Ok, I want it to be known, first of all, that I am writing this more for my own pleasure and release than out of an expectance that others will read this, let alone enjoy it or be fascinated by it.

Ok, so this terribly boring liberal feminist philisopohical type book I am reading is by a woman named Martha Nussbaum who is apparently some big shit in the academic world. Wooopty Doo. I decided to cheat a little and look up some critiques of her work in hopes of wrapping my mind around what exactly it is that she is talking about and I found this fascinating little tidbit of info:

"Martha's Protestant father was horrified by her decision at N.Y.U. to marry a Jew named Alan Nussbaum, a linguist she met in a class on Greek prose composition. But she was an eager convert. "I had an intense desire to join the underdogs and to fight for justice in solidarity with them," she has written. For Nussbaum, Judaism offered a sense of community lacking in her own upbringing."

Now, I might be wrong here, but isn't this like, really fucked up? Did she really love this man or had she simply fallen in love with the idea of being an "underdog"?? Was this her pathetic attempt to dissolve her own priveledges and to feel like she was more worthy of attacking oppression, because by marrying a Jew and converting to Judaism, she too could now join the ranks of an oppressed group? This to me, sounds similar to women who, during the 2nd wave of feminism "converted" to lesbianism not because they loved other women in a romantic way, but because it was seen as a political necessity because sleeping with a man was sleeping with the enemy. Gross.

Maybe I am being over dramatic, ridiculous, I don't know. but something about it just scratches at my very core and I can't quite get it to go away.

I am still not quite used to this whole sit on your bum allllllll day and read thing I've got going on. I guess maybe it's partially because today is an exquisite day and I know summer is running it's course and soon to be over and I am stuck sitting on my bum reading. Granted I could go outside on my porch and read, or even drive to a park somewhere but my attention wonders easily and I would start thinking about hiking or swimming or something that involves activity.

I am hoping this feeling of couped-upedness will cease when winter comes and I have an awesome excuse to stay under my electric blanket all day long. And of couse, I get summer vacation! I spent the majority of this summer serving ice cream to little kids who got to be at the pool all day...not that I would want to be at the pool with them, but you get the point.

Anyway, in case you haven't figured it out, I use (E:strip) as a temporary distraction from reading...I have been reading now for about 2 hours...the most awful book about liberal political feminism. Boooooooring! I can't tell if it is this particular author's writing style that drives me nuts (very academic, fairly abstract writing that does nothing but makes her sound smart and make me want to kill myself) or if it the content (which basically is making a case for universalism in an attempt to create equality through political consensus on human rights, or "capabilities" as she argues). Either way, I don't like reading her boring ass book and although I think she has a nice idea, I just don't think it would work when it comes right down to REALITY.

Sorry for that little outburst. Back to the joys of grad school.

So on my way to school I was driving on 290 at a reasonable speed, perhaps 60mph. I saw the car in front of me swerve to the left and then, there, in the middle of the road was a giant piece of carpet. When I say giant I mean it took up the entire middle lane, which I happened to be driving in. The highway was fairly busy and at the precise moment I needed to swerve I could not because people were passing me on both sides, so I hit the breaks. I luckily stopped right before the carpet...I could have driven over it at a slower speed, but at that point I was already at a dead stop in the middle of the road.
So at first I was scared that I was going to get rear ended... and then that the person behind me would, which would then cause a pile up. Luckily, this did not happen. I got around the carpet finally, as did those behind me, but as I looked back, quite a long line had formed in the center lane as a result of this carpet.
I considered calling someone (who?) but before I got the chance I saw someone pull up to one of those cops sitting in between the median. I am hoping that they told those cops to go out their and risk their lives to pick up that piece of carpet, cause it sure as hell wasn't going to be me.

Moral of the story: Make sure your shit is tied down, strapped in, super glued to your bumper, whatever it takes to keep it attached to your vehicle AND watch out for killer carpet.

I was in my Black Women and US History class yesterday and she had opened the course with a book called Black Feminist Thught. Basically from a very broad perspective it addresses the various interlocking oppression that women of color are faced with including but not limited to race, class, and gender. Now, keep in mind that within this class there are not only a wide variety of disciplines represented incluing History, Enlgish, Political Science, and me, Women's Studies, but there is also everyone from 2nd semester undergrad to almost done with their PhD. This makes things interesting to say the least.
Getting to the point, I was sitting next to a pretty, young, blonde haired blue eyed white girl during our discussion of this book. An it became quite obvious that she didn't get it. I can't say exactly what she said, but she basically said that she gets discriminated against and she is really white so why does race matter? I wanted so badly to sit down with her and have an extended discussion about white priveledge and whatnot but I just didn't have the time. I think, now, looking back I could have given some really good examples that perhaps would have made more sense than what I did say. Either way, when we were walking out of class I said to her, ya know its great to ask questions, and then let her say her little speal about how a lot of this stuff is over-arching and why its a question of race, and I said well, white women have talked for a long time with out talking about race and now it is black women's turn. This obviously doesn't even begin to touch the tip of the ice berg...how could I tell her that she was being so completely ignorant and that it was exactly that kind of thinking that marginalzes women of color from feminism and many other realms of academia, let alone social and instituional systems.
The point here is not to rant about some dumb white girl. The point is to say that I used to be her. When I first came to New Paltz and had a real, up close look at my own white privledge, my own racism, it was scary as hell and I wasn't exactly open minded about it. I wanted to be but there is something that tells us that its ok.
Alright, I am rambling.../anyway the thing is...the ONLY way to move beyond this kind of thinking is to talk about it, so I walked down the hall with this girl, trying to make some type of small coalition. Can I fully explain to her what it is like to be black and female? Hell no, and I have no intention of taking that voice from those women, but I can talk about what it means to be a white feminist in a racist world. Why we have to talk about color, about class, sexuality, ability, citizenship, the list goes on..SO if she will talk to me, I sure as hell am gonna talk back.

I am putting of going to class. I have ONE class this week and I don't wanna go. Unfortunatly, these are the once a week gotta go cause I'm in Grad school now kinda classes. I didn't read one of the assignments either, although I did read the ENTIRE book that was required and as a result of my already existing feminist background, I think this should be sufficient.

Theory is like riding a bike. I thought that maybe somewhere between two years off of school and a "dead end" job at a gas station I would have lost the nack for interpreting and analyizing theory, but this is not the case. In fact, I have all of a sudden sort of regained a certain area of feminist consciousness that had been temporarily replaced with HGTV and Animal Planet. Not that these don't bring up some interesting starting places for theory as well! But that is another entry.

I have to go.

The party was fabulous I must say. I can't think of a better first estrip party to have attended. We do have pictures and some video and depending on the quality, we shall post them, and by we I mean Felly.

Grad school has started for me and I am already feeling slightly looney. I read a 300 page book in 3 days, which basically equated to 20 or so hours of reading. I like reading, don't get me wrong, but I would have much rather been at AmVets with Janelle and Drew yesterday, but instead I successfully gave myself a crook in the neck and a lame labor day. Luckily I only have 1 class this week, but as a result I have, surprise, extra reading to do.

Oh yes, and another note. Our friendly downstairs neightbor came upstairs with the premise of talking about the leak and had a look around apt. commenting on the kithcen, the square footage, etc and had a look a the bathroom as well. Well, after a while we decided to take a shower and low and behold, within less then five minutes of our shower there comes a tap tap tappin on our door. Needless to say we didn't answer cause we weren't uh appropriate for company. He came back later to inform us that yes, yes indeed it is still leaking, so who knows what they are going to have to do to fix that shit.

Today I will be reading some scholarly journals on the topic "What is a Disaster?"

Well peeps, for those of you who were out at Cathode Ray last weekend, our pics are finally up! I am slightly disappointed because I didn't win anything, however there are numbers quite close to mine that did, so if you kept your little card, you should check it out! For anyone who is voyeuristic or simply nosy, the website is www.buffalobarfly.com

Look forward to seeing everyone tonight!

I was sitting out side smoking my pre-shower cigarette and one of the guys from ESquare Capital was like "uh, can I come up stairs and take a look at your bathroom cause his (my downstairs neighbor) ceiling is leaking. Of course I let him in, but now he has cauked my bathtub and I can't take a shower. Grrrr. It's fine, really. I love not showering, especially on my hair washing day when I have plans to run all over campus and what not. Ah well.

The picture strip at the top of my screen is currently the little chalky nasty valentine's day hearts that say "only you" and "you & me" on them. I can't eat those things, but do enjoy gluing them to various things when the season is right. Which, by the way, it certainly is not.

I set out on my own yesterday to find the Talking Leaves bookstore on main street, and I was pleasantly surprised. I was thinking it would be bigger and much less cool then the one on Elmwood, but although it was slightly larger, it was equally as cool. And the guy who was helping with the textbook area was super nice and looked all over the store for the book I needed, but alas wasn't there. Another great thing was, it wasn't obnoxiously crowded so there was no waiting in tremendous lines or feeling rushed while looked around. I hate that. I was looking forward to not going to the campus book store, but I need this book cause I have to read the entire thing by next week and can't put it off any longer. Oh well. I am still pleased that I can buy (most of) my textbooks at an independent store. Way to go Buffalo.

So, as I type there are about 4-5 officers of the law parked outside my apartment with their little lights ahflashin. By the looks of it they are checking people registrations and what not, but may or may not be looking for a one armed man. And of course, as soon one citizen pulled over directly in front of our driveway for whatever reason, Felly shows up and has to practically drive on the grass to get in. Now, I respect police officers for various reasons, but I feel like this is truly a waste of their time and my money. Sure they may indeed catch a true criminal by accident, but chances are they are just annoying everyday folk like you and me who, for the most part, are law abiding. I guess I just want them to not bother me unless I ask for it, and in my opinion driving down the street is not asking for it. That is all.