So much sorrow. This crap has been on my mind so much lately. After my last relationship ended and I was on the plane getting drunk on cognac, I decided that maybe I wasn't meant to have a girlfriend. Maybe there was something wrong with what I was doing. Perhaps the problem was me, not them. I realized that everything Gramma taught me about how to be a gentleman and treat a woman was turned on its head. It doesn't pay to be sweet. It doesn't pay to show unbridled affection. It doesn't pay to buy flowers and go to dinners and museums and take trips and all of that other nonsense. While I watched my friends more or less be indifferent toward their girlfriends, only caring about what the SHE can do for the HIM - and be rewarded for it by earning their love, devotion and respect - I was doing something that was completely outdated and destined to fail. I needed to go through some kind of personal transformation, to change my attitudes and expectations. To change my behavior. I said I wouldn't go on a single date until I felt I properly de-trained myself and it felt natural to me.

You guys know the feast or famine nature of the dating game, don't you? Sometimes you are alone and can't do anything to help yourself, and other times you can't lose and there are women all around you trying to contact you. I am going through the "feast" part of it right now, and yet the last two nights I have been haunted by nightmares about my ex. Perhaps it's a subconscious reminder to myself to not make the same mistakes I've made in the past. It still feels like crap when you wake up.

So finally after two years, one month, and lots of self analysis and reflection - I went on a lunch date yesterday. Yes that's right! I'm not afraid of some bozo lunatic loser threatening me, yet my heart was going a million bps before I walked into the restaurant. I decided to keep it real and be my normal aloof, goofy, corny, loose mouthed self. Either she would appreciate it or she wouldn't, and I didn't care either way. Oh I was smooth alright. Spilled soup on myself somehow, told plenty of jokes and did my best to try and gain her confidence. She ended up digging me and we're going to get together sometime soon. So far she's a very nice girl and she makes me crack up laughing. I haven't met too many women who were actually interested in entertaining the guy too. Normally I would have had to been the court jester. So it was really refreshing. I had a great time with her. Who knows what will happen, but I will continue to keep it real. I've achieved the inner indifference, and taken advice much like (e:drchlorine) has given. I'm ready and excited again about being in the game.

I know you guys don't care and all but it's so GOOD to get it off your chest! Save some of that Grey Goose for me (e:drchlorine) - I spent all my money on computer parts and now I can't get the good hooch.

Jason

I hate it so much when this happens. I had a bad dream with my ex in it. I won't repeat what she said to me, but don't you guys hate it when you had a perfectly good day and a nightmare makes you feel like crap in the morning? Blaaaah whatever.

Jason

People, I simply don't understand the female mind. A while ago I posted a long, sappy, but heartfelt letter to a woman who I miss a ton. Last week she called me twice and text messaged me. I call her back, and text message her back, but no response and no call back. What the hell? I thought you called someone because you wanted to talk to them? I guess I don't know why you make a cluster of phone calls and text messages just to not return their calls when they call you back. Girls stink!

Jason

Very clever of you. I laughed at that too, for very different reasons than you I'm sure. Do you want to know what kind of "truth" is in a cartoon like that? About as much truth as there was to the South Park episode where PETA were a bunch of animal fuckers who care more about animals than humans. I laughed at that too, because it was just as caricaturized and outrageous.

Jason

My man - please don't presume to know what I think about W's increase in government. For me, less government is almost always ideal. W has taken a beating from many people on the right for that. It has always been one of my complaints about the guy. Surely you will forgive me for being surprised by a left-leaning individual asking for smaller government, won't you? I wasn't trying to needle you or anything. I think you make perfect sense in saying that without some pain there will be no change. Regardless of your politics or my own, I think we both agree that change is absolutely necessary.

Jason

PS - Again, let's fire every government official in New York State, and start over. There are way too many places in the US where funding all of this crap is not a problem, and they don't pay the unfair, crippling taxes that we do. Our local and state government are the laughing stock of the US. For being so high up there on the IQ list, we know jack and shit about how to govern ourselves.

(e:Terry) - I really do have to be honest here. I am constantly impressed by what you write. You are fair-minded and level-headed, and don't descend into the kind of fire breathing and other theatrics that I've seen out of so many people lately. In fact, I don't disagree with much of what you've written when it comes to media consolidation and corporate control. To answer your question about starting a company - yes it is very easy. If you can read/write and have the money to pay the fees, that is.

I guess I'm one of the few people here who doesn't think that an organization making profits is something to fight against so energetically. If we had any kind of private sector AT ALL in our city, we would be far better off economically than we are. They pay taxes and provide us with jobs! I don't have anything against people making money for the most part. Someday I would like to make more money myself, so I can afford to purchase a house and support a family reasonably well. Anyway back to the issue - you make very good points about the dangers of putting $$ ahead of your role as an organization to provide the public with the best goods and services possible, as well as news organizations using greed to determine what is said and heard. Sensationalism sells! You are absolutely right about that, Terry. For this reason I don't disagree with you in that non-corporate media should be more available to us.

Let me say one thing about independent media that I didn't get to before when everyone hopped on me for daring to criticize them. There is less accountability for what they say (where is the independent media watchdog?), they are at least as biased as corporate media (if not more so), and they too are guilty of filtering out information. If there is an independent media outlet that you know of which just gives me the FACTS, the information, all of it, and not the biased doo-doo, please let me know and I will be a very loyal subscriber. From what I've seen so far, they are no more or less worthy of my attention than the corporate media, but they have the best chance at becoming something that may never happen in corporate media. For this reason I support them having a greater voice (market share! ha!) among all media. My only fear is that they are going to allow their own interests and agenda to continue to pollute their own information. Let's hope they are able to do the right thing.

Without a doubt, I'm 100% on board with you in that the airwaves are ours. And I'm equally disgusted by the methods of control and censorship that the government seems to exhibit. I am AGAINST media consolidation, and I am AGAINST the constant filtration of information. I have said on more than one occasion that all voices should be available for all people to digest. The government should not be able to tell us what is or is not appropriate to watch or hear. I think we are more than able to make that decision for ourselves, don't you? I don't have satellite or digital cable, but from what I understand there is technology in the works that allows the user to filter out channels, language and such. This is not insignificant, because it allows ME to make the important choices about my entertainment and news. It reduces the importance of government bureaucrats to practical irrelevancy, and it reduces the need for government to "look out for us" in that manner. Of course people with power don't like to be without that power, so who knows what it will take to get our airwaves back. If you guys have any suggestions or sources of information I would appreciate it.

When I talk about the left and right duking it out, I don't mean to say that that's all we should be hearing is a bunch of biased garbage. I'm just saying that if we have X number of news organizations, all of them biased (and they are), then I want to have access to them all
. But wouldn't you guys want to hear a local debate program outlining different
sides of local and national issues? I definitely would tune in. If one exists already, please let me know. I agree about the need to make sure people don't have to be media science students to be able to wade through all the nonsense and get to the facts. I have more to say about that as well but don't have any more time right now to do so. I also have a lot to say about (e:paul) and his excellent post about how people are trying to do to the internet what they've already done to other outlets of communication. Kudos to you, Paul. Anyway I have actual shit to do right now so I'd better stop here.

Your friendly neighborhood Righty,
Jason

PS - I will check out the stuff you recommended, Terry. Thanks a ton.

And by YOU I mean of course people on the left. I think it would be cool to have a local radio station with the, ahem, "national" radio talk shows and whatnot, along with local leftists hosting their own shows. Kind of like a Liberal version of AM 930. Certainly Buffalo is a liberal hotbed, right? There should be enough demand in our market for something like this, right? So then why is there not a leftist talk radio station in Buffalo, NY? Please no excuses or conspiracy theories, as that has been pretty damn played out in the past week. I would tune in and listen, and I''m sure you all would as well. I want more diverse opinions in all forms of media in Buffalo. More conservative print media, more liberal radio. Hell, wouldn't it be cool if someone even hosted some kind of local debate show on the cable access TV channels? Make the bomb throwers in the alternative media accountable for what they say (god forbid), same for local politicians and hosts in conservative media. Of course that would require having a leftist in Buffalo who could even stand to be in the same room as a rightist. It could break down into a near fist fight every week. Who wouldn't want to see that? I guess I'm just sick of not being able to have more options. I like more options. Especially now on the national level, and with our city having been in an economic crisis for a while, I think it's important to get all the opinions on the table NOW and start working on fixing this area NOW instead of constantly spinning our wheels.

Jason

"Secondly: when are we going to see a reduction in the Administration's manpower? Companies layoff people when they're losing money; why don't the city & county?"

My man - I almost fell out of my chair when I read this. I'm rubbing my eyes and pinching myself! :) Yes! City, County and State government are too big! There is no such thing as making priorities, making cuts, making reforms, or reducing government. At least not here. As far as I'm concerned, we should fire every elected official in New York State and start over from scratch. We obviously suck terribly at government. I'm on board with you - time for a showdown.

Jason

I saw the loveliest woman ever at UB Micro today.....I was rendered unable to talk - that doesn't happen a lot! Ahhbuhbadabuhbadabuhbada.....I doubt that's English.

Jason

Well today my Everquest 2 DVD comes in. I can't wait to try this game. It's not just a bunch of text - it seems to me that you are really immersed into the "world" much more than that. It will take up my spare time until the sun comes out sometime in April. It's not like I have anything better to do with my time. Yeah, I'm a nerd, and I don't care because I would rather enjoy what I enjoy than let someone else's opinion of it make me not enjoy those things. I'm a geek, baby! Yar!

Jason