Ok, so I know I always talk about my life being full of crazy drama. Which it is, to an extent, but yes, I also exaggerate.

But this time (right when I need to be studying and can not afford to be distracted) I have some real life international mystery/deception going on.

I am totally bewildered and confused at the thought of it all. How/why could/would anyone possibly do this? And why me? It's totally insane.

Hopefully I'm just being nuts and there's a totally logical explanation for it all- but I'm starting to think there isn't.

I wish I were a cool undercover detective or something who had access to all the secret info and could figure out what the hell is going on for real. I feel like I NEED to figure this out- but I'm not sure I ever will. I'm afraid it will just nag me forever.

I'm going to wait til I have the whole story before I tell it, but man...

It's nuts, I say! Nuts!!

-J

Do not get on (e:imk2) 's bad side.

(LMFAO)

"I wish s/he would get gang raped by fucking gorillas and then get fed shit through his/her ears. i wish someone would skin him/her alive and fry his/her slimy skin into a crisp and make him/her eat it. god, god, god, why why why are people like this dumb idiot alive???"

I am having some major motivation problems lately. I have a major test on 1/27, and a research project due 4d later. And because I HAVE to do better on the test this year, I arranged my schedule to have this week off to study. But I am still having trouble getting much done before noon. Since I am technically on vacation, I refuse to set an alarm. But I am still getting up around 8. I'm just not sure where the hours from 8-11 go. So I really should be going now, but I was thinking in the shower and felt like posting, instead. (that's probably where the hours from 8-11 go. ;) )

Yesterday I did some work on my project in the afternoon, then after the office closed went to spot. I love spot. Haven't been in ages. And first I saw (e:joshua), which was a pleasant surprise as I had just been thinking about how I hadn't seen him in ages, so it was nice to catch up. Then I saw a guy that graduated from my program a year or two ago, and he invited me out with 'the boys' tonight. Odd. Then I went across the street for a nice sushi dinner. Good stuff.

But to my point....

So, as some of you may or may not know, I have pretty big boobs. Not freakishly huge, but big enough that my size bras are always hidden away in the stores, and I usually can't wear the cute little sexy, trendy tops. But, I'm not a tiny person, so I think I'm more or less in proportion, and I'm ok with it. Most of the time. But I have been told a few times that I'm TOO big. (Who the hell tells a girl that?!) So there have been times when I've wondered if I'd benefit from a breast reduction. Or even just a lift.

So now I'm doing this research project... I'm studying breast reductions and complication rates, with the hypothesis being that the bigger the reduction (i.e. the more tissue removed), the higher the chance of wound-healing problems. Seems kind of intuitive, but somehow it doesn't seem to have been published before.

So I've been spending this week in a local plastic surgeon's office, going through the charts of all the breast reductions he's done over the last 5 years. I go through each chart and collect data, like height, weight, pre-op measurements, then amount of tissue removed in the OR, and then if they had any problems post-op.

And on the one hand, it's a little reassuring. These women NEEDED surgery. They make me feel downright perky. But after charting measurement after measurement after measurement- it started getting to me.

And when I got home last night, I couldn't help it and I measured myself. And I must say, was relieved to find that I don't think I'd qualify for surgery. And was pleasantly surprised to learn that I'm not even 'saggy' (ptotic) at all. Phew!**

But then it just got me thinking about society and culture and plastic surgery and expectations of women and physical ideals and all that good stuff...

I really enjoy plastic surgery. I think it's fascinating. But it's gotten to the point that if people ask what I want to do, I say "reconstructive surgery" (which is under the umbrella of plastics), because I am sick of people's reactions. If I say reconstruction, they all nod appreciatively like that's a good, noble thing for me to do. But if I say "plastics", there is inevitably a bit of a look-down-the-nose-in-judgment and a snarky comment about the money. (or a request for a boob job.) Sure, the money is great, or rather, will be great, I hope- but that's not my main motivator. I just LIKE what plastic surgeons do. It has its downsides- largely that you have to deal with a lot of crazy, vain women. And then the nasty stuff that no one realizes plastic surgeons do- a lot of wound care for complex ulcers, stinky necrotic bedsores, etc. But I like the cases. I think it's fascinating. And I like the people. I keep finding, over and over, that when I go into the OR with plastic surgeons- it's FUN. People laugh and joke and play music, as opposed to sour dour stressful "what artery is this? what nerve is that a branch of?" in a lot of the other fields. And a plastic surgeon I worked with at Roswell recently broke it down pretty well. He said in general surgery you learn operations. You do each procedure more or less the same way every time. But in plastics you learn techniques. A toolbox. And you have to figure out which ones to use where, and there's a little more problem solving and decision making involved, which I think is awesome. There are other aspects too, but I'll stop there.

The typical dichotomy in plastics is that cosmetic pays better, and reconstructive is more rewarding. Most people create their own balance depending on their own priorities.

Yes, cosmetic surgery is sort of fluffy and I don't know how I (will) feel about supporting my children by living off women's insecurities, or men's, I suppose- but at the same time, I think of the poor kid who has had stick out ears or a big honking nose for his/her whole life, and is miserable and the butt of jokes etc etc. If you can fix that for him/her, and improve his/her quality of life that much- is that not a valuable service, even though it is "only cosmetic"?

And the other thing I find interesting is that over the years 'standards' have been developed. I mean what is beauty? Can we define it and spell it out? Well apparently, yes. There are textbooks on the 'ideal' facial features, etc. What angle of the nose, etc, is "attractive", blah blah. Which I think is kind of amazing. That you can break it down in to parts and make a science out of it. And it's not just like one egotistical guy decided what was beautiful and said that's the definition. It's been studied. Kind of neat.

Ok, off to filter through more charts and collect more measurements...

-J

• In case I've made any of you girls out there insecure about your own breasts now, well first of all, I apologize, but here are some rule of thumb "golden rules" if you want to reassure yourself. The main measurement to consider is the sternal notch to nipple distance. Take a tape measure or a piece of string and measure from your sternal notch (that little V at the top of your breastbone) to your nipple, while standing up. A little difference between the two sides is pretty common. And a quick and dirty rule is that an equilateral triangle of 20cm per side from notch to nipple to nipple to notch is "ideal". I doubt too many people meet that. Depending on height/weight, once you start getting closer to 30 reduction MIGHT start to be reasonable. Some of the women whose charts I'm going through were 40+.

And as far as ptosis (sagginess)- put the tape measure under your breasts, right at the inframammary fold (the crease where the breasts come off the chest wall). Nipples 'should' be above that line. Then ptosis is graded based on how far below the line they fall, with the worst (grade III) being when the nipples are on the bottom of the breast, aka snoopy-nose breasts.

Wow, some of these are awesome.

When graphic artists get bored:

Just got this from a wise friend. Perhaps it's pertinent.

"anyway, I read an interesting letter in the book Mudra early songs and poems by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche a Tibetan that started Naropa Univ.......there is a letter from a Teacher(Patrul Rinpoche) to his friend, very funny depending on the translation (I think the one in Chogyam's book is the best), the following is a mix of translations, I think the one I have in book form is the BEST....I'll dig it up and send you the whole letter, but I remember one part that went something like....

You've studied hundreds of philosophies Without grasping any of them.
What's the point of further study?
You've studied without remembering
Anything when you needed it.
What's the point of contemplation?
Forget about your "meditation"!
It doesn't seem to be
The Cure for conflicting emotions

a few stanzas on....

Your girlfriend puts on a smiling face
But who knows what she really feels?
For one night of pleasure it's nine months of heartache.
You can spend a month trying to bed her and still not succeed.
It's really not worth all the scandal and gossip, So forget about her.

Giving teachings on meditation texts
Without yourself having
Gained actual experience through practice,
Is like reciting a dance-manual out loud
And thinking that's the same as actually dancing.
People may be listening to you with devotion,
But it just isn't the real thing.

Sooner or later, when your own actions
Contradict the teachings, you'll feel ashamed.

Just mouthing the words,
Giving dharma explanations that sound so eloquent-
Forget about it!

When you don't have a text, you long for it;
Then when you've finally gotten it, you hardly look at it.
Just sleep, eat, piss, shit.
There's nothing else in life that has to be done.

Don't get involved with other things:
They're not the point.

Keep a low profile,
Sleep.

In the triple universe
When you're lower than your company
You should take the low seat.

Should you happen to be the superior one,
Don't get arrogant.

When you're without any worldly or religious obligations,
Don't keep on longing to acquire some!

If you let go of everything-
Everything, everything-
That's the real point!"

Ok, to continue the youtube trend-
this one isn't synced so well, but it amuses me nonetheless. The original song is this bad disco thing... Prodigy is much funnier.
Watch long enough for the 'indian maidens' to come out. They're the best part. Well aside from mustache-man.

Duh, I totally forgot- the whole reason I signed on to estrip oh-so-many hours ago was to post this, but I got sidetracked.

Don't know how to post it inline, but go to the link. It's funny. I promise.

Spiders on drugs:

Just got around to opening this cartoon that a friend forwarded around for MLK day...
Who ever knew Charlie Brown had such a dirty mouth.

(not at all safe for work)

So, I braved the mall today. Got my hair cut. Feel like I just got it cut last week, but am trying to keep up with the 6-wk thing. They have some new curly shampoo, and the guy said it's great. I asked if it's expensive, and he said no. My ass! I think $20 for a small bottle of shampoo is expensive.

And I went to New World to pick up my special order. First physical CD I've bought in ages. I got the "Verve//Remixed" box set. Cool stuff. It's like old jazz stuff (Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington, Astrud Gilberto) remixed by house DJs (Tricky, Felix da Housecat, Danger Mouse, Postal Service (!)). So far so good. A lot of it's pretty slow, almost trip-hop/ slow groove type of stuff. Stuff you might hear in a swanky lounge. Strikes me as excellent slow dance and/or make-out music. Too bad I have no one to slow dance and/or make out with.
But my user song is now Astrud Gilberto's "Who needs Forever" remixed by the Thievery Corporation. Give it a listen.

And, I got my new ipod. Yay. Gotta get that puppy loaded up. :) Now I have no excuse not to exercise. :/

On that note- around christmas time I realized my jeans were getting tight. So I decided to do something about it. And I am happy to say, I've lost 6lb since New Year's. And I say that not to brag, but to say that if I can do it- anyone can. To those of you that are wondering how to go about it- I heartily recommend weight watchers. I lost 25lb with them last year. Then I stopped paying attention, and some of it creeped back up. So 1/1 I started working on it again. And it works. It's not magic. I think the biggest thing about it is that it just makes you pay attention to what you eat, and be accountable for it. That in itself is huge. Anyway. Don't mean to be preachy. But that's my advice.

Now to get some music into my shiny new ipod. :)

-J

So I got a cute little care package from my mom today... and she told me the other day she was sending it, and said "oh yeah, and dad says wait til you see what he put in it."

So I opened it-
and here's what Dad sent me: (sorry, picture is fuzzy)-



Yes, that's right, it's Snakes on a Plane.
I don't really care about the movie. I just like the little picture he drew that looks like it was done by a 5 year old.

I don't know why I think that's so cute it's worth posting. Probably because I am the definition of Daddy's Little Girl.

I am super-tired. Work was insane last night. BGH got all worked up in a tizzy because they heard there was a 'gunshot wound to the chest' coming in- turns out it was a SHOCK to the chest (like for cardiac arrhythmias), not a SHOT. Thank god. I did not feel like dealing with a GSW last night.

We also took 25lb of fat off one one lady's belly. She'd lost 100lb, and had extra skin/fat hanging down to her knees- so bad she couldn't walk. So we fixed that. It was very bloody.

I am on vacation now. I should be excited, but I'm not really, since I can't afford to spend my time doing anything but studying. And I know I won't study enough.

The guy in Iraq is supposedly leaving Iraq I think tomorrow, but he hasn't been online at all since I talked to him last saturday. Bummer. I hope everything is ok.

I think I got booty-called last night. At least, what else could a voicemail from 1am saying "i'm on my way to the bar between our houses, wondering what you're up to" mean? I don't think that's ever happened to me before. Too bad I was at work. Or maybe, thank god I was at work.

Have not heard any good news on the interview front yet.
3 rejections. 49 places yet to respond. I'm starting to get nervous. :(

I am cold and tired and a little sick. I feel like I "have to" go out tonight, since it's saturday night, but I kind of feel like just cuddling up on the couch with season 2 of grey's anatomy, popcorn, and a cozy blanket. Fortunately Brad The Landlord fixed my broken outlet today. It required sawing through the floor of the attic and all sorts of craziness.

I think I will go iPod shopping tomorrow. That's sure to make me feel better, right??

Ok, enough random shit for now.
Have a good weekend peeps!

A

p.s. Tony! Wii Party!!