writes at 10:20:56 01/22/09 - Comment #44726

Dear Lord! Bravo! Complaint #1 was my favorite and I certainly would understand and forgive you. Tar zhay is an ironic phrase now, as if you've been to the one behind Tops lately you know the place is becoming nearly as ghetto as the Wal-Mart by the Galleria. The word "guesstimate" is redundant.

Answer to #2 is HELL YES. I don't think it is ever going to end, though. It is biblical in nature and there is no solution to the problem that all parties will find acceptable.

3 - Overall I like Barack Obama (the guy, not his politics). My only problem with his rock star status, and it is a big one, is that there is no evidence that there will be objective coverage of him in the media. The media is has been demonstrably smitten with Barack Obama and that should make any objective observer uncomfortable.

4 - Actually you raised a point that I wish I would have regarding the reading of the poem. It's true that any nuggets of appreciation that other people may have had for the poem were obscured by the poor reading. I'm just saying -

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

etc.

Maya Angelou - legend legend legend. If I could hug this woman and kiss her on the cheek I would. Anyone could read this (ok.. maybe not everyone!) and the listeners would gain deep appreciation out of it.

5 - Why were people picking on the Simple Gifts arrangement that John Williams did? I thought it was beautiful. Yo-Yo Ma, no you can't fuck with that!