It has recently come to my attention (e:zobar,37) that some people have formed the opinion that I am what is referred to as a "Jersey hater." [How's that for passive voice?] I categorically deny all allegations.

I used to live in Jersey City, NJ (MAP TO: 227 GARFIELD AVE) in a neighborhood not too dissimilar from, say, Fillmore Ave. Let us call it a neighborhood in decline, and leave it at that. My first night out I was both solicited by prostitutes and stopped by the Bayonne Police for looking like a suspected felon. Other tenants in my building did, indeed, drink 40s on the porch, though I believe their preferred libation was Colt 45 (WIKIPEDIA - Colt 45 (malt liquor)).

And I did not like Jersey, per se. When describing Jersey City, I have been known to use the word 'sucky.' And when I crossed the Newark Bay Bridge for the last time I believe that I may have rolled down my window and shouted 'God's mercy on you swine!' to, well ... let's face it, the entire state.

I was young and foolish then, and I accept full responsibility for my youthful indiscretion. I did not understand the full gravitas of the word 'sucky.' But I did learn, when I moved to Westchester County, NY.

When describing Westchester I have used the words 'suckier than Jersey,' and I still hold this to be true. When I crossed the Tappan Zee for the last time I believe my words were 'May God have no mercy on you swine,' and continued with the invective until well after I had passed Middletown, NY. It's not so much that Westchester is any suckier than Jersey, but that Westchester doesn't understand why it's sucky, or even that it is sucky. Jersey, on the other hand, is what it is. No illusions, no pretensions, just Jersey. And for that I commend Jersey. [I also commend Jersey for both the Colonette and the Miss America - two excellent diners who understand the Tao of Reuben. But I digress.]

I save my most spiteful invective, though, for Bergen County, NJ; my 'Bergen County Suburb Name Generator' can speak for itself.

- Z