procrastination sucks! but often feels good. is this transparent? my superior called me out on it... made me want to prove them wrong. but can I? everyone else has faith in the cause except me but I want it more than anyone else does for me...
:(
if I could eat or drink in the knowledge I certainly would. who wouldn't? perhaps I truly sulk over this matter because I don't believe in what I am studying and the true need for it in the first place other than to get over the hurdle to get to those damn fake green pastures & hoola skirts! I mean I could sit here and bark about why one needs this or that but how much of that changes anything, especially in the world of govt. as we all know. One must take A*C*T*I*O*N!
As of late I have tuned out everything I don't believe in...(this isn't always a good thing, trust me its not a braging statement, but more of a realization)
work being the first. again, not intentionally but my brain won't allow anything of its likes to seep in and take up residency. "No Vacancy for your BS" the sign reads through my eyes. and they all see it. Better your brain act first for you than stupid human instincts...I suppose the rest will follow through.
(ps) this post is a procrastination tactic too! HELP!!!
Is it really meant to be? all the things that I think I want...
Is it meant to be to spend what I feel are precious moments of my fading youth doing what I am currently doing (which is nothing)? I fear dying with nothing contributed to society.


Something must be meant to be right?

too many silly questions, i need to do some calculations that I loathe right now.

-the southern one-

8*

beautiful day isn't it? :)
I am just chilled. or should I say chillax (cp) I have not posted in a while; guess I should catch up...
(e:Sarah), your apt is quite nice. I am glad you have a new home to call your own w/ nice roomies to boot!
Enjoyed the 2.5 hr bike ride the other day w/ (e:Terry) and Jeff. Although Jeff scares with me with the stunt action, it's still pretty cool.
(e:Rachael) I hope you are doing well today. Hope you had fun the other night. I did - thanks to the epeeps who hung strong @ Faherty's ((e:Rachael), (e:Drchlorine)). (e:Sqb), [inlink]sqb,93[/inlink] I am glad you could join us that evening, even if for just a minute. Enjoyed talking with you and your escortee!
You should definitely come out with us more often. :)
(e:Mike), Happy 21st year again. I enjoyed meeting your parents the other night. Very lovely people. (e:Paul), you look like your dad.: )

• This weeks personal mission is to avoid eating things that make me sick...

This is really hard to do. I love cheese and creamy things and coffee. I still have a container of Dulce de Leche Ice Cream in the freezer. I have been very good at convincing myself not to eat it. Why did I buy it then? Because I wanted to!
I had to leave work early yesterday and yet I was given a semi-hard time about it. I am like look, I work, its my time, I am not a slacker (quite the opposite), I need some time to take care of myself. Deal with it! You only get one body (often with the option of some replaceable parts) But I have never researched a replaceable stomach although someone I once knew promised me a new stomach for christmas!!! So at that that moment when I was leaving work I wished that I were just leaving work inorder to hop on a plane to a tropical beach! but I just came home.
they annoy me there. I am sure I do a good job of returning the favor.

Maybe this is T.M.I. but whatever... An old friend told me once, that some things should be kept private. I would have agreed 110% a couple of years ago. Now I only agree about 66%. I figure secrets will always manage to find its way out into the light for all to know. Wouldn't it be less shocking being upfront than hiding behind secrets?

so off to better things in life today, possibly a luau with the family-I miss my niece and some major socializing later with fellow epeeps. I should post a pic of my niece. She is so much fun!

those who opted not to be in attendance missed out tonight...
I am no longer a virgin to burlesque (semi-burlesque)i should say.

It all began with a weird encounter @ Essex Street Pub. Name callin'/pool shootin'/etc.
After Essex (crazy old man) we headed down to Allen Street Hardware for some fiddles,drinks and tunes (slur free)... running into other friends and friends of theirs...but low and behold, we up and traveled over to main street just in time for a midnight girls revue @ Roxy's. Little red riding hood is a naughty little grand daughter gettin' down with wolfie granny!!! and there were secretaries in the corner smakin dat azzz like no tomorrow!!!
so much for my wholesome church upbringing. there was puuzzy galore!
not my cup of tea, but just observing. other e-peeps showed up too ((e:Keith), (e:Liz), (e:Robin),etc...) So much excitement I missed seeing all the rest of the epeeps. "Where were they tonight?" said little red riding hood before she stripped down to her garters...

well i am sure they were catching up on beauty sleep and will all be @ the elmwood arts festival this weekend.
be sure to stop by the estrip house/stand to say hello and/or sign up!

[inlink]drchlorine,18[/inlink]

yeah. (e:drchlorine), I LOVE GENE SIMMONS!!!! I spend all of my spare time prancing around my living room dressed in full retro kiss garb !!!
Rock on Kiss!!!
me in kiss drag

[inlink]drchlorine,17[/inlink][size=m]
Essex Street Pub (for starters)
530 RHODE ISLAND ST
BUFFALO, NY
14213-2318

[/size]

8:30pm/9pm - ish...

see you all there!!! :)

[inlink]sqb,70[/inlink]
I hate that this has to be linked to my fav fav fav band man "DAVE"
I mean as much money as they make on tour they could not have found
a better, more enviro friendly way to dispose of their waste???
Sad enough to say, I am disappointed as well as I am ashamed.
oh dave...
"shit" happens...

"I told, god, I'm coming
to your country
I'm going to eat up your cities,
your homes, you know
I've got a stomach full it's not
a chip on my shoulder
I've got this growl in my tummy
and I'm gonna stop it today

I eat too much
I drink too much
I want too much
Too much

Suck it up..." dmb

3rd try to post: 1st one lost; second one gone.this one doesn't do the first any justice. whatever - i am soooo stressed out; by means of my own procrastination. so much so that I am in pain - crazy muscle spasms. i need a new back massuese. the old one just up and vanished without so much as a "see ya its been real". whatever that was about. crazy young bucks. where are the mature bucks at? this little doe is so tired of games...

anyway. so there are tons that i need to do to progress yet i hold myself back without true justification. just lies i tell myself. whatever.

things that make things better:
wine (not really)
friendly gestures
love
plans, backup plans and backup plans for the backup plan
whatever again
blah blag blah blag blah...

I need a Kanye West "work out plan"
i should stop sipping and start walking home. its been a very lond day and it will probably be the same tomorrow since it all seems the same every day. nothing freakin' new.

last week my friend suggested that i "dumb" myself down so that I don't seem like a "smart ass" i replied...thats what i have done for the past three years. and frankly it seems like it has made me more of a hard ass that ever before


I feel like the longer i stay the deeper the grave I dig. no matter how lucrative they say it will get its not lucrative enough for me. i bet those western settlers thought the same thing as they dug for gold: "ima get rich betty" we gon hit the muthaload!

whatever.
it could be worse i suppose. how long will this dysfunction last?
arghhhh.:(

ps
weird: song on itunes now playing: Pearl Jam - Jeremy; very weird; very 1995ish;has nothing to do with any of the above listed references.

well...off to being a "smart ass" for the day 8* !!! There's no greater thrill that I look forward to other than to trek to cheektowaga in order to carry out my daily paid duties of being class smart ass #2!!! yipee!!!:)

i just woke up 8* it's 4:32pm - that's crazy - the day has passed me by...
but again, last night was well worth it. :)
I need to study too before a really good opportunity passes me by...
I too need to clean my apartment, however it looks no where near as
crazy as PMT's did when I left earlier this morning...

I want more of the delicious cake that I think Jill made for the birthday boys!
I can eat cake for breakfast/lunch!!! :)
so, plans for the day(not in the appropriate order):

1) study
2) eat cake
3) shakespeare in the park - before it ends tomorrow ("Taming of the Shrew")
4) clean apartment
5) clean hard drive
6) more partying somewhere???
8) assess budget
9) assess returns
10) clean carpets (uggghhh)

I should go for a walk first. priorities, priorities.