"Friends" written by James on estrip.org

02/06/08 07:33 - 30ºF - ID#43217

Friends

I got a new phone recently and I haven't programmed all my numbers from the old phone into the new. The old phone has gone missing and so half the people I know and love are missing! This makes me really uneasy when ever I get a phone call from a number not already programmed in.

Who is it?
A telemarketer?
An old friend?
An ex-lover?

text messages are even more bewildering. A name gives you context for the quippy message. A number gives you nothing. So you can imagine my confusion when I got the following message:

"Vote for the spear chucker! Vote for a real American!"

OH! Did I just receive a really nasty smear machine text message? I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE! It would love to report it to some liberal blogging community and let them have a field day.

I get the message again five minutes later. Then a third time ten minutes after that. This is totally the work of the Clinton machine!!!

So I decide to call the number and see who it was. No one answers so I leave a message "speark chucker? You know what the problem is with you racists? You use the same old slurs. Come up with something new like 'ghetto martian' or 'monkey hope'."

Ya, so much for raising the level of discourse.

As it turns out it was an old friend of mine and we chatted about the cute Obama boys campaigning in the lower east side.

Permalink: Friends.html
Words: 251
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

02/04/08 02:12 - 40ºF - ID#43175

Wait a Second

I finally understand all my ancieties surrounding this presidential election. It has everything to do with James K Polk.

That hairdo looks strangely familiar

It all makes sense now! A Hillary Clinton presidency will fulfill our manifest destiny.

james writes at 09:28:20 02/04/08 - Comment #31312: That totally beats Hillary's choice of Celine Dion.

zobar writes at 09:09:47 02/04/08 - Comment #31311: Only tangentially related: I heard a rumor that Obama's official-unofficial campaign song is 'Move, Bitch!! Get out the Way!'

[youtube]r0O7RmIsvEQ[/youtube]

If it's not true it should be.

- Z

metalpeter writes at 06:42:32 02/04/08 - Comment #31306: I have a crazy Idea. Every one talks about how mexicans come here and take out jobs and don't learn english. Part of that is because Mexico is a poor country. Why don't we attack Mexico. Think about it for a second if the US took over Mexico companies couldn't move there to save on cheap labor. All companies there would have to pay us taxes and it would help there workers also. The poor mexicans wouldn't come here. There is a lot of crazy stuff that happens at beaches and tropical locations and even family vacations the us gets all that money. We could even set up some Military Bases down there. That would be an incenitive. If we want to fight the war on drugs one of the main places it comes from is now part of our country. We wouldn't change the name of Mexico it would just be a new state. Everyone there would become US citizens most of them want that anyways. When people flee the country they wouldn't be able to hide out there anymore. I'm sure most of the people would be happy if it got rid of all the coruption down there. I say lets attack Mexico, I bet it would cost less then it would to make a better border.

james writes at 04:20:08 02/04/08 - Comment #31303: If they want sourthern Cali they have to take western texas with them or no deal.

chico writes at 04:10:53 02/04/08 - Comment #31302: As far as I'm concerned, they can have southern California. But let's keep the Bay area.

Following (e:jason)'s comment: let's bring back the Fading Glory Mullet.

james writes at 04:06:31 02/04/08 - Comment #31301: Mrdeadlier: HA!
mrmike: yes, both are featured heavily on darkwave album covers
jason: the Fading Glory, awesome.
Chico: Don't we have a 150 lease just like Britain has with Hong Kong? We are giving back Cali, right?

chico writes at 04:03:08 02/04/08 - Comment #31299: I wonder if Hillary would also cook up a lame pretext for war to (essentially) steal territory from Mexico. (See War, Mexican-American, 1846-1848)

jason writes at 04:00:08 02/04/08 - Comment #31298: Damn. Polk's got himself a specialized mullet, the Fading Glory.

mrmike writes at 03:49:12 02/04/08 - Comment #31296: I take it you noticed the similarity between NOSFARATU and Rudy

mrdeadlier writes at 03:01:17 02/04/08 - Comment #31294: Is the politically correct term personifest destiny?

Permalink: Wait_a_Second.html
Words: 43
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

02/02/08 09:36 - 30ºF - ID#43152

I am on Crack

Hi,

My name is James and I am an addict.

This addiction has been manageable in the past. More of a perennial nuisance than a full time hunger. But now I can't even recognize myself.

I just found out tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. My first thought was 'I wonder how this will affect Super Duper Tuesday primary blitz!' followed by 'I wonder if candidate has purchased ad time' and then 'oh man, I should totally go grocery shopping, no one will be there!'

This isn't the first time this has happened. When Benazir Bhutto was assassinated I worried that it might affect news coverage of Barack Obama's last stump speech before Iowa. How uncompassionate can you get?

I am going to have to get off this drug, but November is just... oh shit, it is over half a year away. God damn it.

Permalink: I_am_on_Crack.html
Words: 145
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: humor?

02/01/08 01:48 - 32ºF - ID#43134

Who is the Real Joe Biden

What do we know of Joe Biden?

Yes, he is one of the longest serving members of the senate. Yes, he has been a presidential candidate a few times. And yes, I want him and Obama to make sweet, sweet white house love together - ties loose, collar button undone.

But who is the real Joe Biden?

In 1987 Joe moved into a neighborhood Willmington known for a stray dog problem. Six months later no dogs could be found, Joe moved again.

In 1992 Joe introduced a piece of legislation that would ban the sale and ownership of silver daggers.

Joe has never attended a late night meeting while there was a full moon.

This points to a profoundly disturbing suspicion.

Have we let wolfmen infultrate the highest levels of our government?

Permalink: Who_is_the_Real_Joe_Biden.html
Words: 134
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/31/08 10:23 - 24ºF - ID#43122

Hi

Since bailing out of student teaching I am pleased I didn't go through a week long 'I am a miserable failure let's drink a few years off your life' phase. Rather, I am super glad I did what I did.

So, I have been talking to a career councilor at Buff State. I have been seeing him for a month now, as I was pretty sure I wanted nothing to do with public school education for a while now. Well, I completed a few aptitude and temperament tests two weeks ago and got the rest results back. According to those tests I have an overwhelming aptitude for being an elected official.

So I want to use this moment to announce my candidacy for anything. Anything at all. My platform is as follows.

We will reform X to be superior to the way it was before!

We must end the policy of Y because it increases disparities between working class Americans and demonized institution du jour!

I promise you, in the first 100 days I am in office, I will not shake the hand of any foreigner who does not speak in an outrageous accent. Further more, I will not shake the hand of any member of 80's rock behemoth Foreigner.

Permalink: Hi.html
Words: 209
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: religion

01/28/08 10:50 - 30ºF - ID#43059

Response to Tony

Tony, I have a book your daughter needs to read.

Permalink: Response_to_Tony.html
Words: 12
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/26/08 06:34 - 25ºF - ID#43045

State of the Union

Chris Morris is the funniest man alive.

Check out this State of the Union address he spliced together. I peed myself three times watching it.

Permalink: State_of_the_Union.html
Words: 33
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: politics

01/25/08 08:08 - 23ºF - ID#43034

Boycott Chuck Norris

Now that Grandpa Fred's presidential bid/nap is over what is his staff up to?

Much bigger and more noble work apparently.

A former communications staffer has launched Boycott Chuck Norris to fight the disease which is Chuck Norris.

Chuck has been a very public supporter of whackjob Mike Huckabee. In fact, when the Huckster won the Iowa caucus his wife was not up on stage with him, but Chuck was there.

Huckabee, is fucking crazy. Seriously fucking crazy. He believes in a literal biblical interpretation of reality. There is no evolution and he said if elected he would rewrite the constitution to be in line with god's word. In the early 90's he called for the quarantining of people with AIDS. He has continually likened homosexuality to necrophilia and bestiality.

Chuck is free to get in bed with whomever he wants. But, as the site says

I want you to join me in boycotting all of the products that Chuck Norris endorses and some of the national companies that run advertisements on the show in which he starred and currently rerunning on the USA cable network, Walker, Texas Ranger.

all I got to say is, thanks, 20 years ahead of you on that one.

metalpeter writes at 01:10:18 01/26/08 - Comment #30916: First of all sorry I don't think so. USA is a great network (granted I don't watch it that much other then Wrestling) why boycott it cause it has a chuck norris show on. That is like burning down a High School with all the kids in side of it cause there are 3 terrorists in it. OH wait that is what we did with Iraq, I know that wasn't the intent but man what a botch job that was. Second of all I love Pepsi and Mountain dew and he does an ad for them. Not to mention they own Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza hut so we should then boycott all of them again I don't think so. Well maybe we should just boycott his movies, um wait he hasn't done any in like 15 years, oh well. Seems to me like the boycott idea is going down in flames very quickly.

In terms of interperating the bible literaly there are a few problems with that.
1) Adam and Eve where the first people on earth. That means that what happened there was all fact and not a symbol and there were not multiple gardens of eden. So to have more humans brothers and sisters had to fuck each other and or mom and dad.

2) Tower of Bable stroy. That thing where the tower falls and god makes everyone speak different languages untill they all can speak the language of god. That would mean one of two things only people who speak god's language can talk to each other or that every nationality is supposed to stay seperate untill they die and they speak god's word in heaven .

I know that I don't know his belief system but I do know that if you follow the bible exactly word for word you run into allot of problems and this is only from two parts I mentioned. I guessing like allot of people in this world he has his own ideas that the bible supports and then he doesn't follow the parts that don't support his beliefs and that is his right to do so.

mike writes at 12:39:45 01/26/08 - Comment #30894: if only his show wasn't so amazing and impossible to look away from....

Permalink: Boycott_Chuck_Norris.html
Words: 204
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/25/08 03:21 - 23ºF - ID#43031

Deep Breath

So,

Now that I am out of student teaching I have to do a lot of work. I have a part time job that pays well enough and has a very flexible schedule. But the tricky thing is getting a career going.

I know next to nothing about technical writing. But I can explain things to people well and I love to write, so that might be fun. Jim is going to help me put some samples on a web site. I would do things like explain how to use a complex function on the flickr web site. Adding video would be awesome. I was born to be a star! A star who explains how to edit out the face of your ex-wife from photos. In a world full of podcasts why not aim for untold internet stardom and prove Warhol's axiom true.

Telling professional adults that I quit has been mixed. Most have told me it was a good idea, some have told me I should stick it out.

But I never did like to listen to authority figures.

boom

Permalink: Deep_Breath.html
Words: 181
Location: Buffalo, NY

Category: fucking damn it

01/23/08 09:55 - 17ºF - ID#43005

Well, there goes that

I fucking hate student teaching.

We will see if I finish next week.

Then I will beat myself up for the next month and drink too much.

Then, I will do something else.

God damn it what a waste of time.