and the sun shines on the bay, oh I want to be there in my city...I want to get back to my city by the bay." Thank you Journey for immortalizing my feelings in your lyrics. It is 4:30 in the am and I have found myself looking at pictures of Boston online. If I were there right now, I could take a walk down newbury street and window shop in stores I could never afford, see the jewelry that oprah and jessica simpson wore at the most recent movie premier, and eat a sunday while the sun comes up. Insomnia can be like an adventure there. Everything is more exuberant and brilliant. I feel more at home there with all the grittiness, homelessness and arrogance. Not that any of those are good things, but the difference between the two worlds. I miss my city, I miss walking down the streets singing the mary tyler moore theme in my head and reveling in my freedom and accomplishment. Not to mention the romance of the city, even if I weren't in love while I was there, there is no denying the romance in strolling through little italy and grabbing a box of pastries to go and eating them on long warf watching the ocean in the moonlight. Tres belle. Alright now that the sun is coming up and I know I have a big day ahead of me, I must make a real effort to sleep. Goodnight.

It is 4:30 am and once again a grande moch has kept me up far beyond my bedtime. However between being kept up by my frequent trips to the bathroom (mochas make me have to pee every 20 min, I know, I know TMI...) and the insane pain in BOTH of my knees (I've had arthritis in my knees as far back as I can recall, however usually never at the same time) I have been wide awake since leaving coffee& where I spent the latter part of my evening with jill mike beast and non strippers. Hopefully sleep will come very soon as I just took a tab of codine to kill my knee pain as the two tylenol that usually do the trick, did not. However I have not eaten since about 10 when I had my chocolate muffin at coffe& so hopefully I wont be struck with an upset stomac because of the codine. I suppose I could eat the bagel I just hoarded in my kitchen. You know you have severe food issues when you hide the last bagel from your household at 4:30am. Tasty tasty carbs. I realize that seriously 60-70% of my daily food intake is carbs, as opposed to mike's daily intake being mainly composed of pork or piggie products (we are talking about 12 slices of bacon in one sitting). I love the little carbs, I love them good. Okay okay, it is about time that I restle some space on my bed away from 2 of my 4 cats and get some shut eye. goodnight.....PS there is a very adorable orange and white stray kitty that has been hanging around my block, I don't know if it has a home because he has no collar, but I will check on that, if not, would anyone be interested in adopting the kitty I have fondly been calling 'Mr. Foxy' because it really isn't safe for him near such a busy street...

Its currently almost 3am I am up because my cat is driving me nuts. My usually well behaved orange tabby cat amber is having a swat fest in my room. She wants me to play with her but its 3am and I am in no mood so she instead has taken to jumping on my dressers and swatting anything she can move on to the floor, this included a full glass of water I had on my dresser that she knocked and spilled onto the floor. So cute most of the time but so crazy others.

So I havent updated in forever and a half, I was and still am very daunted by all the new members. I was pretty put off by the idea of total strangers reading whatever I write, because this journal was started to keep my friends up to date with my life while I was away at school. I had no problem with them or terry and paul's friends reading it, but it is the new random strangers that make me a bit uneasy. Granted my life and especially my entries are very boring and it is pretty egotistical to think that everyone is reading my journal, when after past research I found it was about ten people tops including my friends. I guess I should be okay with it since I don't write anything too personal and I don't really get political or deep like a lot of the strippers do but I'll keep you posted on that.

I went to matts today where he made me dinner for what I believe is the first time that I can remember. It consisted of a cheeseburger and sour cream and onion pringles. High class I know, but what can you really ask for. I have to say, it might have been that the patties were freezerburned or something but the cheeseburger was pretty bad, it was hard and unflavorful. I don't want to blame matt in case it wasnt his fault. However he ate his without flinching and was a little hurt when I only finished 3/4 of mine. I told him it was great and everything but after 3 years he can read between my lines. We watched runaway jury and it gave me a headache. John cusac is such a cool guy, and such a good actor, I don't know if I am attracted to him persay but I do admire him as an adult actor, in his younger days I would have totally been attracted to him and I adored his old movies...better off dead, say anything...so good.

Another double date scheduled for tomorrow, during the day this time, go karting in canada with the same couple. I really hope they aren't so touchy feely and all over each other like last time, although it is kind of hard to do that in a go kart. We'll see how it goes.
Alright my cat has finally settled down and is sleeping peacefully on my bed, so I am off to do the same. Before I forget, what time does everyone want to get together for the pre party thursday? Matts sister is graduating from high school that night so he wont be making it, so I'll deffinately need a ride. Call me.

For some reason I have become addicted to watching the 2am episodes of x-files on sci-fi. Currently I am watching one of my favorite episodes. The one where they have to go undercover as a married couple to infiltrate the gated community where people keep disappearing. Where the blob like monster comes out of your front lawn and kills you if you don't follow all the rules of the community. So they taunt the monster by putting pink flamingos on their lawn etc. Very entertaining.

I was in such a depressed crappy mood most of the day today mainly because I was expecting a phone call from a place where I had a job interview on Tuesday where the woman said she would call me either way today. Needless to say I got no call, and I really thought I had the job clinched and I really needed the job badly at this point. So I was in a bad mood, then my dad comes home and asks me if I have attempted to get a job and proceeds to give me a lecture about how you can't expect to get a job by lying around all day etc. Well my dad works all day and sees not my attempts to get a job which have been fruitless up until this interview so I thought. Then Matt came over and when I told him the woman hadn't called, instead of feeling bad for me and comforting me like the usually supportive boyfriend he is, he gave his own form of the lecture my dad had given earlier. This put me in full annoyed depressed mood. Then we went out with my friends for ice cream, which was cool. But then I really felt like spending th rest of my bad day in my pajamas with my kitties, the way a bad day is supposed to end, but Matt really wanted to go and play frisbee with everyone after ice cream so I said I would go, but didn't really feel like running or anything. So we got there, and it was freezing and that didn't help my want to go home and vegetate. So then Matt realized how shy he really is, which sometimes happens, and didn't want to play frisbee without me. I could have sucked it up and played because I know how much he really wanted to play, how much he loves frisbee, and how long it has been since he has had the chance to play but I really really was not up to it. I felt really bad about it later because I know it would have made his week, but he did have to go to bed early anyway because he works at 7am tomorrow. I felt bad for skipping out on everyone and disapointing Matt. Well, here's to hoping I get the call tomorrow.

Well my cat is outside somewhere, he's an inside cat so I don't feel easy about him being out. Matt and I were watching Vegas Vacation until about 2am and when Matt was leaving my house, Bogy (named after Mr.Humphrey Bogart), snaked out and ran out my front door. This isn't the first time he's gotten out, actually he manages to somehow get outside an average of about once a month, for a 24 hour period at the most, and always seems to find his way back on his own. He's a frisky guy as matt putts it, and needs some time to frolick (he's neutered so I don't know what frolicking entails exactly, but he's never brought home a dead animal souvenier thank goodness). I know he's probably fine and will be back in the morning but I can't help worrying just the same. He doesn't have a collar (he's managed to destroy or lose 3 in his 3 years with us so we've given up on them) and its dark so if anyone is in the kenmore area (or anywhere for that matter) and spots a very handsome and large shorthaired orange and white tabby boy cat with a charmingly sly look about him, please contact me. His name is humphrey bogart and he probably wont go willingly, but you can try. It would be very much appreciated, I will update you all as soon as I get news. For now I must try to sleep because I have a job interview in the morning. Goodnight all

I really didn't eat a dinner yet exactly, I had some noodles a little earlier and watched Matt eat some mcnuggets not too long ago and my brother and I discussed a little long john silver's but so far no food, however if you guys did want to get some ice cream later I am totally up to it as MK suggested. Food or no food.

I have been watching last comic standing reruns on comedy central with matt for what seems like all day, I wouldn't mind getting out of my house for a while. Last night after hanging out with everyone at Tullys and the mall we went to matts house, watched tv and worked some more on matts puzzle and then watched shrek and ate some green popcorn (made for the release of shrek 2). It was probably better than regular popcorn, I certainly enjoyed the entire day and night. Okay I really have not much more to update on because I have seen you all almost every day this week and since this journal was basically to keep you guys updated...there you go.

I ate 3 Krispy Kream donuts today within an hour and a half. I am feeling like white trash. I keep trying to tell myself that they are smaller than normal donuts (like when you have 3 slices of pizza and you convince yourself they were small slices...we've all done it). However they are so much richer than normal donuts, and you can see them being fried right there in the window. Why? I keep telling myself I need to shed a few vanity pounds so I feel confident about being in a bathing suit this summer, but then I end up eating twice as much as I should. I just can't help myself sometimes...damn those carbohydrates!! Why must they be the tastiest food group!!!

I am currently watching unbreakable with Bruce Willis, I barely understand what is going on. Am I supposed to be scared because I really am not. However they have been having "spoilers" for M. Nigh Shamalyann's new movie (the guy who made Signs and 6th Sense) and it stars adrien brody, Segurney Weaver and Joaquin Phoenix. It looks really really creepy, its called "The Village."

My grandmother in Malta died today, I don't exactly know how to feel about it. I just found out two hours ago from my Brother.I met her and everything, but she didn't speak english so I never really knew her. Granted I am sad because now I will never get the chance. I often wonder if she was just like my mom, or worse or if she was a sweet old woman. Knowing my moms genetics I doubt that. My mom is leaving for Malta on friday to be with her family. I think she will be there for a couple weeks, so I wont see her when I get home. I haven't seen her in 5 months and I have to say, I enjoyed every minute of it. I was dreading going home, living in that house and dealing with her rules, limitations and put downs. At least having two weeks to just get used to being home after geting to live my own life and be happy out here will be a big help. Sometimes I really hate her, and I hate when the horribleness extends to me here. Its crazy to me that she can piss me off when I live 7 hours away. She is just that good, what a dark gift.

I know I should be attempting to study for something but damn is it hard to get motivated. I will be home saturday evening back to the b-lo. I can't wait to see the kitties!! Okay, I am going to attempt to make a study guide so if I feel like studying one of these days, I will be able to. Can't wait to see everyone!

I have been staying at Matt's room the last few nights because it is his finals week and he needs to work on his final model and studying but in order to still see him I need to work around his schedule. I am amazed at how bad guys make fun of each other and pretend that they are still joking like they aren't hurting each other's feelings. Girls do that to other girls that they don't like but guys will say the meanest most offensive things to their best friend and expect them not to be hurt or mad, its common practice. Matts roomate said like three really mean things to him yesterday and I couldn't believe that kid could sit there and pretend he was joking. I could tell it hurt Matt but he denied it to me the whole night, I just couldn't believe it. Guys, testosterone is not a brick wall fellas, you are allowed to admit when something hurts you. Whatev

Has anyone seen that british comedy Calender Girls? I am curious about it however I really have no desire to see old british women naked. I think we should start supporting movies with real women with real wrinkles instead of this whole botox and face lift phenomenon. Who knows what we are going to find out about the chemicals and surgery involved, it could turn into something deadly. Nothing that does what it does can be healthy.

Exams are coming up next week and I am not too worried about them, I just wish that they were over. Matt goes home this Saturday and he'll be there for a week, then he's driving back up next Saturday to pick me up and bring me back to the B-lo. I had an exam on Monday but I had it switched to Saturday so that I could get home sooner. Not to mention Matt and I have never been apart for more than 7 days, and an exam on Monday would have us apart for 10 days.

I saw 13 Going on 30 on Friday....OMG it was soooo very good!!! I could be a bit biased as I love anything 80's always have (yes long before it became the cool thing to do) and I adore Jennifer Garner. She is so adorable in this movie, I am so jealous, I so want to be her or at least her best friend. It was hilarious, even matt loved it (he was one of exactly 3 guys in the theater!) and it was touching, I cried at the weirdest times too, and of course I cried at the end. I wanted to see it again right after I saw it.

I am going to miss this city so bad, I can't even imagine how bad. Part of me misses it already...But I will get to see my cats and I miss them so much too. Grrr, its always a trade off. I get to have my cats and all my friends and no school, but I have to leave my freedom, my city and getting to sleep with matt every night. Okay I have to go get some ice cream....because I can

I am here in my room skipping my accounting class. Why? who really knows, I hate this class, and I already have missed my fair share of classes but my grades are pretty good so I don't feel as bad. It is such a beautiful friday I can't wait to be outside in that gorgeous Boston sunshine.
Last night Matt and I went to the Bruins game at the fleet center. Wow, Boston hockey fans are so crazy. I had so much fun, I wish I would have went to more during the season. It was game five of seven in the playoffs for the stanley cup. Bruins lost last night miserably (1-5) but the thing that was insane was how very bad the refs were, and the montreal canadiens were such wusses. This one guy kept faking injuries to try and get the bruins penalty, it was painfully obvious. There was a good few minute chant among the crowd of "these refs suck!" Very amusing.
I had a very long talk with mk the other night. I am glad I was candid and said exatly how I felt, as I always do, but I just want her to know that I am happy if she is happy and I support anything she does because I trust her judgement. I just wanted her to know that I am always thinking about her and worried about her. But I will be behind her 110% and happy to meet anything or anyone she loves. I miss her and I can't wait to see her and everyone again in a few weeks.
I can't believe I haven't seen everyone in almost 5 months. I can't believe I haven't petted my cats in almost 5 months. I miss them soooooooo much. Everytime I go to a store and see the cat food isle or see and orange cat stuffed animal I can't help but cry a little inside. I made matt change the channel when we were watching alien because segourney weaver has an orange kitty that looked so much like amber. It made me sad.
I think that is all my update for now, how boring my entries are, no humor at all anymore...I kinda wish I was at darien lake today with everyone like the day when everone came to see john mayer. That was fun...good times.