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Last Visit n/a |Start Date 2003-11-15 03:56:06 |Entries 54 |Images 5 |Theme |

01/28/04 07:58 - ID#21817

Vanity and Ghosts

My roomate moved out monday night, exactly one week it took to get rid of her, a record for me. I didn't kill her or anything actually she hated me before I hated her because I made friends the first day I got here, and she was hoping to be the person to be my best friend and show me around etc. and I was prettier than her (shocking, I know) so whenever she brought over skanky or drunk guys she was trying to hook up with, they would hit on me and it pissed her off. I had or did everything she wanted to, but couldn't get or do in one semester. I liked being the person that someone aspired to be like or at least best friends with, its a change from me being that freak like in high school (we all know I still aspire to be Katie Philips or Jennifer Garner but thats a whole nother entry). I guess thats kind of my goal in life, to be the kind of person other people wish they were, even for a second. Thats why I think I love when people comment on how cute and in love Matt and I are, because I spent a huge portion of my life before him waiting to have the kind of relationship that other people wished about and it happened literally over night (I am so lucky sometimes). Is it selfish to want these things? I don't know, I guess some people might see it that way but I think its kind of human nature to want be the best like a darwin survival of the fittest. I may sound smug about being a role model of sorts but on the flip side I am also terrified of losing these things, friends, the boy, the nice dorm room, nice clothes, all material, but I am so terrified that it makes me appreciate them so much. Especially for how hard I worked to get to this place in my life. I think that is something else that makes me more of a person, that I appreciate these things and worked hard to get them which is a big reason why I don't think people should be jealous or mad at me for getting to this point. That may be the most vain entry of the year, but when do I ever have moments of vanity?
Mk and I are talking on aim right now and she is telling me it is a 50/50 chance of her coming to Boston to visit me next month. Which I was so looking forward to but stuff happens and I totally understand but still. I want you guys to come down and see this city that has stolen my heart. Its probably the best place I have ever been in my life. Enough said. I must get some homework done, and tonight the ladies and I are going to play with the ouiji board in our building because this place is sooooooo haunted. I am going to be so afraid, as if I haven't slept with the tv or lights on since I got here this is only gonna make it worse. Oh well I'll get over it..I guess. Nighty night
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Permalink: Vanity_and_Ghosts.html
Words: 546
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/22/04 05:00 - ID#21816

Its the new Jan Brady!

So I am at my new school now, I moved in on Monday and I love it here. However, once again my roomate is insane. The first day I got here I started going around introducing myself etc. and as soon as I told them where I am living everyone cringed. "Gabbie" my roomate is loud and obnoxious with a smoker voice due to the pack a day she smokes. Everything she owns smells of cigarettes and whatever doesn't smell like cigarettes smells like chinese food. Everyone told me these stories about how crazy her and her former roomate were and how many times they both had been switched out of rooms until they were put together. Apparently their room was singlehandedly responsible for the rat and mice problem in my building because they would hoard food in their room and leave it lying all over the place and that you could smell their room from down the hall. She "takes over the personalities and likes of other people she meets and has no real self esteem" is what someone had told me. Not two days after I got here she bought a bracelet identical to mine, bought identical groceries (pizza rolls cookie dough and a green message board) and anytime she saw a guy talking to me for more than a few seconds she would interrupt our conversation to say something about how I have a boyfriend. That is a. embarrasing and b. rude especially since I am new and just trying to meet people. Or if I said something about thinking a guy was cute she would tell me she dated that person, a blatent lie in every case, especially because she is deffinately not the most desireable girl in the world. She had a 20 min conversation with a prank caller the other day, she's crazy needless to say. She kind of reminds me of that mental patient in girl interrupted who saves all the rotissery chickens in her room. Thankfully she has not left any food out or shown any signs of being messy since I've been here because we all know what a crazy clean freak I am. I totally dissinfected the entire room after hearing the stories about her before she moved in, and matt and I flipped the mattress and lysoled everything. So yeah crazies are funny.
I made some really good friends for the first time since high school. Hopefully I wont say or do something stupid and put myself in the gabbie category and lose my friends but so far I've been having a lot of fun with them. They were all friends from last semester and last semester was all of their first. The two girls that live down the hall cassie and wendy are freshman but very mature for what I remember being like at 18. Cassie loves animals esp. cats and she has two horses, she lives a half hour from boston and is incredibly motherly and boy crazy at the same time. Wendy is from marthas vineyard which is about 2 hours away and she is this really great writer, she's bi and likes elves, fairys, and orlando bloom. Kyle is a gay fasion major who tells the funiest stories and some stories about gay life that I am shocked by. He's 21 and from vermont and he has the lowdown on the fun clubs in the area. Shannon is 20 and from vermont and she looks a lot like katie obrien so she freaked me out a lot. I was so intimidated that she was just going to make fun of me every day but she is really nice and it is fading. She's a child education major and works for the "zoloft" family (our nickname for them) in the richest neighborhood down here. Yesterday cassie, wendy, this girl from across the street Jen King and I took wendy's 2 foot plastic lawn ornament penguin she has in her room (Wally's kind like those hollow santas people always have on their lawn at christmas) and went around campus and the streets of boston intruding people to wally and putting on street performances with him. Very entertaining.
Matt is just 3 or 4 stops away on the subway and it takes about 10 min to get to him, which is so much nicer than an hour like last semester. We STILL have not exchanged gifts with each other for christmas. It just keeps getting pushed back. Its tent

ely scheduled for next weekend but matt works on Sat and Sun so I have no idea when he is going to shop. I'll keep you informed on that. But its crazy because his birthday is in like two weeks (the 16th) so by the time he gets his christmas gifts it will be his birthday or valentines day.
Grrr this makes me realize how much time I don't have to plan gifts for all three of those and the job I don't have to get the money to put the ideas in place. Must go and plan now.....godnight all
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Permalink: Its_the_new_Jan_Brady_.html
Words: 845
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/13/04 05:25 - ID#21815

Porn: Only the lonely

As a person I find porn amusing, sometimes funny even especially if watched in good light humor. As a freshman and sophmore in college I would sometimes watch the occasional internet porn with one of my former closest guy friends, my boyfriend's roomate Ben, strange as it may sound. I ever had it on my computer, or on paper for that matter, but Ben, a virgin in college, had a bunch of it. Once in a while he would be downloading it while we were sitting in his room studying and we would stop and watch it. I would tell him things like "that position would never work with a non porn star, the girl would scream in pain" or "why do they always have spike heels on in porn? I mean I know they are not going for realism but when was the last time you saw a girl hitchhiking in stilettos?" etc. and most of the times we would just laugh at the horribly bad story lines, acting or music. Like I said as a person, in a group situation porn is funny- amusing even.
As a girl and girlfriend (my boyfriend Matt and I have been together for 2 and a half years) I think porn is disgusting as well as degrading to those who have sex for love with those they do love. I feel it makes a mockery of the act. After waiting for quite sometime and never compromising with my virginity I had sex with my boyfriend because I was in love with him. I knew that he was the one I wanted to share that with and I don't regret that for a seccond. I was never pushed into it or pressured by any force and I can say that I mad my decision based on love, which I can say I am one of a very few percent who did, of which I am proud. But my boyfriend and I had made the decision together and one of my pre-reqs to this was that he give up porn. If I was going to share something that special I would not want it to be dulled down by seeing the act, made for love, displayed in such dark a display. It was pure to me and if he didn't think so, then it wasn't worth my time, love or no love, if he couldn't respect the act, then I was not going to share it. I guess the deciphering of whether or not you fall in to the gross or acceptable porn watcher relies in how and why you watch porn. If you watch it alone and do it for masturbation purposes when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend willing to do the things you are watching (if you are alone and do not have a person to share naked time with, then I can understand the need for release)then I think that there is something wrong with that. However if you are a group amusement watcher I think that is healthy and acceptable. I'm no crazy religious freak or even a morality freak, I am a woman proud and willing to share the goods when I am loved and respected as much as the act is. Granted this is only my opinion sparked by pop ups and junk mail but this is how I feel with few and little exceptions. Random I know but thats my entry good day folks.
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Permalink: Porn_Only_the_lonely.html
Words: 578
Location: Buffalo, NY

01/03/04 06:50 - ID#21814

The update

I realize that I have not updated in a while and felt increasingly bad about it since seeing the e-strip crew on new years, so here I am. Earlier during Thanksgiving break when I was out for coffee with Mike and Jill, I was informed that other people read our journals, people I don't know, but that Mike and Jill have met or known, and that they discuss our journals sometimes. I was completely shocked, I had been writing these entries with the assumption that no one would really read, know, or care about me and my entries, you can tell in the format that I had been writing that it was aimed directly at my close friends. When I realized that other people had been regularly reading my journal I got a bit embarassed at all of the past things I wrote, just because I was so honest about how I really live, crying over a wedding story on tlc, money troubles, issues with my boyfriend, depression. I considered taking my journal offline, butI got so much positive feedback from my friends that I really don't see that often (since being at least 3-7 hours away from home for school) that I remembered why I started having a journal, which was to keep people up to date on me in a non fake way. Sure, I could do what my aunt from arizona does and send out that annoying newsletter to all of my friends at least once a year, but you honestly can't write one of those without sounding like you are bragging, and besides no one wants to read those, they are so general and boring. The other reason was because I have changed so much since starting college that I want my friends to still know who I am when I come home. I have started to read other people's journals who I did or do not know earlier this week, and I realize that I have nothing to be embarassed about, some peoples lives are more misguided than mine and more depressed than mine and I am glad that I throw in some cornyness sometimes and chesseyness people don't usually admit to(we all remeber the entry where I was talking about dancing naked in my dorm, when my roomate leaves for the weekend and I bust out the old school rap and dance naked or in my underwear, it is seriously the hilight of my week, and such a stress reliever -try it sometime).
Moving on, glad to see that I got such big mentions in MK and Mike's journals I thought you guys would appreciate a little new years suprise attack. Big ups to Paul for putting the directions to the party on the site, we drive past your apartment and wave almost everytime we go out but I never knew the exact address. Thanks to Paul and Terry for inviting the crazies off the street that I call my friends. Props to Terry for explaining the salt water tank, I felt like I was on bill nye or reading rainbow.
In other news, I am going back to work at the factory on Monday and have to get up at 5:30 thats about an 8 our difference from the time I get up now, I don't know how I will do it. Thank god it is only for a week and then I get to go back to bean town at 5:30 sunday morning. It's gonna be a crazy week.
I'm looking forward to being at my new school, a little nervous about making new friends as it is hard for me already because of my strangely high standards for friends and then the fact that there are only about 600 kids at this school. I am really going to have to suck it up and not be so synical and pessimistic for at least the first few weeks. Incredibly hard for me. I am also praying for a good roomate this time, it hasn't really happened yet, but I haven't had any unbelievably bad ones either, just none that I could deal with on a basic friendship level. Okay I have to go eat something, but I am feeling better that I let this out and feeling better that I updated. Godnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.
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Permalink: The_update.html
Words: 722
Location: Buffalo, NY



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