"Saving a dead whale for supper." written by James on estrip.org

04/29/07 08:11 - 49ºF - ID#39088

Saving a dead whale for supper.

Damn, I am good.

I don't say this to pat myself on the back. For I am pliable enough to do that myself and I am sitting down now anyway and the patting would be uncomfortable for the both of us.

But we are moving in a month, and over the two years we have lived here I have become my mother. This is not to say I have at any point lactated or made someone believe baby Jesus cries when you touch yourself; rather I have collected enough food to stock a bomb shelter for however long the half-life of Plutonium is.

I have no intention of moving several thousand pounds of adzuki beans, a metric ton of brown rice, an drum of olive oil, and enough canned tomatoes to bomb Drezden to the ground. So, it is up to me to use this cyclopian collection of foods up.

It was easy enough at first, there were palatable connections to make among the items. But over the last few weeks the options have become less enjoyable. Tonight I had a 28oz can of crushed tomatoes, some half and half about to expire, stale abarito rice, and various fresh foods. I should mention that out of concern for using all these staples, I have been ignoring all the veggies which are in various stages of rotting.

Well, creamy tomato risotto with chicken sausage and crimany mushrooms actually came out well. But I am affraid i am running out of possibilities. What do you do with a pound of freeze dried shitaki mushrooms, cannelloni beans and lasagna noodles? And if you say shitaki bean lasagna I wont hear of it. I wont make another culinary abortion like that.

But, just three more weeks until the moving van is here and life can resume to normal. And I can begin creating another future crisis of too much food that doesn't go together.

Permalink: Saving_a_dead_whale_for_supper_.html
Words: 320
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/26/07 02:56 - 58ºF - ID#39056

My Silly Phobia

Hi folks,

If anyone is planning on using this information to torture/murder me I must warn you, it wont be easy.

I have a phobia, and it is really weird. Do you know anyone else that has this, because it is starting to make me think I am too weird for my own good; moving from charmingly eccentric to fucking psychotic.

I get really freaked out by gas giant planets. Jupiter is alright, but Neptune and Uranus boarder on bowel loosening terror. Recently, the discovery of this earth like planet were cause of panic. The planet itself is sufficiently earth like to be fine, but it's sun is much smaller and cooler than ours and looms 5x larger in the sky than our sun does. That was close enough to a gas giant to really let me get nervous. Imagine, the very life giving sun above your head is the source of your terror? What a hellish planet. I nearly spent the remander of the day under the bed sheets, shivering.

So, does anyone else suffer from this malady? Know anyone? Or am I stranded in this neurosis alone?

help.

james writes at 11:29:35 04/28/07 - Comment #17926: Josh: It is experienced in weird ways in the imagination. Like reading about the below mentioned planet. But, you are right, it is pretty easy to handle.

THe gasbag planets might have a solid of liquid core, but none that you would want trapse around on. Well, I wouldn't at least. The wikipedia article on Jupiter has some interesting stuff about its core as well as it being too small to be a star. An interesting if not horrifying Lovecraftian read.

joshua writes at 10:58:23 04/28/07 - Comment #17922: Well, one thing about this particular phobia is nice - you'll never actually experience it for real.

I do find it weird to think of a planet that has no land mass to speak of. They say Jupiter was a star that never got big or hot enough to ignite.

james writes at 03:03:59 04/27/07 - Comment #17899: Nice try Jason. I am cool with noxious gasses. Just not so much noxious gas that you get a whole huge ass planet.

jason writes at 02:48:49 04/27/07 - Comment #17895: Mmmm! Ammonia and Hydrogen Sulfide! Get two lungs full!

james writes at 02:17:05 04/27/07 - Comment #17893: theecarey: red suns are fine by me. Some of the other colored ones sound awesome. Like Blue! Or those half-dead brown ones. I mean, a brown star? That joke practicaly writes itself!

Josh: Dude you are seriously freaking me out. Thankfully I find this whole phobia really funny. So my cold sweat and terror are making me giggle.

Jenks: right on!

jenks writes at 01:17:11 04/27/07 - Comment #17892: heh, low blow joshy!!

joshua writes at 11:26:43 04/27/07 - Comment #17891: Can you imagine travelling through Jupiter if you could? You'd basically fall straight through layers of gas that eventually turn into liquefied metallic hydrogen and your body would get crushed far before you'd ever arrive.

theecarey writes at 10:37:24 04/26/07 - Comment #17878: Ah see, thats why your post made me think of Goldilocks then ;)

imagine staring up at a red sun?!

james writes at 10:28:52 04/26/07 - Comment #17877: oh ya, I mentioned that planet above. It the hell out of me. And for the record only the hell was scared out of me.

theecarey writes at 10:22:25 04/26/07 - Comment #17876: No bowel loosening intentions here, but I can appreciate a good fear inducing borderline neurosis (babies, spider monkeys and clowns for me). I'm not sure how gaseous she is, but I think 'Goldilocks' may send you crying. Similar to Earth, the planet has just one sun, but its a big ole bright red one. Also possibly inhabited :) read on..

:::link:::

Permalink: My_Silly_Phobia.html
Words: 193
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/25/07 03:52 - 45ºF - ID#39039

What happened?

Dear me,

What ever happened to the hardened alcoholic I fell in love with all those years ago? I used to watch you, in an existential sort of way, do a shot of grain alcohol and chase it with plastic jug popov vodka and smile. Oh, you would smile. For you were getting drunk, way too drunk to tell the difference between alcohol and laundry soap. But he's dead now. The self I fell in love with is dead to us all now.

So,

I thought I would take a nostalgic drink down memory lane and picked up a bottle of Seagrams lime infused gin. Last time I had a bottle of this particular gin I was atop a mountain in Pennsylvania along the Appalachian trail, tripping my face off with about eight other people. It was crisp and delicious, the way anything can be while on drugs if you convince yourself enough of it.

Man, while cultivating a certain refinement I didn't think my appreciation for the shittier things in life would wane. But wane they have. I have become spoiled by good wine and beer, leaving my love for cheap but plentiful hard liquor behind. And sad to say my first alcohol soaked love, gin, went first. But I thought I would be safe. I could still drink my cheap brand x whiskey. But that sweet, sweet taste of Jamison makes me wonder why I don't shack up with him.

For the first time in my life I can't help but to think that life would have been better had I been born in a prison. That way I could have raised my palate on toilet hooch. And now, among men of the free world, I would be wide eyed in wonderment that a drink doesn't cause throat scaring. That people have liquor cabinets and bars, not storing them in plastic bags in a toilet tank.

Truly, it would be a wonderful world.

Permalink: What_happened_.html
Words: 325
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/20/07 12:07 - 46ºF - ID#38975

Makes you want to throw up dosn't it?

So, how about fighting religious extremists at home?

james writes at 06:58:40 04/20/07 - Comment #17718: MC: WWJD? I would hope he would strike Phelps as god did Saul.

Peter: I imagine Jesus as a hip and groovy guy. One who's first miracle was to turn water into wine so that we could all party and get our freak on. The words of Jesus himself make no condemnation against much of anything. He would be as aghast with Phelps as any sensible person or demi-human would be.

Carolinian: Phelps and his bunch are so fucked up they can't even get a moderately large following in a place like Topeka. Or do I think of it that way because Phelps has tainted Topeka? We must all go to a fetish bar in Topeka to feel out what the natives are like.

carolinian writes at 06:51:10 04/20/07 - Comment #17717: Only a small church? I would have imagined such passion and zeal to be at least worthy of a moderately-sized ATF-resistant compound.

metalpeter writes at 06:17:00 04/20/07 - Comment #17716: (e:musemchick) you bring up a good point about what would Jesus do. One of the problems with organised realigon is that you get people who read the Bible and base what they do on a book that was writen 400 years after his death. That would be like if after we got our indepence from England now one wrote a history book until today. Not to mention the fact that there where other scripts that could be in the bible but "The Church" not jesus had a say in what stories where put into the bible. People should do what they belive is right based on what they believe Jesus would do not the church. Most people don't understand that those two are different and think that the church and Jesus are the same. But that being said There are multiple branches of Christianty and some of them hate other branches of the same basic beleif system.

museumchick writes at 04:14:39 04/20/07 - Comment #17703: What would Jesus do?

Would he tell people to picket someone's funeral?

Arrgh.

jason writes at 02:08:17 04/20/07 - Comment #17698: Since his following consists of mainly his personal set of friends and his family, they would be fairly easy to round up. Hell, stage a fake "fag-in" and wait for them to walk right into the trap.

Well, since we can't do that, we'll just have to do what we do with all radicals - shout them down ourselves.

zobar writes at 01:50:37 04/20/07 - Comment #17697: The Rev Phelps has been around this block more than once :::link:::

- Z

jim writes at 01:38:52 04/20/07 - Comment #17696: I'd say, ignore the trolls. Protesting these people just escalates the coverage they receive.

james writes at 01:10:38 04/20/07 - Comment #17694: oh, I am all for absolute free speach. Yell fire in a crowded theater. I am cool with it, espetialy if there is a fire.

These people are ignorant fucks, however. They picket the funerals of US soldiers because they are in an institution that is friendly towards gays. And I guess unless the military isn't stringing up homosexuals they are freindly to them.

Or picketing the funerals of people who have died of AIDS. After all, AIDS is a fag disease, and all those place in Africa where the infection rate is over 30% of the total population ,well, must be dem fags.

I am glad we live in a country where people can say whatever they want. But I am sad we live in a country where more people don't protest the protesters, though there are certainly several examples of people doing so.

joshua writes at 12:59:30 04/20/07 - Comment #17693: Welcome to the dark side of the 1st Amendment. =/

Permalink: Makes_you_want_to_throw_up_dosn_t_it_.html
Words: 10
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/19/07 10:55 - 45ºF - ID#38955

My Favorite Republican

Right now I am listening to Alberto Gonzalez testify before the senate judiciary committee. Al's voice sounds so soft. I imagine him wide eyed, doe like. Naughty boy is going to be spanked. And he is.

So far, I want to make dirty sweet love to Arlen Specter in thanks. That man knows how to rake someone over the coals while sounding paternal.

Al's strategy so far is
1) "I can't recall"
2) "Kyle Sampson has that information"

But Arlen, how you cut through that. Asking Al "Do you prepare for all of your hearings? Do you prepare for all your press conferences?" Oh yes, YES YES! You just hit my g-spot Mr. Gentleman from Pennsylvania. Hit that! YA!

I really don't know much about Specter on many of the issues. But during the confirmation hearings for Harriet Myers, Sammy Alito DAMN! Specter fucked their shit up! I don't care if he wants to burn all the gays, deport the Jews, and enslave the blacks. He knows how to toss daggers with kisses from his jowly mouth.

You are my favorite Republican Mr. Specter.

You hear that John McCain? Ya, you knew you were on my shit list from your shift from Maverick Republican with principle to Straight Talk Crap Express far right wing blow job giving dog. But you a buried beneith the specter of your former self... that and Arlen Specter. It is over between us. Mail back the ring, no, pawn it. I don't want it anyway.

love,

-James

Permalink: My_Favorite_Republican.html
Words: 250
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/18/07 02:33 - 42ºF - ID#38941

Just so you know

In Virginia 33 people were killed.

Between this weekend and today about 500 people were killed in several separate bomb attacks including 178 today alone.

So, what exactly makes a tragedy? Proximity? Perceived kinship?

james writes at 10:33:44 04/19/07 - Comment #17654: Jason:

I don't know anyone involved in Virginia. I don't think most Americans do, or involved in 9/11, Waco, Oklahoma City Bombing, or any of those events. I find it interesting that we have an emotional reaction, a violent one often, based on national lines. That nationhood can define our sense of tragedy is really odd, really disheartening even.

And things like this did happen in the 40's. Things like this have happened throughout our American history without pause. More guns, less guns. City or rural. Surly, our capacity to take out dozens more people than we could with a poswer musket becomes more and more real, but one or more nutjobs deciding to just obliterate as many people as they can happens.

jason writes at 08:27:09 04/19/07 - Comment #17650: James, you make a fantastic point - it's about more than just guns! Shit like this didn't happen in the '40s. Our country is fucking diseased.

jason writes at 08:25:43 04/19/07 - Comment #17649: 61.36% of all statistics are made up.

They both are tragedies, but if we want to parse it into how severe a tragedy can be, then I think without a doubt proximity is one of the most important factors.

Consider the fatalities in Iraq for a moment - heck, let's parse it further and only consider American deaths. They are our families and friends, yet I'd bet most people aren't as outraged by their deaths as they are by the VT killing spree. Why is this? Well, the situations have their glaring, obvious differences, but really it is because we don't "feel" the Iraq deaths like we do the VT deaths. No matter how much the media shovels it down our throats we will not feel it as deeply unless someone dies that we know. Would we feel so aggrieved over a massacre at the American University in Beirut? I doubt it.

james writes at 09:27:59 04/18/07 - Comment #17646: Peter: Nah, we didn't care too much in Bosnia either.

Zobar: That is why we should either stockpile lots of guns or start sleeping with a Marine. =

zobar writes at 09:24:30 04/18/07 - Comment #17645

By the numbers: The events of September 11, 2001 killed 2,973 people; the war in Iraq has killed 3,312 US servicemen and 769 contractors*. Therefore, as an American, you are 37% more likely to be killed by George Bush than Osama Bin Laden.

- Z

_______________

It has also killed 266 non-US coalition servicemembers, 201 non-Iraqi civilians, and anywhere between 50,000 and a half million Iraqis. Considering that I just paid the IRS $2,000 in support of this operation, this is not math I'm willing to consider right now.

metalpeter writes at 07:06:23 04/18/07 - Comment #17642: I will agree that when a Bomb goes off in a market it is a tragedy. That being said there is a perception in this country that they are Muslum, and Iraqi and that it is no big deal. I think if this same thing was going on in a European courntry the perception would be a lot different. But the truth is that we know that some people there don't want us there so we don't care that they die. Some people also think that these 3 tribes of people don't like each other and have been fighting for so long and allways will so if they all hate each other than it isn't tragic. There is also the view that some people hold that everyone in the middle east is barbaric. But I still stick to any people who are freedom fighters, insurgents, terrorist or in an army or fighting force who die isn't tragic. Yes it is to bad for their family but they chose to do something that they knew might kill them. The exception to that is friendly fire. What happend to Pat Tillman and others should never happen.

You make a great point about the fact that he was mentally ill will get lost. I think that the issue of how do we treat or deal with the mentally ill will get lost also. There are a lot of issues there. Did he not get help cause no one wanted to help him. Or was the way he was brought up he didn't belive he should be helped. This is a large and not talked about issue in our country. Yes a lot of people do get help with issues or problems they may have. But often people fall through the cracks. A good example of this is when you see someone walking down the street and they aren't talking to them selves they are having a real conversation with someone who isn't there and there body movements even fit that conversation. The question is how to you make sure everyone gets help. Then what do you do for those that don't want the help. But also how do you test for it. Does each person come forward on there own or do people have to see a sign.

james writes at 06:36:58 04/18/07 - Comment #17641: Chick: I agree, there is tragedy in everything and we have to be careful to not let numbers dictate the magnitude of tragedy.

Jenks: Oh, how the media can portray a tragedy is a whole other issue. Fucking Wolf Blitzer sitting at his CNN desk infront of a green screan made to look like a campus. It is fake. It is a pony show. And the media shouldn't tell us how we feel about a tragedy otherwise 200 deaths in Iraq is a snooze fest.

Peter: When someone sets off a bomb in a crowded market 200 military personel don't die. Children, mothers, brothers, etc die. You go for some bread and end up smeared over a wall. It makes no difference if you are aware of the possibility of death when we all die. In Iraq one bomber may die but scores of innocent people follow. We are randomly thrown into this world, perhaps in the bloated wealth of the west or into more humble origins in Baghdad. Either way a human life is a human life. Even still, the man who decided to take 32 other people with him into death is tragic. Mentally ill and not receiving treatment, the conditions of his birth and upbringing almost seem that he would inevitably take this path.

There is debate about the second amendment and gun control. I think this is silly. Any arms in the hands of anyone can be miss used. The real issue should be how we treat and care for the mentally ill. I expect this will be lost in the clutter of our self absorbed tragedy.

metalpeter writes at 06:20:14 04/18/07 - Comment #17639: What makes it a tragedy is innocance!!!!!!!

The deaths in Iraq arn't innocant at all. The deaths are soilders who decided on there own to join the military. On the Iraq side the same can be said of the insurgents or other Iraq Military. Then you have waring factions who chose to attack each other. Yes there are some civilians who die and that is sad. But the general view is that they live there my choice and like living there and take the risk instead of leaving. The other view is that they are civilians who support one waring faction or another. So simply it is a war that everyone signed up for and they are all willing to die if it means freedom for there cause.

When you go to school it isn't supposed to be a war zone. You go there for multiple reasons to fight isn't one of them. If there where gangs at the college you attended then you would leave. If you thought that Hey never ben in a gang before this is kinda cool. Or I love that there is a race war on campus this will be fun to watch. Then when you blow up your dorm making a Molitov cocktail then it isn't sad, cause you decided you wanted to be violent. It would still be sad for the innocent people who get hurt.

It is allways tragic when the innocent are hurt.

jenks writes at 05:02:02 04/18/07 - Comment #17632: I think some of it is that deaths in Iraq are getting (sadly) to be 'old news'. "Oh, 200 people died? yawn." It's also not on home turf, and I think there's a bit of 'out of sight out of mind'. But I think the biggest thing is that there's a war going on over there. Death is part of war. Death should not be a part of going to school.

But I'm not saying I disagree with you. It is a little upsetting that we're super-freaking out over what's essentially a drop in the bucket compared to what happens all over the world every day.

Or, maybe it's just that the media needs something to fixate on now that Anna Nicole's baby has a daddy. ;)

museumchick writes at 04:48:07 04/18/07 - Comment #17630: I think any loss of human life, irregardles of the number is a great tragedy. It's all senseless.

It's strange with the idea of media attention to something like this compared to Iraq- because if you look at it, violence in Iraq gets much more attention than some of the other violence in the world.It seems like there is never anything on tv about the Sudan or the Congo and the genocide taking place.

james writes at 03:22:54 04/18/07 - Comment #17627: Absolutely both are tragic. Only I mass murdering fuck head like Uncle Joe Stalin could come up with the tragedy/statistic differentiation.

The thing I find interesting is that on average 100 people in Iraq are killed. But we generally don't care. But now we have prayer services, schools are closing, the media is camping out in front of their green screens that look like a campus. We are mobalizing because of a perceived connection to these people, where we feel a very faint one with the people in Iraq.

I find that both interesting and deeply troubling.

jim writes at 03:15:31 04/18/07 - Comment #17626: Aren't they all tragic?

Permalink: Just_so_you_know.html
Words: 31
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/12/07 01:19 - 49ºF - ID#38859

Drinking the Sabres Kool-Aid

I don't like watching sports, at all. Background human interest:

In high school my best friend and I thought about what makes sports so popular. And, like most things, we determined it was fantastical violence. And so, we set out to create the most dangerous, violent sport.

It began by trying to get a ball from one side of the court to the other. Simple enough. You would have to run up step ladders and jump off the top, hurl yourself over fields of saw horses, climb up a tree and jump to its neighbor. All the while your opponent tries to hit you with a stick, hard, very hard. Contact me if you want to buy a local franchise for a "Super Danger Future Ball" team.

And now, the Sabers.

Tonight begins the play offs. A time it is dangerous to not only be a fan of an opposing team, but equally dangerous to not be enthusiastically a Sabers fan.

And so, with ice pack ready, I must march into the maelstrom and show some love for our team (All Buffalonians exempt from giving a damn about the Bills). But it is incredibly easy to do so. I don't need to watch a game to know the score of a game. I need only listen to the screams and cheers that pour out of the Elmwood bars. If I was knoced into a coma during the game I can know who won by how many cars are honking.

If we lose? Ah, well then I can look for broken beer bottles all along the streets and sidewalks. Much fun when you walk a dog. Thank you dicks. Suck it up.

But, one thing is clear, for as long as the Sabers are in the play offs the city is going to buzz with overwhelming, singular Sabers energy. It makes it tough for someone like me, who could care less about any sports team, to not feel a glimmer of hope and pride.

And if you repeat that with anyone I challenge you to a game of Super Danger Future Ball.

mrmike writes at 03:57:04 04/18/07 - Comment #17629: Just adding my two sense to this. Does the fate of free world hang in the balance of the sabres' progress. Hell no. But is it good for the soul, absolutely. It's healthy to invest a little in a positive vibe, something that is bigger than one person. I think that's why we succomb. That said, my ex-wife hilariously rails about the perils of living so close to Jimmy Mac's, she doesn't watch the games, she just listens for the moans from down the street.

james writes at 03:52:57 04/13/07 - Comment #17496: Yes Jenks, you hit on it.

A running joke of his incredibly unfunny show is that his brother Fred is always starting a crazy busness and trying to get his brother Don to promote it.

There was Salsa, I am not sure which brother had the name on it. I could care less though, as it is delicious.

And Joshua, call Imus, remarket that stuff. He needs all the help he can get.

jenks writes at 03:08:29 04/13/07 - Comment #17492: Wait is it DON Imus's salsa? I know his brother (Fred) has a whole line of stuff....

joshua writes at 03:04:13 04/13/07 - Comment #17490: Imus has salsa? I could probably think of 100 different ways to remarket that bad boy right about now.

jim writes at 08:19:15 04/12/07 - Comment #17447: You left off your most famous sports-endeaver, Ball Pipe.

mike writes at 07:22:05 04/12/07 - Comment #17443: I don't really love sports but I do get excited when the Sabres are in the playoffs. Last year I ended up going out to see the games at bars but only like for the last period but it is really fun. I like being in a group of people who are so excited about sometjhing, it is definetely contagious. !

jenks writes at 06:43:15 04/12/07 - Comment #17439: Yeah, you're right. Even as a non-sports-person, it gets contagious. I was in chicago when the cubs made it to the series (or almost to the series... I forget) in '04- and even though I didn't care, it was hard not to get all excited. or Boston last year, whew.

james writes at 06:17:21 04/12/07 - Comment #17434: Matt: What ever, hole-liver-in. Too late to pretend to be cool and know ^_~

Jason: Oh ya, I don't like sports, but I find being in this city now as the Sabers are kicking ass very compelling. A communal spirit between everyone. It is like woodstock but with better beer.

theecarey: There was no protective equipment in Super Danger Future Ball as it was contrary to the spirit of the game.

Matthew: oh, scratch that first comment.

Peter: I hope there is a riot. But that nice happy kind with dancing in the streets and not throwing stuff at the LAPD.

metalpeter writes at 05:45:54 04/12/07 - Comment #17429: I think that last year the Sabres where the best team in the NHL, if it wasn't for all the injuries they would have won the cup. I say they are the best team this year again. But the team that wins is the team that plays the best during the playoffs. I know the Sabres are good enough to win the cup and hope they do win the cup. That being said if the Sabres make it to the Finals and are in a position to Win it at Home unless you are at the game don't go downtown unless you are up off the street. I do have a reason for saying this I do think (not just because it happened in a movie) that if the sabres win the cup at home Buffalo will become a riot scene. Reason I say this is I was at one of the bandits championship wins (back when they filled the arena) when they where at there peak. It was kinda crazzy then Horns going banging on cars and that was a new team. There isn't all the history of the Sabres never getting the Cup. There is a lot of frustration from "No Goal" and from Having Hasek, Mogilny, and LaFonte and and not getting it done. As great as the french connection was (not that I remember them) then didn't get the cup. I could be wrong but even if there is a riot I hope the sabres win it all. Even if you aren't into sports it is still good to know what is going on with them.

matthew writes at 03:35:32 04/12/07 - Comment #17424: i was just kidding. i don't live in a hole! :)

theecarey writes at 03:08:27 04/12/07 - Comment #17423: Super Danger Future Ball? hehe love it!

Not much of a sports 'fan'- but I do dig the violent sports. My preference is Rugby,(no protective equipment!) followed by Hockey.

I hate football and damn proud of it.

jason writes at 03:04:47 04/12/07 - Comment #17422: Well, James, if you don't like sports you don't like sports. At least with the Sabres, I've been a fan since the mid-80s when Dear Old Dad made the roadie from Jamestown with Josh and I to the Aud.

Yes Matt our team is not only in the playoffs, but is also the FAVORITE to win it all. Pretty rare for us.

Personally, I'm happy because it gives us a good distraction and in a sense brings us closer to one another. I think it's cool to hear the horns and the screaming processing down (and up) Elmwood Avenue. People are having a good time with it. Not too late to join the bandwagon!

matthew writes at 01:25:53 04/12/07 - Comment #17418: The sabers are in the playoffs?

Permalink: Drinking_the_Sabres_Kool_Aid.html
Words: 351
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/10/07 11:21 - 33ºF - ID#38834

Craig's List Personal Ads

Folks,

I have been reading craig's list incessantly for the past week. It has been a slow week, what can I say. The M4W ads will some day in the future be considered the highest form of literature, leaving poetry and the novel in it's terrible wake.

But then, it happened.

I saw an ad that could only have been writen by a younger version of me.

"I am a computer geek as well, and I play D&D. I am a pretty good listener, and will put up with a lot. I am a nice guy, but I do have a breaking point. I only seek meaningful relationships, and sexual activity means very little to me. I am looking for a girl with a nice personality, decent looks and a bit of geekiness.Whether she just likes to read, or she is a full blown computer nut, some kind of geek girl would be great."

Oh yes. It is horrible to have the mirror put to yourself and discover that you have been a Medusa all along.

Well, I no longer play D&D.
I never dated girls (nothing personal ladies)
and sexual activity means a good deal to me

But man, at age 17? Roll that 3D6 to determine your social awkwardness.

Thankfully, there are thousands of other ads written seemingly by married men who's brains are nulled by the syphilis eating them. And I can go about my casual reading unreflectivly. But always knowing at home is a giant bag full of dice buried in a mound of sex toys.

mike writes at 12:26:11 04/11/07 - Comment #17384: i love craigslist reading. People are ridiculous!

jenks writes at 11:19:27 04/10/07 - Comment #17380: And for anyone who just wants to dabble in craigslist- go to :::link::: and you'll be hooked. It's the 'best of' the R&R, compiled from all the cities. Many (most) are hilarious.

james writes at 08:01:19 04/10/07 - Comment #17371: Oh yes! I am quite envious of your Bay Area Craig's List. Buffalo's is quite lame, only about a third as big as Rochester's. Being of comparable size, that should make we Buffalonians sad, sad, sad.

I have sold a few things on there. Notably my piece of shit car. I can't believe some poor guy willingly bought it. I was upfront about it's deficiencies too.

If I can judge from the ads I have read and your writing on this site I would say that you are very recognizable. Foe one, YOU DO NOT TYPE ALL IN CAPITALS AND REFUSE TO MAKE SENSE BY NOT USING PUNCTUATION MARKS.

And for that you shouldn't have to post another ad. Ladies. Here is a gentleman who can write. Throw yourselves at his feet. Line up outside of his door. Though, I don't know if your GF will take too kindly to that. So, never mind.

ajay writes at 07:51:44 04/10/07 - Comment #17369: Craigslist is the backbone of the Bay Area underground economy. All sorts of shit gets traded on it.
I sold my TV on a few weeks ago (I paid $1100 for the TV 4 years ago; got $250 for it now. Yay for obsolescence!). I found me apartments through CL. I sold my GF's laptop on CL (with her permission, of course).

When I first moved to the area, I posted in the M4W section a few times. The first time, I met this woman from Monterey. She was nice, but lived too far away. A few weeks later, I posted a brand new ad again, and she responded with "Ajay! Is that you??" D'oh!! Despite no pics or other distinguishing features, she was able to read the description and peg me accurately.

And then there was that response I got for my TV ad. The guy wrote in just to congratulate me on a well-written ad, without grammatical mistakes or typos.

james writes at 07:06:10 04/10/07 - Comment #17365: It might have a random bonus. Roll D10 to determine.... 6.... that is +10 Prudishness and +20 sense of moral superiority.

But I just might be projecting.

www.Buffalo.craigslist.com is a handly little website. There is a forum section and one is called "Rants and Raves" or tenderly called "RnR". It really makes you want to saw the faces off people.

carolinian writes at 05:28:38 04/10/07 - Comment #17364: Maybe he's wearing the +10 Amulet of Undying Virginity he picked up at the last convention.

BTW, what's the Buffalo RnR?

james writes at 03:32:24 04/10/07 - Comment #17359: I don't read the Buffalo R&R. It is just full of people who have moved away from Buffalo to some godless barge town in Florida and like to rub the cold weather in our faces. And you know from personal experience how much Buffalonians hate being reminded of our weather.

Or the toothless asses who actually live in Buffalo who "have the balls" to tell the world what is wrong with "niggers". It makes me want to grow a tail and return to the ocean from which this horrid race evolved.

But a MC that actually connected? And turned into a threesome invitation as well as an email from an ex? That is just crazy craziness. Or at least painfully awkward.

jenks writes at 12:22:59 04/10/07 - Comment #17354: Funny, I just started reading craigslist after a several-month hiatus. It really is quite entertaining. Though the buffalo RnR is pathetic. But speaking of seeing yourself... Sometime last year I saw a hot guy out about town, and actually posted an MC ad- and the guy responded (and invited me to a threesome, heh, see my old journals)- but the freaky thing is- my ex sent me an email the next day saying he saw an ad on Craigslist that must have been written by me. (and he was, indeed, right.) Weird.

Permalink: Craig_s_List_Personal_Ads.html
Words: 265
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/09/07 10:25 - 33ºF - ID#38825

Breakfast at Tiffany's

I have never seen this movie. Which makes me the only gay guy in this or any universe who has not had a hard on for Audrey Hepburn. And I am happy to be flaccid before her image. And while watching, sans boner, I couldn't help be think to myself.
"Boy, the love interest couldn't be gayer." He screams big homo. A writer in New York who is payed to have sex with an older patron? Ya, I am sure Truman Capote wasn't writing his fat pansy ass into that role. Replace older married woman with a closeted married homo and two and two equals four.
I had to ask, were people in the early 60's dumb enough to fall for this? I haven't seen this overtly gay a character since I watched "Gang-Bang Street Trade 3" earlier this evening. The characters in that one were much more sympathetic by the way.
I find Capote's prose to be effective. It is stylish and overwrought enough to be charming. But have a hack screenwriter make a script out of the novel (which I have not read, I can only comment about some of his shorter, latter pieces) and suddenly a dim whited child is flailing about a canister of film better used for "Gang-Bang Street Trade 4: Prussian Gushers".

And seriously, Henry Manccini? Are you listening in hell? Writing one song and rearranging it for two fucking hours is no way to write a score. Sure, it was a lovely song. But Christ man, Christ!

On the bright side, the trained cat kicked ass. I didn't think you could even train cats to do anything other than piss you off and shoot dander everywhere.

jacob writes at 03:54:40 04/10/07 - Comment #17362: LOL! "the rubber plant", classic.

jason writes at 08:32:28 04/10/07 - Comment #17337: Hahaha. Brilliant journal.

james writes at 11:04:45 04/09/07 - Comment #17328: Amen sister. Be Heal-ed!

brit writes at 11:00:26 04/09/07 - Comment #17327: lol! I am inserting season 3 of the a team into my little dvd player right now, between george, the 'faceman' and the strangely shaggable mr T my holy light should be well taken care of!

james writes at 10:57:54 04/09/07 - Comment #17326: I can totaly relate. I spent years watching the insufferable Sandy Duncan's feel good north midwest sitcom "Hogan's Family" to glance upon the twinkling ass of Jason Bateman. Yum.

Fast forward nearly two decades and he was still fuckable in Arrested Development.

Ah, in praise of unattainable fantasy TV men. You leave your congregation wet and full of your holy light!

brit writes at 10:51:14 04/09/07 - Comment #17325: I agree, he was a special kind of fuckable. I have has pervy feelings about the george since I was six, obviously I didn't know what they were when I was six but I liked them all the same. And to think that my mother thought I was watching the A Team with my brother and dad becasue I was a tom boy!

james writes at 10:46:13 04/09/07 - Comment #17324: Oh, George Peppard is damn fuckable! He looks like the kind of guy you could bring home to mother only to realize it was a terrible idea as he seduces your mother, father, brother, dog, and rubber plant.

brit writes at 10:38:41 04/09/07 - Comment #17323: the big homo love interest is george peppard! - the hardest man alive (until 1995)...hmmmmm, perhaps he butched it up a notch for his role in the A-Team. We ordered this on netflix to see what all the fuss is about now I can't wait....you have to admit, he has nice lips.

Permalink: Breakfast_at_Tiffany_s.html
Words: 281
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/04/07 10:41 - 39ºF - ID#38742

Live Nude Pedestrians

We Buffalonians love nothing more than to worship spring,

The rites of spring begin on the first day it is over 45 degrees. Our puffy coats with faux fur hoods slip off and we expose our pail skin to the sun, drastically increasing the earths albedo. Even now, there are sunbathers wallowing on their blankets over the muddy fields of Delaware park, waiting for the sun to slip through the constant cloud cover.

Yesterday afternoon I saw a sun worshiper par excellence. At 5:30 a woman was walking up Delaware ave amid rush hour traffic, without a scrap of cloths on her, licking a lollipop as she goes.

I just hope she looked both ways before crossing.

have a swell day kids,

-James