Ok peeps. Next friday is my (and codypomeray's) 30th bday. I was originally thinking of maybe having a big party, but I don't feel like having to clean up afterwards, so now I'm thinking more of just a night out barhopping. I hope some of you will join us along the way if you can. :)

So.... I had a date last night. Which makes me happy. But I stood my friends up, which makes me feel shitty. (sorry guys). But like a real good old-fashioned date... dinner reservations, picked me up, pulled out my chair, all that good stuff. And when I think about it, I'm not sure I've EVER had that before. (Have come close a few times.) I just don't get asked out much. And if I do go out with people, it's usually a casual "hey wanna grab a beer, I'll meet you at xyz in an hour".

But we're sitting there at dinner, and my mind is racing 'is he cute enough? is he too short? is he too young? am I too old? Do I like his sense of humor? am I saying the right things? am I talking too much?' etc etc nonstop analysis. And then about halfway through the second bottle of wine I just decided to turn it all off and enjoy myself. And then I had a blast. Who knows what I think of the guy... but I had a fun night, and that's good enough for me. I don't know why I always have to ruin everything by over-thinking it. But it's really hard for me not to.
People have been telling me "alex, RELAX" lately, and I get all huffy and snap back "I AM relaxed! don't tell me to relax! I am a very chill person!" And now I'm thinking- who am I kidding? I'm a huge stressball all the freaking time! I dunno, it was kind of an epiphany moment. Maybe I don't always have to be in control of everything. Maybe it doesn't always matter what everyone else thinks. Maybe it's ok to just have fun and do what I want sometimes. Maybe I don't have to worry about whether or not everyone ELSE is having a good time, at the expense of myself. So even though he's way younger than me and does nothing but party, maybe he's got the right idea- let's just have FUN.
So this morning when I woke up at 5 (painful), I was already thinking 'well I'll just email him blah blah', and then I realized, going with the old-fashioned date concept, maybe now is the time to just CHILL and wait to see if he calls. Is that how this all works? So foreign to me. I am a dating idiot.

Okay I might throw my pager out the window. All I want to do is have a little time to myself to unfog my brain and write a post, but I was just paged 3 times in 30 seconds and I'm not exaggerating. Way to kill my good mood. I think it's gonna be one of those days. Thank god I'm on vacation tomorrow!!

Later peeps.
-J