Last night was such a blast! I knew that the outer circle orchestra concert at bidwell would be a good time but I had no idea how good! I met e-peeps rachel, and chamille (southernyankee) for the first time. I must say that there really are no peeps like e-peeps. Those two ladies were incredibly friendly, they made me feel as if I'd known them forever, such a great and rare quality. I was reintroduced to tk (flacidness), whos hips do not rest on the dance floor. I was also reintroduced to lilho, sarah, as we went to high school together and knew each other on a basic level. (warning random rant having not much to do about the rest of the entry coming up ahead)

Isn't it funny how perceptions and personalities change over time and with age. I knew of sarah in high school, she was a friend of a friend of a friend kind of thing. I knew of her, but nothing formally about her but my perception of her was that she was mean or unapproachable. Never had she said or done anything to me to warrant such a perception, but I would have sworn to you at that time that she was bad news. After formally meeting her last night I have to say she is one of the sweetest, cutest people I have ever met. Just a few hours of hanging out with her and I have to look back and wonder how I could have ever seen her as anything but friendly and adorable. It certainly makes me take an introspective look at myself and how much I have changed since high school. I am glad to say that I have a more open mind, and a broader and more optimistic look at life. Hooray for ridding myself of teen angst entirely!

Continuing, the dancing was fun, the wine plentiful, and the music upbeat. Moving on to Paul, Matthew and Terry's, hanging out and munching on some two for one pizza was very fun. I was certainly more hyper than I have been in some time, possibly at the idea of being without my other half for the first time in a while. He tends to keep me sane and in line, he was missed, I really wish everyone could have met him. It was also very cool to see Laura there as it has been years since we've hung out, hopefully there will be more of that this summer. PTM are always so hospitable, lord only knows why they would let crazies like us come over so often but thank you to them. I am sorry that matthew was not feeling up to par but it was nice of him to still be social, I know how hard that can be. This entry has gone crazy longer than it should have, so I will bow out now. goodnight all see you soon

Today Matt (the boyfriend) and I both had the day off (a total rarity these days). We wanted to do something we never get a chance to do, We considered the zoo, and strolling in niagara on the lake, old fort niagara or rollerblading by the falls. In the end we decided to grab some food and go to the jazz sunday at alrbright knox. Matt loves jazz and I had been promising him that when we both had a sunday off that we would go. I have nothing against jazz and who doesn't love a picnic? We had the best time. If anyone is looking for a real fun buffalo community event, jazz sundays (every sunday at 2 till about 4) are so great. There were so many more people than I thought there would be, but there wasn't a bad seat in the whole area. The outer circle orchestra was todays band and they are great. I wouldn't necisarily say they were jazz, they sounded more like salsa to me but then what do I know. people were dancing all over the place, young and old. It was so festive and fun, the orchestra was great and I'm hoping some e-peeps and my friends will want to go with me to see them at the bidwell elmwood show on tuesday at 7 that southernyankee posted on the events calender. Matt even pulled me to the front and we attempted to do some very white couple salsa dancing. I had a great time. Matt and I will be gone this weekend to albany for his cousins wedding but he wants everyone to go with us to jazz sunday the weekend after. He's planning on bringing a couch, yes a couch, and he wants to get a bunch of people to go. I think that would be a really good time, e-mail me or im me if you are in. After the jazz sunday, we walked around by the waterfront, got some ice cream and watched 50 first dates (for probably the 50th time). Now its bed for me after watching the chipendales e true hollywood story of course.

and the sun shines on the bay, oh I want to be there in my city...I want to get back to my city by the bay." Thank you Journey for immortalizing my feelings in your lyrics. It is 4:30 in the am and I have found myself looking at pictures of Boston online. If I were there right now, I could take a walk down newbury street and window shop in stores I could never afford, see the jewelry that oprah and jessica simpson wore at the most recent movie premier, and eat a sunday while the sun comes up. Insomnia can be like an adventure there. Everything is more exuberant and brilliant. I feel more at home there with all the grittiness, homelessness and arrogance. Not that any of those are good things, but the difference between the two worlds. I miss my city, I miss walking down the streets singing the mary tyler moore theme in my head and reveling in my freedom and accomplishment. Not to mention the romance of the city, even if I weren't in love while I was there, there is no denying the romance in strolling through little italy and grabbing a box of pastries to go and eating them on long warf watching the ocean in the moonlight. Tres belle. Alright now that the sun is coming up and I know I have a big day ahead of me, I must make a real effort to sleep. Goodnight.

It is 4:30 am and once again a grande moch has kept me up far beyond my bedtime. However between being kept up by my frequent trips to the bathroom (mochas make me have to pee every 20 min, I know, I know TMI...) and the insane pain in BOTH of my knees (I've had arthritis in my knees as far back as I can recall, however usually never at the same time) I have been wide awake since leaving coffee& where I spent the latter part of my evening with jill mike beast and non strippers. Hopefully sleep will come very soon as I just took a tab of codine to kill my knee pain as the two tylenol that usually do the trick, did not. However I have not eaten since about 10 when I had my chocolate muffin at coffe& so hopefully I wont be struck with an upset stomac because of the codine. I suppose I could eat the bagel I just hoarded in my kitchen. You know you have severe food issues when you hide the last bagel from your household at 4:30am. Tasty tasty carbs. I realize that seriously 60-70% of my daily food intake is carbs, as opposed to mike's daily intake being mainly composed of pork or piggie products (we are talking about 12 slices of bacon in one sitting). I love the little carbs, I love them good. Okay okay, it is about time that I restle some space on my bed away from 2 of my 4 cats and get some shut eye. goodnight.....PS there is a very adorable orange and white stray kitty that has been hanging around my block, I don't know if it has a home because he has no collar, but I will check on that, if not, would anyone be interested in adopting the kitty I have fondly been calling 'Mr. Foxy' because it really isn't safe for him near such a busy street...

Its currently almost 3am I am up because my cat is driving me nuts. My usually well behaved orange tabby cat amber is having a swat fest in my room. She wants me to play with her but its 3am and I am in no mood so she instead has taken to jumping on my dressers and swatting anything she can move on to the floor, this included a full glass of water I had on my dresser that she knocked and spilled onto the floor. So cute most of the time but so crazy others.

So I havent updated in forever and a half, I was and still am very daunted by all the new members. I was pretty put off by the idea of total strangers reading whatever I write, because this journal was started to keep my friends up to date with my life while I was away at school. I had no problem with them or terry and paul's friends reading it, but it is the new random strangers that make me a bit uneasy. Granted my life and especially my entries are very boring and it is pretty egotistical to think that everyone is reading my journal, when after past research I found it was about ten people tops including my friends. I guess I should be okay with it since I don't write anything too personal and I don't really get political or deep like a lot of the strippers do but I'll keep you posted on that.

I went to matts today where he made me dinner for what I believe is the first time that I can remember. It consisted of a cheeseburger and sour cream and onion pringles. High class I know, but what can you really ask for. I have to say, it might have been that the patties were freezerburned or something but the cheeseburger was pretty bad, it was hard and unflavorful. I don't want to blame matt in case it wasnt his fault. However he ate his without flinching and was a little hurt when I only finished 3/4 of mine. I told him it was great and everything but after 3 years he can read between my lines. We watched runaway jury and it gave me a headache. John cusac is such a cool guy, and such a good actor, I don't know if I am attracted to him persay but I do admire him as an adult actor, in his younger days I would have totally been attracted to him and I adored his old movies...better off dead, say anything...so good.

Another double date scheduled for tomorrow, during the day this time, go karting in canada with the same couple. I really hope they aren't so touchy feely and all over each other like last time, although it is kind of hard to do that in a go kart. We'll see how it goes.
Alright my cat has finally settled down and is sleeping peacefully on my bed, so I am off to do the same. Before I forget, what time does everyone want to get together for the pre party thursday? Matts sister is graduating from high school that night so he wont be making it, so I'll deffinately need a ride. Call me.

For some reason I have become addicted to watching the 2am episodes of x-files on sci-fi. Currently I am watching one of my favorite episodes. The one where they have to go undercover as a married couple to infiltrate the gated community where people keep disappearing. Where the blob like monster comes out of your front lawn and kills you if you don't follow all the rules of the community. So they taunt the monster by putting pink flamingos on their lawn etc. Very entertaining.

I was in such a depressed crappy mood most of the day today mainly because I was expecting a phone call from a place where I had a job interview on Tuesday where the woman said she would call me either way today. Needless to say I got no call, and I really thought I had the job clinched and I really needed the job badly at this point. So I was in a bad mood, then my dad comes home and asks me if I have attempted to get a job and proceeds to give me a lecture about how you can't expect to get a job by lying around all day etc. Well my dad works all day and sees not my attempts to get a job which have been fruitless up until this interview so I thought. Then Matt came over and when I told him the woman hadn't called, instead of feeling bad for me and comforting me like the usually supportive boyfriend he is, he gave his own form of the lecture my dad had given earlier. This put me in full annoyed depressed mood. Then we went out with my friends for ice cream, which was cool. But then I really felt like spending th rest of my bad day in my pajamas with my kitties, the way a bad day is supposed to end, but Matt really wanted to go and play frisbee with everyone after ice cream so I said I would go, but didn't really feel like running or anything. So we got there, and it was freezing and that didn't help my want to go home and vegetate. So then Matt realized how shy he really is, which sometimes happens, and didn't want to play frisbee without me. I could have sucked it up and played because I know how much he really wanted to play, how much he loves frisbee, and how long it has been since he has had the chance to play but I really really was not up to it. I felt really bad about it later because I know it would have made his week, but he did have to go to bed early anyway because he works at 7am tomorrow. I felt bad for skipping out on everyone and disapointing Matt. Well, here's to hoping I get the call tomorrow.

Well my cat is outside somewhere, he's an inside cat so I don't feel easy about him being out. Matt and I were watching Vegas Vacation until about 2am and when Matt was leaving my house, Bogy (named after Mr.Humphrey Bogart), snaked out and ran out my front door. This isn't the first time he's gotten out, actually he manages to somehow get outside an average of about once a month, for a 24 hour period at the most, and always seems to find his way back on his own. He's a frisky guy as matt putts it, and needs some time to frolick (he's neutered so I don't know what frolicking entails exactly, but he's never brought home a dead animal souvenier thank goodness). I know he's probably fine and will be back in the morning but I can't help worrying just the same. He doesn't have a collar (he's managed to destroy or lose 3 in his 3 years with us so we've given up on them) and its dark so if anyone is in the kenmore area (or anywhere for that matter) and spots a very handsome and large shorthaired orange and white tabby boy cat with a charmingly sly look about him, please contact me. His name is humphrey bogart and he probably wont go willingly, but you can try. It would be very much appreciated, I will update you all as soon as I get news. For now I must try to sleep because I have a job interview in the morning. Goodnight all

I really didn't eat a dinner yet exactly, I had some noodles a little earlier and watched Matt eat some mcnuggets not too long ago and my brother and I discussed a little long john silver's but so far no food, however if you guys did want to get some ice cream later I am totally up to it as MK suggested. Food or no food.

I have been watching last comic standing reruns on comedy central with matt for what seems like all day, I wouldn't mind getting out of my house for a while. Last night after hanging out with everyone at Tullys and the mall we went to matts house, watched tv and worked some more on matts puzzle and then watched shrek and ate some green popcorn (made for the release of shrek 2). It was probably better than regular popcorn, I certainly enjoyed the entire day and night. Okay I really have not much more to update on because I have seen you all almost every day this week and since this journal was basically to keep you guys updated...there you go.

I ate 3 Krispy Kream donuts today within an hour and a half. I am feeling like white trash. I keep trying to tell myself that they are smaller than normal donuts (like when you have 3 slices of pizza and you convince yourself they were small slices...we've all done it). However they are so much richer than normal donuts, and you can see them being fried right there in the window. Why? I keep telling myself I need to shed a few vanity pounds so I feel confident about being in a bathing suit this summer, but then I end up eating twice as much as I should. I just can't help myself sometimes...damn those carbohydrates!! Why must they be the tastiest food group!!!

I am currently watching unbreakable with Bruce Willis, I barely understand what is going on. Am I supposed to be scared because I really am not. However they have been having "spoilers" for M. Nigh Shamalyann's new movie (the guy who made Signs and 6th Sense) and it stars adrien brody, Segurney Weaver and Joaquin Phoenix. It looks really really creepy, its called "The Village."

My grandmother in Malta died today, I don't exactly know how to feel about it. I just found out two hours ago from my Brother.I met her and everything, but she didn't speak english so I never really knew her. Granted I am sad because now I will never get the chance. I often wonder if she was just like my mom, or worse or if she was a sweet old woman. Knowing my moms genetics I doubt that. My mom is leaving for Malta on friday to be with her family. I think she will be there for a couple weeks, so I wont see her when I get home. I haven't seen her in 5 months and I have to say, I enjoyed every minute of it. I was dreading going home, living in that house and dealing with her rules, limitations and put downs. At least having two weeks to just get used to being home after geting to live my own life and be happy out here will be a big help. Sometimes I really hate her, and I hate when the horribleness extends to me here. Its crazy to me that she can piss me off when I live 7 hours away. She is just that good, what a dark gift.

I know I should be attempting to study for something but damn is it hard to get motivated. I will be home saturday evening back to the b-lo. I can't wait to see the kitties!! Okay, I am going to attempt to make a study guide so if I feel like studying one of these days, I will be able to. Can't wait to see everyone!