It has been brought to my attention by my lovely girlfriend that I may indeed come off as a raging bitch in my posts and comments. I was completely unaware of this, but I value her opinions and anyone outside of me cause certainly I can't see myself as others do. I would like to take this time out to say I have never ever ever intentionally tried to sound mean or harsh or belittling to anyone on this site.

One thing to keep in mind. I am fairly immersed in the academic world. I eat, sleep, breathe criticism, analysation, etc. It is my job to disagree with people. And I do forget that in school, these people are not people, but theories, books, divorced from their authors because their authors are not there. Here I understand it to be a little more personal.

So, for those of you who have met me, you know that I am a fairly shy, soft spoken kind of girl. Please picture me when reading these posts and know that I have no intentions other than good clean disagreements and thought provoking dialogue. And also, please please please criticise me. Someone said "don't take this as a criticism" although it indeed was and I am A-OK with that. How the hell else do you learn? And finally, we all know that computers and blogging and all that crap lack a certain human finesse that makes it difficult to soak up tone of voice, sarcasm, emphasis and the like, so know that I may read one way, but if you and I were chatting over coffee, chances are I would sound a whole lot different.

OkOKOk, last but not least. I understand that I am quite radical in my views. I am even radical amongst many feminists and I am OK with that. I am not surprised that people disagree with me much of the time. That doesn't mean, however, that I am not going to share my views on whatever it is that I am thinking about at the moment, or that I will not address a comment for the sake of being nice......Deal?

my two cats have taken to curling up at the end of our very large bed and sleeping there the entire night, every night. i think this is probably one of my favorite things about buffalo...they did not do this before...they slept elsewhere throughout our house. now, they sleep with us.

I get emails everyday or so from Planned Parenthood letting me know whats been going on the Pro Choice arena. And today I got one about "the largest anti-choice" march that happened...today, yesterday maybe. Anyways...I googled it, like I like to do, and found this fabulous website called ProLifeBlogs.com. Gross. The rhetoric they use...baby killlers, pro-abortion, talking about ripping apart fetuses and what not. I just find it hard to stomach...that they can't step back from their own moral bullshit for one second and see the truth of it all.
My mother...yes, the christian...was/is pro-life. However, I felt the need to discuss with her why we need to have safe, afordable abortions available for those who want/need it. She understands. The world is not perfect. Yes, in a perfect world, women would not have to get abortions, but we all know too effin well that this world is not perfect and it is ridiculous to go about pretending like it is. I guess my issue here is similair to that of the crazy funadamentalist sign carrying christians who shove their morals down other peoples throats. Go home. Be with your kids. Get a hobby that doesn't involove making other people feel like shit so you can make yourself feel better.

So apparently there was a fire on Elmwood, one door south from the Rite Aid Pharmacy and Bryant. this is not very far from my own apt. and felly and I just kept on sleeping, oblivious. According to the story it was a historic house built in the 1890's and the materials that were used in building it can not be found today. the link is here if anyone is interested:

In the article you can really feel the pain of the guy who owned the house and puts lots of money and work into it. He loved that house and compared losing it to the death of his parents. Very sad. I am not sure where I am going with this, but I guess it is making me think about loving inanamate things, objects really, and the human ability to bring them to life in all but the true sense of the word.

Moving on to more mundane things like the weather. Tomorrow it is supposed to be beautiful and felly and I both kinda have the day off (although I feel like I can never have a day off because the reading just keeps on coming). Either way, I know that beautiful days like today and tomorrow will not be around for much longer, so I plan on enjoying them as much as I can.

In other news. I have come to discover that driving west on 33 at 7:00pm is the worst idea ever. The sun is soooo blinding that I can't see the road, the car in front of me, the signs, nothing. For this reason, and this reason only, I am looking forward to the sun setting a little earlier each day. and if you happen to be driving on that road at the time, I am the douche bag driving 50 mph in the middle while people pass me on both sides because I can't see a godam thing!

Note: this was initially a comment, but I kinda went off and decided to make a post out of it.

Way to go Drew. It is sad but true that crazies like Fred Phelps and others wave the banner of religion and christian beliefs using the name only to spout hatefull slurs that encourage violence. This only leads to more hatred of these so called christians. I refuse to believe that all christians are like this, because, for example, my parents are quite religous, every sunday church goers if you will, yet openly accept me and my partner with loving arms. granted they were not always so accepting, but sometimes all it takes is a little love, patience, and guidance and cure those nasty habits. fundamentalists, extremists, people that teach hate...they should not and do not exemplify christianity. they are confused, scared, and ignorant to what the bible really teaches...love, respect, honesty. not that i am saying that christianity works for me, because after 18 years of (presbyterian)religious knowledge, i know that, right now, it doesn't. that however does not mean that I go around disrespecting those who find meaning within that community. whatever floats your boat, thats why I say. i think throughout history, as Drew said, people have shown themselves to need religion, spirituality of some sort or another. why? to find meaning, understanding, peace of mind, security. many reasons I am sure. the problem comes only when one group refuses to acknowledge that other options exist. I have my beliefs, you have yours...can't we all just get along?

Here is the proof of what happened last night at the Emmy's. As soon as I saw it I knew that something was fishy. Yes, she swore in the part that was cut out, but there was no bleep, just a loooong awkward cut away shot that could possibly be mistaken for a technical error, but you watch, decide for youself.

I spent the majority if yesterday immersed in this book called Fledgling by Octavia Butler. It is a story about vampires, so to speak, and this particular girl who is a result of genetic mixing of humans and vampires. Her skin is brown which makes her less susceptible to sunlight, so she can be out during the day and can sleep without falling into a deep sleep that doesn't permit her to wake up till nightfall. Her entire family was murdered because of her mixed blood and she is trying to save her own life while simultaneously figuring out who she is, because she lost her memory but not her life during the first attack on her home. I have not gotten to the end, but it is becoming apparent that other vampires are trying to keep their kind "pure", seperate from humans gentically, and that is why they hate her and want her dead. A very interesting take on otherness, hatred, and fear.

I have always been a reader. I remember being young and staying up late reading, becoming so connected with the characters to the point of never wanting the book to end. And now, well, I have read 200+ pages of this book since yesterday, because I couldn't put it down. Partly because it is a relief to be reading a novel rather than theory of one type or another, but also because, even though it is fiction, it is about people. About people's lives, relationships, hardships, joys and sufferings and all that jazz. This is what I cling to. This is why feminism grabbed me the way it did, and this is why I despise reading abstract theories that have nothing to do with individual people. And even though I accept a certain universalism about humanity, I think it is dangerous theoretical ground to walk on.

Dar dar...I have to write a paper. The first paper (whoa 2 pages) I have written on over two years. The last paper I wrote was 15 pages about the way beauty standards affect black women and white women differently. I loved that class because the woman who taught it was from Ohio and sounded a lot like my Aunt. She was also a Black Panther and taught Anthropology with a lens that addressed race and gender and class. She was cool. This paper, not so cool.

I have finished ALL my readings for this week! I have spent the majority of this week reading about various approaches to human rights, human security, and human development. I must admit, this kind of stuff is not my forte. I have never been particularly interested in politics because I lean to the side of things that assume that for the most part, they are all corrupt in some way or another. I question the feasibility of these ideas...is it really possible to put a minimum of rights and securities into place through institutions that are perhaps causing the very problem they are supposedly trying to eradicate? Is there even a possibility of international consensus on what these rights should be?
I guess I haven't really thought very much about what IS going on in the international arena to address these kinds of issues. Yes, I know that the UN exists, I have indeed heard of the Human Rights Approach. But did you know that there is also the Human Development Approach, the Human Security Approach, the Basic Needs Approach, etc? I certainly had no idea that there was this type of academic theorizing going on. I must perhaps give them a hand for attempting to name and address poverty, hunger, health care, education etc, on a global level, but one thing they do not do is ask WHY or HOW these issues became realities in the first place. It does no good, in my opinion, to try to "fix" these realities, to offer solutions, without first addressing the problems. It is easier to talk about money, about health services, about children going to school, than to talk about ideologies, hegemonies, pervasive cultural constructions of gender, race, class, etc. This, to me, is like trying to run the wrong way on an escalator. You can put lots and lots of energy into trying to get to your goal, and it sure does look like you are working hard, but chances are you will run out of steam before making it to the top.
Is my idea less realistic then theirs? Is it possible to change hundreds of years worth of oppressive ideologies? How many generations would it take before they were completely if ever gone? How would one even go about attempting this massive feat? I honestly don't know.
I am not saying that I don't think people, nations, institutions of various shapes and sizes should stop their efforts to make the world a little more bearable for those in need, but I do not think that this is a sufficient strategy for ending the hunger, the povety, the pain that is so prevelant in this world.

Meh. I got up at 11 thinking I would just jump on here and then start reading, but alas, I was wrong. It is now noon and gasp, I haven't even had my coffee yet.

I am basically writing this post to place a bookmark on what entries I have read. I am not ashamed.

So, (e:fellyconnelly) and I went to see Melissa Ferrick and Ani DiFranco last night at what was formerly known as "The Church" but has be renamed "BabeVille". Very cute. The church us on W Tupper and Delaware and is actually two seperate buildings that are smushed together on the outside. The concert was in the sanctuary part of the church which was completely redone inside, new paint on all the walls and ceiling and all the pews ripped out to form a giant open space in front of the stage, along with the balcony which still retains the original historic pews (where we old folks sat for the show). Yesterdays concert along with one on Tuesday night represented the grand opening of The Church's new state of the art sound system and performance venue. Aparently they are working on a little bar/lounge in the basement for smaller performances and there is also a modern art gallery in there somewhere too.

Anyway, the show was fabulous. I must admit, I really like Melissa Ferrick, but when you are able to compare the two so directly it is obvious who has been around awhile. Ferrick generally stood in the same spot on stage and while the crowd certainly loved her, she was nothing compared to Ani. Ani came onstage and the whole crowd erupted to the point where it was almost painful because of the noise level. And when she started playing, dancing around stage, doing the oh so typical Ani leg lifts in sync with her guitar strums along with great chemistry with her band, which consisted of a stand up bass player, a drummer and a "vibraphonist" who added a unique sound to the whole thing, well she rocked.

The music was a delightful mix of old and new, along with some of her poetry/spoken word mixed in. It was enough so I was never bored waiting for her to play a song I knew. I also was happy that she so outspokenly talked about motherhood, love, growing up, and sang new songs about her daughter. It is this kind of things that remind us all that she is human.

Anyways...I had a fabulous time and when she sang the song with the words "I built my own empire out of car tire and chicken wire" it became very apparent that she indeed has.