Ahoi,

On Halloween last year I accomplished two fine things. First, I sold my piece of shit car to a guy in Rochester for more than I should have; but he was as desperate to get a cheap car as I was to sell one. Second, I bought my very first new car. Yum, so sexy you could climax just looking at the tail pipe... which reminds me of a very disgusting story I need to tell sometime when very, very drunk. (It isn't about me, and I could tell it sober but it is more believable after a few dozen.)

Well, short of our one year anniversary some colostomy bag threw a Zima bottle at a window and put a dent in the door and cracking the paint off. I have unleashed the hounds in search of his loved ones.

My question to you, dear estrippers, is where should I go to have that little dent repaired. I don't want the exposed metal to start to rust.

thanks

Well, well, well,


My brother Jordan is about ten years younger than his two older siblings, me and my younger brother Matt. Matt and I were free to blaze a trail to adulthood, dabbling in secret vices like tobacco, drink, or satanism. Jordan however was marched at gun point down the same path, but without the side trips of vices to those wonderful vistas of opium or grain alcohol. It is the path that our folks could see, and not the whole one they couldn't. One day, I am going to tie him down and force a bottle of cheap wine down the kids throat and not rest until he has done a line off a dead hookers ass.

Well, he has come to one of those kind of vistas, the respectable kind in which grandmothers love you all the more for being apart of. Like his two older brothers he just became an Eagle scout. For those who had fun childhoods and not in the know, Eagle scouts are like boy scouts par excellence. They can start camp fires with a glint in their eye and help old ladies across the street with superhuman speed.

It is an honor for him and one that is accompanied with much pomp and circumstance. No hooded men speaking an occult tongue decipherable to only the initiated. Rather, in the basement of a church the county executive's liaison shakes his hand and tries desperately to relate himself to Jordan. More on that in another post through.

Two of my friends and my brother Matt all had me write a little speech for them: a humorous appraisal of them as a person fluffed up with some genuine praise. Well, Jordan wants me to offer the same sort of speech.

Problem is, I don't like the boy scouts, not one bit. I run into some problems with them as I am an atheist homosexual. Ouch, two strikes. In fact, in 2004 I was still an actie member, teaching classes and such, when I tried to get my council (an organizing body, like a county) to draft a statement saying we were opposed to discrimination based on sexual orientation and religious belief. Two weeks letter I received a letter I had to sign for from the national headquarters in Texas. I was kicked out.

I would love to use this ten minutes of time to just slice into the institution who I worked for and who's highest honor I earned. But, instead I have 17 years worth of dirt on this kid. He is my little brother. I changed his diapers as a kid. I mean, how can you let material like that go to waste?

I have now done teacher observations in two school districts: Buffalo and Orchard Park. The difference is disgusting.

In Buffalo, the teachers hadn't had a raise in six years.

In Orchard Park they have their own TV studio.

In Buffalo there were 35-40 kids in a classroom.

In Orchard Park there was 20-25

In Buffalo kids were doing fundraising to keep their drama club going.

In Orchard Park they offer horseback riding.


Now, I don't want to take those nice things away from Orchard Park. But if it is good enough for them it is certainly good enough for the poorest schools in Buffalo.

(e:Janelle) has been journaling about the Sims, that video game where you... uh... simulate humans? You know, soup to nuts. From planing out their home and rise in a simulated capitalist economy to the micromanagement of sending them off to pee. And at a time-laps pitch it is oddly addicting.

Well, I played the Sims once, when it was a new game. Like Janelle I started off modestly. But mostly because I didn't read the instructions and just moved into the first shack I came across. Well, living in a miserable tiny apartment with room mates I wanted to axe murder I thought I would play out my childish fantasies. So, two guys move in and I try to get them to fall in love.

Now, this isn't a one-who-got-away sort of story. At the beginning they didn't like when I made them hug. But they kind of liked it when one bought a gift for the other. They could joke and pall around, but if I made them flirt. Yikes! It was uncomfortable.

But, I was persistent and my fantasy couple got together. One was an artists, because that sounded much more exciting than the waiter I was at the time. The other was in the military. Oh, everyone knew about his boyfriend, but it was never talked about on the base because our man was such a good soldier.

One morning, the military man wakes up early and sneaks downstairs to make the other breakfast in bed. A few weeks earlier they bought a grill for their anniversary. He starts cooking on the grill as the other gently slept and then.... BOOM!

FIRE!

FIRE!

Military man was engulfed in flames and died. A little tomb stone stood among the chard remains of the grill. The other sim would spend all day weeping beside it. He lost his job because he spent all day grieving.

Occasionally military man's ghost would appear and try to hug his lover. But the living sim would get frightened and run away. Then, when the ghost would disappear hugless the other would just return to the tomb and cry some more.

I was taking a Modern Russian history class at the time. The Albany winter was especially cold that year and reading the Gulag Archipelago for class should have been a harrowing experience. But the death and suffering of thousands was less depressing than my one and only game of the Sims.

Hi,

You know how you get a song in your head, in this case Last Dance With Mary Jane by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and then you read a little on wikipedia then 30 minutes later you have followed a giant trail of vaguely related items and find yourself reading about sausage casing?

Well, that happened just now. And check out what treasure was unearthed






That is right! From a large distributor you can order sausage casing in the shape of a beer bottle! And this isn't a skimpy little sausage. Oh no, this is 1 1/4 pounds of summer sausage fun my friend.

Think of the hilarity as you whip this bad boy out on your next fishing trip. All your friends will be pawing for a bit of your beer bottle sausage. Hey there fellers, there is more than enough sausage to go around!

Order yours now from the mouthwateringly named Mid-Western Research and Supply Inc.

Ya, the big, big, big, big news is out.


We made it on the top ten list after all. I am happy for Buffalo, but after all that hype I wouldn't have been happy with anything short of a five-story H&M

Here is the Buffalo News story.

Yup, that's the big, big, big, big news.

Which reminds me...



I will never tire of that song or video.

UGH!

It has been an hour since the big ass Buffalo news was unveiled at Glove market by the Elmwood Association.

yet, why can't I find any info about this? This was supposed to be HUGE frickin news. But, go to the Elmwood Village Association web site there isn't a bit of news. The last news entry is from January...

I have gone to other sites looking for some info

Buffalo Rising
Buffalo News
WBFO
Craig's List
Buffalo Geek
Buffalo Pundit
All Things Buffalo
All Thing Jennifer

nothing

ugh! Did we just get on some stupid top ten list or is something big actually happening? A little moral booster isn't big news, it is nice fuzzy news that makes us feel good for a little while when outsides make fun of us for living in Buffalo.

There is a private discussion involving an online hit job around here.

It made me think about my favorite such hit job online that is amazingly NSFW.

It was also a great coincidence that the target of said hit job, former senator Rick "god hates fags, jews, liberals, and uh people that don't vote for me and oh by the way I LOVE my family in a profound way that you mere human could never begin to comprehend" Santorum may be running for Governor of PA next time around.

Check him out,
Rick Santorum

just a hint now of what to do.

What fun,

I have two tests on Monday and a ten page paper due. That material isn't difficult and I should do well. And that is a big problem.

Unless I am into the material or find it challenging I can't care. I have had this essay for three weeks now but it is just busy work, so I naturally put it off to the weekend before. I will do a good job, but I have so struggle to stay focused.

That is how I get things done, by making an assignment challenging, by putting dozens of roadblocks in my way. Right now I am listening to a new album by one of my favorite bands. Piano, two guitar lines, some flutes, and three part vocal harmony demands that I listen to is closely.

Then, just to make things easier, I go out and get a new video game, Halo 3. Oh lord! All that running around and shooting things until their explodey death. Great fun. Today I wanted to write six pages, and in my five hours of work time today I have a page banged out. The distraction is great, a black hole in the living room sucking all energy and matter towards it.

This can only mean that I will have to double up my efforts tomorrow.

OH crap! I have another paper due tuesday for a book I have only read a quarter of. Sounds like I need something really distracting to get me through this; like an uncomfortable genital piercing, or a new pet cockatiel.

now if you will excuse me, I need to bathe in digital gore.

(e:zobar) just posted something from them, which was the first time I had ever heard of this comic.

Being bored at work (again if you can believe it) i started browsing through them. Several times I nearly wet myself laughing. you should all check out Cat and Girl

But this one, there is no holding back the stream of urine from a laugh battered bladder. So frickin' hilarious




enjoy, I need a change of pants.

• edit*

so, you can't really read that, but it is hilarious. Go here to read the full thing, you will be glad you did.