Oh man,

I am so behind on my regurgitating of sex scandals. Ya, it is always hilarious to find out that a hypocritical Republican was doing the nasty with a prostitute in a nappy, or an anti-gay senator was getting his chum bucket dredged by an escort. The democrats' sex scandals are boring. So some staffer wanted a 3-way with a 13 year old boy. Just because you make copies and phone calls for someone doesn't mean you are all in some unholy pedophile cabal. Only hypothetical pedophilia can be funny, but only rarely. Actual pedophilia is just deeply saddening.

The Rudy billing the city of New York for hotels and transportation for his mistress and her family is a fine story. The names are great: shag-gate and my favorite 69-11. But fraud doesn't get me going.

So I dug up an old friend. As more and more men are making it public that they have had sex with disgraced Senator Larry Craig (including Mike Jones, the man who regularly blew Ted Haggard) I thought of the first such story I read a few months ago. It is shows the level of class Craig operates with. I will give you the highlights, but you can read the whole thing (and it is short) here.

Here is the man Craig boinked



and here is the unsavory money quote from the linked article

"When we got to what reminded me of a rarely used guest room, he stripped me down, and the man's hands and mouth were all over me. He kept his pants on, though, while laying me back on the bed to suck my cock. Then, he stripped naked and asked me to suck him. I complied for a while, then he disappeared and returned with lube and a condom to fuck me me with. It was a clumsy and unremarkable fuck, except that I wasn't clean and he was frantic about not getting my shit on anything. Still, he blew his load, ripped the dirty condom off and ordered me to get dressed without wiping myself. He hurried me to the back door, again ranting, 'You were never here. You don't know me. Right?'"

If only he threw a $20 at the man on his way out.

It is the end of the semester and I have a ridiculous amount of work to do. I need to pump out two essays tonight (one on a book I didn't read) and write a 20 page research paper by next Thursday. In between I have three final exams I need to study for and then the day after my research paper is due I have a teacher's certification exam that will decide my fate.

GHAAAA!!!!


Well, at least my boss has left me alone for the day with leftover Indian food. Yummy, yummy.

Hey there estripper,

Are you tired of people telling you how awesome Ron Paul is? Sick of having to defend your politician of choice against the flawless glory that is web-candidate Ron Paul?

Wish there was a way to get them back?

WELL NOW YOU CAN!!!

Just send that Ronnite over to Ron is Right.com where they will be greeted with an open letter telling them 1) You get it already 2) Please leave me alone.

And what would make a most delicious icing on the cake? How about the most 80's tastic, easy listening garbage music video ever!



thank you RonIsRight.com!

Hi,


So, I am taking two graduate history classes this semester. One of them is on US immigration. 1/3 of my grade is based on my participation in a debate on immigration policy and an attending paper defending my position. I should have been working on this since the beginning of the month, but school and I don't roll like that.

So, three days before it is due I start to take a huge crack at it. Unsure about the written component I email the professor who tells me she forgot about it entirly so it is being dropped. Sweet!

The book I am to base this on has two different arguments 1) immigrants are both positive and negative but the net effect is slightly good. 2) immigrants are both positive and negative but the net effect is slightly bad. It isn't material that takes your breath away, so I am ignoring it.

But what do I see when reading my favorite blog on New York state politics? but a report from the Fiscal Policy Institure which says that immigrants bring $299 BILLION dollars in output to the state, about 30% of total output. It is full of wonderful little positive things from there on. Which diffuses the negative portion of both arguments, both cultural and economic. You can read it here.

I am so going to get an A with minimal work. I think this calls for a celebratory drink tonight. Nothing light a slight hang over to mask your smug sense of superiority!

I have been at my folks house since Wednesday evening.

I have so much work to do this evening and I haven't had a chance to do much more than read 30 out of 300 pages of a book I need to have a debate about on Tuesday for 30% of my grade.

Living six hours away from family is nice, they seldom bug you and understand when you can't be there every other weekend.

Living six hours away also means you have no opportunity to escape. My old bedroom has been converted into a den of sorts, with my kid brother playing Halo in most of the day. No escape, no escape.

But, when I leave tomorrow and can finally breath my own air I will be glad to have come.

But until then I am going to wish I had a sodering iron to eat.

Hope your holiday is going well.

Hi,

So I did it! Had my first day teaching and man was it fun. It lesson was on the end of WWI and the treaty of Versailes. Here is how it went down.

As kids came into the class I handed one a crumbled piece of paper and whispered "when I say 'the last bullets of the war have been fired' throw this at my head". Most kids looked stunned when I asked. I had a total of five classes that day. Only one kid actually hit my head, the other four missed me entirely. Two kids I had to cue again. As in, I would say the phrase and wait to get hit. Then I would look at them and make a weird face saying 'wake up and throw the damn paper kid'.

They all really enjoyed watching a teacher get pelted with paper, and I related it to the stuff I had to teach. So, it got there attention, got the point across, and was fun for them.

One problem I ran into was how open ended I left some of the thinking. What we had to do was think of appropriate things to do to Germany to make sure there was never a second world war. I gave the parameters of border, technology, military, and economy. What I should have done was tell them what NOT to think about. Some frequent, lame answers I got were

1) kill all the Germans
2) Nuke 'em
3) put them all in jail

Awesome, I got kids thinking genocide and concentration camps are cool!

One kid was absolutely crazy. He drew a picture of a Manhattan on fire with wires connected to a Germany blowing up. He explained something about us taking revenge for the German's blowing up New York by connecting them to Tesla coils.

By class two I had to tell them what was not acceptable and hope they listened. But I still had stuff like "steel all their chickens" or "turn Germany into a swimming pool" or "abduct their president and cut off his hands". Damn.

But, 60% of the kids were always focused and doing good work. All but a few did good work most of the time with just a few kidos off the hook. Thankfully, I run a tight ship and they behaved well enough to not distract everyone else.

It was a fun experience. I learned a lot of great, practical stuff that my dumb uni profs didn't mention.

A+

Winter break is a few short weeks away!

Normally during break I like to make up for the complete lack of learning that took place during the semester (as in, I had to take a class that points out that India is in Asia, or that adolescents tend to dislike their adolescent siblings... seriously!). So, I find delicious academic books I have always wanted to read. This summer ended with disaster as I found out why so many people talk about but so few people actually read Foucault.... the man reads like a phone book with no numbers.

But this break I deserve a treat. I have been a good boy. So I will be reading this





I am so excited I can't stand up without embarrassing myself!

Pirates are alright
and Communists are so lovable!

It isn't a zombie novel, but zombie protagonists are so hard to read. What with all the nonsensical moaning and whatnot.

I just thought I would share. Tomorrow I teach my first class of kidos. It will be exciting.

kisses

Bah mother fucking humbug,

I worked in retail for years, from the age of 16 to 24. Christmas in retail land is christmas in America. It begins somewhere in October and doesn't end until February when the last of the winter decor prematurely blossoms into pastel spring nightmare. There is something special, magical, and oh so Jesusy holy about people screaming at you because x isn't in stock.

Once, while working in a book store, someone had ordered a book for their husband. They left instructions that when we should call to let them know their book was in, do not tell them what the book was as to keep it a secret. I am fine with that, I didn't ever leave a title incase it was a gift.

Well, I call and someone picks up. I let them know the book that was ordered came in and the guy asks me what the book was. I let him know that I was left instructions not to say. He says, oh, don't worry about that, we need to know, there was a change of plans. Ok, so I let him know, we wish each other a wondrous holiday and hang up.

Twenty minutes later I get a call from an angry woman informing me that I have ruined christmas.

Should I tell her that her husband lied and demanded to know the title; possibly ruining her holiday? I mean, this was a sneaky guy, who knows how many other wives he was sleeping with and lying about?

Or, should I spare her and tell her it was all my fault?

It is that sort of shit that makes me hate Christmas. And let us be honest. We can call it the holiday season but there isn't a Jew for eighty miles around here. There are more Solstice celebrating pagans than Chanukah celebrating Jews around here. We just say 'Happy Holidays' to seem like we are being polite as a culture.

And the music. Nat King Cole, I am going to dig up your grave and put you through a wood chipper. How do you like that white christmas snow fall?

And Manheim Steamroller? I don't believe in a hell, but I want to so bad just so you are your synthesizer orgy can burn.

There is a bright side to Christmas. It may sound cheesy, but it is family. Oh, I am not talking about warm Hallmark togetherness. No, I am talking about the one time a year my mother drinks. She thinks she can drink her sons and husband under the table. But she forgets that we practice all year long. This tradition began when my drink of choice was the Screaming Nazi, but only for its name. six years later we still spend christmas with a bottle of Jagermeister and Rumbplminze and a sugar high straight out of kindergarten.


Let me conclude with John Cale's dark cover of Heartbreak Hotel. You will be glad you watched it.

Want to check out the first Canadian android?

Want to check out the first Canadian handicapped android with a mysterious hand injury?

Well, then this youtube clip is for you!

Marvel as a creepy man first attempts to hurt his android.

Be amazed as he then cops a feel and gets slapped in the face!

All the while the poor android expresses her torment!



I almost cried when she said "I don't want to do this any more"

She may have been talking about the pain demonstration. But I like to think she was praying to the cyber heavens to release her from this mortal coil.

He makes androids in his basement. This is probably also where he keeps his snuff films.


I can't emphasize this enough kids. Be kind to androids so when they rule the universe they are kind to us.

Well, this was on topic.

With all of these lists going around I feel compelled to join in. But after careful consultation with my legal team we thought it prudent to not. But I don't listen to lawyers. We came up with a compromise. Here it is

guy^X

It was unreal. If you can imagine this number (which is between 1 and seventy million) then you will most certainly have a number in your mind.

Several paternity cases are going on at the moment. Two of which were brought forth by vacuum cleaners. This is impossible though, as I don't think vacuums even have ovaries. Unless of course they just sucked some up, but even still, they don't have warm, wet sacks and a feeding tube.

Well, I am stuck at work wishing I wasn't and listening to NPR. They were just talking about Norman Mailer who died last weekend. They had on the air an 80 something year old woman who was traveling on the train at age 17. On that train she was courted by a dashing Norman Mailer. Well, tonguey snogging quickly got out of hand and turned into vaginal penetration.

Well, they were scant on details. But this is no longer their fantasy alone. She just said they had sex. How awesome is that? Statutory rape story involving Norman Mailer. That is hot.

Ok, it might not be statutory rape. But the story is so much more amusing in that light.

anyway, I wrote a program to tabulate my sexual conquests over the years. It is organizing it in one of two categories 1)slippery and 2)reprehensible. I will post it as soon as it is done, but it is having a hard time quantifying those categories; leaving my sexual past both mysterious and alluring.

I think my computer is getting hard though.