So I can't stop listening to this song. Even though it makes me cry every time I hear it, I keep listening to it on repeat.

Not sure if it's TOTALLY depressing, or has a little optimism in there somehow. I just hope they're right.

Bleh, breakups suck. Or rather, bad boyfriends suck.

But here's my song.
I'll share, in case anyone else out there wants to feel lonely and mopey.

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer: all beauty and truth
But in the morning I fled, left a note and it read:
Someday you will be loved

And I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
Just as the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs: like I never occurred
And someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
And someday you will be loved

Sigh...

Saw my work crush again today.
So cute..
So nice..
So smart..
So funny..
So flirty..

So married..

Dammit!

ahh...
the smell of fresh new blog...

But I'm cranky and work is killing me, so I will keep the rantings to myself for now.
This time I will just say hello. :)

Maybe later...

Sorry (e:peeps)...

Fear I may have overstepped my bounds.
Maybe stepped on some toes.

For that I'm sorry,
and I take my leave.

Arrivederci

So once in a while (generally when I have more important things that I should be doing, like now), I like to think about my skills, etc. What am I good at, what do I have to offer, what am I horrible at [answer: boys]? And I've decided that some things, generally considered negative traits, may actually be talents.
For example: procrastination.
I have finely tuned my keen ability to waste time, and have turned it into almost an art form.
I have just successfully wasted my whole two weeks of vacation. As always, I took books home with me, with the noble intent to study. Did I? Not a lick. But the dogs NEEDED to be played with. A lot. Every day. My sister and her new husband NEEDED me to drink beer with them. I mean really- that would be rude to say no! Those emails from my ex: they NEEDED to be read and re-read and analyzed and cried over, and then responses composed that will forever sit in the Draft folder. That's fun! And that first season of Lost, all 25 episodes- well that REALLY needed to be watched. Because honestly- if I haven't watched the first season, I can't watch the second season, and if I don't hurry up and watch the second season, my Tivo will be full and will start self-deleting things like Arrested Development, Nip/Tuck, and Gray's Anatomy. And that would not be good... (I am also especially good at rationalizing ridiculous things.)
So I thought I would come back to Buffalo on monday, but my parents bribed me into staying longer (by feeding me and buying me things). So I came back with only 3 full days left to myself. But that's LOTS of studying time. I mean, the test isn't until the end of january... no need to give myself an ulcer over it yet (even though it is probably the single most important determinant of my future career). So what did I do with my three days?
Waste time on the computer seeing if I could get my webcam (that I have never really used or cared about before) to broadcast online (because so many people care what my bookshelf looks like). Rip my CD collection into MP3s. Read craigslist. Check out my brother's skanky friends on myspace. Stay up too late. Drink FAR too much, which thus required spending the whole of yesterday in bed, afraid to roll over or answer the phone for fear of bringing back the pounding in my head. And then going to "pick up my car" that I had left downtown due to massive drunkenness, which turned into several more drinks. But really, my friends had missed me, they needed me to regale them with fascinating tales of dog-playing and beer-drinking and lost-watching.
So today... today was REALLY the day to study a lot. So I got up "early". Made coffee. Unpacked from vacation. Watched tv. Checked out myspace. Chatted with my friend in australia. Decided it was time to deal with the pile of laundry that covered my bedroom floor up to my knees. (why do I hate folding sheets so much?? That task was quickly abandoned in favor of doing dishes.) And of course, what better day to decide I need a blog. I never even got around to my other near-patented skill: fake studying. Fake studying involves laying out lots of books and notes and pens and highlighters, then making snacks/coffee/tea during many "breaks". To the point that it looks like i'm studying, but at the end of my designated study time, I have read about three pages. Whenever crunch time comes near, suddenly I invent all sorts of things I need to. Things i usually hate, like laundry and grocery shopping are suddenly very appealing. I suddenly feel urges to rearrange my underwear drawer and balance my checkbook.

So now it's nearly my should-be-bedtime. (but I'm sure I won't go to bed til 1). I have done nothing I should have, and tomorrow I have to start getting up at 4:30 again, and working 30 hour shifts and fun stuff like that.

But hell, that's what vacation is for, right?

But I think the real art to my procrastination is that I have learned to postpone negative feelings. Running late, stuck in traffic, going to be totally late for work? Don't get pissed... nothing you can do about it. It's out of your control. Enjoy the traffic and the music and don't worry about the shitstorm at work until you get there. Consciously did something you shouldn't have? Well don't let the guilt ruin the moment... Might as well at least enjoy your misbehavior, let SOME good come out of it...

Yep, that's me. Master Procrastinator. If anyone wants lessons, I'm sure everything else I should be doing can wait.

Good night.

p.s. hi (e:lilho) from the bathroom line. :)

Well, here I am...
Guess it's time to say hello.
I have never had a blog, since I don't consider myself much of a writer, and am completely UNcreative. I could talk to a wall for hours, but when it comes to writing- I'm not sure I have much to say that anyone would want to read.
But I heard about (e:strip) a while ago, and thought I should check it out.
So I've been lurking about for a bit; checking out all you (e:peeps)... A little stalkerific and creepy, I know, I apologize.
Then last night I saw familiar faces out... Even shared the bathroom line with you... And I felt like I knew you, and I should say hi- until I realized that you have no idea who I am.

So, hello everyone!
I'm Alex.
I come in peace.
I mean you no harm.
Nice to meet you.