Lordy its been forever since I have updated, I always have tons of stuff to say but I always exhaust my topics in various conversations and it makes me not want to talk about them here. I guess since everyone else is reflecting on their summer thoughts and memories I shall too ( hope you have some time, its a long one). First off I agree with several things in mikes journal (but not all of course). I have slowly gotten to the realization that this probably is our last summer, I know Matt and I are sworn on getting the apartment and staying in Boston next summer, so regardless if anyone else leaves the B-lo it will most likely be my last summer with our group. I guess I always knew it was only a matter of time before I was out of buffalo forever (aside from visiting of course) but I never really thought about not seeing my friends, aside from sporadic visits for a few days at a time, basically ever again.
I think everyone has that friend of the family that they call aunt, uncle, or cousin that you aren't actually related to, but that your parents were friends with before you were even thought of, so you have been taught to call them this from a young age. In most cases you only see them on special occasions or when they visit every so often, someday we will be these people to each other's kids. Does this make any sense to anyone else? I guess when I think about it that way it makes me pretty sad to know that for all the years we spent together night after night in all kinds of situations and places, we will barely be acquaintances. I know that this summer (and most of the months leading up to it) I basically lost one of my best friends in one form or another. We used to talk about everything together and I respected her advice on just about everything. I realize that my relationship with Matt changed my relationships with my friends, especially hers, but I have made and extremely conscious effort to stay tuned in and be in touch as well as spend time with her and everyone else, but unfortunately I don't feel like she has made the same effort for me, and I know I am not the only one who feels this way, but I can only speak for myself. All of that aside I have always loved and been proud of the fact that we have all stayed so close and that when christmas and summer came around we would all slip back into our old routines with a few variations. Now I realize that this is the end of that era of familiarity and comfortability, but does it have to be so cliche that we all move away and lose touch? Couldn't we all make a little more effort to be in touch and connected. I know this sounds corney and the disconnection will probably be so gradual that we will hardly notice, but I can't see my adulthood being as special without each of you and, even more corney, I don't want my kids to grow up without really knowing each and every one of you. I know I couldn't have grown up without you and I would hate for them to. Lets always stay as close as humanly possible, even if it takes that extra effort, I know you are all worth it.

[inlink]terry,281[/inlink] Did you not like T-bag? If I had known I certainly would not have continued with it if I thought you were offended. How about T-nacious? T-ranasaurus rex? Terry-ham lincoln? Or if you would prefer just Terry I can do that. Nicknames are just kind of my thing with new friends, but if my terms of endeerment are annoying or offensive I would gladly take them back. I've got no hard feelings about the other night, you can call me what you like, however of the two I would rather be called D-licious. I looked up the other and thats kind of crazy that you even knew what that was, I mean I had to look it up because I had never heard of it, where would one hear/learn such a word? Creative, gross but creative, but thats what I like about you. I just hope we are all cool now, I hate it when my feisty-ness and lack of inner monologue gets in the way of friendships.

I was looking around on the buffalo.com events section to find something fun to do on this chilly friday and came across this event posted:
First Corinthians Six Eleven Group
Date: 1/1/2004 through 12/31/2005 every Friday
Description: Learn to gain and maintain victory over homosexual sin. The First Corinthians Six Eleven Group meets every Friday night at 7:00 at New Life Assembly. Ring the doorbell when you get there.
Click for more details...type

Not only was I amazed that it was there on the events section of a buffalo news run site, but if you look, they actually meet to discuss the "victory over homesexual sin" every Friday! These people have nothing better to do with their ignorant lives then to spend their friday nights searching for an excuse for their gay bashing.Nice buffalo. com

First off, How freakin cute is lilho!? Seriously you are one of the cutest people I have ever met, if I was staying in Buffalo you would be the first person I would want to live with. However I will be back in Boston in about a month. But if you want to move to boston I will be getting an apartment around christmas break time and you are more than welcome to move in there. If not, you are always welcome to visit and stay with me in Boston anytime crazy lady.

To Matthew, my boyfriend Matt is one of if not the biggest muppets fan I have ever encountered and he loved your entry on the muppets. He also hates what is happening to the jim henson legacy and agrees that disney will only cheapen and cheese up the muppet/henson name. On a somewhat unrelated note, the puppy that I want for graduation this year Matt is determined to name Dr. Teeth, cute but we'll see.

Last night was such a blast! I knew that the outer circle orchestra concert at bidwell would be a good time but I had no idea how good! I met e-peeps rachel, and chamille (southernyankee) for the first time. I must say that there really are no peeps like e-peeps. Those two ladies were incredibly friendly, they made me feel as if I'd known them forever, such a great and rare quality. I was reintroduced to tk (flacidness), whos hips do not rest on the dance floor. I was also reintroduced to lilho, sarah, as we went to high school together and knew each other on a basic level. (warning random rant having not much to do about the rest of the entry coming up ahead)

Isn't it funny how perceptions and personalities change over time and with age. I knew of sarah in high school, she was a friend of a friend of a friend kind of thing. I knew of her, but nothing formally about her but my perception of her was that she was mean or unapproachable. Never had she said or done anything to me to warrant such a perception, but I would have sworn to you at that time that she was bad news. After formally meeting her last night I have to say she is one of the sweetest, cutest people I have ever met. Just a few hours of hanging out with her and I have to look back and wonder how I could have ever seen her as anything but friendly and adorable. It certainly makes me take an introspective look at myself and how much I have changed since high school. I am glad to say that I have a more open mind, and a broader and more optimistic look at life. Hooray for ridding myself of teen angst entirely!

Continuing, the dancing was fun, the wine plentiful, and the music upbeat. Moving on to Paul, Matthew and Terry's, hanging out and munching on some two for one pizza was very fun. I was certainly more hyper than I have been in some time, possibly at the idea of being without my other half for the first time in a while. He tends to keep me sane and in line, he was missed, I really wish everyone could have met him. It was also very cool to see Laura there as it has been years since we've hung out, hopefully there will be more of that this summer. PTM are always so hospitable, lord only knows why they would let crazies like us come over so often but thank you to them. I am sorry that matthew was not feeling up to par but it was nice of him to still be social, I know how hard that can be. This entry has gone crazy longer than it should have, so I will bow out now. goodnight all see you soon

Today Matt (the boyfriend) and I both had the day off (a total rarity these days). We wanted to do something we never get a chance to do, We considered the zoo, and strolling in niagara on the lake, old fort niagara or rollerblading by the falls. In the end we decided to grab some food and go to the jazz sunday at alrbright knox. Matt loves jazz and I had been promising him that when we both had a sunday off that we would go. I have nothing against jazz and who doesn't love a picnic? We had the best time. If anyone is looking for a real fun buffalo community event, jazz sundays (every sunday at 2 till about 4) are so great. There were so many more people than I thought there would be, but there wasn't a bad seat in the whole area. The outer circle orchestra was todays band and they are great. I wouldn't necisarily say they were jazz, they sounded more like salsa to me but then what do I know. people were dancing all over the place, young and old. It was so festive and fun, the orchestra was great and I'm hoping some e-peeps and my friends will want to go with me to see them at the bidwell elmwood show on tuesday at 7 that southernyankee posted on the events calender. Matt even pulled me to the front and we attempted to do some very white couple salsa dancing. I had a great time. Matt and I will be gone this weekend to albany for his cousins wedding but he wants everyone to go with us to jazz sunday the weekend after. He's planning on bringing a couch, yes a couch, and he wants to get a bunch of people to go. I think that would be a really good time, e-mail me or im me if you are in. After the jazz sunday, we walked around by the waterfront, got some ice cream and watched 50 first dates (for probably the 50th time). Now its bed for me after watching the chipendales e true hollywood story of course.

and the sun shines on the bay, oh I want to be there in my city...I want to get back to my city by the bay." Thank you Journey for immortalizing my feelings in your lyrics. It is 4:30 in the am and I have found myself looking at pictures of Boston online. If I were there right now, I could take a walk down newbury street and window shop in stores I could never afford, see the jewelry that oprah and jessica simpson wore at the most recent movie premier, and eat a sunday while the sun comes up. Insomnia can be like an adventure there. Everything is more exuberant and brilliant. I feel more at home there with all the grittiness, homelessness and arrogance. Not that any of those are good things, but the difference between the two worlds. I miss my city, I miss walking down the streets singing the mary tyler moore theme in my head and reveling in my freedom and accomplishment. Not to mention the romance of the city, even if I weren't in love while I was there, there is no denying the romance in strolling through little italy and grabbing a box of pastries to go and eating them on long warf watching the ocean in the moonlight. Tres belle. Alright now that the sun is coming up and I know I have a big day ahead of me, I must make a real effort to sleep. Goodnight.

It is 4:30 am and once again a grande moch has kept me up far beyond my bedtime. However between being kept up by my frequent trips to the bathroom (mochas make me have to pee every 20 min, I know, I know TMI...) and the insane pain in BOTH of my knees (I've had arthritis in my knees as far back as I can recall, however usually never at the same time) I have been wide awake since leaving coffee& where I spent the latter part of my evening with jill mike beast and non strippers. Hopefully sleep will come very soon as I just took a tab of codine to kill my knee pain as the two tylenol that usually do the trick, did not. However I have not eaten since about 10 when I had my chocolate muffin at coffe& so hopefully I wont be struck with an upset stomac because of the codine. I suppose I could eat the bagel I just hoarded in my kitchen. You know you have severe food issues when you hide the last bagel from your household at 4:30am. Tasty tasty carbs. I realize that seriously 60-70% of my daily food intake is carbs, as opposed to mike's daily intake being mainly composed of pork or piggie products (we are talking about 12 slices of bacon in one sitting). I love the little carbs, I love them good. Okay okay, it is about time that I restle some space on my bed away from 2 of my 4 cats and get some shut eye. goodnight.....PS there is a very adorable orange and white stray kitty that has been hanging around my block, I don't know if it has a home because he has no collar, but I will check on that, if not, would anyone be interested in adopting the kitty I have fondly been calling 'Mr. Foxy' because it really isn't safe for him near such a busy street...

Its currently almost 3am I am up because my cat is driving me nuts. My usually well behaved orange tabby cat amber is having a swat fest in my room. She wants me to play with her but its 3am and I am in no mood so she instead has taken to jumping on my dressers and swatting anything she can move on to the floor, this included a full glass of water I had on my dresser that she knocked and spilled onto the floor. So cute most of the time but so crazy others.

So I havent updated in forever and a half, I was and still am very daunted by all the new members. I was pretty put off by the idea of total strangers reading whatever I write, because this journal was started to keep my friends up to date with my life while I was away at school. I had no problem with them or terry and paul's friends reading it, but it is the new random strangers that make me a bit uneasy. Granted my life and especially my entries are very boring and it is pretty egotistical to think that everyone is reading my journal, when after past research I found it was about ten people tops including my friends. I guess I should be okay with it since I don't write anything too personal and I don't really get political or deep like a lot of the strippers do but I'll keep you posted on that.

I went to matts today where he made me dinner for what I believe is the first time that I can remember. It consisted of a cheeseburger and sour cream and onion pringles. High class I know, but what can you really ask for. I have to say, it might have been that the patties were freezerburned or something but the cheeseburger was pretty bad, it was hard and unflavorful. I don't want to blame matt in case it wasnt his fault. However he ate his without flinching and was a little hurt when I only finished 3/4 of mine. I told him it was great and everything but after 3 years he can read between my lines. We watched runaway jury and it gave me a headache. John cusac is such a cool guy, and such a good actor, I don't know if I am attracted to him persay but I do admire him as an adult actor, in his younger days I would have totally been attracted to him and I adored his old movies...better off dead, say anything...so good.

Another double date scheduled for tomorrow, during the day this time, go karting in canada with the same couple. I really hope they aren't so touchy feely and all over each other like last time, although it is kind of hard to do that in a go kart. We'll see how it goes.
Alright my cat has finally settled down and is sleeping peacefully on my bed, so I am off to do the same. Before I forget, what time does everyone want to get together for the pre party thursday? Matts sister is graduating from high school that night so he wont be making it, so I'll deffinately need a ride. Call me.

For some reason I have become addicted to watching the 2am episodes of x-files on sci-fi. Currently I am watching one of my favorite episodes. The one where they have to go undercover as a married couple to infiltrate the gated community where people keep disappearing. Where the blob like monster comes out of your front lawn and kills you if you don't follow all the rules of the community. So they taunt the monster by putting pink flamingos on their lawn etc. Very entertaining.

I was in such a depressed crappy mood most of the day today mainly because I was expecting a phone call from a place where I had a job interview on Tuesday where the woman said she would call me either way today. Needless to say I got no call, and I really thought I had the job clinched and I really needed the job badly at this point. So I was in a bad mood, then my dad comes home and asks me if I have attempted to get a job and proceeds to give me a lecture about how you can't expect to get a job by lying around all day etc. Well my dad works all day and sees not my attempts to get a job which have been fruitless up until this interview so I thought. Then Matt came over and when I told him the woman hadn't called, instead of feeling bad for me and comforting me like the usually supportive boyfriend he is, he gave his own form of the lecture my dad had given earlier. This put me in full annoyed depressed mood. Then we went out with my friends for ice cream, which was cool. But then I really felt like spending th rest of my bad day in my pajamas with my kitties, the way a bad day is supposed to end, but Matt really wanted to go and play frisbee with everyone after ice cream so I said I would go, but didn't really feel like running or anything. So we got there, and it was freezing and that didn't help my want to go home and vegetate. So then Matt realized how shy he really is, which sometimes happens, and didn't want to play frisbee without me. I could have sucked it up and played because I know how much he really wanted to play, how much he loves frisbee, and how long it has been since he has had the chance to play but I really really was not up to it. I felt really bad about it later because I know it would have made his week, but he did have to go to bed early anyway because he works at 7am tomorrow. I felt bad for skipping out on everyone and disapointing Matt. Well, here's to hoping I get the call tomorrow.