Going without lunch again. I think it's making me so annoyed and distracted that I can't think of much of anything else.

I read this story on the Daily Mail today about an 83 year old veteran of WW2 in the Greater Manchester area who attempted to stop an armed robber from taking 250 GBP from a bookkeeper.

Take a look at this for a sec:


Now, I know people don't have pity for a gambling operation who I'm sure has insurance, but the robber then went on a spree. I just cannot believe the size of the balls on that old man! I'm telling you, that generation is made of something different and you remember I was raised by one.

One night while driving home stopped at a red light my grandfather, his wife and kids were in the car when a group of youths attacked the car, rocking it and pulling off the radio antenna. What would you do in that situation? My grandfather got out of the car, told them they could prove they were men, for some reason none of them took it up. Now this could have ended up a hell of a lot worse for him, obviously. We and our parents might see this kind of action, and the action of Mr. Bannister as being insane.

But I think I see it differently - I think Mr. Bannister took it upon himself to make sure it is safe to walk down the fucking street without fear! The geezers think of this as a personal responsibility. Why didn't any of the 9 other men see this old man and help him?

The gun ended up being a BB gun that couldn't even fire. ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!!!!! Are they afraid of a welt?!?!?!

Please excuse my language, but I'm fired up and can you imagine being one of these guys and having to live the rest of your life knowing that deep down, when it really matters you don't have what it takes to defend the weak? Could they ever believe they could protect their own families?

No, I don't think I could live with that on my conscience. When I see Mr. Bannister I see Jack Larson. Nope, there's no way in hell, I'll be damned if I wouldn't try to help him and just have faith that I would come out of it alive somehow, assuming I didn't know it was a BB gun. Maybe I can give them at least that much if it were a decent Airsoft or something that looked close enough to be feasible.

I think it's worth testing the odds in this situation. Seeing an assault against a woman, or an elderly person might be the two things at this stage of my life that would make me honestly lose it due to my upbringing. I really don't have anything, no house, no kids or wife or even a girlfriend so I think that if my circumstances were different it might be more difficult, but things being as they are you have to ask yourself, "Why not me?"

What does this say about the society that refuses to take care of each other? I'd like to think we would do things differently. Maybe I'd be disappointed. I really don't know. Not to be too much of a downer or anything, because I'm actually in a really good mood, but reading this just burned me. I want to adopt Mr. Bannister as my surrogate Grandfather.

I'm not much of a movie person. Not because I don't like movies, but because I don't like to go alone. I see movies so little that I disconnected my DVD player, which is sitting in a box somewhere in my apartment. The last movie I saw was Transformers on Blu Ray at Dad's house (Megan Fox is pretty much flawless - but that's a subject for another journal).

There is one movie I really want to see, though, enough that I might dig up the DVD player or go to Circuit City and like a vulture pick at whatever Blu Ray offerings they might have.

Bullitt (1968)

I don't know whether it is biological or not, but when you combine an insubordinate S.O.B. of a cop, a souped up sports car, and the mob, I'm sorry but I can't resist. I love Dirty Harry and The French Connection too. I love these late 60's, early 70's cop movies, especially when the protagonist is somewhat checkered. I'll say it again - I love the anti-hero. On the modern front, I loved Vic Mackey and Shane Vendrell in The Shield (too bad the show is over).

When I brought it up to Josh one day he didn't sound so enthused, but when he learns the diegetic space is San Francisco I think he will be on board. I have to own this movie!

I know (e:James) is going to be pretty interested in talking about it, and he know much more than I about her, so he can give us the scoop on her if he wishes. I just wanted to say I'm pretty surprised. To me this reflects favorably on Paterson, but not enough to offset the regressive tax situation he's trying to perpetrate.

I'm not afraid of being single. I can go indefinitely without a girlfriend, one of the few benefits of going through betrayal. What I am afraid of though, is growing away from my close friends. Most are married or practically married, and as such like to do couples activities and trips. I'm left out of certain conversations among friends. I wonder if as we all get older I am going to become an outsider? Certainly feels that way to me - and I don't want to get a girl I barely like just so I feel I belong still.

So, I don't fear death, sickness, poverty or a lifetime of relationship failure - but I am frozen solid thinking about being alone in this world at some point. That's what I'm afraid of.

Today during work I've been listening to music I didn't know I would like. I had no idea David Archuleta has real music now - that kid is still a ringer. There are some other things I've been listening to which I really don't want to release publicly, but regardless I feel I should atone for my behavior.

I am really excited today. I mean REALLY excited, enough that I keep pacing around my office. I did not vote for Barack Obama, but to my relief he doesn't seem to be ideology driven these days. He *does* want to be everyone's President. For a moderate, to be wanted is something new. The conservative wing of the Republican Party doesn't want to transform itself, and certainly made it clear to me they don't care about my opinion, so I'm happy and proud to say Barack Obama is my President too.

We have a long year ahead, so I think it's only appropriate we have one day and night to celebrate our traditions and our hopes for the future before getting down to business.

Last week I sat in the car at Willie's and noticed an old timer walking with a cane, severely limping. It was terrible weather, icy, snowy, and honestly this teetering man looked like he could yard sale at any moment.

I opened the car door, stepped outside and yelled out to him "Hey! Are you okay? You need some help? Can I open the door? Anything?" but he refused the help I offered to him. He was struggling to move for God's sake and I hated seeing that knowing I could help.

In my eagerness to help, I wonder if I insulted the man. If you think about what might matter most to someone with mobility issues, maybe the answer is the independence and freedom that comes with the ability to get around, no matter how difficult. Maybe that mattered to him a heck of a lot more than wanting to end the misery involved with struggling to get into the store.

Well, I'm in that phase again where I tend to start to write an entry only to discard it. I can't decide what to write about or to what degree. No outpouring of affection or what is bothering me here today. Mostly I am just exhausted.....

I got new kitchen knives - hooray!
I still don't have the cutting board I want.
I still need a new pan. The one I have is shite.
Josh found my iPod - again, hooray!
Now I can't decide what to put on my iPod.

I'm glad Anthony Bourdain traveled to Buffalo. I wonder what he thought when confronted with Middle America. Middle America, and the people in it, don't seem to me to be subjects for which an aging NYC hipster might have an appreciation beyond bemused tolerance. For the record I love his show, and we share some common loves (some might call them vices) but something seems fishy. Maybe I'm wrong but I think the Rust Belt stuff from someone in his position is going to be cringe-inducing.

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Josh and I made it to Jamestown and back in one piece, mercifully, as we did not know how well maintained the roads would be on Route 60. All is well, everything is good, except I still must get to Southern Tier so I can pick up the Oak Aged Ale Cuvee #1 again, which was just an awesome beer, but is severely overpriced outside of the brewery.

I would also like to announce that Tito the deer has indeed been converted to delicious sausage, steaks, chops, a roast, and other assorted goodies. My father took the venison loin, which I am absolutely dying for, and everyone knows how little I care for food in general (historically speaking) so that should say something about how much I want that tender loin. With a recipe like this I bet it is just amazing. I want to go out for a good meal sometime.

I got a little bit of money for Christmas, but I don't really much want for anything. At least that is what I tell myself. Anyway, I never ask for gifts. I've never really thought about how easy or hard it is to shop for me although I've had girlfriends that have ad-libbed magnificently (I still love my Chelsea FC blanket, and I do recall some awesome stripteases and dressups). I don't know what I want for dinner let alone what I want for gifts. Cash is nice because I can always say that I bought something useful with the money whether it's truthful or not.

I've been thinking of a wants/needs list and this is where it stands:

Wants

---

- New iPod to replace my (probably) lost one.
- A good enough car deck to plug in an iPod.
- Sirius Satellite Radio
- Belgian beer chalice, preferably Westmalle or St. Bernardus, although many of them are very nice. Something sturdy.
- Blu Ray player
- A decent Dolby 5.1 system - nothing outlandish, but it has to have HDMI inputs and hopefully an iPod dock for a future iPod.
- Music Blu Ray discs, concerts, shows (fuck movies).
- A decent table top or desk top radio for my bedroom. Digital, with high quality AM/FM/Shortwave reception, with an alarm and an iPod dock.
- One bottle of high quality bourbon. Something really good.

Needs

---

- New clothes of all kinds. I hate shopping
- A legitimate knife set, a good set that will last
- A legitimate cookware set. Again, stuff that will last
- Legit Wine Glasses, Champagne Glasses
- New cutting board
- Sheet pans, other things that aren't covered by the cookware set
- Cooking classes so I know what to do with my new kit. For some reason, as long as I can recall I've wanted to learn Spanish cooking and go to Spain but suffered from low confidence due to earlier cooking mishaps.
- Probably some new living room furniture and decorations. Oh god, people, I need help, I have no eye for style. More than one girl has told me I need a female touch. I always say, "You're not kiddin"

• THE BOTTOM LINE - WHAT WINS? ***

What out of all of this do I want the most? The Blu Ray player and stereo system, of course. I'm a guy. Oh, and the bourbon is second by a thousandth. I think I might be reasonable and get the cookware and the bourbon, or maybe the clothes and the bourbon, still allowing for some very moderate irresponsibility, waiting unti Blu Ray players are reasonably priced.