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Category: wtf

09/19/07 09:22 - 68ºF - ID#41200

wtf?

Work just bought me an iPhone. No really, WTF?

- Z
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Permalink: wtf_.html
Words: 11
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: schadenfreude

09/17/07 04:31 - 70ºF - ID#41157

this shit makes me ill

This is what you get when you start a company, name it something completely idiotic like AMP'D Mobile, and convince them that you're so awesome they need to buy you a Ferrari: Guess what! You've wasted all your fucking money and now you've got to peddle your ass for nickels! This is a complete inventory of everything they chose to spend their company's money on, and they have to sell it all now that they've [predictably] gone out of business. Looking through this stuff is almost anthropological. Christ, it's like the .com bust never happened.

LOT 352: 1997 FERRARI 550M RED/TAN 19,000 MILES, MANUALS, TOOLKIT, VIN#ZFFZR491A1V0109057, CA PLATE 5K0G100 - CALIFORNIA CAR

LOT 353: 2006 FORD F350 DUALLY KING RANCH EDITION 14,500 MILES, V8 6.0L TURBO DIESEL, 4WD VIN# 1FTWW33P06EC47159, NEVADA REGISTRATION

LOT 547A: HUMAN TOUCH BLACK MASSAGE CHAIR WITH OTTOMAN

LOTS 629-632: CPU [?]

LOT 1002: APPLE 30in HD CINEMA DISPLAY 81083

LOT 1196: BGW 1100 POWERED SUBWOOFER

LOTS 1238-1241: [Exceedingly cool classic arcade games]

LOTS 1242-1244: ROCKET

LOT 1245: FOOSEBALL TABLE

LOT 1246: BASKET BALL HOOP

LOT 1385: 20in RIMS


Part 2: I guess the Internet finally killed somebody.


- Z
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Permalink: this_shit_makes_me_ill.html
Words: 192
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: a series of tubes

09/12/07 08:12 - 62ºF - ID#41067

line status: showtime

1: My ISP sold my DSL account to EarthLink when they got out of the business. Tech Support said they were sending me a new modem, but it is nowhere in sight. Today was our sixth day without tubes, and things were getting a little tense. I finally h4x0r3d my b0x3n and now it tells me "Line Status: SHOWTIME." That is a good thing.

2: One of my coworkers lived across the street from these girls [NSFW]. She says they're total bitches.
2a: Anyone you know on here? It's tough to tell, they've got some stuff on their faces.
2b: No offense to all yall, but Buffalo is not exactly the place I would start looking for hot porno chicks.

That is all!

- Z


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Permalink: line_status_showtime.html
Words: 134
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: a series of tubes

09/05/07 04:07 - 83ºF - ID#40950

cootie catcher

Emergency Bulletin! Jon Spencer at Mohawk Place next Tuesday

Now on with our regularly-scheduled post:

OK, I was discussing cootie catchers/fortune tellers with (e:dragonlady7). She said she didn't know how to make one, so I Googled it. It is not surprising to me that I found instructions for making a cootie catcher on the Internet. You may follow the link but the URL itself is more interesting than the page.

girlpower.gov/girlarea/gamespuz/cootiecatcher.htm

How wrong is this URL? Let me count the ways:

1: There are instructions on a US Government [.gov] website for making a cootie catcher.

2: There is a website called girlpower.gov at all.

3: I just visited a website's girl area.

Now I feel dirty.

- Z

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Permalink: cootie_catcher.html
Words: 147
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: politics

08/27/07 02:45 - 77ºF - ID#40757

flip flop

1: Facebook is quite addictive

2: Usually I stay away from politics, but here's something to chew on.

Both major political parties have diverse, complex, and often contradictory platforms that go far beyond the simplistic conservative/liberal split. What is interesting is how they take sides when an issue is not addressed by the traditional party platform.

To whit: the electoral college. Republicans typically support it, and Democrats typically oppose it. Both sides can come up with long lists of lofty ideals that support/oppose it, but what it comes down to for both sides is that the electoral college elected a Republican twice in a row.

In the electoral college, most states use the Winner Takes All method but two states [Maine (D x4) and Nebraska (R x5)] use an alternate approach that arguably gives better direct representation. The Democratic Party proposed switching Colorado (R x9) to the new system in 2004, and failed.

Now it seems Republicans are all about more direct representation in the electoral college, but only in California (D x55). And who is defending the status quo? Yeah, the Democrats.

Conclusion: Only losers want election reform, but only the winners have the power to do it.

- Z

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Permalink: flip_flop.html
Words: 216
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: misc

08/20/07 11:02 - 60ºF - ID#40645

headhunt'd!

Item! It feels nice to be wanted. More details later, or not.

Item! My buddy and his wife ended up in Cancun this weekend. I can only hope they got a hurricane-season discount. They ended up 'finding' plane tickets out at $600 a pop, which was still better than sticking around at the hotel that made no evacuation plans and had been wiped out by another hurricane a couple years ago.

Item! (e:dragonlady7) was out of town this weekend so I got some quality fucking-off done. I did some housework but more importantly I totally found the best article on Wikipedia: (WIKIPEDIA - Voynich manuscript). This is the coolest fucking thing, and it creeps the shit out of me.

Item! What do you do with a bored Norwegian in Buffalo? Take him to the Pirate Festival for "Adult Night!" I can't really explain why.

- Z
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Permalink: headhunt_d_.html
Words: 150
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: weird

08/14/07 11:50 - 68ºF - ID#40534

and when i awoke i was alone

The other night I had a weird dream. (e:dragonlady7) 's Norwegian cousin Aleksander was visiting us, and someone suggested that we should take him to a community ed. class about Norwegian Culture & Language. We showed up and there were maybe 100 people in the classroom, mostly just shooting the bull and eating the fruit & cheese trays. The teacher didn't really know anything about Norway and didn't bother to teach the class. I guess it was mostly just a social night called Community Ed. So Aleksander goes up to the front of the class and starts talking about what Norway is like, and some people are listening and some people are not, and nobody's being rude or anything, but really he could really have been talking about anything at all.

He kinda thinks this is totally lame, and there's all these people eating cheese and crackers, and so he says, you know, Norway's very similar to the United States in a lot of ways, except that when we eat cheese and crackers, we don't eat cheddar, we eat havarti.

And you know how in elementary foreign-language classes, when they teach you new vocabulary, the teacher says the word and the students repeat it? Everybody stopped what they were doing, said "HAVARTI!" in unison, and went back to chatting.

I split a gut and had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. Aleksander had half an idea of what was going on so he went on to explain that in Norway the cheese and fruit trays would be called a smörgåsbord [laying on the accent real thick-like]. And the entire class stopped, replied "SMORGASBORD!" and went back to doing whatever it was they were doing.

Laughing, Aleksander came out to join me in the hallway and asked me what the Hell was going on. I was laughing so hard I woke up.

Turns out neither havarti nor smorgasbords are particularly Norwegian.

- Z

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Permalink: and_when_i_awoke_i_was_alone.html
Words: 327
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: lol

08/13/07 03:13 - 79ºF - ID#40515

lulz! [edited]

My kitty Chita Rivera is such a spaz, a product of her surroundings I suppose.

image

image

Also, see my previous post if you want to hear all the stupid details about my living room. Here's a pretty decent color sample - yellow living room to the right, blue stairwell to the left, [future] orange hallway in the center. The old color is so bleh, especially when compared with the new color at sunrise

- Z

_______________
Edited to add 'invisable microphone:' damn this is addictive.
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Permalink: lulz_edited_.html
Words: 103
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: home

08/13/07 11:56 - 72ºF - ID#40511

color

So we've been renting a house from my mom for a while. It's a nice house but the walls are hideous. Somebody once decided to paint the living room periwinkle. [I can't explain it - the floors are a light-colored hardwood and the room tried its hardest to clash with itself.] My room is a smudgy light-toothpaste green. The kitchen has dead-wildflower wallpaper in muted earthtones with high-gloss white-and-yellow Formica all over the walls. And the master bedroom - jesus - is reflective silver wallpaper with baby blue flowers. Also, much of the ceiling paint [which is your standard white] is peeling. I strongly suspect that there are more serious problems with the walls, which are still the original [early postwar] plaster.

I told mom we were repainting the place whether she liked it or not. Then I showed her the swatches we'd picked for the living room. She kinda flipped out [she owns the house after all]. "You are an adult and you can make your own decisions. But when you leave the house you're painting it all white again." Hmf.

Now our living room is ZOMGWTFYELLOW!!! with all the molding in HOLY SHIT!!! PURPLE. It sounds like a trainwreck but it looks 300,000 times better. Turns out it was always a yellow room but nobody bothered to paint it that way. Pix soon.

I think maybe we won't tell mom what colors we've picked for the rest of the house.

- Z
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Permalink: color.html
Words: 243
Location: Buffalo, NY


Category: news

08/08/07 08:24 - 81ºF - ID#40447

extra extra!

Item! Keep your meat-hole clean. While the New York State Department of Agriculture and Markets is fucking around with a Freedom of Information request, Weggies gave it to me straight. Their meat grinder used to connect to another machine, and now it doesn't. The inspector felt that the hole coming out of the meat grinder should be capped [it wasn't] and gave Wegs a "non-finable critical deficiency."

Item! I am the Troy Tulowitzki of base humor. Anyone else want to try fitting Pablo Neruda, Joel Giambra, and the US Geological Survey into a joke about public sex, while commenting on the chronic underfunding of the Erie County public library system? Can you do it in under three sentences? Yeah, thought so.

Item! Don't be a cock to the press. This is pretty self-explanatory: we have a press and you don't. Furthermore, we're underpaid and cranky and if we're writing about you we already think you're a fucking idiot. Oh yeah, and we record pretty much every telephone conversation we have. What is wrong with you?

::DOWNLOAD SOUND::



- Z
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Permalink: extra_extra_.html
Words: 193
Location: Buffalo, NY


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