Excuse me, I think you have something on your face...
Oh. Right. It's ash wed.
Doh.
One of these years I'll remember.

Yet another perk of atheism- I do/eat/drink whatever the hell I want for the next 40 days, and don't feel guilty about it. ;P

So... When I first moved here I dated this guy for like a minute. Nothing really came of it. But he is, I guess, a "tit man" if you will... And the few times I've talked to/seen him since then, there are always boob comments. Well yesterday he saw my message on myspace inviting people to come out. And he took me up on it. Which is cool, he's a pretty good guy and I hadn't seen him in a long time. But I sort of meant "if you're out with your friends, come say hi to me and my friends." But instead he said "ok... well i'm leaving now, will be at your place soon." Oh.... ok? Not sure what his intentions were, but given the... traditions... of mardi gras, I imagine he thought his chances at seeing tits (mine or otherwise) were higher. In any case, he came over, we had a couple beers, then met (e:ladycroft) et al out. It was fun. Voice of reason made me come home by midnight-ish, rather than stay out late like I wanted to. But in any case, he brought me home and we watched some simpsons and listened to music. Then he said "let's put you to bed." And then "I can't drive home." So he put me to bed. And then joined me. And we slept. And spooned a little. And that was it. And it was perfect. Just what I needed. No awkward moment of having to tell him to stop... (though I'm not sure if I'm impressed or insulted that he didn't make any moves,- I mean hell, I was drunk and he was in my bed. ha). And I found myself thinking- regardless of sex/relationships/drama/bullshit- it just feels so damn good to be in someone's arms. Even (especially?) when totally platonic. A hug... a hand on yours... simple human contact. So lovely. And one of those things that you can forget so easily... until reminded of what you're missing.

So that was my mardi gras... but it got me thinking back to New Orleans... what a neat city. Dirty and poor and fucked up, no doubt, and not a place I could spend my life, but I'm so glad to have had a few years down there. It's really like nowhere else. And Buffalo's mardi gras is supposedly the 3rd biggest in the country- well it still doesn't hold a candle. (No offense, buffalo.) Mardi gras is crazy down there. It's 2 weeks of parties. But the focus is the parades. Yeah there's bourbon street and tits, but that part is gross. The parades are the shit. 3-4 a night for two weeks. Being in a parade is a big deal. Most of them are a big "society" thing, with balls and all. But there are a few you can buy your way into. Our last year a few of my friends joined a krewe- aside from dues, they had to buy their own throws (beads)- $1000 each. In plastic beads. Per person. And there are, I dunno, 20 people per float? And 40 floats in some of the big parades. And these floats are no joke... they spend ALL YEAR building them.
It's amazing to me how crazy people will go over worthless plastic trinkets. People joke that that is why new orleans is sinking- because everyone's attics are full of beads. Oh, and paying money for beads is a sure sign of being a tourist. You can get PLENTY on your own. Even without flashing. Just yell 'throw me something mister" as they roll by, and you'll do just fine. And if you get shitty beads (small/short), you throw them at the tubas.

And fat tuesday itself- the final parades, Rex and Zulu, start at 8:30am. I only made it once. And the zulu coconut is the most coveted of all mardi gras throws... They take their religion seriously down there. At midnight the party is OVER. Lent has begun. Cops ride down Bourbon street on horseback and break things up. It's amazing.

And one other random bit of trivia- new orleans judges the success of mardi gras by the tons of trash generated. It's so nonstop crowded in the quarter that they can't really clean up for days at a time... you are wading through piss/vomit/beer and crushed plastic cups... yeah, sexy. You need a dedicated pair of shoes you are willing to part with.

Ah, waxing nostalgic...

Here are some old (and new) pix. I wish I had more, but it's hard to carry a camera around.


My house in New Orleans. It was awesome. Huge, and falling apart. 6 fireplaces, chandeliers, a balcony... 2" roaches, I mean "palmetto bugs" (like that makes them "cute" or something).


The court of one of the parades. They always reminded me a little of the KKK and were kind of scary.


See what I mean? Kind of scary.


This guy is a "flambeau". They are guys, usually black, who march with the parades, sweating their balls off, carrying these huge propane torches. You are supposed throw change to them.


One of the floats- "Cirrhosis: Bacchus's Less Attractive Brother"


Yeah, that's about what it feels like.




One parade. No flashing. I swear.


About the closest I have come to flashing.


Some poor unsuspecting boy at Coles got his ass grabbed by (e:kaerains)


Timika and Craig, who looks very evil. (he's not an (e:strip)per- I almost feel like I need to black his eyes out of the pic or something!)


Name that bathroom!

'Night kids!
-J

So, I had my nipple pierced this weekend. After I had my tongue done (9 years ago), everyone's first reaction was a raised eyebrow, a "why??", and sometimes a request for a blowjob. And I never had a very good answer. It was just something I wanted to do. I kept thinking about it, and finally decided I should just do it, or else I'd always wonder. And besides, I could always take it out. It's not so much a sex thing, or trying to send out some weird kinky slutty vibe... But just more that I like to not be TOTALLY plain vanilla predictable. Not like this was some big rebellion, but I generally find that people think I (a conservative, overly-educated, new england WASP) am not "the type" to be pierced, and I don't mind surprising people a little bit once in a while.

And so after I did my tongue, I thought about nipple for a while. But I never did it. And recently the idea popped back into my head. And wouldn't go away. But I had a few concerns. And I just wasn't sure I want to send out that message. I.e. I've gotten a few negative reactions when I mentioned it to people- namely that it is gross and skanky. So I hadn't decided for sure.

Then this weekend I found myself in CowPok, and I figured What the fuck. Why do I care what people think. If they think it makes me gross and skanky, well they're simply wrong. I like having a little 'secret', and also I think it looks kinda cool. And, well, yeah- I think it's hot.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to be so defensive. Hmm.

But anyway, all that is a prelude to wanted to wanted to post today-
So I had it done sat night. Yeah the actual piercing hurt. But just for a second. Then it was sore for a few hours, which was relieved by aleve and booze. And when I woke up sunday, it really didn't hurt much at all. Good all day yesterday, fine this morning... But as I started work today, I realized I should have put a little more thought into "right or left?". I arbitrarily chose left. Without thinking of the fact that the breast pocket on my white coat and scrubs is on the left. I keep my chapstick, pen, palm pilot, and patient list in that pocket. I take each of them in and out of my pocket an average of 17 million times a day. Not to mention that the heavy palm bounces a little with each step.

And it's not so much pain- but like a deep twinge that goes to my stomach and almost makes me a little nauseous. A very strange feeling. Perhaps a good feeling when I get used to it, but for now- oy. Makes me dizzy.

[this post is huge, I apologize.]

Wow. What a weekend. Seems to have taken a lot out of me, as I am now in a funk. Crying for no reason (well, no legitimate reason)- and worse than that- I just turned down (actually, didn't even answer the phone) an invite to dinner at India Gate. What is wrong with me?! I LOVE India Gate! And it's like two steps from my house. And I never turn down an invite for anything! But I don't feel like doing anything. So instead I am eating leftover thai noodles in my bathrobe. Sometimes I wish I could communicate/interact with others better... Too often my sarcasm/attempt at wit blows up in my face and fucks everything up and I end up with my foot in my mouth, wondering what happened, fearing I have blown my chance, and not knowing how to repair things. Boys don't play games, my ass. But enough on that.

Initial goals for this weekend: pay bills, wade through ridiculous inbox, take down christmas tree!!!!, sleep a lot. Goals accomplished: zero. New goals for the remainder of today: lay on couch, ignore huge mess, be anti-social, eat bad-for-me snacks and watch grey's anatomy, sleep. Sorry (e:Paul)- would have liked to cheer you on at the Geek Meet, but I can't bring myself to move.

But before I forget- I have a question for any mac people out there- Any recs for DVD-copying software? I found one called Fast DVD Copy. It's very easy (one click), but I'm not so sure about the 'fast' part- I used my trial and copied one DVD- 244 minutes. I know it's not a fast process, and granted, i've been doing a bunch of other shit on the computer so the processor has to share, but still. And it's $100. But if there's nothing else out there, I will continue my hunt for free serial numbers and cracks.

Ok, and now for the weekend play-by-play, and the pix you've all been waiting for. ;)

Fri- easy. Spent 30hr at work.
Saturday: came home to a nice surprise- a Valentine's Day present from my Dad: Scooba- the floor-washing robot. Brother of Roomba, the vacuuming robot. (and cousin of Woomba, the SNL joke). How lazy-geek-cool is that? Especially considering that I have about 10 square feet of non-carpeted floor.
I was hoping to get a little work done, and get a nice nap in. Instead I did... god I have no idea what, but the time passed quickly. Then met (e:Ladycroft) at spot for Spottie watching and yummy drinks. Then we migrated to Bullfeather's to meet Jen for dinner. If you haven't been there, it's worth a try. They have a lot more than typical bar food- including pumpkin ravioli with sage cream sauce and walnuts, and thai peanut salmon. Yum. Then I stopped by Cole's to say hi to some friends. Invited them to the Peep Show. Got a weird look, and they said 'you mean the huge S&M party?' and I said 'ummm as far as I know it's a bunch of art installations with a love/sex theme in a hotel.' They replied "yeah- it's a huge S&M party" and declined my invite. Not deterred, I left them behind and continued on with my evening. Met back up with Jen and (e:Ladycroft) at CowPok, where I succumbed to peer pressure and my long-standing curiosity, (e:Ladycroft) had her nose pierced without flinching (it's cute, see pix), and Jen had her anterior helix done. A triumvirate of piercing!
Then, to the Peep Show ((e:Peep) Show??), where I met (e:Robin) (a pleasure), and (e:Mike), (finally!) and we found (e:imk2). What an adventure. We wore PJs and boozed it up in bed with (e:Robin), (e:PMT), and a bunch of strangers. (e:Theecarey) and (e:pyrcedgrrl) showed up too. We played with giant paper dolls. We did NOT have our tits put on pins. We saw some hot firemen threatening to strip down to their boxers. At least, (e:Paul) claims he saw them. I never did. I think he imagined them. We played in a weird video room with red umbrellas. We saw a guy in a wrestling outfit, holding a pink case, waiting for the porno auditions. And best of all, we saw (e:PMT) get (re)married in the church of Julie. :) I heart (e:Paul)/(e:PMT). While there, (e:ladycroft), (e:imk) and I felt the love and "married" (e:strip). (fitting, since it seems to have taken over my life lately.)
All in all, a lot of fun, and rather surreal.
Then we migrated to the Pink for a bit, where a guy with a 'hawk seemed to dig (e:ladycroft) and her new jewelry. Then to Towne. I ate a giant bacon and cheese omelet. Delicious, and (not so) Nutritious!
Then I came home and slept til noon...
Sunday: utterly wasted. The best way for a sunday to be.

Weekends are way too short. I'm sick of working all the time. I want a vacation.

Here are the pix: (not sure what's up with the freaky redeye, but it was too much for iPhoto to fix!)


The lovely (e:imk2)- Saluti!


Our hostess with the mostest, (e:Robin)


"What the hell is THAT?!" Paul likes it, Terry isn't sure, and Timika looks scared.


Fun with Paper Dolls begins- first, a saucy little french maid.


Look what the (e:peepettes) have been reduced to... (and it took Paul to remind us that the balls go on the bottom.)


Bring out the gimp!


Wonder if Cardboard Man will show up in dreams next...


The Red Umbrella room


(no comment)


You may now kiss the husbands... Congrats PMT!


Do you, peepettes, take (e:strip) to be your lawfully wedded website?


Is this the one I'm not supposed to post?


You may now kiss the.... piece of paper.


Timika and Yvonne at the Pink. [Note cute new nose ring.]


C'mon... you didn't really think I could post a set of party pix without the requisite shot of Timika and Alex, did you??


Or was THIS the one I wasn't supposed to post?


Time to go home...


By far the best pic of the evening. Actually looks like Buffalo Winter, too!

oh yeah- new user song. Good stuff. Check it out.

Later peeps.
-J

Found this article for Joshon-


(it's about twins in school).

(But mostly I'm just proud of myself for actually having even peeked at any sort of news today).

It's kind of sad, but lately I've been getting all my current events from (e:strip).
But hey, I guess it's better than being totally clueless like I usually am...

Work sucks tonight. Gotta go.

-J

Wow. I love music. It can have such strong associations with people/places/times/events/feelings etc... It makes me dance, it makes me cry, it makes me think, it gets stuck in my head ALL FUCKING DAY LONG...
And I especially love cool lyrics.

I just like this rhyme, from 'hey girl' by Damian Marley-

She said "Junior you're a genius,
you think with your mind and not your penis.
Your gang of Jamaican Al Pacinos,
drinking blue mountain cappuccinos."
Well I said "baby you're the cleanest,
the true definition of what my queen is
Nothing coulda ever really come between us,
share the same room and Jah will feed us"

Rhyming penis with cappuccinos. Who woulda thunk it.
I'm also thinking Matisyahu, the Jewish reggae-rapper who sounds like DMB at times, and 311 at others, is pretty neato.
So much good shit out there. Love it. :)

And just to follow up my last post-
the curls are back. And yeah, it's short. But maybe I don't need to fire Gino quite yet. We'll see.
(Though i'm a little surprised that I walked into grand rounds today- prob 50+ people there- and not ONE person even noticed. Men!!)

(and Josh, you think you went short?!)

So in case you haven't seen one of the 8000 identical pictures of myself that I have posted lately, this is what my hair looked like before today:



Now, I am ok with my hair. I guess curly hair isn't "cool" or whatever, and I'm supposed to want to have that jennifer aniston pencil straight hair, but whatever. I can deal with my curls. In fact I kinda even like 'em. I refuse to put much time/effort into my hair. I shower, and go out with it wet. My rules are: I cannot be bothered with a blow dryer, and it has to be long enough to be able to go into a ponytail, since that is how I wear it about 90% of the time.

But I've been a little negligent with the trims lately. And when I saw this pic, I thought 'YUCK, too long, time for a cut'.



So I went for a haircut today. Told the guy I wanted to chop a bunch off the back. He told me his plan, and I was ok with it. After all, it's just hair, even if he fucks it up. So he cut it... a lot. And since I can't be bothered with the blow dryer myself, I let him blow it out straight for a change.

And this is what I got:



Don't know if it's my sweater or chipmunk cheeks or the flash or the background or the hair, but I think I look like a 1950's housewife. Or Jackie O if I'm feeling generous. Or, oh my god, my mom.

So I straightened out the rest of that little flip- Unfortunately I take bad pix of myself but you can get the gist-



I'm curious to see what it will look like after I wash it and it's curly again. Hopefully not too horrendous... Fingers crossed.

Wow, that was a long post about my hair.

So... I like what I do. I really do. But sometimes it's hard to remember that. And I hate that I bitch about it so much, and I apologize. But my hours suck.... suck suck suck. I get one day off every week or two, and have to (or rather, should but don't) spend much of it sleeping. I haven't had a whole weekend off since may. I never even know these long weekend holidays occur until i get home and realize I didn't get any mail. Last night I was just thinking "wow... peeps are hardcore tonight! going out at midnight on a sunday!" totally didn't realize today was a day off.

But it sounds like I missed a good time at OPM last night, not to mention meeting new peeps... must say I think I'm a little jealous.

But we did make it to rochester for ethiopian, though I think I may have had (e:imk) fearing for her life a few times (sorry!). And (e:leetee), gotta say I disagree. I love the bread (injera). Yum yum. And it's all yummy and tasty and spicy... Mmm. Hope everyone's tummies were ok today! (my god, am I five? yummy? tummies? haha.)

And just some thoughts on this whole hotel business....
First off, I agree with uncut. He said what I was thinking, more or less, and put it more eloquently.
Now, my house is not in danger of being demolished. But, I am still only a couple blocks away from the proposed site.
I would like to read the hotel's side of the story. I feel dragonfire's version is very one-sided and colored by the fact that his house is in danger.
I don't want to see thriving local businesses torn down for the Gap and Starbucks. Don't get me wrong. I like my neighborhood. But I have to say that those houses are not really wonderful pillars of Elmwood history. And I'm not sure trying to make the area more 'upper-class' is necessarily such a terrible thing... I'm not saying bring the suburbs and chain stores downtown, but a swanky boutique, cafe, etc- that would be cool. And would probably contribute more to the local economy than a video shop... And no, I do not need a hotel since I live in the area. But that's the point of a hotel- for people who do NOT live in the are, am I wrong? So I think that argument is flawed logic...

Hmm. I think I will shut up. I don't know both sides of the story and thus should not go off on a rant about it. I don't like arguing points that I can't defend very well. And at the risk of voicing an unpopular opinion, it's just sort of sitting wrong with me to see (e:strip) used as a means to promote an agenda.

On that note,
later peeps.

-cranky jenks

So I was at work last night and we had to take a kid to the OR. And in the little holding area outside of the OR there's this machine that keeps all the drugs locked up. It's very tightly monitored. Usually before each case, the anesthesiologist goes and signs out all his drugs (morphine, fentanyl, versed- heavy duty stuff.) So last night I'm waiting for something, and next to the machine was a big pile of empty drug boxes. Not exactly something you see every day- so I took one. (** for the record, before you get all excited, it is just an EMPTY box**):



And issue two-
I've been craving ethiopian food for ages. I miss having a place locally. I guess there are two in rochester- Dashen and Abyssinia. And I suddenly want to go, like RIGHT NOW.
Anyone interested?
Check it out:

(Abyssinia)
(Dashen)

whew, not sure what came over me last night...
sorry for putting you all through that.
feeling back to myself today.

Boys don't suck.
I take it back.

So I might be a little drunky and a little buzzed, and it's a LOT past-my-bedtime since I need to be at work in like 4 hours, and I will probably regret this post in the AM and delete it, but what the fuck, this is 'my journal', right?

So (e:jason)'s post tonight (sorry, you'll have to look it up, I'm incapable of figuring out the link right now) plus some chat plus long talks with friends, have sent me through the gamut of emotions. Starting with 'poor jason'. That raw emotion just breaks my heart. It sucks, it hurts, I can feel it, and I wish I could help, but I fear only time can cure a broken heart. There are tons of people here for you bro. But YOU have to make the decision to actively try to feel better, then open your eyes and let them in... You're only alone if you let yourself be, and we can't help you unless you let us. Then talk turned to 'boys are confusing' 'no girls are confusing' 'men suck' 'no, women suck' etc etc. And then thoughts turned to sad and lonely and 'why doesn't anyone ever like me' depressing kind of shit. So yeah, thanks for that Jason! ;) I start out feeling bad for you and wanting to cheer you up, but I end up all depressed and sad, and needing cheering up myself (so what do I do? I drink beer. Strong work!)

But anyway, it got me thinking of the age-old topic. Yes, I know women can be hard to understand. I like to think that I, personally, am pretty much an open book. Perhaps to my detriment. I am super trusting, and loyal to a fault. And I can be totally gullible and naive when it comes to guys. Like, I actually think 'yeah I'll call you' actually MEANS 'i'll call you.' Silly me... Sure, sometimes it does mean that, but more often it means 'no way in hell will i call you, but I'm "afraid of hurting you" so I won't just tell you no- I'll lead you on for a while, and make it even worse."

And that is what I'm talking about... Guys like to claim that they are so easy to read and so straightforward- but that's so not true.... You play games with the best of 'em. I think the most common being the one above. I would SOOOOOOO much rather be hurt by the honest truth now, than deceived with lies and more hurt later... The "i think you're cool, but I just don't feel it" is so much better.... Yeah sure, no one wants to have to tell someone that. But they "yeah yeah we'll hang out next week" and then coming up with some excuse at the last second... that is so chicken-shit, and SO much worse.

Haha, I'm not really as bitter as this sounds.... I'm just sick of trying to interpret boys and their actions and non-actions.

[edited for content- personal details of current mini-semi-quasi-crush situation deleted. Gist of story- I'm not sure where things stand.]

So my rational side thinks it's probably a no, take the hint, move on.... But my emotional side can make so many excuses... didn't get the message, lost my number, etc etc etc. So I think 'ok, that's it. I've made my move. I'll just play it cool. See what happens, take no further action"

But I hate that. That even has the word 'play' in it and I am so not about "playing" any sort of BS games with people... I mean c'mon, we're adults here. Why can't we talk maturely about emotions? 'hey, you're cool. I think maybe I could like you." "awesome, i think you're cool too- let's hang out!" Or "yeah I'm just not feeling it, but thanks!"

That sort of honest communication could spare SO much heartache.... I try to be straightforward, and I just don't bet it back...
Such a bummer...
Yeah I could stand to lose a few pounds... But all in all, I'm a sane, down-to-earth, smart, funny, reasonably attractive chick. With a decent job and a decent head on my shoulders. I've got my shit together. I don't "need" a boy. But I'm always down with making new friends. And if something comes if it- great! And if it doesn't- that's fine too. No harm no foul. Never hurts to meet new people... I would do anything for my friends/family, without thinking twice. Just because I like to do things for people. I won't blow smoke up your ass, and all I want is for you do the same...

So why does that always backfire on me?
Guys claim they don't play games, they say they want a girl who doesn't. I don't, and it freaks people out. At least, something freaks 'em out. Maybe "straightforward" comes across as desperate? Which I'm so not...

Bah... it's past my bedtime. I'm not looking for you all to tell me how great I am, and stroke my ego. I *know* I'm a cool fuckin chick. ;)
I'm just venting my confusion, and wondering if anyone out there feels the same...

Ok. Thanks for listening. 'Night peeps.

-J