We went out with the same girls again, just to watch the Sabres game at my local. Wednesday's plans fell through, nothing sinister, but anyway we decided to make new plans. Josh came out as well, which was a welcome change.

Now, I like to think of myself as a stand up guy and a decent fellow. You hook up with a girl, she tells you to call her, you say you will - but you never pick up the phone and call. What kind of an asshole are you? Needless to say I had to prepare myself for some kind of confrontation.

She kept on asking me, "Why? Why? I don't understand." She flat out said she likes me. You can bet that she was pissed off bit. She really turned the screws on me. I'm under no illusions here - I'm sure she has guys hitting on her all the time, asking her out. I'm sure she has lots of opportunities, and isn't used to being sort of ignored. She's a cute, fun girl. Josh was surprised that I could pull that kind of quality, which I'm sure is an insult to me somehow. She turned the screws, I tried to explain to her (a tiny bit of vulnerability goes a long way), but at the end of the night she couldn't wait to kiss me.

Funny how things turn out sometimes. There is this energy between us that has to be resolved as soon as possible. I love how honest she was. I'm going to make it up to her. Josh said he doesn't get a bad vibe from her at all, and his spidey sense is much better than mine so I think I am going to go ahead and, as people here have told me, just go and have fun, and make things happen.

I'm a moron, and my name is Jason.

I have to apologize to (e:MrDeadlier) for not responding right away. I'll send you a note privately to elaborate. I seriously doubt that too many people care to read in my journal about boring (allegedly) geeky stuff.

I will say though that given my manager is leaving I am trying to not stress too much. I do not feel so comfortable being at a spot where one important person leaving potentially fucks the company. We are a very small shop, and the vulnerabilities/weaknesses should be obvious. It's basically about the dollar. Not to complain too much, because I've enjoyed it so far, but it's been tough for me to keep my mood up lately. Especially today.

Which brings me to tonight. We're going to watch the Sabres at some suburban joint tonight with the same girls we've been hanging out with lately. Part of me thinks I shouldn't bother if I'm pseudo-freaking over work because I won't be able to have a good time, and nobody likes a party pooper. Another part of me thinks that it's good for me to go and let off some steam, plus I've made a promise to myself that I would get out more and have more fun.

So, I am going to go out and have some fun tonight. Anyway how could you be upset when looking at this cute lil bugger?



Oh, the dog is cute too. I met him on Black Thursday. We match. Lol.

Well, the theme for yesterday was "Black Thursday" and I'm here to report that it lived up to its billing.

I found out yesterday I will be losing my manager. In the real world this shit happens, but this is a small company and so everyone's role is critically important. For the most part I don't deal with servers or configuring them here, but that will change very soon. When it became time to decide who to hire, this guy really went to bat for me (youth is not an asset in this industry apparently). I appreciate the hell out of that, because I really enjoy working here for the most part. I hope this doesn't lead to an exodus, or anything else really negative. Banks and people involved with banks value continuity and are resistant to change.

Instead of going to Cecelia's I got an invite to meet some girls down at The Stillwater for drinks. Again Black Thursday was the theme - it had to be pointed out to me but we were all wearing black (what can I say, I don't give a shit about clothes). The night started out fine. We were hanging out with the progeny of a certain intimidating-looking Channel 4 personality and a morning reporter, who had to be up at an awful hour this morning. The reporter was cool, chilled out, had plenty of jokes. A pleasant person. I would hang at the bar with her anytime.

The other one however was a nasty little viper. Jerry said she is more bitter than the two of us combined and I said "No way, impossible" but it was definitely true. She asked me what I do and when I told her she said "Okay, no lie, that sounds boring." Excuse me? Yeah, well, not all of us have daddies to get sales jobs for us. Yeah, I want to make shit money and have no responsibility. I want to be you, really I do. Oh, and thanks for being a bitch, this is the first impression I got and I had half a mind to just put my gin down and walk out. I rarely say this about someone but when Jerry asked my opinion I said that I didn't care for her. The fucking gin had more redeeming qualities. It was definitely sweeter and didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

At least the bartender was infatuated with her and we got top shelf booze on the cheap, so I decided to stick around. Don Julio tequila is palatable. I didn't throw up. A girl who was way dressed down for the venue came with her little dog, which was honestly the cutest dog I've ever seen. Irresistable. There may be a not-very-masculine picture floating around of me cradling it. Apparently she (the girl, not the dog) was smitten, because she stepped up and planted a kiss right on my cheek. Whoa! This is fucking Black Thursday, there will be no love today, thank you. I think I have her number in my pocket somewhere. She started talking about just getting out of a relationship and blah blah blah. Run, don't walk. The attention was nice, anyway.

So overall V-Day was really weird, but even so it was still better than being mopey and bitter about things. I hope everyone out there had a good time. Right now, I am really ready for the weekend.

I am done complaining about it. No more. Why live that way?

Some people are really busy, have kids, or are in a relationship that is stagnant. Even worse, some people neglect their partner. If they take one day to step back from life and hang out with someone they love, even if they have to be reminded to do so, I have no gripes.

It doesn't have to be about the capitalism or the diamonds or the roses or extravagant gifts. I've given great jewelry before just to end up flat on my ass anyway. If that's what the holiday is about, I want no part of it, so I choose to have a different take on things. All that matters is that you spend time together, and whatever that is comprised of doesn't matter to me.

So I think I'm going to perhaps meander on over to a neighborhood martini bar on V-Day and see if there are any single girls to cheer up. Expect success, but if you fail make it funny. If I do fail at least I can have two stiff drinks and stumble home. Shit, I am such a lightweight anymore.

I mean, check it out, even Gary Coleman has someone to love:

's-secretly-been-married/news/6536?nc

Nice job, my friend!

Proof that I was at tha club:



I spent an unbelievable amount on alcohol. Coming from Buffalo the prices are absurd in Manhattan, but I'm sure if I were there full time and made that kind of coin it wouldn't sting too badly.

The club was awesome. The women were amazing. Every shade you can ask for and then some. It was the UN of hotness. I swear I was the only blonde whitey in the whole joint.

These are the pals I visited. Cool guys. I wish I could hang out with them more.

No poetics this time. Had some good southwest style food last night, and went to Manhattan to a bar called Ginger Man. Great selection, but the price per beer will make you poop. I spent 12 bucks on a Rochefort 10.

It's amazing how people more or less ignore each other. I had forgotten about that. People wear their iPods like shields on the train. Some homeless guy got our attention and pulled his lip over his face, like it was a sandwich bag.

I'm really happy to see my friends. For various reasons I had not been able to make it to New York, but I'm glad I came. Met my buddy's newborn daughter Alexa last night, and tonight I will meet another friend's baby. We're having a little family night before we go out.

Only one more day here. Tomorrow at this time I will be on my way to JFK, ready to come back to you all. I don't know if I really would live here - maybe if I had a shit ton of dollars and were able to live somewhere neighborhood-y. If only Buffalo could get its collective shit together, and actually promote even a shred of private sector growth.

Still want to see some good jazz here. Maybe next time.

The dollar rules all
You've got it all or nothing
Something is missing

Not to be a big complainer, but I really am ready for my vacation. It isn't a full vacation, but I'm ready to leave tomorrow. Ugh, did I mention we have a meeting at 9 AM today at work? 9!! Why!?

I think that Seasonal Disorder is coming on. I want to sit on a beach or under a tree. I'm going to enjoy the shit out of this spring and summer, I'll tell you that much! Looking back last summer I didn't play golf at all. That has to change immediately.

New York looms - it's been forever. I hope the city doesn't suck the energy out of me. My friends have some things planned out and I believe it should be a great time. I'm going to spend lord knows how much money on booze and women if they have anything to do with it.

I also am hoping to meet up with my friend Janine, who I haven't seen in a long time after she moved to NYC. She saw me at my absolute worst some years ago, didn't judge, didn't throw me under the bus. She would sit and listen to me when I was a major wreck. I've never forgotten how nice she was - and how do you thank or repay someone for that? If I could I would get her a diamond.

Meeting now. God help me. Have a good humpday, peeps.

EDIT: Phew, meeting wasn't the end of the world, although now I feel like I have been punched in the kidney for some reason. I wanted to add that if I get the chance, I might just go to Wall Street and rub the bull down, in the hopes that I become a millionaire, and that our economy really doesn't go circling the john.

So, what's it like? A classier version of a strip joint? Or what? I've never been before but will be initiated soon. Looking forward to having a good time.

.....an American city almost perished. Thank Allah/Gaia/Darwin that we are still here today after one of the most horrible days in American history.